Strollerderby : george w. bush

Morning News - GOP Calls Sotomayor Racist

Brett Singer — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:00:00 GMT

The Republican/Conservative Hive Mind Coalition has decided how to attack Supreme Court nominee Judge Sonia Sotomayor. What is it? Drum roll, please... She's a racist! This comment from Rush Limbaugh is... well, you decide: "Limbaugh called the president 'the greatest living example of a reverse racist,' and said that he has picked another for the Supreme Court vacancy of retiring Justice David Souter. Limbaugh later equated Sotomayor to former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke." David Duke? Huh? The comment Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich and Hive Mind members are clinging to is one that Sotomayor made at a Duke Law School symposium in 2001: "a wise Latina woman would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life."

I haven't read much about Judge Sotomayor, but I think the GOP Hive Mind is grasping at straws by clinging to one quote that she made. How difficult would it be to review cases that were before her while she served as a judge, and to talk about those? I've said plenty of things that I wouldn't want thrown back at me if I were up for an important post. (Supreme Court seems unlikely since I don't have a law degree, but maybe I could be the head of the Department of Video Games and Comic Books.) Also, as a white man who grew up in the Bronx and worked for two years at a job where there were many Latina women, I can honestly say that a great many of them reached better conclusions than I did. So there.

Speaking of the GOP, Mitt Romney seems to think he's still running for President. He's mad at President Obama for the way he's handling our foreign policy. (Grrr... Mitt is angry... Grrrr...) I love how it's OK for people to criticize the President when said President is a Democrat. Remember how we were all supposed to support President Bush because we were a nation at war? That attacking the Commander-in-Chief of the United States could be damaging to troop morale, and make us look bad in the eyes of foreign leaders? I guess that doesn't matter anymore.

One more political item -- Dick Cheney (aside: if my name were "Richard" I wouldn't use "Dick" as my nickname) admitted that there was "no link" between Saddam Hussein and the September 11th attacks. But he still thinks we did the right thing by marching into Iraq. He, too, took issue with President Obama's policies. I'm not 100% positive about this, but didn't various Bush administration officials and the Republican/Conservative Hive Mind spend a lot of time and energy telling the public that Saddam Hussein was, in fact, involved in the September 11th attacks? If so, what is Cheney saying now -- sorry, my bad?

On to less important matters. Susan Boyle checked into the hospital after losing "Britain's Got Talent." She is said to be "suffering from exhaustion," which I think officially makes her a real celebrity, since I have never heard of anyone other than a celebrity checking into a hospital because they were tired. (I know, that's reductionist, and an over-simplification, and probably other words that basically mean the same thing as those two. Bear with me, I'm exhausted.) The funny thing about Susan Boyle? She didn't "lose." She came in second. She was a complete unknown and now she's famous enough to check into a hospital for exhaustion without being laughed at. She will certainly have some sort of career in the entertainment business if she wants to. How is that "losing"? A year from now, let's see who has had a better career -- Susan Boyle or the dance troupe Diversity. My money's on Boyle.

OK, one more serious thing: a federal judge has ruled that "Guantanamo evidence must be made public." This is "the unclassified evidence that it says justifies the continued imprisonment of more than 100 Guantanamo Bay prisoners." So, you know. So there.

Here's a headline you don't like to see: "Federal Reserve puzzled by yield curve steepening." It's one thing if I'm puzzled by financial matters facing our nation. But the Federal Reserve? They shouldn't be puzzled. They should know stuff. Lots of stuff.

Finally, something silly and utterly unimportant. Kathy Griffin says that Eminem walking out of the MTV Movie Awards was "a stunt." What happened? Sasha Baron Cohen, aka Bruno, stuck his heinie in the rapper's face.

Here's what happened:

And here's what Kathy Griffin thinks of it:

See? Now you know everything you need to know to start your day. Enjoy!

Image: Latina.com

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How Fertile Couples Outsmarted Wall Street

Madeline Holler — Wed, 20 May 2009 19:38:00 GMT

It's not unusual for the birth rate to decline in a bad economy. But what has baffled some is the fact that even before last year's full-on Wall Street meltdown, a fall-off in the number of pregnancies had already begun.

Was this some kind of parents-to-be intuition? Are fertile couples to recessions like small pets to the moments just before an earthquake -- that is, skittish and panicky and diving for cover?

No.

This wonderment at the prescience of baby-makers is a bit annoying. Do demographers not remember what it was like, pre-Bear Stearns collapse?

Let's remind them.

Already, there were layoffs. The housing bubble had long since burst in many areas -- only the National Realtors Association was still sending around press releases saying all was well. Anybody living in suburbs and not under a rock knew that foreclosures were on the rise and that George W. Bush was in total denial and that John McCain declaring the economy "fundamentally sound" made even his most ardent detractors feel embarrassed on his behalf.

Remember gas prices? And groceries! Remember how expensive food got all of the sudden? You have to feed kids and a 25 percent increase in one's food bill before adding another mouth makes one stop to think. You know?

From the Associated Press:

The number of babies increased only 0.9 percent between July 2007 and July 2008, a sharp drop from the record-setting 2.7 percent growth for the preceding year. The numbers hint at the tantalizing notion that America's family planners outperformed its financial planners in predicting the rough economic times.

Living in the real world has its advantages.

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Photo: hullubullu.com

Morning News - The Obama Bracket

Brett Singer — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Monday Monday… Can't trust that day…

Actually, you kind of can trust Monday. It's fairly reliable in that it always comes after Sunday. I don't think that's what Mama Cass and Co. were talking about, but then again, it was the 60's, so who knows?

Anyone make an NCAA bracket? I did. I know nothing about college basketball, and my picks are proving it, especially in the Midwest Conference. At least there's no money at stake for me. President Obama made one, which is being resoundingly mocked by many. Some were upset that he even took the time to make his picks, which is hilarious if you consider the amount of vacation time that former President Bush took while in office. (I know, it's a cliché, but it happens to be true.) Taking a few minutes to fill out a bracket is a pleasant distraction from the day's events for everyone, Leaders of the Free World included. If people want to complain about Obama's policies, fine, but his bracket? Let it go.

Damn those blasphemy laws -- a Pennsylvania man tried to register a limited liability company called I Choose Hell Productions, LLC but was told he had to pick another name because PA has an anti-blasphemy law on the books preventing such things. The laws were common the 19th century, but this one was enacted in 1977 when someone tried to register God Damn Gun Shop. The ACLU is suing the state. Heh heh. God Damn Gun Shop... (NYT)

A revival of "West Side Story" opened on Broadway with some of the songs translated into Spanish. Interesting idea but I can't imagine that makes the songs better. Frank Scheck of the Hollywood Reporter saw the show and agrees, as did many other critics. (Note: I haven't seen this production. I'll probably stick with the movie.)

The post office is in trouble. They lost almost 400 million dollars last quarter and are offering early retirement to 150,000 employees, in addition to staff cutbacks and location closures. Not enough people mailing letters I guess.

Susan MacDougal (remember her?) can't have the transcript of her own testimony in the Whitewater trial. She was hoping to use it for a novel or screenplay. Whitewater looks pretty damn tame compared to all the nonsense going on these days.

Some governors, including Nevada's Jim Gibbons, are turning down federal money to beef up their unemployment funds because they don't like the 'strings' that are attached. The thing is, those strings disappear when the federal cash runs out. (This according to a New York Times editorial.) Nevada will run out of unemployment money by the end of the year if they don't take the government cheese. (Nose, you don't mind if I cut you off to spite my face, do you? Cool, thanks.) You can't play games like this when people are out of work. And unemployment money gets taken out of your check every week for a reason. You get it back if you're unemployed. Hence the name. So it's not unreasonable for people to expect to receive that money if they lose their jobs. In other Republican Governor news, Alaska's Sarah Palin (perhaps you've heard of her?) is only accepting Federal money for projects that are truly "shovel ready." Alaska Democrats are not happy, saying that she is playing politics with state residents. There's definitely a shovel needed for what's coming out of the mouths of both Republicans and Democrats these days, but it's not the kind you use to fix roads.

Eliot Spitzer is talking smack about Andrew Cuomo. Hey! Here's an idea, Spitzy. Shut up. You have no credibility anymore. Sorry. You screwed up. Apologize and go away. Although maybe you can blog for Huffington Post like Gary "Monkey Business" Hart. ("G'head! Follow me! You won't find anything! Wait, you thought I meant that? I was only kidding! Aw, crap…")

Responding to Sheri's comment: I hadn't heard about what the President said on TV, so I looked it up. Seems that while being interviewed by Jay Leno on the Tonight Show, President Obama said of his bowling skills, "It's like the Special Olympics or something." He apologized to the President of the Special Olympics before the show aired. Comments at ABC News' web site range from "who cares?" to "see? I told you he was an idiot." (I'm paraphrasing.) I can't say I agree with those who say that this is somehow on the same scale as other "gaffes" spoken by Republican politicians, or even "gaffes" from Democrats. Personally, I think the President is a little bit too much of a regular guy, at least in the way that he sometimes speaks in public. It was a dumb joke but hardly the worst thing ever. He also invited Special Olympians to the White House to do some bowling. There's one Special Olympic bowler who has three perfect games to his credit, so maybe he can give the Prez some pointers. By the way, Sarah Palin weighed in on the President's comments, because she's not all about politics like some politicians. This issue really effects Alaska, hence her very public reaction. Also: the President of the Special Olympics is Tim Shriver, Maria's brother, and therefore Ah-nuld's brother-in-law. That has nothing to do with anything except that I think it would be fun to have Arnold Schwarzenegger as your brother-in-law. The Governator, by the way, supports Obama's stimulus plan.

Tuesday, Tuesday… I trust that day… Nah, doesn't have the same ring to it. I guess John Phillips knew what he was talking about. See you tomorrow.

Image: WhiteHouse.gov via Washington Post

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Morning News - March Madness or March Sadness?

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Why Teens Are Quick to Blame Rihanna

Keep This Kid Away From The Dog

Morning News - March Madness or March Sadness?

Brett Singer — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Apologies for forgetting St. Patrick's Day yesterday. I could make a culturally insensitive joke and say that I was drunk, but the truth is I just forgot. Apparently everybody was Irish on Tuesday, but today you're back to whatever it is you are the rest of the year.

Speaking of being culturally insensitive, it's a St. Paddy's Day tradition for the current Irish leader to bring the U.S. President a bowl of shamrocks. Faith and begorrah, laddie! Why doesn't he just dress up like the Lucky Charms mascot and dance an Irish jig on the White House lawn?

A group in Boston conducted a survey of local teens and asked them about Chris Brown and Rihanna. The results? Forty-six percent thought the beating Brown allegedly gave Rihanna "was Rihanna's fault, and fifty-two percent said it was both Rihanna and Brown's fault. Fifty-one percent blamed Brown." Wow. This story gets more depressing by the minute. I'm increasingly of the opinion that there are a lot of guys out there who think it's acceptable to hit a woman if she, you know, just doesn't listen or something. Scary thought.

In goofier entertainment news: Wow, Harry Connick Jr. got fat. I know that doesn’t really matter, but women are usually the target of this sort of nonsense, so I thought I'd share a pic of a famous guy who got caught lookin' chunky on the beach.

I'm not sure what it means when Judge Judy makes more sense than most of the people who talk about the state of our world today. It may be a sign of the apocalypse. Granted, anyone can look good next to Larry King, but Judge Judy sounds quite reasonable here.

There's a six-year-old boy out there with a 176 IQ. At that level, shouldn't he be able to move objects with his mind or something? (Oh, and I bet his father was young.) When you see a story like this, do you look at your own kids and say, "Why can't you be that smart?" Yeah, me neither.

February saw an increase in the number of new homes being constructed, aka "housing starts." Here's the headline, which is pretty typical these days: "Housing starts take surprising jump in Feb. / But can gains continue amid all the housing industry's woes?" It’s like giving a child a piece of chocolate cake and then telling him you might have dropped it in the sink. Or that the frosting is actually made with carob. (Remember carob? It was supposed to be healthier than chocolate. I think people stopped using it in the 1970's.) Just once I'd like to get a piece of good news without being told, "hey, it's good, but don't expect it to last."

Alex Rodriguez, whom I refer to as The Rod, has revealed his true talent -- being annoying both on and off the field. I mean, how is it that the highest paid player in baseball isn’t playing and is on the cover of Details magazine with the headline, "A-Rod: Confessions of a Damned Yankee"? Yes, the cover was planned before he had his surgery. But what the hell, dude?

And finally, March Madness has arrived. If you're like me and have no officemates to play with (let's call it March Sadness), you can make a bracket at NYTimes.com and compete against random people for an Amazon Kindle, which is a nice prize. And CNET has a list of several NCAA-related websites to choose from. The tournament starts tomorrow (Thursday March 19), so get your bracket ready if you want to play. It's like the stock market, only more fun and with less sweating.

Image: CNET

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Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

Morning News - Watchmen, Wiper Fluid and the World Wide Web

Brett Singer — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 13:30:00 GMT

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday! (You need to hear that in the voice of a 1980's era Monster Truck radio ad announcer. That reference either makes sense or it doesn't. Apologies if it doesn't.)

Quick comment: I have to say that when I said I would fill in for Madeline for a few days, the last thing I thought I would be writing about was former President George W. Bush. Not that I mind, but it seems strange. I had an item about him yesterday, and there's one today. I'm not looking for them, believe me.

And now -- the news!

Update from Nerdy Movie Land (which, surprisingly, is not located at my house): 'Watchmen' dropped to second place, losing the top spot to 'Race to Witch Mountain.' Proving... nothing, really. Personally, I want 'Watchmen' to do well so that studio executives keep greenlighting superhero movies. So far it's made about $85 million, which is pretty good for two weeks. Unfortunately, there are reports that many people are walking out of the film before it's over, which doesn't really help with that whole word of mouth thing.

The guy who pretty much invented the World Wide Web – Tim Berners-Lee, not Al Gore – once got scammed online when buying a Christmas present. He's also warning people against "website snooping" and talking about keeping your personal data safe. Good idea, Tim, but if even you got scammed, what hope is there for the rest of us?

Campbell's Soup is not planning to cut their prices. Got that? How is this a headline? Seems that the company feels that prices are low enough, and sales are growing anyway. Hence, no price lowering. I repeat -- why tell anyone this? I prefer the organic stuff, myself, and my kids wouldn't eat soup if they were starving, so it doesn't affect me. But if I did eat Campbell's Soup, hearing this might make me NOT buy it. Just saying.

President Barack Obama wants to block bonus payments to AIG execs, and NY State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo wants to know who is getting the money. This is not going to end anytime soon, methinks.

In other financial news, former White House spokeswoman Dana Perino says that her former boss deserves some of the credit for a recent bounce in the stock market. I didn't realize that being a Presidential flack was a lifetime position.

Lindsay Lohan will NOT, repeat NOT, be arrested. C'mon, you know that makes you happy. Her arrest warrant was recalled and she "enroll in a new alcohol education program." TMZ reports that she had a "personality conflict" with the program she was in before. What does that mean, that she wanted to drink while she was there?

The kids who drank the wiper fluid are OK, which is good. I'm still not clear on why this stuff tastes good. Wouldn't that flavoring have to be an additive of some kind? And if it is, why include it? Is it possible that wiper fluid just tastes sweet naturally? That would be, as my son might say, weird.

And finally, Shannon tells us about a new dinosaur, more specifically "a new species of pliosaur." The photo (above) is just flat out cool. Apparently this particular pliosaur was "more powerful than T Rex, with a head twice its size, a set of 12-inch teeth, and a weight of about 45 tons." Yowsa. Show this one to your kids, unless you think it'll give them nightmares. Heck, it might give me nightmares. Look at those teeth...

That's all for today - more tomorrow...

Photo: Guardian

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Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

UPDATE - Austrian Incest Dad Pleads Guilty To Some Charges

Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

Brett Singer — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Madeline is taking a little time off, so I'll be your Morning Newsperson for awhile. Gosh, I sure wish there was something to talk about. The news is so dull right now... Oh! Wait. My bad. Here we go:

Dick Cheney did an interview with CNN's "State of the Union" where he said that "reversing [Bush administration] anti-terrorism policies endangers Americans." See, if a Democrat said that about a Republican President, there would be an outcry. The former VP also said the Bush administration spent so much money (remember that surplus we used to have?) because "Stuff happens," and discusses the fact that his former boss (George W. Bush, remember him?) did not pardon Scooter Libby. That last one is interesting, I would have thought that Bush would do that. Guess not. There's a meeting it would be fun to be a fly on the wall for. "Dude, I am SO not pardoning Scooter." "Dude! You totally have to!" (Note: I wasn't there, but I bet that's not what they said.)

Some people who are out of work have decided to make their own jobs. The New York Times reports on a few folks who have found their inner entrepreneur, including Alex Andon, who makes jellyfish tanks. Seems that some people will spend big bucks for a nice home for their jellies. Who knew? If you can't make jellyfish tanks (and if not, that's OK, we can't all be good at everything), maybe one of your kids could make a YouTube video asking someone to hire you.

Investigators want to freeze the assets of Ruth Madoff, wife of Bernie. My only question is why did it take them this long to decide to do that?

The space shuttle launched! Um, what's that? You don't care? C'mon, isn't this still a cool thing? I remember being a kid and we were all so stoked whenever there was a launch. I guess it's just not that big a deal anymore. This particular mission sends the Discovery to the International Space Station "to deliver and install the fourth and final pair of solar wings." I don't know what that is, but "solar wings" sounds really cool to me.

Demon dad Josef Fritzl will plead guilty to some charges, but not the ones that carry the really long prison sentences. There will still be a trial, which CNN says will probably last less than a week. We could learn something from those Austrians.

In my day, if a kid made clothes out of duct tape, that meant he was nerdy. Nowadays, it's a contest, with the winner getting $3,000 in scholarship money, provided by Duck brand tape. Tough economic times have increased the number of participants: 25 last year, 80 this year. You can see lots of pics at CNN.com.

Catfight on the catwalk! Or something like that. There was a riot at the tryouts for "America's Next Top Model" in New York City. Clearly this is the result of opening the competition up to women under 5 foot 7. Or this particular crop of "hundreds of hotties in heels" are nuts, no matter how tall they are. Who knows.

And finally, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke says that the recession could -- COULD -- end this year if -- IF -- the government can get the banks to lend money and make the financial markets "work more normally." I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel like a class A moron whenever people start talking about the economy. (Derivatives? What?) So all you finance types: Fix it, OK? Sheesh.

More tomorrow... same Babble time, same Babble channel...

Image: CNN

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George W. Bush Visits Texas Elementary School

Photo - Obama Shocked by Schoolkids

Brett Singer — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 14:11:00 GMT

What is the President doing in this photo? Listening to Sasha and Malia's ideas for dog names? Hearing Republican ideas for his stimulus package? Hearing Sasha and Malia's ideas for the stimulus package? Nope. Read on.

The President was surprised by a question from a student during a recent school visit. (Call "shock and awwww.") I imagine that he's just playing around with the kids. At least I hope so. If not, can you imagine what the question would have been?

I know this is unfair, but our current President looks less goofy when he's playing around then George W. Bush did (and does). Then again, he also appears to be less goofy than Dubya. So there's that.

Maybe they should just have Dubya do all the school visits from now on, and let President Obama just, like, work. Bush seems to enjoy it, and he's got time now.

Source

Fun Stuff To Do When The Kids Get Older

RENT Too Risqué For Some Schools

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Latest Action Figure Brings Together Imagination, Ponzi Schemes

Playdate: Anti-Racist Parent Offers Philosophical Commraderie and Practical Advice

Obamas Pick a Breed and a Homecoming for First Dog

George W. Bush Visits Texas Elementary School

Brett Singer — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:15:00 GMT

This is the age of bipartisanship. So…well…read this.

The former President and his wife Laura dropped by John J. Pershing Elementary School in Dallas. Apparently it really was a "hi, how y'all doing?" type of visit. The former First couple was there for over an hour. It was open house day, according to Kevin Sherrington of the Dallas Morning News.

Here are some highlights:

The Bushes were scheduled to visit three classes, but they ended up popping in on any room with an audience.
Ducking in one room, Bush asked, "Hey kids, do you know who I am?"
Gasps all around, and then someone blurted, "George Washington!"
"That's right!" the visitor said. "George Washington Bush!"

Then:

A little later, at an ESL class, Bush tried introducing himself in Spanish. Only it was a little too West Texas for the Spanish speakers. He tried again. Blank looks. Even held up three fingers. You know, a 'W." Still nothing.
Finally, Pershing's innovative, energetic principal, Margie Hernandez, stepped in with a Spanish introduction.
Ohhhhhhh.
The kids laughed at the confusion. The former president laughed. The principal laughed, out of relief, mostly.

Now, these examples are goofy, which is something that the former President was known for during his eight years in office. (Among other things, of course.) Later in the article, he shows off a different side of himself. One of the kids asked him:

"Why did you come here?"
Bush told the kids he came because he saw signs that welcomed him, and it made him feel good, and he wanted to say thanks. He then made some general observations, none more poignant than the first.
"You can be president," he said. "Can you believe that?"

I mean, look. It's not Barack Obama saying, "you can be president." But I think for the kids who were there to meet him, it was probably a special thing. Right?

Then he got a little goofy again. When asked if he would participate in the Dad's Club Haunted House, he answered with a grin and said, "I'd make a good ghost."

When I was in elementary school, I always thought it would be neat to have a President come and visit. I think it's sort of cool that GWB is still doing that. I mean, I don't agree with any of his major policies, but he was still the President. Heck, I wouldn't have minded meeting Gerald Ford.

See Congress? That's how bipartisanship works. Give me a call, we'll talk.

Source/Image

Fun Stuff To Do When The Kids Get Older

RENT Too Risqué For Some Schools

Kid Forced To Stand In Public Square For Bad Grades

Morning News: Obama to Reverse Bush's Pledge to Stay Dirty

Madeline Holler — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 14:00:00 GMT

We're back! Back from a self-imposed maternity leave! Back from the great big elections/inauguration misty-eyed national group hug! Back to digest the news so you've got something to talk about with the others at work/Gymboree/your lame playgroup. We've good air, bad medicine, happiness projects and sad awards ceremonies. Also, why the Wii makes your kid hate you.

In what have been daily reversals of George W. Bush's administration's crappy (and quasi-legal) declarations and judgments, Barack Obama gets us one step closer to breathing easier. No, really! Today, he will direct regulators to let states impose stricter automobile emissions standards than the federal ones -- something Bush wouldn't let them do. That crazy Obama ... letting states have clean air! Now he's just messing with Bush.

But Dallas's new favorite resident may get to do some messing of his own. TPM has a piece on a "burrower" -- a Bush appointee who managed to get a job in the Obama administration. Kathie Olsen, a climate change denier of sorts, moved from her No. 2 post at the National Science Foundation to NSF's Office of Information and Resource management. We hear they're going to actually look at science in the NSF from now on, so maybe Olsen will pick up some actual information and change her mind on human contribution to global warming.

Illinois Governor Rod Blogojevich won't attend his own impeachment trial today. He doesn't actually have to attend, but it's weird that he won't. Also weird that he acknowledges he's certain he'll be convicted. Anyway, we'll see plenty of him on TV this morning as he makes the rounds on today's news shows denying, denying, denying.

Sad but happy: Heath Ledger, who died a year ago from an overdose of painkillers, won the Screen Actors Guild Best Supporting Actor award for his role as the Joker in "The Dark Knight." Ledger's win is getting everyone extra excited that he'll be awarded an Oscar posthumously as well. Also, be sure to read what Meryl Streep, who won Best Supporting Actress for her role in "Doubt," said about being the world's greatest actress. We really heart Meryl.

Coming to a state near you: shrinking pediatric care! As goes California, so goes the nation? Fine, maybe not. But for more than a decade, the number of hospital beds for pediatric patients has been drastically cut. Which is just sad. And scary. And it leaves medical workers to play musical chairs with children so that the sickest get the best care while the medium- to sorta-sick get whatever's left.

Renters beware: this couple got screwed when it came time to renew the lease on their fancy apartment. The owners didn't let them because the couple, expecting a child in a few months, said mean things about their apartment community online.

A Brigham Young University undergrad and his advisor published results of their study on the personal lives of video gamers. The two found that the more hours each subject reported playing video games, the worse their relationships with family and friends. Based on the gamers you know, didn't you kind of assume those results (the undergrad doing the study wanted to prove those assumptions wrong -- he's reportedly bummed by the results and probably not talking to his mom again or something).

Wanna make yourself (and your kids) happy? Just lie to them! That's not a small bowl of ice-cream, it's a large scoop!

That's it for this morning! Thanks to Brett and especially Shannon for keeping the Morning News fires burning, while others of us convalesced and spent several weeks solid in a news vacuum staring at and sniffing a newborn.

Photo: Reuters

(Late) Morning News: Finally!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 19:00:00 GMT

We know a little something about overdue births here at Morning News. The waiting. The frustrations. The compounding discomfort.

So indulge us when we say this inauguration -- this birth of a brand spanking new presidency and, perhaps, change in direction of the country -- felt like it needed to be induced months and months (and years!) ago.

Finally, this morning, before nearly 2 million people on the Mall in Washington and for 75 percent of the nation on TV or the Internet, Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president of the United States. Not a moment too soon.

His inaugural address carried on the themes of his campaign and called everyone to confront the economic crisis and “our collective failure to make hard choices.” His presidency will be a new era of responsibility. We can't wait to see what's next.

Obama told the crowd that "we have chosen hope." Hope, change, hard choices, whatever. We're just glad the grown-ups are finally in charge.

Meanwhile, the Bush family is off to Texas.

The Cheney's are off to Wyoming. (Sidenote: anybody else appreciate, metaphorically speaking, Cheney's incapactitation as a physical demonstration of his political incapacitation? Okay, President Obama, we will now officially end our petty grievances.)

In other news ...what other news? We're going to stay in the inauguration moment today.

Here's a schedule of events and coverage for those of us not lucky enough to be anywhere near D.C. Put on your party dress and tune in.

How do you feel today?

Photo: Washington Post

Morning News: How Many Clintons Does It Take to ...

Madeline Holler — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:00:00 GMT

It's up to New York Gov. David Paterson to decide who will fill Hillary Clinton's senate seat, assuming (as we safely can) that she'll be secretary of state in a matter of weeks. Paterson's options are many, Andrew Cuomo is the favorite of voters, but there's one long-shot who just screams disaster/drama/ain't that America good times!

Bill Clinton! Of course, he claims to have no interest in accepting the appointment whatsoever, but come on. It's fun to think about.

Definitely not filling an open seat in the Senate is Georgia Democrat Jim Martin. He lost a run-off election last night to the marvelously named Saxby Chambliss, a Republican who is now and forever indebted to Sarah Palin. She stumped for the guy non-stop. The Chambliss win means no filibuster-proof Senate for Democrats.

Republican Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski has basically told Sarah Palin to "back off, that's my corner." The two are up for re-election in 2010, and some think Palin might enjoy her own two years in the Senate before making a bid for the White House. We've seen that can be done!

Minnesota senator hopeful Al Franken continues pushing that boulder uphill in his effort to get every vote counted. It's paying off, bit by bit: he picked up 31 new votes yesterday.

At a meeting of U.S. governors yesterday, Barack Obama got to meet Lousiana Gov. Bobby "GOP's Obama" Jindal and trot out the VP-elect Joe Biden (who promptly went off script when talking to Sarah Palin). Obama promised immediate help for the 41 states who are facing budget shortfalls for next year. (Can anybody name the nine solvent states?)

After 30 years in exile, Academy Award-winning director Roman Polanski has made a formal request have the child molestation case against him dismissed. Polanski was convicted in 1977 of unlawful intercourse with a 13-year-old girl.

Bush's last-minute planned "new right of conscience" rule will not only let medical professionals opt out of all things abortion, but may also mean anybody in the medical care food chain can refuse to participate in such banalities as birth control or advancements like fertility treatments. Wait, when is this guy getting the hell out of our lives?

Want to help your as-yet unborn daughters to avoid or survive breast cancer? Eat eggs -- lots of them -- while you're pregnant. Hey, it worked on rats!

Bush Acknowledges Crappy Presidency ... Yet Leaving With Head Held High

'The Monster' to Head State Department

Babble Podcast for November 24, 2008

Palin Turkey Slaughter Not a Hallmark Moment

Photo:

Daughter's Homework Assignment Leads to Presidential Pardon for Dad

Brett Singer — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Not one of Bush's daughters (that's what I thought when I first heard about this story, but maybe you're not as gullible as I am). The daughter of the man who was pardoned.

Danny Pue received a pardon from President Bush on Monday, one of 14 total. (I'm not including the annual turkey pardon.) Pue, a Vietnam veteran, was charged with, "illegal treatment, storage and disposal of hazardous materials and chemicals used to preserve utility poles." Sounds bad. That was in 1996. In 2003, Pue's daughter, Karen Flint, wrote to Bush asking him to pardon her dad as part of a class project in college. Five years later, Pue received a pardon.

On a separate but related note, I've always found Presidential pardons to be a little bit sketchy (except for the turkeys, of course). All Presidents do it, Democrat and Republican, so this isn't a partisan thing. I just always found it odd the way it gets done -- when there's no chance for a political backlash. At least in this case it seems that the pardon wasn't politically motivated (although I guess that's possible). And it's nice that Pue can get out and have a second chance at life.

The daughter wrote to Bush originally when she was in college, meaning she's not a kid anymore. Still, I hope dad gets her one heck of a Christmas present.

Source/Image: KHOU

First Black President Triggers Rise in Hate Crimes

Cheetah Girls Banned From Macys Thanksgiving Parade

Do You Take Your Baby Bar Hopping?

Teacher Has Affair With Student, Parents Say Keep The Door Open

Chicago Woman Lived With Dead Siblings For 20 Years

Morning News: Palin Turkey Slaughter Not a Hallmark Moment

Madeline Holler — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Sarah Palin pardoned a local turkey at a Wasilla farm yesterday, apparently her first-ever such act as a governor. So maybe it was an unfamiliarity with, what, slaughter scenes?, that kept her unaware of what was going on right behind her. It's like a three-minute Coen brothers movie -- she talks about what she's thankful for, a turkey's getting its neck broken.

I case you're wondering, distracted -- or can't make it through the video -- Palin's in charge of cooking the turkey at her family's Thanksgiving (her sister and mom bring everything else).

Also in the news, U.S. Attorney General Michael Mukasey collapsed while giving a speech last night at the Federalist Society dinner in New York.

By George, George W. is already (or is it finally?) saying good-bye! The president is setting aside an hour a day in these final weeks of his presidency to tell staffers and their families thanks and all that.

Also, don't believe what you read on Huffington Post, Bush administration officials are saying. The lame duck president definitely did NOT get dogged by other world leaders who appear in a video to not want to shake Bush's hand (the guy does look a little mopey though, no?)

Curiosity about the new president has gotten a bunch of Verizon employees in hot water. Barack Obama's transition team says there's been a security breach as some bored techies have snooped into the president-elect's cell phone bill records.

Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae will suspend home foreclosures between Nov. 26 and Jan. 9. The mortgage giants will use that time to decide which borrowers qualify for help. So, happy holidays to all those underwater with their mortgages!

The NY Times is reporting that a part of the deal between Brangelina and People magazine -- who won the bid for exclusive pics of the twins -- included writing only positive articles about the couple now and forevermore. And the magazine agreed! Hence, you'll never see Brangelina called "Brangelina" in People. Because the very exposed couple hate being called Brangelina! Incidentally, the NY Times piece very much flatters Jolie -- She's brilliant! She's marvelous! -- leading us to wonder whether they signed a contract with Brangelina too.

Finally, a dad tore a pit bull off his daughter in Oregon and saved her life. She was riding in a tire swing when he heard her screaming. Gruesome. The father managed to turn the dog's attack onto him, pried his jaws open, had a neighbor beat the crap out of it and eventually someone shot the dog.

Morning News is taking the week of Thanksgiving off, but we'll return with more headlines Dec. 1, including one most likely announcing Hillary Clinton as the next U.S. secretary of state (Bill ponied up all his financial records and made unprecedented disclosures and concessions so his wife could have the job. Payback's a bitch, ain't it, Bill?).

Morning News: Woman to Head Homeland Security

McCain Beats Obama!

Stevens Loses; Senate Dems Now at 58

Anti-Gay Church Lays Off Workers (After Spending Gobs on Prop 8)

The Second Thing Michelle Said After Obama's Historic Win

Is Hillary Back?

Pregnant With Palin

Video: HuffPo

Last Gasp of a Dying Patriarchy?

Kate Tuttle — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 16:01:00 GMT

As the inauguration countdown enters its last 60 days, the Bush administration is doing what any of us do when we're about to leave a job -- no, not downloading company secrets and stealing all the good pens -- they're tidying up, finishing those outstanding tasks that they just won't feel right if they leave undone. You know, like limiting women's access to reproductive healthcare! This story came up while talking about a battle over contraception in the Philippines: for the past several months, the administration has pushed for new rules requiring any healthcare organization that receives federal funding to "protect" workers who had "conscience"-based objections to performing or assisting in abortion or sterilizatin-related activity. The rule's definition of abortion, as many have pointed out, would also apply to hormonal birth control devices such as the pill or Nuva ring.

Leaving aside the objections of the American Medical Association, the American Hospital Association, the National Association of Chain Drug Stores, the attorneys general of 13 states, and about a third of the congress (so far), the rule is rejected by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission as totally unnecessary, despite the adminstration's stance that it's merely seeking to protect workers from being discriminated against for their convictions. It's unclear whether the administration, or anyone else, has ever met anyone whose job was put in jeopardy for such actions (and it's kind of hard for me to understand why someone who has religious objections to providing healthcare would work in the field, but maybe that's just me). So who's for the new rule? The Catholic Health Association and the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, among other religious groups.

Perhaps the most hypocritical part of the proposal is that it violates the Bush adminstration's own rules about this kind of last-minute action. According to the New York Times, "the White House said in May that new regulations should be proposed by June 1 and issued by Nov. 1. The “provider conscience” rule missed both deadlines."

Speaking of deadlines: if the rule is put into place, it would be overturned by a new President Obama as soon as he takes office, but even then it will take three to six months (and a lot of wasted taxpayer money) for the reversal to be complete. I propose, then, that any unwanted children resulting from this rule -- let's say, born to a woman who was raped and denied the morning-after pill by her friendly local conscience-driven pharmacist -- be named George and immediately sent down to Crawford, Texas. I hear there's a retiree and his wife who will raise them up to be good Christians.

Bailout bill defeated because it sucks

Brett Singer — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 20:25:00 GMT

That's what the Rep. Paul Ryan, the ranking Republican on the House Budget Committee said about the bailout bill, according to ABC News. "It sucks."

Yes, it's government by 10 year olds.

They went on to report that Ryan thinks the bill "has to pass to preserve the free market system and stave off a financial collapse." Even though, you know, it sucks.

I guess we should get ready for the collapse, because the bill didn't pass. Interestingly, the bill failed largely because of Republican opposition, not Democratic, despite what right-wing rags like the New York Post have been trying to tell people. (I don't have a link but they had a political cartoon, and editorials, that tried to paint Dems as the party that blocked the bill.) I'm curious how Fox News, et al, are going to spin this one.

On another note, doesn't this mean everything is going to fall apart now? (Money under the mattress time!) Or not? I admit to feeling very dumb when it comes to matters of economics, especially this one.

Source: ABC News

Image: Wikipedia (interestingly, Ryan's official house.gov web site is not responding.)

Breaking News -- House Rejects Bailout; Stocks Plunge!

Morning News: Beginning of a New Economy? End of McCain's Hopes? Palin Comes in 2nd?

Ailing Companies as Bad Children

Dora the Conservative

Morning News: Letterman Lambastes McCain for Cancellation

Madeline Holler — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:00:00 GMT

David Letterman didn't hold back last night. He tore into John McCain for (1) cancelling an appearance on Letterman's show and (2) for suspending his campaign. Dave tells viewers about McCain's personal phone call explaining how the senator had to race back to Washington to handle the economic crisis. Same time, Dave goes to a live feed of McCain getting made up for an interview with Katie Couric -- in New York!

As for suspending the campaign, he asks, quite rightly, why couldn't Sarah Palin, you know, back him up? Bring in the second string quarterback!

Watch the rest in video. (Go here for the short version.)

In an even more deft political move, John McCain not only wants to cancel Friday's presidential debate (triggering devastating losses for host Ole Miss -- wow!), he wants to also bump the first vice presidential debate, which is scheduled for Thursday, Oct. 2 in St. Louis. Oh no you don't, John, no you don't.

Obama says he wants to go ahead with the debates, saying a president has to be able to multi-task. (Hard to argue with that!). McCain's campaign is holding firm, saying if there's no bailout deal settled by Friday, then there's no debate. He'll stay in Washington with his sleeves rolled up and hammer things out until an agreement is reached.

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid said McCain's involvement would not be helpful.

Which brings us back to worldwide economic collapse. You know the drill!

Secretary of Treasury Henry Paulson conceded when testifying before Congress that the bailout plan should, indeed, contain something that limits CEO pay for participating firms. He's still resists the idea of sharing any profit with taxpayers, whose money would fund this $700 billion bailout.

George W. Bush, OMG he's still in charge (doesn't that slip your mind sometimes?), went live last night to state the obvious to the American public.

More on the campaign: The late Tim Russert's son Luke, who landed a plum job on the Today show following his father's death, has made his first big, national gaffe. He implied smart students vote for Obama.

Daily Palin: You know those reports about Sarah Palin charging rape victims up to $1,000 for their own rape test kits? Wellll, not so true.

Clay Aikens is as bad as the rest of us on this whole timing the markets thing. See, he should have sold high, back when celebrity magazines had money to burn and were offering him bags of cash to come out in their publications. But he held out until he was ready. And a daddy. But by then -- crrrrrrash!

China is going back into space and they're planning a mission that includes a space walk. Here's hoping they stick to the delicious orange drink Tang and nothing even remotely resembling fortified powdered milk.

Remember that Missouri boy who was kidnapped and held by his captor for four years just miles from his own home? He's 17 now and he's talking about his ordeal on CBS. The network agreed they wouldn't ask him why he never called for help or told the friends he was allowed to make about his abduction.

Finally, a little don't-try-this-at-home fun. Check out the granny walking out on the wing of a plane -- she's in a dress!

Morning News: Nope, No Improvements. Nation Still Falling Apart.

Madeline Holler — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Today's Morning News sounds a lot like yesterday's, except that rally in the stockmarket? Um. Didn't last. Now that lawmakers are talking a little bit of regulation! ... a wee peek at the books! ... maybe some limits on how much CEOs can actually loot from their failed institution ... yeah, all the sudden nobody's got confidence.

Although homeowners in mortgage trouble should rejoice: more help for bad decisions.

And for everybody forced to carry a salary-eating student-loan anchor around their necks for the next 40 years? Didn't mean to get your hopes up. You still owe every cent.

Adding insult to injury? (Or is it salt in the wounds?): gas prices are soaring ... aaaaagain.

Oh, and those foreign banks the U.S. has also pledged to bailout? Those countries want us to know we're doing the right thing. They support us all the way. They won't be participating monetarily, however.

Amid all this money doom and gloom, there is good news: the Treasury Department unveiled a pretty new penny! That will certainly take the edge off.

In campaign news, the top candidates are attacking each other while basically pledging the same thing: to fix the nation's money mess and make us feel safe from the terror of unscrupulous lenders. You know, what are they gonna say?

Sidenote: when you're George W. Bush, do you just watch all this happening and think, "this mess I made is sure gonna be a bitch to clean up!"?

Just whose side in the dirty campaign is Joe Biden on? He said Obama's ad laughing at John McCain's modest-to-non-existent computer skills was "terrible" and that if it were up to him, he wouldn't have run it. Are we missing something? Is this reverse-voter-psychology or something?

The 77-year-old Brazilian fashion model once loved by John McCain is still a fan of the presidential candidate!

Is it just us or has everybody forgotten (1) the U.S. has an attorney general and (2) under Bush, the A.G. is not required to be controversial (it just happens most of them were)? Because Michael Mukasey (see, it's all coming back to you), told federal immigration courts they were being stupid assholes (we're totally paraphrasing) for sending a Muslim woman who suffered genital mutilation back to her native Mali where she'd face recrimination.

Ugh, we need some cute this morning! Here's some:

Mily Cyrus is totally committed to her Disney show "Hannah Montana." We think "committed" is shorthand for "put out the casting call, I'm throwing in my blond wig soon, real soon."

A Swedish woman was kept from boarding her flight because her name was too long. So she bought another ticket for a different flight. They tried to ground her for the same thing.

Today's tearjerker: the Berlin zookeeper who kept that little polar bear Knut from dying after his mother rejected him was found dead in his home. He was only 44. No details regarding the cause of death.

Photo: Time

Morning News: The Everything's Foreign Edition! (Plus Pop Quiz: John McCain Has How Many Cars?)

Madeline Holler — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Sarah Palin has inspired Morning News to bolster its own foreign experience credentials. So we're bringing you news bits that are at least tenuously connected to important matters in the foreign lands of foreign people! That's how it works, right?

We'll also look at the domestic front, including Emmy winners, banking losers, Ivy League whiners, and vice presidential record destroyers.

Let's start with a small town girl-mayor, the big dreams and her clever one-stop-shopping strategy to gain foreign experience without bending a single crisp corner of her like-new year-old passport.

Daily Palin: Sarah Palin will meet with lots of the foreign leaders she's been studying up on at the U.N. General Assembly tomorrow. Uncle Henry (Kissinger) will act as ambassador in this "take your party's unprepared VP candidate to work" day. We think she'll learn lots.

More foreign: The hundreds of billions of dollars bank bailout could extend to foreign banks. Because that's just how generous American taxpayers are! But the Democrats are skeptical and want more (some? any?) oversight as the Bush administration offers to shovel billions more into the fire burning down Wall Street. For some reason, it's controversial to ask, as the Democrats are, that limits be placed on pay for the bank executives who want to participate in the program. John McCain is calling for a $400,000 salary cap. (An amount that would still enable them to own as many cars as he does -- 13 in all, including a foreign made Prius. In case you're petty and have to know how many cars Barack and Michelle Obama own: one.)

By the way, when lawmakers call for privatization of Social Security and other programs, this whole market meltdown kind of puts a horrible spin on those ideas, doesn't it? Might be a good question to ask in the upcoming debates (first one is this Friday!).

Back overseas: The tainted milk scandal in China has expanded to nearly 13,000 cases of kids getting sick and four deaths. Oh, and now a three-year-old girl in Hong Kong is in the hospital with a kidney stone.

One more enlightening experience on Morning News's whirlwind foreign exchange program: internationally adopted children from certain countries show signs of puberty sooner than North-American born kids. Researchers believe hitting puberty early is correlated with birth weight.

Now, America, land of the free home of Dick Cheney: judges have ordered that he preserve records pertinent to the Bush presidency even though he doesn't want to. Just put them with Karl Rove's emails and they'll be safe.

Does happiness mean attending four years at an Ivy League school? Well, no. In fact, definitely not.

Happiness is, however, watching Tina Fey get lots of awards. Stephen Colbert, too. Sidenote: It was also a delight to see Don Rickles win something. Because we could have sworn he was dead.

Photo: utdallas.edu

Who Would You Name Your Local Sewage Plant After?

Amy S.F. Lutz — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 19:34:00 GMT

Every year, there are all these arcane questions on the ballot: voters are asked to decide whether city officials should issue more reports, or how often the grass in city parks should be mowed- usually things the average voter cares nothing about.

This November, however, voters in San Francisco will have the opportunity to decide this question: Should the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant be renamed the George W. Bush Sewage Plant?

Naturally, local Republicans oppose the measure. Supporters say that Bush deserves the honor, given the mess he's made with the economy and the war in Iraq.

What Does Bush Have Against Planned Pregnancies?

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:42:00 GMT

Although I am unequivocally pro-choice, I respect those who are peacefully opposed to abortion on moral grounds. But anyone who supports the Bush administration’s most recent attack on family planning is completely nuts as far as I’m concerned.

The administration has put forth a proposal to deny federal funding to any health programs, including schools and hospitals, that “discriminate against” providers who refuse to provide abortion or some types of birth control. To give you a feel for how this policy would affect women’s lives, the draft proposal, according to The New York Times, “expresses concern about state laws that require hospitals to provide emergency contraception to rape victims who request it.”

To that end, the Bush administration would like to make the definition of abortion much broader. According to the proposal, abortion should be redefined as anything “that results in the termination of the life of a human being in utero between conception and natural birth, whether before or after implantation.”

That “before or after implantation” is crucial: it means that birth control pills and emergency contraception could be considered abortion—and that any clinic that thinks otherwise could lose federal funding.

Does anyone else feel like she’s in the Twilight Zone?

Photo: prochoice.org

Political Nanny: Punches, Not Hugs, for the Obamas

Madeline Holler — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 19:31:00 GMT

The Obamas are too cute, too now, too post-convenient political marriage for air kisses, fake-smiling, Gore-style deep throat kisses or even the standard spouse hug.

Instead, the presumptive Democratic nominee and fave of the way young in America demonstrates how to "punch it in" with his favorite gal. At last! The mainstreaming of the most suitable alternative to the dated and cringe-inducing High 5!

Of course, if you're old school or in a continuous approval ratings free-fall, there's always the chest-bump (or bicep flex or surprise phone call). In terms of body gestures and politics, 2008 cannot end fast enough.

Photos: Getty Images, yousaytoo.com