Howard Stern To Release CD Of Kiddie Songs

Brett Singer — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 17:30:00 GMT

Howard Stern wants to sing to your children.

So, like, hey now.

The King of All Media has had a number one movie, two best-selling books, a top-rated television show and is the greatest radio performer of all time. But he has never had a hit record.

Before you say, "Oh come on, why would a guy with that much money care about something like that?" you should know that Stern, who is currently heard on SiriusXM Satellite Radio, frequently complains that even Rick Dees had a number one song with "Disco Duck:"

Howard had a song on the Private Parts soundtrack (The Great American Nightmare with Rob Zombie) but it didn't do as well as Stern's other efforts.

So to rectify the situation, Howard has decided to make a CD of music for kids. Yes. It's true. The man who made his name proclaiming his love for lesbians, strippers and his own bodily functions wants to sing to your kids.

It's not as crazy as it sounds. First of all, as 'Monsters Vs. Aliens' showed us, it doesn't really matter if kiddie entertainment is any good. Market it correctly and it will sell. Second, many of Stern's fans (myself included) are now parents. Third, despite what people think, he's a clever guy. No tracks have been announced, but I doubt he'll put out something with language that will offend anyone. If Howard does something he goes all in, so don't expect a "trick" CD that lures you into buying something inappropriate for your kids. (On-air cohorts Richard and Sal might do that, but they're not involved this time. I hope.)

Last, but certainly not least, say "baba booey" to your kids. I'll bet you anything they laugh.

Look for the CD this fall. I know I will. I mean, could it be any worse than Kidz Bop?

Source

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Kidz Bop Hits the Road

Patti — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 18:38:00 GMT

Okay. First, let's make sure we have enough water and nonperishable foods, and send someone down to the bank to get some cash to keep on hand. We're going to need to cover the windows with duct tape and plywood. People, we're going to the mattresses here, because Kidz Bop is going on tour this year, and we must remain vigilant. We must protect our young.

Those of you unfamiliar with the phenomenon of Kidz Bop are either lucky, or you don't occasionally just leave Nickelodeon on during the commercials. It's an insidious marketing scheme that involves a chorus of children singing on—what is it now, twelve CD's? And then there are videos and it's all very catchy and obnoxious and even a preschool child may turn to you and say "This song is good!" and then you realize it's a bunch of nine-year-olds destroying Modest Mouse's "Float On" and you bury your head in your hands and weep. If you have kids in the actual Kidz Bop demographic of 6-11, it may be too late to save your family.