Neighbors: Shut Your Damn Kids Up!

Madeline Holler — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 19:02:00 GMT

I think the most frustrating part about raising kids is all the effort it takes to lessen their impact on others. Especially when those others are bitchy (old and/or childless) grown-ups who think 2-year-olds should have already graduated finishing school and developed a personal moral code of silence, stillness and controlled anger/exuberance.

I've long since learned to ignore the glares and forge ahead when my youngest falls apart at the grocery store. I can honestly say I don't care anymore if her screams make others feel sad or angry or even uncomfortable. And my husband and I have worked out a pretty good system of whisking her outside at the first sign of an impending restaurant meltdown.

Sadly, though, there is no mitigating the noise of babies, toddlers and living, breathing young kids in their own home -- a situation that becomes an especially difficult parenting experience when home is an upstairs apartment.

The Sunday Times ran a great story about NYC families who are coping with less-than-sympathetic neighbors. They're getting letters, and getting sued; they are brought into arbitration, forced to sell their homes, the works! It's a growing problem as (1) more people are raising kids in the city and (2) real estate prices have gone through the roof. Seems paying lots and lots of money for a place makes the purchaser feel entitled to complete silence.

I can say there was no greater burden lifted from my shoulders as a mother than when we moved with our heavy-footed, early rising, loud-mouthed kids to the world's tiniest house. We gave up much square footage, but, man, could I give a rip if they play "parachute landing" 24 hours a day. Contrast that with life in our various apartments, when an emergency trip to the bathroom always prompted "Walk, don't run! The neighbors! Shhhhh!"

But I still have no sympathy for adults who think children who make noise -- any noise -- are the product of parents who can't control them. I think if you're going to live among others, you're going to have to tolerate noise and that includes falling toys and the pitter-patter of little feet. They are kids. You are not.

Yes, there are parents who refuse to "stifle" their children by never limiting their behavior -- one such mother is an acquaintance of mine and even my kids stare at her kids aghast -- but no healthy child actually tiptoes and whispers and corrals her toys to make sure they never fall on the floor. And no sane mother or father can manage that every waking hour of the day.

What about you? Are you walking on eggshells at home? Or do you have a nightmare upstairs neighbor story? Is it just me, or is cry-it-out sleeping training only for homeowners? That was never, ever an option for us.

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