A New Anti-Aging Miracle Treatment Made From Baby Foreskins

Cole Gamble — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:03:00 GMT

For just a moment, I ask you readers to imagine me as a pitchman on the back of an old timey wagon…

“Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you we’re all getting’ older. Yessiree, why in fact you’re older now than you were when I started this pitch. Heck you’re even older now. And now you’re older yet. Folks, there’s absolutely nothing you can do to hold off the inevitability of aging and all the unsavory drooping that comes with it. That is, until now. Right here in my hand I hold what may be the greatest miracle invention on this earth since God invented the baby Jesus. Inside this seemingly normal bottle is a gen-u-ine fountain of youth. Yep, take a little dab and you’ll transform into a schoolgirl in pig tails once again. It’s called Vavelta and it’s the handy-dandy, superfied, bone-fide, quantified miracle cure to make you look young once more.

And how Mr. Gamble, you ask, do we know this miracle cure works? Why, my good folks, because it’s derived from the most amazing substance on God’s Green Earth: little baby foreskins.”

Okay, enough with the snake-oil salesman act. Let’s get to the nitty gritty. Like: How? Why? What?!

Like I said, the product is called Vavelta and it’s claimed to work better than Botox or any of the other conventional wrinkle eradicating products on the market. So where do the baby foreskins come in? Let’s ask Britain’s Daily Mail:

"Vavelta is a clear liquid in which tiny skin cells, called fibroblasts, are suspended. These are derived from baby foreskins donated by mothers at a hospital in the U.S. after routine circumcision. The mothers and babies are screened before the foreskins, which would otherwise be discarded, are used.
Once in Britain, they are divided into pieces less than a centimeter square and treated with enzymes to release the fibroblasts. These are grown in sterile conditions in labs. The process is monitored by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in the U.S. and by Britain's Human Tissue Authority."

(Suddenly writing this article has flooded my brain with foreskin jokes learned long ago that are wholly inappropriate here.)

The ladies who tested the product in trials say it’s a life changing miracle with few side effects. And it comes at a miracle price: $2,300.

So I ask you: women already inject fat and botulism into their faces, is this any weirder? And are you down with injecting little boy foreskins into your face for the sake of eternal(ish) youth?

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