Strollerderby : funny

Creepy Old Japanese Pregnant Dolls (with Attached Creepy Fetus Dolls!)

Cole Gamble — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Apparently used to teach 19th century Japanese midwives, these pregnant dolls not only included placenta and stretch marks, but also interchangeable fetuses of different stages. At least, I hope that's what they were used for. It's kind of weird for a novelty item.

Crocheted Doll Gives Birth

More Good Stuff:

8 "PG" Movies Way Too Scary for Kids

6 Reasons Why it Sucks to Be a Kid Today

Disturbing Baby-Swinging PSA

Eating Your Baby's Placenta

10 Great Books For (Traumatizing) Children

WATCH: Man Drinks Daughter's Breast Milk to Cure Cancer

Cole Gamble — Fri, 29 May 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Tim Browne puts a little something extra in his corn flakes every morning, and he’s hoping it will save his life. Browne’s colon cancer spread to his liver and lymph nodes. His future looked grim. Then his daughter, Georgia, came up with a radical suggestion: drink her breast milk. She came up with the idea after seeing a TV show about the benefits of breast milk. Now after feeding her son Monty, she sets aside a few ounces for dad.

"I found the milk not unpleasant, but slightly pungent and oily, but once it was mixed with cow’s milk I couldn't taste it,” Browne said.

AND NOW HERE IS YOUR QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Browne continued, ““If I have a lactating daughter, why not take advantage of her? As long as Monty didn’t mind,” Browne said.

Browne admitted slight improvement in his cancer but cannot tell if it’s the milk or his chemotherapy regiment.

watch it here

More Good Stuff:

Creepy Old Japanese Pregnant Dolls (with Attached Creepy Fetus Dolls!)

8 "PG" Movies Way Too Scary for Kids

6 Reasons Why it Sucks to Be a Kid Today

Disturbing Baby-Swinging PSA

Eating Your Baby's Placenta

10 Great Books For (Traumatizing) Children

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10 Great Books For (Traumatizing) Children

Cole Gamble — Tue, 19 May 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Great finds from Cracked.com

I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much

Wanna know why daddy's always asleep sunday afternoon, a high life tipping out of his limp hand and pouring onto the floor? Or how about when daddy gets all worked up and strats yelling at ghosts. Children's books are a great way to help kids cope with real problems, but if daddy really is a raging alcoholic, you need more than a book, kid.

The House That Crack Built

Don't sell drugs, kids, or one day you'll live in a beautfiul mansion.

Hiroshima No Pika

Once upon a time we dropped an atomic bomb on Japan and no matter how many of their cars we buy they're still a little peeved about it. As Cracked writer Michael Swaim puts it,

And yes, this book for kindergartners is about that. According to the author, the book is based on a true account of a woman leading her child out of the A-Bomb’s blast radius while carrying her wounded husband on her back. According to the picture on the cover, it’s about women running topless through a sea of blood.

More throughly depressing children's entertainment here.

More Good Stuff:

Eating Your Baby's Placenta

Dumb Kiddy Product Makeovers

Disturbing Baby-Swinging PSA

Children's Books You Will Never Read

Brett Singer — Wed, 13 May 2009 16:52:00 GMT

Why not? Because they're all fake and have offensive titles.

In honor of Children's Book Week (which Amy told us about), here is a list of "Children's Books That Didn't Make It" from Jokes.com, a site that compiles jokes and comedy videos from assorted funny people.

Accidents Happen: The Story of YOU - This one amuses me because so many people seem to have no problem asking expectant and new parents if their little peanut was planned. I've known people who have no problem acknowledging that a second, third, or in Nadya Suleman's case, ninth, pregnancy was unintentional. (Actually, Nadya's was intentional. But that's not the point.) But they offer this information if they feel like doing so. I can't imagine asking a question like that. Other folks, though, seem to have no such hang ups. (See also: Oops! You're Getting a Brother.)

Some Kittens Can Fly - I'm more of a dog person. (Note: please don't let your children throw your cats.)

You Can Paint Anywhere! - my first child drew on the walls once and never did it again. My second is far more destructive. I wonder if such things are genetic.

Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share - Does anyone else remember the Truly Tasteless Jokes series? They were stunningly offensive (" How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was bad?"), but I had them and so did all of my friends. I didn't grow up attending Klan rallies either. I went to socialist summer camps and attended "no nukes" rallies. Somehow these slipped through the cracks. I wonder if kids are still reading these books, since they are still on sale. I doubt it, but who knows. (Some examples of what appeared in the books are here; be warned, most of the jokes are very very offensive.)

Source: Jokes.com and Jokes.com

Image: sxc

Celebrate Children's Book Week

Poll - Portia and Ellen Most Trusted Moms

When Toddlers Attack The Neighbors

Toddler Jail Break

Japanese Potty Training Video

10 Year Old Author Alec Greven Is Back

Post Partum Hilarity in Book Form

JeanneSager — Tue, 12 May 2009 14:30:00 GMT

Normal 0 Too often, the memoirs of celebrity parents and celebrity kids are self-indulgent drivel written more for those of us who want to live vicariously than to learn anything particularly useful.

So I was apprehensive when I picked up a copy of Afterbirth: Stories You Won’t Read in a Parenting Magazine, the newest series of parenting essays to come out of Hollywood.

Phewwww. I laughed my vicarious a—off.

Comedienne Dani Klein Modisett’s collection of written offshoots from her show “Afterbirth . . . Stories You Won’t Read in Parents Magazine” has a nice mix of names you’ve heard (Neal Pollack, Andrew McCarthy) and names connected to projects you’ve heard of (Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner).

Taking turns being irreverent and hilarious, the essays are not exactly “bad parenting” so much as they are “aww, crap, no she DIDN’T” tales . . . that sound vaguely familiar. Except eminently more fabulous.

Ironically, the standout in a book meant to be more funny than functional isn’t a laugh-a-word piece but an introspective (and not at all self-indulgent) essay from the unfortunately named Moon Unit Zappa. Describing her childhood as daughter of the famous rocker Frank as the very reason she has turned into a Type A parent, Zappa could be the poster child for “my parents sucked, but I still decided to procreate.” Which, again, sounds awfully familiar to half of today’s parents.

But she’s also refreshingly aware that she is no more expert than the rest of us.

“Despite all the ways I am trying desperately to do the job differently than my parents, I cannot claim with any certainty that I am doing it any better,” Zappa says.

Well, we’re trying anyway. Get the book from Amazon.

Image: Amazon

Don't Ask If We're Trying to Have a Boy . . . or a Girl

When Toddlers Attack The Neighbors

Brett Singer — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:00:00 GMT

It's one thing when your kids mess up your house. It's quite another when they destroy someone else's.

And when they get into the neighbors' house? Look out.

John and Matthew Farrer, ages 2 and 3, are brothers. In crime. The pair of toddlers "wandered away from their home on Friday morning," and while their parents and 100 emergency workers searched high and low, they were having a blast next door at Angie Lovorn's house.

What did the little scamps? Ate some Teddy Grahams and marshmallows. Played with stuffed animals. Oh, and trashed the kitchen.

Ms. Lovorn had worked a late shift, and was asleep while the boys did some damage. She eventually woke up, "just as searchers finally saw the boys leaving through a back door, one wearing her son's Clemson University football helmet," according to ParentDish. That's a great image. Very "Home Alone."

This goes to the theory, espoused by the parent of a childhood friend, that boys should be released into the woods until they're 18. (Obviously girls could have done the same thing. It's just funnier that it was boys.)

As for the boys getting out, this is why I lock my door. I don't need my children running amok outside my sphere of influence.

Image: wyff4.com

Source: ParentDish

Test Drive a Car for Mom - Fight Breast Cancer

Parents Need To Eat, Too -- Right?

Leap on Over to the Baby Jumping Festival

10 Year Old Author Alec Greven Is Back

Japanese Potty Training Video

Mom or Winning Division I Basketball Coach? You Decide

JeanneSager — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Two guesses how I figured out the the coach of Arizona State University had to be a mother.

Something about the word "poop" just gave it away.

A video of Charli Turner Thorne screaming at her players in the locker room at half-time has gone viral in the past few days. Not because it's strange for a coach to yell or even because this is a female coach.

Her strong words for her players? "You played like poop!" Check it out:

Sorry Coach, even at top volume, it just sounds so, well, eight-year-old.

Which would make sense, as Thorne's son Liam IS eight years old. She also has a ten-year-old and a five-year-old, all boys. And I give her full credit - Thorne coached throughout all three pregnancies. She is also a well-respected coach who brought her team to the elite eight during March Madness this year. By the way, it was the team that ended the ASU run to the championship that had Thorne all riled up - the women were losing (and did lose) to UConn.

Because, apparently, they played like poop!

Hey parents, ever find yourself using your potty mouth outside of the house?

Image: TalkingProud

Toddler Jail Break

Brett Singer — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:30:00 GMT

One of my early memories of hanging out with my son and another father with his two children is as follows. The kids suddenly start to run ahead of us, and the other father shouted out, "Hey! Get back here! I don't want any jailbreaks!"

For some reason this stuck with me and I've used the phrase often since then. I initially thought it was unique, but I've heard a lot of other parents use it. It makes a good deal of sense. Kids don't think much about safety. Rules are, by nature, restrictive. Don't cross the street there, hold my hand, put down that flaming stick. Annoying stuff like that. To some kids, it probably feels like prison.

Which is why this picture is so hilarious.

I can just imagine the toddler's thought process. "Digging the tunnel is taking too darn long. Have you ever tried digging with one of those plastic spoons? So when that big lady with the food is distracted, I'll just make a break for it."

In my house, once I realized that Thing 2 could manipulate the bottom lock on our front door unassisted, I always make sure that the top lock is secure. By the time he's tall enough to reach that one, one hopes that he'll realize what a good deal he's got at home.

Anyone have any Toddler Escape Prevention Tips? As I've said before, it takes a village.

Source: The Life of The Party of 5, "You Know You're a Bad Mother When... "

The Funkiest Dancing Kid Ever – Part 2

Gloria Allred Sits On A Booster Seat

Jimmy Kimmel And The Octomom

What They're Babbling About: David's Back at the Dentist and We Rant

JeanneSager — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:26:00 GMT

It's a random round-up in this week's edition of What They're Babbling About - nothing ties them together - other than parenting of course. So let's dig in.

Thought David Goes to the Dentist was hilarious? It gets better - someone's mashed up David with the Christian Bale rant. Warning - kick the kids out of the room, and do not play this one at work! - YouTube

We've all been there - pissed beyond belief, pissed beyond compare . . . sound kind of like Christian Bale. So how do you rein in the rant when your kids are around? Stamp down the steaming streaming with these tricks. - Parent Dish

Just don't use the brake pedal for discipline - or you'll end up in the slammer with this bus driver. - Parent Dish

Think the ranting over Madonna adopting out-of-country is over the top? This mom thinks that's just another road that will lead the reduction in reproductive choice. Weigh in here. - Proud Parenting

Since we're talking taboos, is money no object these days. . . conversation-wise? Everyone's moaning about the economy, so is this mom right in finding more room to talk about family finances out and about? - Work It, Mom

Ready to get this kid out of you but not willing to try something crazy? Find out what doctors say is a no-fail way to get the baby moving, and what one moms says it did to her. - LilSugar

And since that will generally lead to breastfeeding, my favorite pick of the day - what to do when a mother is breastfeeding next to you on an airplane. A primer for all you lucky ducks on your way home from spring break. Hint: it's not looking around uncomfortably. - Sustainable Mothering

Playdate: How to Exploit Your Own Kids

JeanneSager — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 16:25:00 GMT

OK, we're not actually suggesting you exploit your kids. But this guy is!

Meet Mel Kane and his bad eighties era how-to on getting your kids into commercials. Fat kids (yes, he really said that), thin kids, short kids, tall kids! He sounds like a bad Dr. Seuss impression, only he's dead serious.

And what fun it is! He picks apart a kid who looks like she's acting ultra hard to be not interested in what's going on (and probably getting paid very well), and lets you parents of twins out there know you've got a hot commodity or two on your hands.

AdFreak dug this one up, and it's worth taking a look for the laugh at the giant glasses and poufy hair alone. And, you know, if you want to make money off your fat kid.

Have fun in Hollywood.

Also on Babble:

Bad Parent: Stage Mother

Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

Cole Gamble — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 04:30:00 GMT

Children do not like having rods shoved up their bumholes—especially when they are sick. For that matter, no human likes having rods shoved up their butts. So what’s a caring parent to do? Buy one of those convenient ear thermometers? Hell no! What you do is make the rectal temperature taking process more fun with your child’s most beloved cartoon character.

And so we come to the Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer.

My mind has exploded. I really don’t know where to begin. I guess I’ll start with, is it truly fun to have SpongeBob up in there? How does SpongeBob feel about it? Who at Nickelodeon okayed this product?

And then we have the music. I must say the thought of SpongeBob singing jauntily deep into my bum is one of the creepiest things I’ve ever confronted.

Somebody please buy this product and write up a review. I 100% guarantee to post it.

My Wife Says: 10 Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery after the Baby

10 Things They Don’t Tell You about Parenting

The 12 Do’s and Don’ts of Throwing Your Kid’s Birthday Party

Things You Should Never Say at a Chuck E Cheese Birthday Party

Four Creepiest Animals Turned Adorable Kids Characters

JeanneSager — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 16:05:00 GMT

Just the thought of the scene when the rats converge in the kitchen in Disney's Ratatouille gives me the willies. They're (shudder) rats. Uggggh.

Becoming a parent, I quickly learned, was setting myself up for dozens of movies/tv shows featuring the world's creepiest animals thrown onto a screen in the attempts to make kids think they're just as cute and cuddly as your average puppy.

Who are they trying to kid? Rats, spiders and cuddly tigers? Oh my.

Remy in Ratatouille: He can read! He can cook! Gotcha - but he's still a rat. And rats don't belong indoors, not to mention in a restaurant kitchen mixing up French delicacies. Since this comes from the folks at Disney, I can't help but ask, did they take a look in their archives? I hold the rat scene from Lady and the Tramp wholly responsible for my residual rodent revulsion.

Charlotte in Charlotte's Web: Another reader, with a talent for writing, Charlotte is the true hero of the movie and E. B. White's book that bear her name. She's still a spider! With big buggy eyes and larger-than-life chompers. And did anyone catch the tail end of the Dakota Fanning version, with the egg sack full of thousands of little spiders just waiting to scuttle off and settle in the corners? See Also: Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends.

Alvin, Simon and Theadore in Alvin and the Chipmunks: I will always remember the day a contractor left a door open at my parents house and a chipmunk snuck in. Total. . . and complete . . . pandemonium. Followed by plenty of cleaning up of little pellets of poop in my bedroom. Ewww. Another member of the rodent family, chipmunks carry disease and are best-known for storing their food in their cheeks so long they come close to bursting, followed closely by their "chirpy" chipmunk calls. Ever said, "say it, don't spray it," when your kid spoke with a full mouth? Try telling that to a chipmunk . . . or to the three singing sweethearts who hanker for hula hoops? That Dave lets these little guys live in his house and eat of his cereal bowls is giving me flashbacks. . . to poop cleaning.

Oswald: With the disarming voice of a Savage brother, how could anyone dislike the bright blue resident of Big City who tips his bowler to everyone he meets? Maybe the fact that octupi have been known to kill sharks, detach one of their eight legs to escape predators and shoot bright clouds of ink at anyone who gets in their way? Fish may be friends, not food, but the octupus is not the friendliest member of the ocean community.

Images: Disney, Flixster, Amazon, Parent Previews

Stroller As Gun Rack

Brett Singer — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:00:00 GMT

I'm not a hunter, so I'd never heard of a "shooting cart" before. At first glance, my reaction to this was similar to that of Internet entrepreneur Jason Calcanis, who seems amazed by its very existence. Or one of his commenters, who says, "ha, ha...you know you're a redneck when...."

Looking more closely, though, it seems that this is not an uncommon item. From another commenter: "I actually know several people that have these. They are used for 3 gun competitions because it is very hard to safely carry 3 guns around a shooting range. They are built from the ground up as a shooting cart. This is not a stroller it just looks like one." Greg at DaddyTypes also points out that this is a normal looking item – if you hunt.

Despite the fact that it's not really a stroller, I do think it would be fun if our favorite soldier mom who gave birth in her barracks used this to transport her budle of joy. I mean, come on. We all need a good chuckle these days.

Initial commie-pinko-liberal reaction aside ("OMG HOW CAN YOU PUT A BABY IN THAT THING THATS SO WRONG LOL"), I have to admit that as my younger son rapidly outgrows his stroller, I'd been wondering what to do with it. Maybe I can start hunting, or just look like I am. Rolling this down Second Avenue would definitely get me attention in Manhattan.

Source: Jason Calcanis via DaddyTypes

Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

UPDATE - Austrian Incest Dad Pleads Guilty To Some Charges

OctoMom Video Blog at RadarOnline

Can You Do the Hula Better Than This Kid?

JeanneSager — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:28:00 GMT

We figured you could use a pick-me-up in the middle of the day. And what's better than a baby, a diaper and a cheese-eating grin?

A baby, a diaper, a cheese-eating grin and a hula hoop.

Courtesy goes to the Daily What for finding baby JC and his smooth moves. Seriously - he's better with that thing than I am. I'm a white girl - we can't dance. And apparently we can't hula hoop either.

Sigh.

I'll let JC's hips do the talking . . .

Do you feel better now? No? What kind of parent are you? Sheeeeeeeeesh.

When Kids Toys are Dirty - And We're Not Talking Mud

JeanneSager — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 16:28:00 GMT

Why do they call it being childish when you figure out how to make your kid's toys say naughty words? You don't REALLY want a child doing it.

OK, so it's immature. But Ms. Stick up Your You Know What, it's kind of hilarious. Right? Right?

If you can ignore the hyper-annoying Billy Mays-style excitement of the guy from Jeepers Media ( just tune out whenever he's talking), his toy test of the Fisher Price baby grand piano has fodder for plenty of adult fun. Press the keys in the proper order, and they play out the basic musical notes - Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So . . . and so on. Play them in fast succession in the wrong order and Fa, Me sounds rather like . . . something you did to END UP WITH a bunch of kids' toys lying around your house.

He can't be the only one out there doing this. I clearly remember a Christmas gift exchange for two-year-olds where the fathers delighted in the alphabet toy, because pressing "S" followed quickly by "X" spit out a sound rather like . . . another word for what you do to end up with a bunch of kids' toys lying around your house.

Some parents get indignant with the toymakers over these kinds of things, but frankly, grown men will act like little boys. And grown women will act like little girls. We're going to have our own fun with our kids toys. And if we can't, please, please, send us back some pre-pregnancy senses of humor, stat.

What have you discovered playing with our kids' toys?

Image: Hollywood Diecast

The Most Awesomely Epic High School English Paper of All Time

Cole Gamble — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 17:30:00 GMT

This is the most awesome thing I've seen all week. Imagine you are a student who really hates your English teacher. And let's say you had to write an essay about a famous poet but didn't give a damn. Your essay might go like this:

"I chose Walt Whitman for my biography report because Mr. Farlow said if I wasn't going to take this class seriously and pick a real poet I might as well not show up anymore.Walt Whitman was born in ancient China, is over 90 stories tall and travels the land with his blue ox, Emily Dickenson...

Here it is in it's original state:

I can't wait for this kid's next paper.

More fun:

Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

Octo-Mom Erupts! Video Showdown with Octo-Mom and Her Mother Over Babies

Elizabeth Hasselbeck Thinks Everything (Including Aerial Wolf Killing) is About Abortions (PLUS VIDEO)

Whoopie Cushion Scientist Wants You

JeanneSager — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 16:23:00 GMT

If your sense of humor runs toward that of an eight-year-old boy (and in the direction of the bathroom), I have found the site for you.

The guy who created the world's biggest whoopie cushion - an attempt to teach kids about the science of sound - has a compiled a series of farting whoopie cushions and captured them all on soundbites.

Now he needs your (our) help. He wants to know what sound is the funniest. Take your kids over there - he is looking for every age group - and get voting. There are a total of twenty different cushions have with twenty different sounds, from the short puff of air to the long drawn out juicy one. You get to hear just six in your test, but if everyone in the family wants to give it a go, Professor Trevor Cox wants to know - what do you think Sounds Funny?

For the record - I must have an eight-year-old boy hiding somewhere inside me - I thought they all sounded funny. So did my three-year-old.

Image: Sounds Funny

6 Reasons My Toddler is a Total Buttwipe

Cole Gamble — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Yes, little children are precious, yadda, yadda, yadda. But when you think about it, they're also total jerkoffs. Actually the original name for this article didn’t employ the word “buttwipe.” The original word begins with an “A” and ends with a “hole.” Do you think it’s beyond the pale to call a kid that? Maybe that’s because this kid isn’t yours. Think about it this way: what if your kid was one of your friends? Would you put up with their behavior? Believe me, some toddlers can be absolute butt munches, and Mom Logic’s Andrea has a great post up listing the reasons why her toddler sometimes sucks.

She's extremely self-absorbed

You know the type; they never ask questions in conversation. Instead it's all about them. All day long it's: "I like pink!" "Watch me bounce on the bed", "I went poo in my pants!" Just once I'd like to hear her ask me what MY favorite color is or inquire if, perhaps, I went poo in MY pants.

She's manic AND a control freak

Not a great combination. Her personality can change on a dime. One minute she's standing on a chair in full princess regalia happily singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," the next she's uncontrollably crying and hurling her tiara across the room because I brought her juice in the wrong sippy cup. I'm constantly walking on eggshells. It's like hanging out with a tiny alcoholic who swigs massive amounts of milk.

She's a slob

Ever have a friend who was a little lax in the hygiene department? Multiply that by a hundred. There are times when the kid reeks. But does she care? No way. I'm always the one who has to broach the bath subject. What's worse is she doesn't care if her hair is combed, her teeth brushed or her clothes are crusty with dried yogurt. Giving her friendly advice, like, "You only get one chance to make a first impression" falls on deaf ears.

She's a mooch

It's galling. She's NEVER offered to pay or at least split the check when we go out to lunch. Even worse, we've been roommates ever since she was born and she's never once remembered to help with the rent.

Check out Andrea’s whole post here. Admit it, sometimes your kid is a major league d-bag. What stuff does your child do that you would never tolerate from anybody else?

More by this Author:

10 (Dumb) Ways to Get Pregnant

14-Year-Old Pregnant Girl Arrested for Drunk Driving

Smackdown: Boob Nazis - Is Breastfeeding that Big A Deal? NO!

Should You Take A Risk on Orgasmic Birth? (Orgasmic Birth Video included)

4 Ways Birth and Breastfeeding Will Ruin Sex

What Could a Baby Really Do in Four Hours?

JeanneSager — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 17:49:00 GMT

When my daughter was a baby, a friend looked around my house and sniggered: "this place looks like my sister's house, what do your kids do all day?"

Don't worry, karma got him in the end - he's now the proud papa of two under two.

For those whose friends and families don't understand what their babies do all day to leave the house (and their parents) in such disarray, Glamour relationships columnist Joanna Goddard (author of Smitten) saves the day with a video at her personal blog, Cup of Jo. Her son Charles proves kids do plenty more than eating, sleeping and pooping.

Maybe it's the French music (?), but this is eminently more watchable than any "oh, look at my cute baby" video I've ever seen. Nine-month-old Charles Edward rolls, crawls, climbs, picks up toys and quickly abandons them. The sped up four-hour stint makes the little boy a little insect-like (and I mean that in the most endearing way Joanna!) - which proves kids really do have the attention span of a gnat at this age!

If you get only two minutes to yourself today, this is worth both of them:

Do You Let Your Kids Cheat?

JeanneSager — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 20:55:00 GMT

My in-laws came to town for the requisite weekend of spoiling, and left as always, some new habits with my daughter.

The artificial southern accent will go away soon enough (to my displaced southern husband's chagrin). It's the cheating I'm worried about.

Because, in true grandparenting style, my father-in-law let our daughter win at every game of Go Fish. But he didn't just bumble his play. He let her reach over and pick cards out of his hand. He let her shift through the "fishing" pile. He let her run right over him.

I've been asking around, and most people tell me to just ignore it. She's three; it will go away. It's cute.

Yes, she's three, and I don't expect that one game of cards is going to ruin her for the rest of her life. But shouldn't I be breaking this bad habit now? Maybe I'm reading a little too much into a pile of cards covered in different kinds of fish, but I can already see a life's obsession with having her way and always getting to win. She's already an only child, and we're aware of that slippery "spoiled only child" slope that we have to navigate. Letting her get away with cheating at cards seems like it would put at least one foot on the sandy edge of that slope.

Is it really OK to encourage a three-year-old to cheat because "it's cute?" What happens at five or six, when it stops being cute and starts becoming obnoxious?

Image: Kelly's Kindergarten

Review: Olivia the Pig Comes to Nickelodeon

Desperately Seeking . . . Grandparents

Is It Ever Too Late for the Thank You Note?

Bizarro News: Flaming Squirrel Sets Elementary School on Fire

Cole Gamble — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:30:00 GMT

This is going to be tough for the school to collect insurance on. I severely doubt the school district’s insurance policy includes, “Destruction by Act of Flaming Squirrel.”

Firefighters in Jones, Oklahoma say the probable cause for a 5 acre wildfire that triggered the evacuation of an elementary school came from a squirrel exploding into flames due to touching two power lines and then falling into a grassy field.

The elementary school children were evacuated to a local high school; none sustained any injuries.

Donations for the squirrel's bereaved family will be accepted at your nearest tree.

More by this Author:

Anti-Abortion Group Up In Arms Over Krispy Kreme Abortion Donuts

"I Ate Little Black Girls for Two Years"

4 Ways to Be a Better Parent

Barbie’s Creator A Sexual Pervert

Should You Take A Risk on Orgasmic Birth? (Orgasmic Birth Video included)

4 Ways Birth and Breastfeeding Will Ruin Sex

Pete Wentz: "I've Tasted Ashley's Breast Milk."

Banana Dildos and the 10 Worst Toys and Gifts This Christmas (part 1)

VIDEO: I Kissed a Pig (And I Liked It)

Brett Singer — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 19:00:00 GMT

This kid really likes that pig. That's some kiss.

I feel a song coming on…

I kissed a pig / And I liked it! / Tasted just like / a B L T
I kissed a pig / And I liked it! / Hope my friends don't / make fun of me…

UPDATE:

Actually, here's the song, along with a video:

I think it's gonna be a big, big hit.

The follow-up shows what might happen if they grow up, get married, and have children of their own.

I think that’s still illegal in most states, however. But now that a Democrat will be President, it'll be Sodom and Gomorrah before we know it. So perhaps there is hope for the happy couple.

On a semi-serious note, this is kind of gross but I think all kids do it. Not quite to this extent, however. I can't imagine either of my children getting to first base with a barnyard animal, even when they were babies. Then again, we're Jewish, and while we're not Kosher, we do tend to avoid pork. Then again, a little bacon never hurt anyone…

Source: Buzzfeed

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Are Email Holiday Cards Tacky?

Babble Talk: Points For Honesty

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Stuff You Never Thought You'd Say -- Winter Edition

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Kid Gets Tongue Stuck on a Metal Pole

JeanneSager — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:13:00 GMT

Somewhere in Indiana, a family is rethinking the annual viewing of A Christmas Story.

A fourth grader at an elementary school in Indiana told emergency workers a friend dared him to stick his tongue to the metal pole. Surprise, suprise, in the middle of January, it was ten degrees in Indiana, and you can guess where this is going.

Just like Ralphie's friend Flick's tongue, it stuck. Of course, since this wasn't a Christmas movie from the eighties, the kid simply yanked hard enough that it came off. Emergency workers reportedly instructed his mom on how to stop the bleeding and went on their ways (probably trying to rein in the laughter). She admitted to the AP that her son was testing the reality of television.

What does this prove - other than the fact that this family might be the only one in America to miss the marathon airings of A Christmas Story in future Decembers? The same doofy pranks we pulled? Our kids are going to pull them too.

Technology might be better, but what they'll do for the sake of a bet is just as simple as ever.

Image: Gothamist

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Eggs Are Really Liquid Chickens... and Other Books for Kids

KeriF — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:29:00 GMT

I may not throw out any of my kids' books, but that doesn't mean I don't find many of them incredibly annoying. My husband and I try not to make any snarky comments about the books in front of our kids, but sometimes we can't help ourselves. (Like in the Apple Tree Farm series of books by Usborne Books, in which Mrs. Boot is the farmer (no mention of Mr. Boot) and Ted "works on the farm." Um, yeah, we all know where Ted's doing most of his work. Thankfully, my kids don't know what "shtooping" means.)

Perhaps these books would be a little more fun to read...

These mock book covers from the site Bob From Accounting may not ever make it to the bookshelves, but they'll certainly give you a good laugh. A couple of my favorites are posted below. You can see the whole hilarious lot here.

Photos: www.bobfromaccounting.com

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Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood Just Got Pimped

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 22:29:00 GMT

It sounds like this could be a little old, but I'm always late to the party, so I'll go ahead and post it anyway. I certainly don't remember this clip from childhood -- and surely this is the real Fred Rogers -- but this still has to be the most interesting segment of the show I have ever seen.

While bereft of actual nudity or swearing, it still might not be safe for work. That said, enjoy a vintage clip from the 'Hood -- one you might not remember either ...

Thanks Jez!