Strollerderby : momblog

In Defense of Judgmental Mothers

Madeline Holler — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 16:26:00 GMT

She takes a lot of crap, Judgmental Mother. Or maybe you know her as Sanctimommy or, more generically, “that asshole who offered unsolicited parenting advice.”

Andi over at “Poot and Cubby” (would it be judgmental to say that blog name makes me shudder?), calls Judgmental Mother “HOB” -- Hateful, Opinionated Bitch or, alternately, Horribly Obnoxious Bitch. And Andi runs in to HOB everywhere. Understandably, Andi thinks she's a real menace.

Not only does HOB judge Andi for dressing her child too warmly (typical HOB), she thinks the baby is going to fall out of the sling (typical aging HOB). I don’t need to recount the details, because you have your own experiences with the gal (or, sometimes, guy). We all do.

For me, she told me my baby would suffocate in a sling, while I strolled through the airport; he said that my 1-year-old needed shoes (didn’t notice the double-layer of socks) one cold spring day in D.C. She proclaimed my 2-year-old ready to use the potty (I was changing her diaper at the science center), and that I shouldn’t highlight a 4-year-old’s hair (we don’t. Good genes.)

I seethed about these incidents loooooong after they happened. (And for any of you who had to hear my rant – real sorry. I must have seemed a tad defensive.) But that was then. I’m sure I’ve been HOBed loads since, but somewhere along the line, it stopped bothering me. And I actually think – from a much broader perspective – is kind of cool if not a little misdirected.

Recently, a parent at my daughter’s preschool cried, “oh, aren’t you chilly!” to my toddler, who was wearing a skirt without tights and quite possibly a short-sleeved shirt. In December, sure, but it’s Los Angeles County. She’s a cold-weather kid by heritage, so 67 degrees doesn’t merit the parka and multiple layers of her native peers. Anyway, the morning shirt battle is one we stopped waging months ago so if it's February and you see spaghetti straps, you'll understand. In any case, I smiled at the lady and signed my daughter in.

I’m pretty sure I would have been savagely pissed off at the self-badged sweater cop had this happened early in my mothering career. But I gotta tell you. Right now? Nearly 7 years and two kids into it? I could give a shit less. In fact, I’m oddly comforted.

So the lady had never seen a bare-legged kid withstand Southern California's punishing winter weather. She spoke up! I kind of like that. Maybe she’ll speak up too if she sees something shitty going on at that preschool (which, except for drop-off hours and monthly tuition, I know soooo little about). Maybe she’ll look out for my kid in other situations, not just wardrobe ones, like if a teacher is mean to her or if she’s pissed herself and not immediately changed.

A person who butts into someone’s business regarding socks or slings or snowsuits – or breastfeeding or immunizations or signs of autism -- would certainly say something to a parent slapping around kids at the mall. It takes a loud-mouthed, judgmental, butting-in type to want to call someone out on a perceived danger with the big stuff. Sometimes (often?), they’re going to cross a line in the smaller, none-of-their-business stuff too.

I’d rather cheer on the one and just smile ignore the other. I'm not saying we should usher them in as True American Heroes. I'm just saying there is something good below all that undermining. So I won't let it get to me. I've got enough to make me angry. You know, like my kids.

Ugly Baby Clothes Contest: I Could Be a Winner

Kelly Mills — Tue, 01 May 2007 15:04:00 GMT

I never win anything. Lotteries, spelling bees, raffles, monopoly: I’m a number one loooooser. Even in contests where everybody wins a prize, I somehow get disqualified for body checking or other rule violation.

Maybe that’s why I’m extra excited about the Ugly Baby Clothes contest. The contest started when Carly from Durham Region Baby posted a photo of this Panda monstrosity. Now the gates are open, and we can all submit the frilliest, dump truck-iest, primary color-iest, Disney princess-iest concoction we received as a shower gift and weakly said, “Oh, how, um, sweet of you…”

There are prizes to be had, and you can even enter something you or one of your family members wore as a child for consideration by the judges. Enter as many times as you like, so look through your photo albums and Goodwill giveaway bags and see what scary treasures lurk there.

But just to warn you, I am so submitting the giant lace tiered dress with the puffy sleeves and matching bloomers I got from a coworker who may have secretly hated my guts. Finally, I have a shot at winning the gold. C’mon people, let’s throw down!

Times Online's List Of Ten Great Parenting Blogs

Patti — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT

UK news outlet The Times Online's Alpha Mummy blog has posted their list of the ten great blogs that every working mum should read--good to know that the US doesn't have the market cornered on the assumption that to be a parent means to be a mother, and the qualifier "working" is somewhat puzzling, as their list is not at all specific to working parents.

The list features a few of the usual suspects: Dooce, Parent Hacks, Kiddley. Also included are a couple of blogs that aren't necessarily parenting blogs per se, but that a parent could definitely benefit from reading: Lifehacker and The Happiness Project. Alpha Mummy rounds out the list with fellow Times Online blogger India Knight's Isn't She Talking Yet, the Wall Street Journal's Juggle, and new-to-me reads MamaPop and Motherhood Uncensored (sometimes I don't know where I am when everyone else is blogging great stuff).

Oh, and the top of the list? Just a little site called Babble.

And now comes the best part of any top-something list: What's Wrong With It. Who's missing from Alpha Mummy's top ten? Is this list really what it claims to be, the top ten blogs for working parents (at least one of the blogs, MamaPop, is written by self-described stay at home parents)? Where all my daddybloggers at?

Marriage and Kids: Do They Mix?

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 16:44:00 GMT

Most people don't realize what a huge impact having children will have on their marriage. They remain blissfully ignorant sometimes through their first child and until they have their second (or third or fourth). The chaos has a way of sneaking up on you and before you know it, you're a bad B movie -- arguing about who cleaned the toilet last and stepping on very sharp toys on your way to the bathroom at night, trying to forestall further chaos by walking without waking anyone.

A new book is coming out soon called "Babyproofing Your Marriage" and its three authors attempt through interviews with married couples to humorously but clearly identify some of the most common problems faced in marriages with children (including the hound dog/ ice queen vortex, oxymoronic family vacations, and managing in-laws). Momblog reviewed the book recently and had this to say:

"This book gives so many stories that both husbands and wives can relate to. We are all going through this crap. It feels good to know that we are not the only crazies out there."

Parenting is often a lonely task. Maintaining a relationship with any kind of pulse after children is often even lonelier and more difficult. This book has already sparked some interesting conversations, and will be sure to inspire more once it's book widely published. Meanwhile, go here if you'd like to pre-order it.