Strollerderby : lists

12 Baby Names That Really Won't Make a Comeback

Madeline Holler — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:29:00 GMT

About.com's editor for pregnancy and birth, Robin Elise Weiss, has posted 10 baby names she thinks are awful and won't ever make a comeback. Thing is, I think she's wrong, really wrong, and, for the most part, she listed names that will indeed come back. And soon!

For girls, she hates Deloris [sic], Eula, Gladys, Mildred and Norma. I've met a couple of very hip baby Mildreds, and what could be cuter than going on a playdate with a Millie? Norma, Weiss thinks, is just boring and blah. Me? I think it's sorta cute, simple and refreshing. (Alas, Marilyn Monroe didn't like it either.)

Her boys list reads like a real up-and-coming trendspotters piece, what with Ralph, Herman, Chester, Norman and Elbert. Sure, that last one belongs on the list, but Ralph? Cute! And Chester? I'm no trend-setter but that was a top boys name pick for my husband and me. Herman ... cute, cute, cute.

Also, I know an actual under-40 Norman and he has a self-esteem, trendy jeans and shirt pockets devoid of plastic protectors (though I should ask how, as a kid, he weathered the whole "Norman, you poop!" line from "On Golden Pond"). Why all the hate for the Norms/Normas, Robin Weiss?

Weiss doesn't get it, but Babble readers do. Let's crack our knuckles and come up with THE definitive list of names that will never, ever, ever catch on again. Here are the first 12. Please, add yours in comments.

Girls

Ina, Eunice, Cleta (for boys, Cletus), Lucretia, Hortense, Bertha

The first four sound so, so seriously medical/anatomical or something. Ina, Eunice and Cleta could easily be body parts, which, when injured, secrete a substance called Lucretia. Know what I mean? Hortense, well, not in mixed company. And Bertha has always been the go-to name for women of size and lack of class in my world.

Boys

Ennis, Dick, Eldrick, Lorraine, Skylar, Leslie

The last three have been taken over by girls, and apologies to the Woods re: Eldrick (but even Tiger doesn't use it). Ennis, Dick and other names which sound nether-body parts-ish, will, I predict, be forevermore passed up.

I've just scratched the surface and I could be totally wrong. Names that seem awful often become adorable once attached to a real, live human-baby-being (State's Exhibit A: my son Earl, pictured above ... tell me that name doesn't fit!).

In fact, just the right rosy-cheeked girl could pull off Eunice, I suppose. In the right (celebrity) hands, she might even start a trend.

Give us the worst of the worst baby names in comments.

Photo: Madeline Holler

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Baby Bikini and Pregnant Man Top 2008 Weird News List

Brett Singer — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

About.com has posted their list of their list of 2008's Top Weird News Stories. Some are parenting/kid related, and some don't seem all that weird, frankly. Let's take a look:

10. Thomas Beatie, the so-called pregnant man

Yep – I guess that qualifies as Weird News. Personally I always questioned what the health risks were of someone like Beatie giving birth – lots of hormones and other drugs are involved in a sex change operation, right? Might that not do something bizarre to your insides? I mean, Beatie can do whatever he/she likes with his/her body but are there health risks to the children that he/she gives birth to? Also, "pregnant man" isn't quite accurate. But it does make for a good headline.

Another weird item that Wolf mentions which I hadn't heard of was the 3rd grader who got suspended for getting high in school – from sniffing a Sharpie. If sniffing markers to get high is wrong, I don't want to be right! Just kidding. We all know writing implements are a gateway drug.

6. Dumbest Ideas: The Baby Bikini, Condom Measuring Tape, GPS Lingerie

When I first saw the words "baby bikini" I thought maybe we had another Heelarious on our hands. But no, it's just a two-piece baby bathing suit. It doesn't seem all that bad, actually. The high heels for infants were, in my view, much dopier. And I’m guessing the author, Buck Wolf, hasn't seen the Baby Announcement Panties Packed in a Fake Ice Cream Container. The GPS Lingerie was definitely dumb, and if they sell more than 10 of the condoms with measuring tape, I'll be shocked. But the Baby Bikini didn't really register that high on the weird scale for me. Maybe I'm jaded.

What do you think? Baby bikini – weird or not?

Image/Source: About.com

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Suri Cruise: Most Powerful Child On The Planet

Brett Singer — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:10:00 GMT

This is such an odd piece of news.

Suri Cruise, daughter of Tom "Who Needs Doctors When You Can Take Vitamins" Cruise and Katie "Is She Being Held Prisoner" Holmes has been declared "most influential celebrity kid". Now what is the source of this important ranking? Us Magazine perhaps? The National Enquirer?

No. Forbes magazine. Malcolm must be spinning in his grave.

What method did they use? According to MyHollywood.com, "financial investigators studied Internet presence and press clippings for more than 50 A-list offspring aged five years younger over the course of the last year…used a market research company to gauge the awareness of the kids and consumer-appeal of their celebrity parents." Suri won, with appearances in "more than 2,000 articles over the course of the year."

Here's the top ten if you're curious:

1. Suri Cruise
2. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
3. Zahara Jolie-Pitt
4. Pax Jolie-Pitt
5. Sam Alexis Woods
6. Cruz Beckham
7. Matilda Rose Ledger
8. David Banda
9. Sean Preston Federline
10. Sam Sheen

By the way, I had to look up Sam Sheen (that's the offspring of Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen). So I feel slightly better about myself.

I have a thought. Why would a celebrity parent want their child to get this much exposure? Is it at all possible to keep kids out of the papers when you're this famous? In the case of a Suri Cruise or any of the Jolie-Pitts, wouldn't it be safer to lay low a little bit? Or does it matter in the age of social networking, photo sharing, and MyFaceSpaceBook?

Plus, this idea of "influential" seems questionable. Would you buy something because Suri Cruise endorsed it?

She is a cute little girl though. Maybe she could do Gap ads or something.

Last thought: How would you handle this sort of thing if you were mega-famous? I'm not sure what I would do, although it's not likely to be a problem in my life. My movie career began and ended when I auditioned for "Adventures in Babysitting" in the 80's.

Source/Images: MyHollywood, Famecrawler

Matt Lauer Talks To Sarah Palin In The Kitchen

World Famous Atheist To Write Children's Book

How do we love Michelle Obama? Let us count the ways!

Rocco Ritchie wears Yankee shirt, Guy Ritchie weeps

Top Hollywood Tot: Miss Suri Cruise

Disney Pulls Hannah Montana Diabetes Episode

Comedians From The Past Weigh In On The First Black President

Five Things You Thought You'd Never Do To Your Kid

Kelly Mills — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:01:00 GMT

Pre-child, I was righteous. I believed that while parenting was hard, I was going to manage to conduct myself well at least the majority of the time. Ha. Ha. Ha. Now I know that I'm more likely to high-five myself on very rare occasions of almost accidental successful parenting, than to reflect every night on my serene and superior mom-skills. And the list of things I thought I'd never do and still find myself doing? It is very long. Here's just five. Maybe you've done some of these as well.

1. Lying to the kid. Oh, gonna be honest all the time, right? Mmm hmm. Let's see, there's the lies because the truth would hurt ("You do have a lovely singing voice"); the ones about things I can't control ("I swear, no one in your class will throw up today, now get dressed for school!"); and the just plain self-serving stuff ("No, that isn't chocolate, it's mama's medicine.") If my nose grew, I'd be poking the Olympians in Beijing with it right now.

2. Yelling, throwing stuff, and generally losing it. Because I have a pretty firm grip on my temper, I believed I'd have this one in the bag. But who knew I could get so angry at my kid, even when she was a baby? There's nothing like a little sleep-deprivation and a ton of stress and some well-timed whining to help you see the darkest sides of your personality. Good times.

3. Feeding her crap food. I've found that this one varies from person to person, but I doubt many of us imagined we'd simply wipe an apple off on our shirt after it fell to the floor and hand it back to the child, let alone serve boxed mac and cheese five nights in a row. And yet, my child has sampled all kinds of bad-for-you things on occasions when expediency trumped nutrition. I've held the line on fast food, but basically that's just holding up the bank at gunpoint but leaving forty bucks in the till.

4. Making hollow threats. I am a real firm believer in consistency, and I try to cash the checks I make with my mouth. But I've totally done this when I made a threat I didn't want to keep. "If you don't stop, we are leaving the pool right away." Yeah, except for the fact that we carpooled with two other people. And you aren't stopping the behavior. Ooops. Point goes to kid, mama miffs the serve.

5. Talking about things I shouldn't in front of the child. Whether it's a frustrated moment of disparaging someone, or mentioning a friend's not-yet-public pregnancy to a friend with my kid in earshot, I've sometimes fooled myself into thinking she can't hear or won't understand. Ha. Children hear everything and understand twenty times more than we think. And I'm not even talking about the pre-verbal baby stage, because I still catch myself doing this today. And when it leads to an awkward conversation when my child blurts out the tidbit later, I have no one to blame but myself. Parenting is grand like that.

Anything you thought you'd never do but yet somehow did anyway?

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5 reasons it's a good thing I had boys

Brett Singer — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 17:05:00 GMT

I was going to say, "I'm glad I have boys" but that didn't sound quite right. That is, I would love girl-children just as much as I love my guys. But there are a few ways that having boys has made my life – mine, specifically – a little bit easier.

1. No pink ponies: It doesn't seem like having a Y chromosome should automatically mean that one is interested in superheroes, videogames, and action figures inspired by superheroes and videogames. But experience says otherwise. While there are definitely girls who love trucks and boys who follow the Frasier and Niles Crane path – a love of opera, Broadway and snappy clothing – my guys are way into Spider-Man, Batman, Superman, Pokémon, Wii, Playstation 2, and so on. If I had to learn whatever there is to know about My Little Pony, I think my brain would crawl out of my ear.

2. Miley-free zone: Thus far Things 1 and 2 have shown zero interest in Billy Ray Cyrus' little ~~meal ticket~~ girl, which means I can continue to go through life knowing almost nothing about her. Maybe this will change when they get older, but hopefully by then Miley Ray Hannah Montana Stewart Cyrus will have either pulled a Britney Spears and had a meltdown, grown up and started singing jazz standards, or retired to spend her days sitting on a giant pile of cash gazing longingly at Nick Jonas. OK, I guess I sort of know something about her, but that's just from trying to keep up with pop culture. I have nothing against Miley or the Jonases, but not having to listen to their music or attend their concerts is something I will never, ever complain about.

3. No batting of eyelashes: My wife has pointed out many times that if we had had girls, odds are I would be putty in their hands. I wish I could say I disagree but I think she's probably right. Little girls are so cute, and seeing them cry is much more painful than seeing boys cry. I know that's stupid, sexist, and stupid (did I say that one already?). But I've seen, more than once, little girls who lead their dads around by the nose. It's probably best if we never find out whether or not I would join their ranks.

4. Less irrational over-protectiveness: Again, I am fully aware that this is unfair, stupid and sexist. But if I had girl-children, I would be very tempted not to let them leave the house until they were 30. I guess going to school would be OK, as long as they dressed like those Mormon sect people.

5. No High School Musical: When this monstrosity first started airing on the Disney Channel and the CD went to number one, I tried to watch it out of curiosity. I made it through about 15 minutes before I realized that it would probably be more fun to chew glass. The songs are lame, the characters are dull, the story is… Feh. Anyway, the boys seem immune to whatever charms that thing has, and for that, I am grateful.

image: Amazon.com

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20 Disturbing Baby Products

Brett Singer — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:40:00 GMT

I freely admit to a bit of jealously with this link, since it would have been nice to come up with it myself. That said, we have hit on a few of these in the past, such as the infant high heels, and the Thudgard helmet. And I had a note to write about the Pee-Pee Teepee at some point because, like, it's called the Pee-Pee Teepee. So we're still pretty damn cutting edge over here.

Many of the items on this list are so wacko that they really should be fake – such as the strap on nursing apparatus for men. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Zaky® Infant Pillow

Cue the Addams Family theme – this thing is both creepy AND kooky, and yes, altogether ooky. Who the hell buys one of these?

Hamburger Baby Costume

This is just funny. Especially since it looks to be designed for infants who don’t' get around so well.

Manual Snot Sucker

First of all, the product name is "Nosefrida". Second, it's described as "hygienic" despite the fact that you are connecting your mouth to your baby's nose via a tube. And third… well, just see number two. That should be enough.

Baby Mop

OK, look. I know its wrong. I do. But come on. Isn't this sort of a good idea, in a way? In a weird way? No? OK, OK, I'll cancel my order. (Really? You don't want one?)

Check out the full list at Cracked.com, which is a very funny site. For what it's worth, I used to read Cracked as a kid, when it was considered a lesser version of Mad Magazine. They've been back for a while now and so far it's good stuff.

source/images: 20 Baby Products Great For Traumatizing Infants, Cracked.com

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Crafty: 150 Ideas To Beat the I'm Boreds

Adrienne Martini — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 13:00:00 GMT

I may be about to put Crafty out of business by posting this link but it is a risk I'm willing to take if it will save us all from a month or two of piteous cries of "I'm boooooooored."

Gina at an unpink life cooked up 150 things you can do during the summer with your kids. And, no, none of them involve my favorites like "rub Mommy's feet" and "get Mommy a beer." Shucks.

One of my faves is pictured at right, which is building fairy houses. No, not every last idea on the list will fit your particular circumstances -- like camping outside isn't going to fly around here -- but there are enough that should work for anyone.

Or we can start our own list here. Anyone?

Photo credit: Megan at and everything nice.

Five Forgotten Fictional Fathers

Brett Singer — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 15:00:00 GMT

OK, "forgotten" is a little strong. But while we are all familiar with Darth, Homer and the rest, here are some other unreal dads that deserve a mention on Father's Day. Not all are great dads; some are pretty damn bad. Most just don't make it onto the usual "best/worst dad" lists. Here you go, on Father's Day, in no particular order:

1. Jock Ewing, "Dallas", played by Jim Davis

OK, maybe it's not in any particular order, but was there ever a tougher TV dad than Jock Ewing? As The Onion's AV Club puts it, "[Jock's] sons Bobby and J.R….have absorbed his good and evil sides, respectively, and are used by their deceptively benign father to consolidate his power." He also had an illegitimate son, Ray Krebbs, who worked on Ewing's Southfork ranch; this wasn't revealed until after Ray had been working there for a couple of years. Which means that Jock hired his own son to work on his ranch but didn't tell him that he was his father. Go ahead. Find me something better than that. Davis' portrayal of Jock was so iconic that when the actor died, he was not replaced; they killed the character and put a portrait of the Ewing patriarch in the family dining room where he could continue to exert his will from beyond the grave. Here's a clip of Jock tossing out ten grand like it was ten cents in order to "purchase" Bobby's wife Pamela (Victoria Principal) from her father, Digger Barnes.

2. "Man", played by Antonio Banderas, in "Four Rooms"

Banderas doesn't get a name in this segment of the largely forgotten hotel comedy. He plays a gangster of some sort who pays off the bellhop (Tim Roth, currently appearing in "The Incredible Hulk") to watch his offspring while he and the missus go out and celebrate New Year's Eve. When he looks at his children and demands, in full Antonio-accented English, "Don't misbehave," you know that they will. Video clip below, not remotely safe for work or family-viewing. (Banderas also gets a nod for Gregorio Cortez in the three "Spy Kids" movies.)

"Four Rooms" Video clip (Not Work-Safe)

3. Mork from Ork, played by Robin Williams

You probably forgot that Mork was a dad. In a desperate attempt to save the weird "Happy Days" spin-off, Jonathan Winters signed on to play Mearth, Mork and Mindy's son. Of course, Orkans are born old and age backwards. It wasn't much funnier than it sounded. Now that I’m a parent myself, I have to say that I don't think I'd want things to work that way. Not that changing diapers is fun, but it's definitely easier to do it when the kid is smaller than you.

4. Wayne Szalinski, "Honey I Shrunk the Kids", played by Rick Moranis

Fathers in movies and television are often portrayed as bumbling fools who fall to pieces in the parenting department as soon as mommy leaves for five minutes. This guy, however, actually manages to shrink his children to microscopic size when left to his own devices. The character was slammed back in 1997 by Dr. Helen Haste of the British Association for the Advancement of Science, who took issue with the way that, " writers and directors employ stereotypes for almost every scientist seen on film and television."

5. Michael Kyle, "My Wife and Kids", played by Damon Wayans

This ABC sitcom ran for five seasons, which is certainly respectable. But it never quite caught on with audiences the way "Everybody Loves Raymond" did. One reason could be that the parents were, at times, intentionally not 100% nice to their children. For example, in the episode "The Grassy Knoll", mom and dad discover that Michael Jr. is stoned. So they decide to mess with his head. (The only clip I could find was in Spanish, so you'll have to just take my word for it that it was funny. Unless, of course, you speak Spanish.) It was a silly show, but there was something very realistic in the way Michael dealt with his son. It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't always behavior you wanted to emulate. But it was usually pretty funny.

Here is a clip from "Junior Gets his License".

There are, of course, many more. Who are your favorites, forgotten or otherwise?

Oh yeah -- happy father's day!

images: Amazon.com, timstvshowcase.com, mrsjrewing.tripod.com, wjzy.com

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It's a neighborly day here on the 'Derby

Brett Singer — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 22:00:00 GMT

Mr. Rogers was a huge part of my childhood. To this day I can sing the theme song, and the basic lessons he taught about being kind to people and staying forever intrigued by the world around you are absolutely ingrained in my psyche. (Yes, I still get annoyed from time to time. We're none of us perfect, as Mr. Rogers taught us. So be tolerant, dammit!)

Mental Floss has a list titled "15 Reasons Mister Rogers Was the Best Neighbor Ever." Some things I knew ("He got into TV because he hated TV", "He composed all the songs on the show"), some I didn't ("Michael Keaton got his start on the show" as a puppeteer). Some I had forgotten about, like the fact that he testified before Congress about the VCR, which was in danger of being banned by paranoid Hollywood lobbyists.

Then there's this tidbit: "Mr. Rogers weighed in at exactly 143 pounds every day for the last 30 years of his life." He liked weighing that number, because "the number 143 means ‘I love you.’ It takes one letter to say ‘I’ and four letters to say ‘love’ and three letters to say ‘you.’ One hundred and forty-three." If anyone else on the planet said that you would have them committed, and you certainly wouldn't want them hanging around your children. But since Mr. Rogers said it, it's fine. He really meant all of that stuff, and it was great.

Some of his advice, which was always delivered in a kind, caring way, applies to everyone. "You can't make it work by sitting and thinking about it. You have to do it." I mean, what's wrong with that? I'm including three videos below, all of which really brought me back to my childhood, in a good way.

Does the show still hold up today? To me it does, but the lack of new episodes (for the obvious reason that Fred isn't around to make them anymore) definitely hurts in terms of kids catching on to the show. Sesame Street still works, but neither of my kids ever got into Mr. Rogers, although I tried both times. I'll throw this out to the group – do your kids watch ol' Fred change his shoes, zip up his sweater and sing about what a neighborly day for a beauty it is?

image: Wikipedia

Mr. Rogers Videos

Mr. Rogers Goodbye: I'd never seen this. It's sad but in a nice way.

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, "You Did It" Song

Mr. Rogers sings "It's You I Like"

Top Ten Awareness Month Candidates--Save July!

Kelly Mills — Sat, 31 May 2008 14:31:00 GMT

I wanted to raise awareness about a very important issue. While looking into the fact that June is Potty Training Awareness month, I discovered something tragic. While we are just finishing National Teen Self-Esteem month and Hepatitis Awareness month in May, and are looking forward to International Men's month, National Safety month, and Children's Awareness month (aware that they exist?) in June, it's going to be a slow slog after that. Because July, as it turns out, is hardly gonna make anyone aware of anything at all! While most of the other months, weeks, and days of the year are so jam packed with awareness that you can hardly tell which end is up, July only has, like, Family Reunion month and Herbal and Prescription Awareness month going for it. (Hmm, are those two only coincidentally linked?)

So I think it's time we call attention to this by nominating some things for July to cover. Here's the top ten candidates for an Awareness month.

1. National My Boobs Belong to the Baby Now month

2. Don't Make Me Come Up There and Get You Awareness month

3. Legalize Heroin month

4. National I'm Sorry My Kid Taught Your Kid a Bad Word month

5. Next Time Flag That "NSFW" Awareness month

6. When I Try and Spoon You Roll Away Awareness month

7. Zombies Were People Too, Once month

8. National Sore In My Mouth From Biting My Lip That Swelled Up So I Keep Biting It and It Won't Heal month

9. Go Easy On the Prunes, Tiger Awareness month

and of course,

10. Awareness Month Awareness month.

The 9 Freakiest Baby Outfits

Cole Gamble — Thu, 29 May 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Some people have babies to fill their need to love and nurture something... Some people have babies to put poop on their head.

You had me with you until you put the kid in a pot.

This makes a lot of sense. Now how do I insert the mop handle in the baby’s back?

I like that New Baby Smell, although getting the kid around your rear view mirror is a bitch.

What is it with this constant theme of wanting to eat your children? (poop baby not included)

Want the full list? Check it out here.

10 Easter Basket Ideas for Your Kids

Cole Gamble — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Oh how I remember my own sweet childhood Easters. The night before my head was giddy with the anticipation of the sweet riches the next day would bring. Also, I was little lightheaded from the Paws dye fumes. The next day, I tore through that basket engulfing every foil wrapped delight. I'd get so strung out on the sugar that I ran around slapping people's backs and giggling at nothing like my uncle on Christmas after a few Maker's Mark and Sevens.

This is the glory of Easter for a child: the one day a year you can act like a little drunk. Or maybe you should go easy on the sugar this year. Here are 10 great ideas for your kid's Easter Basket...

The full list of items can be found here. All of them can be found at common stores like Target and Joann Fabrics. Lots of good easter stuff, like easter-themed books and even an easter sudoku for that toddler who is so over the New York Times crossword. Think of all the easter-candy-rationing fights you'll avoid with your child. Personally, I wish my parents had maybe reigned in the candy on my Easter binges. Maybe I'd still be able to feel my teeth.

The Sordid Pasts of Your Favorite Toys

Kelly Mills — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 20:33:00 GMT

Raise your hand if you are a history dork! I love this kind of stuff: The real life stories behind the invention and marketing of classic toys like the Slinky and Mr. Potato Head. Who knew that our most beloved playthings had dark pasts and endorsement campaigns and interesting tales along the road to becoming the crap you step on in the middle of the night on your way to the bathroom? Here's a great rundown of the twisted inception and careers of seven classic toys.

For example, did you know the Slinky was marketed and made successful by a genius woman when her husband's midlife crisis led to him joining a Bolivian religious cult? Or that Play Doh was an early example of product placement and celebrity endorsement, when one Captain Kangaroo took a share of the profits? Mr. Potato Head used his own celebrity to both campaign against smoking (I totally remember when he puffed on a pipe) and pimp Burger King fries, which seems like creepy cannibalism to me. Now gimme the dirt on Barbie and GI Joe, and I'll be satisfied.