Strollerderby : military

Say Hello to a Tiny Hero

JeanneSager — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:34:00 GMT

The soldiers off at war get (and deserve) all the credit, but sitting back here at home while men and women are fighting overseas are hundreds of thousands of kids. They're waiting for mom and dad.

In a memoir about the life of a military wife, out in bookstores this month as the nation celebrates National Military Child Month, Alison Buckholtz opens the doors to her home off the Naval base on Whidbey Island in Washington State while husband Scott is at war. She shares the stories of her two toddler children's struggles to make it through ten months without daddy, and her life as a near single parent for the duration of his deployment.

It's a story we don't often hear. As Buckholtz points out in her book, Standing By: The Making of A Military Family in a Time of War, military spouses put their best faces to the world, even as their internal struggles rip them apart. They do it for their soldier. They do it for the military - and despite it. Because even parents, like Buckholtz, who have a deep respect (and a deepening love) for the military, get angry with it. Angry for the toll separation takes on their lives, and their lives of their children.

Pentagon numbers shared by Buckholtz put the number of parents deployed since September 11, 2001 at close to a million. More than two hundred thousand have gone away twice, more than one hundred thousand have deployed three times over in the eight-year span. Buckholtz's own husband is preparing to leave his family for a second tour in Iraq. And still, they carry on, dragging their loved ones with them on another adventure.

The power of Buckholtz's book remains in the stories of her children, Ethan and Esther, the reminder that her story could be ours. In her frankness, she is both eminently likeable and identifiable. She is just a mom. She's careful to assure single parents that she doesn't want to diminish their battles by claiming to be one (she has a partner . . . even if he's thousands of miles away), and yet she is. My already hearty respect for single parents who juggle it all grew with each page.

Buckholtz is also careful to remain apolitical, making this a book about the military family - not a book about the war. You won't find the names Bush or Obama in Standing By. And as a liberal mother who has always been pro-military personnel but decidedly anti-war, for that, I'm grateful. It let me read about a family and their love.

Soldiers serve presidents of both parties; they make no distinction in who they serve. They serve for the American people, and Buckholtz does not write for a president. She writes for mothers and fathers and little kids - the little heroes who say heartbreaking goodbyes and joyous hellos.

Check out a video she made for the kids, below, and get her book from Amazon.

Images: Amazon, Alison Buckholtz

UPDATE: Soldier Dismissed From Duty After Showing Up With Her Kids

JeanneSager — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 00:20:00 GMT

Good news! The mom called back to military duty four years after her honorable discharge has been excused from duty. Of course, she had to prove how ridiculous the Army was acting by showing up at Fort Benning with her two kids - which somehow the military expect her to hold off on having because she was on "individual ready reserve" despite her honorable discharge.

Here's the text of the original post detailing her ordeal:

She was honorably discharged from the military, but a North Carolina mother has been ordered to report for duty at an Army base this weekend. With no other options, she's bringing her kids along.

Lisa Pagan finished up her tour of duty four years ago, earning an honorable discharge from the Army. Fast forward four years - and two kids - later, and Pagan has been told she's on "individual ready reserve" status. She's being called back to serve.

The letters started in December 2007, and she's expected on base today. Except she's a stay-at-home mom who operates a child care center out of their home. Her husband, who she met while in the military, is the family's primary breadwinner - and his job keeps him on the road a lot. Located in North Carolina, they're too far from her family in New Jersey and his in Texas to make grandparents stepping in an option.

She's tried to appeal on the grounds that there would be no one to take care of her children. The Army's answer? They say her husband should quit his job - and that taking care of her kids is not their problem.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the Army is a branch of the government, correct? And if a guy has to quit his job to stay home with his kids - putting the family without an income - then the government would be stuck footing their welfare bill. So, it really is their problem.

Besides the fact that this woman has served her time in the military and received an honorable discharge. She didn't go AWOL. She didn't pull a fast one to get out. She served her time. So why is she being stop-lossed? Or something very similar? It's a practice few know about, the legal ability of the military to retain or call back former members after they've served out their enlisted time, one John Kerry dubbed a "back-door draft" in his race for the presidency. The numbers have only been increasing since Kerry's speech, despite orders by Bush's Defense Secretary Robert Gates in 2007 to limit its use.

Pagan's case highlights one of the chief reasons it's such a dirty trick. Former soldiers are people - parents, brothers, sisters, wives, children - who form an important role in their family's lives. To take away their abilities to provide for their families, to take their free will once their commitment has been fulfilled defeats the point of a military designed to fight for freedom and the rights of people whose families are being denied it.

Kudos for Pagan, who is putting her problem back on the military. She's showing up today with her kids in tow - and leaving it up to the military to figure out how they put a mother to work as a servicewoman.

Image: MSNBC

Kindergartner Gets Best Birthday Present EVER

JeanneSager — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:34:00 GMT

I pride myself on being a pretty good gift giver - at least when it comes to my kid. But I can't top Casey Hurles.

The Army specialist came home from Iraq, then let his family wrap him in a box and cart him to son Gabriel's elementary school.

While Gabriel chowed down on cupcakes with his classmates, Casey sat quietly in the box, waiting. When he finally tore off the bright balloon-covered wrapping paper, the kindergartner jumped back and yelped - but it didn't take too long to recover.

The Nevada six-year-old hadn't see his dad since June when Spc. Casey Hurles left for his second tour of duty in Iraq. When Hurles realized his leave would fall right in line with his son's sixth birthday, he hatched a plan that's been four months in the making. Returning home, he had to hide out at his parents' house to make sure the surprise wouldn't be ruined.

Watching little Gabriel burrow his face in his Dad's chest, returning again and again for more hugs, might bring on the waterworks (it did for me), so grab the tissues before you watch!

Now isn't that the best birthday present a kid could get?

Image/Source: Nevada Appeal

American Widow Project Offers a Place to Grieve and Heal

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 22:00:00 GMT

In honor of this particularly meaningful Veteran's Day, several news outlets have called attention to a very important resource for military widows. The American Widow Project was created by 21-year-old Taryn Davis (pictured), whose husband Michael was killed in Iraq last year.

In the months after her husband's death, Taryn discovered a woeful dearth of resources for dealing with her pain and connecting with other military widows. All that she received from the military upon learning that Michael had been killed were a few small black boxes with Michael's personal belongings and an informative binder. Taryn described the sense of increased isolation and despair she felt as she opened these boxes. "What's foremost in your head is the clothes, because you cannot wait to smell him," she said, "and you open [the black boxes] and it smells like Tide. Everything is sanitized, everything is wiped down." The binder was equally inadequate in helping Taryn deal with this tragedy, offering information on how to arrange a funeral and little else.

So Taryn decided to reach out to other men and women in her position. She made a documentary and created an impressive Web site in which widows and widowers can share their stories and find advice on how to navigate the difficult time ahead, including articles like "Things I Learned to Laugh About Along the Way," "So You're Ready to Date," and moving personal stories of what widows have done with their husband's remaining personal belongings.

I highly recommend this site not only to military families, but to anyone dealing with grief.

Photo: American Widow Project

Another 8 year old on the terrorist watch list

Brett Singer — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 20:00:00 GMT

So remember the 7 year old kid who had the same name as someone on the terrorist watch list?

Here's an 8 year old kid who has the same name as someone on the terrorist watch list.

This time, we have video of the boy and his mother testifying before Congress.

"Since 2005, when James was 5 years old, the Robinson family has had to deal with the delays and hassles of having a son who has been consistently misidentified when traveling."

Despite her experiences, Denise Robinson is "a strong proponent of the watch list" and feels that we all have to "accept some inconveniences" in order to keep our country safe from terrorists. However, she thinks the list has been "mismanaged." Considering the fact that, without looking, I found two examples of children who had been detained multiple times because their names appeared on the list, that could be the understatement of the year.

7 year old on terrorist list

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7 year old on terrorist list

Brett Singer — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 15:30:00 GMT

A 7-year-old boy was detained at JFK airport in New York because his name was on a terrorist watch list. More accurately, his name is the same as someone else who is on a terrorist watch list. The fact that he was, you know, 7, didn't factor into the decision to keep the entire family in a locked room for an extended period of time.

Twice.

On two occasions, Alex and his family were kept in a holding room upon arrival at Kennedy International Airport from London because his name apparently matched a name on the list.

Alex was born in 2000.

“They hauled us out of the line and into a holding room,” said Ms. Harris. “It’s 8 o’clock on a Saturday night and they said, ‘We have to call Washington to have him cleared.’ And I’m like, ‘Just who do you suppose is available in Washington at 8 o’clock on a Saturday night?’ ”

It took more than two hours before Alex, a United States citizen like his parents and twin brother, was free to go. That was in late 2006. Six months later, the family arrived again from London, around 11 p.m.

Again, Alex was detained, his mother said, even though she carried his birth certificate and Social Security card.

“I said, ‘Look at him. He’s clearly not a terrorist. He’s 7!’ ” she said.

I'm all for fighting terrorism, but if this doesn't prove that a lot of the effort being expended is misplaced, I don't know what does.

Source: NYTimes, Image: ACLU

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Things Fall Apart: "Soldier Bear" Toy Sets

Karen Murphy — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 18:32:00 GMT

So, evidently, the U.S. military isn't exempt from cheap lead-filled toys from China. Huh. Yep, about 13,000 toy sets under the "Soldier bear" brand have been recalled. The sets include ones with action figures with dinosaurs, wild animals, and naturally, military vehicles and figures. The sets were sold to unsuspecting military families exclusively at Army & Air Force Exchange Service (AAFES) locations around the world.

The new recall joins and expands on a previous one from May involving the Soldier Bear toy brand. The individual styles and model numbers of the sets involved in this recall are all listed here, and are all covered with or made from or containing lots and lots of lead. Yum!

Department Of Defense Launches Shaken Baby Campaign

Melissa Summers — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 12:09:00 GMT

The Department of Defense has rolled out a program aimed at stopping or reducing the number of shaken baby deaths in the military community. Each year about 10 to 20 infant deaths occur across military families. According to David W. Lloyd, director for the Defense Department's Family Advocacy Program, fathers and other males are responsible for 70% of all shaken baby cases.

I vividly recall moments when my kids were little where I could, for a brief moment, understand how someone could shake their baby. Of course, I don't condone such behavior but I understood at 3:30 am while holding a screaming infant, how you reach that point. My husband and I had a code word: 'SHAKY' which meant a fresh set of arms and ears were immediately needed.

The program aims to educate parents about the risks of shaken baby syndrome and to provide parenting classes and coping skills for dealing with a crying baby. Military parents can also access a 24 hour counseling line at 1-800-342-9647

Leslye A. Arsht, deputy undersecretary of defense for military community and family policy said, "Military parents are like all parents -- they need information and support about how to cope with the stress of living with an infant, especially a baby that won't stop crying."

Military parents are like all parents....except they go to war and shoot people while fighting for our country.

Babble's Military Mom: Husband Is in Iraq but the Battles are at Home

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 11:01:00 GMT

Last week, this video of a tearful kindergartner being surprised at school by his father who had just returned from Iraq, was making the rounds. The video is undeniably sweet and it's almost impossible to remain dry-eyed when you see the look of joy and relief the boy's face the moment he sees his dad.

This is one of those situations where unless you are deep in the heart of it, you can't possibly imagine what these families must be going through. What must the waiting and worrying be like? How do you explain to children who have no concept of time that mom or dad will be home in 6 months, 9 months, a year?

Giving us a glimpse of what it's like to be in a military family is Korinthia Klein, who wrote Babble's latest personal essay entitled The Home Front. Dad is stationed near Baghdad, mom is at home with their kids. She now knows where the fusebox is, but most of all she just wants her husband to be safe. Check it out.

I Support Our Muppet Troops: Sesame Street Explores Deployment

Patti — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 18:33:00 GMT

Sesame Street has a long history of addressing serious issues with its young viewers--the death of Mr. Hooper was one of my earliest experiences with death and grief, and probably one of yours, too. Being different, navigating the pitfalls of friendship, adding a new member to the family--the things that can frighten or sadden a small child have been explored by Bob, Maria, and the Muppets at some point during the thirty-six year series run.

Today, Sesame Street addresses a new and timely issue being faced by American children in When Parents Are Deployed, hosted by Cuba Gooding, Jr. (in case you were wondering what he was up to lately). In the special, Elmo learns that his father is being sent overseas and the Sesame gang comes along to help him get his head around it. In between Elmo segments, real military parents and children share their personal stories of deployment.

By all accounts it's not great television, though it has good intentions. And it may be preaching to the choir: the producers know that Americans are so polarized by the war that people who are not personally connected to anyone in the military will probably ignore their efforts. Retired Major General Charles Bolden, who consulted with Sesame Workshop on the special, says "The story that is told is one that the vast majority of Americans don't have a clue about," and notes the disconnect between those who are fighting in the war and those who don't support it.