Strollerderby : cosleeping

Miley Cyrus Does It, But Would You Let Your Teen Sleep in Your Bed?

JeanneSager — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:32:00 GMT

Think you've got it bad trying to kick your cosleeping toddler out of your bed? Actress and singer Miley Cyrus recently told Glamour she still likes to crawl into bed with mom and dad on occasion, and she's sixteen.

Cyrus told Glamour she sometimes feel immature for her age, and she related that to a desire to sleep with mom and dad, specifically cuddling with her mom, after a long day.

I truly can't imagine having crawled into bed with my parents at sixteen. Perhaps it speaks to how much tighter-knit the Cyrus family is; I was your typical teenage girl at odds with her mother and then some. But it sounds like they might be a little too tight-knit.

Not in a sexual way. At least, I'm not concerned that there's anything inappropriate between child and parents. I do wonder, how do mom and dad resume a normal sex life after their kids have gotten out of the infant or even early toddler stage if they don't know if their kid might wander into their room in the middle of the night? When does the family bed return to the marital bed?

My daughter is three and a half, and she usually crawls into our bed first thing in the morning - she usually wakes up before we do. But where she sits at the end of the bed with a coloring book or her stuffed Piglet for a few minutes to at most maybe half an hour each morning, she rarely sleeps with us.

That's usually reserved for nights when she's sick, when my husband or I initiate her coming into our bed. It's for comfort, mostly, ours as much as hers - I would be jumping up to check on her in the next room anyway. Even then, it's hardly pleasant. She kicks. She windmills her body, turning so she's spread horizontally across the bed, and my husband and I are driven to our two very separate sides of the bed. I don't enjoy sleeping with my daughter in the bed, and the sleep is hardly restorative.

After a certain age, kids just get to be too big physically to share a bed with two adults. They also prevent parents from having ANY time alone together, as two people who love each other for the sake of each other - not just because they share a connection to one not-so little body.

I haven't figured out what the age is - my daughter is still three and still needs me - sometimes - even though she's been out of our room since she was old enough to sleep through the night.

Where and when do you think parents should close the door on their kids?

Image: Wikipedia

Rise in Infant Suffocation Linked to Cosleeping?

KeriF — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 13:35:00 GMT

The CDC published a study this month reporting that the rate of infant deaths due to strangulation or suffocation quadrupled between 1984 and 2004. Is cosleeping to blame?

Well, according to this report by Reuters it is. The article states, "Rates of sudden infant death from suffocation or strangulation have quadrupled in the past 20 years in the United States, most apparently from parents sleeping with their babies, government researchers reported on Monday."

But the CDC report, published in the journal Pediatrics, says no such thing, instead concluding, "The reason for this increase is unknown."

Part of the problem with this study is that it lumps together infant suffocation that occurs in cribs, couches, and in the parental bed. When a baby dies from suffocating under a blanket in his crib, or by getting stuck behind a cushion on a couch, cosleeping is not to blame. And when a parent accidentally falls asleep on the couch with her baby, that cannot be called cosleeping.

I'm not an ardent cosleeper; I did so for a short period with each of my children more out of laziness than anything else. And I know cosleeping isn't for everyone. But when we discuss cosleeping, let's at least keep to the facts.

Should Dads Cosleep?

Miriam Axel-Lute — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Can dads sleep safely with their infants, or should that be left to moms and their "natural protective instincts"? The photo I posted with my report on the British study saying cosleeping doesn't increase risk of SIDS (reposted here) generated some passionate back and forth on this topic in the comments.

On the one hand, the official word from many cosleeping advocates is that it should only be the mom (and only a breastfeeding mom at that, yo). In fact, they even say that a cosleeping baby should not be placed between mom and dad, but between mom and a bedrail. Folks taking this position generally say that breastfeeding mothers are more "tuned in" to their babies, aware of their location, instinctually place them in a safe sleeping position, and wake in tandem with them throughout the night. Ccertainly if you are breastfeeding, one of the points of colseeping is having the breastfeeding mother right there to increase lactation and nursing frequency and duration.

On the other hand, I haven't actually seen any studies of specifically dads and cosleeping, but I've certainly known plenty of dads who describe for themselves perfectly my own experience of being hyper-aware of the presence and location and motion of their infants, even as they sleep. Is it possible that advocates on the defensive against "cosleeping = death" hysteria are being overcautious/biased on this one?

It's worth noting that dads, at least engaged ones, do actually go through hormonal changes themselves as they begin to parent, including modestly increased levels of prolactin, the lactation hormone. (I'd wager this probably also happens for non-bio moms in queer couples.) It's not like we're talking random person off the street here. But it's also not biological motherhood either.

What do you think? Is the only-moms-should-sleep-next-to-baby thing an acknowledgement of basic biology, or just more sexism trying to sneak in under the cloak of science?

Photo by davef3138, via Flickr.

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They Say: Cosleeping Doesn't Cause SIDS

Miriam Axel-Lute — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 18:32:00 GMT

A detailed four-year study in southwest Britain on bedsharing with infants has concluded that when known risk factors—such as alcohol, drugs, or extreme overtiredness—are excluded, cosleeping with an infant does not increase the risk of SIDS (known in Britain as "cot death").

Reactions across Britain included from relief from midwives who now feel they can stop telling parents who want to cosleep not to and enthusiasm from breastfeeding advocates, as well as caution from anti-SIDS advocates.

One point the researcher, Peter Blair of University of Bristol, made that I hadn't thought of is that since falling asleep with a kid on a sofa is quite dangerous (loose cushions, places to get wedged), there is a risk from parents who dutifully put a baby to sleep in a crib, get up to feed it on the couch, and fall asleep again by accident. The proportion of SIDS deaths occurring on a sofa has doubled in the past decade.

Meanwhile, the study has received little to no play in the American media. Local American papers are still churning out stories almost every day about rising rates of "cosleeping deaths," with few making the distinction between risky behaviors and cosleeping itself, or if they do, burying it under sensational headlines and leads. One paper even wrote "the problem, known as 'co-sleeping' or 'parent rollover.' " At least this appears to have been edited online since I first saw it.

Here's hoping some sense will wend its way across the pond.

Photo by davef3138, via Flickr.

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Things Fall Apart: Simplicity Bassinets Recall Still Expanding, Awkwardly

Miriam Axel-Lute — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:30:00 GMT

Amazing how complicated it can be to identify an unsafe bassinet and get kids out of them. It was late August when the Consumer Products Safety Commission first issued a safety alert warning caregivers not to use Simplicity 3-in-1 or 4-in-1 "close sleeper" bassinets, because when the fabric is detached to place it in "cosleeper" mode and not reattached properly, there is a gap under a metal bar that babies can slip under and strangle.

This was a clear danger, directly responsible for two infant deaths (one of which ocurred nearly a year before the safety alert, which has also raised some eyebrows). So you get them off the market pronto, right?

Enter the complications: First, Simplicity went out of business, and SFCA, the company that bought it, get this, bought only its assets, but not its liabilities. Sweet deal, huh? Sound like a certain Wall Street bailout to you? Anyhow, SFCA assumes no responsibility, and won't issue a recall, so the CPSC has been having to do it piecemeal with retailers.

Meanwhile, it took until late September for someone to figure out that the exact same products were being sold under the Graco and Disney brands as well, and those ought to be included in the recalls.

And then they realized that it was only older models that had the problem, and newer ones have the fabric permanently attached and are fine. Oy vey. Consumer Reports has a video that shows the difference if you're not sure. And the news is still spreading, with one news report just yesterday.

In amongst all this, the ongoing bias against cosleeping (I'll have more on that in detail in a few days) rears its head again: This dangerous product got to market because no one has bothered to set specific safety standards for cosleeping products. And even Consumer Reports disappointingly turns around and in its video uses that as an excuse to recommend the use of regular cribs over cosleepers at all times, even though other cosleepers, and even the later models of this one, don't have this dangerous flaw. The problem here was, in the CPSC's words "metal bars spaced farther apart than 2 3/8 inches, which is the maximum distance allowed under the federal crib safety standard," not being a cosleeper.

Two lessons for safe sleeping: Follow instructions carefully, and if something looks dangerous, don't wait for a manufacturer or the CPSC to tell you it really is.

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Substance Abuse Causes Cosleeping!

Miriam Axel-Lute — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 13:45:00 GMT

The ridiculous things that get spouted about cosleeping just keep getting more ridiculous.

This quote from a Ft. Myer, Florida, newspaper really takes the cake though:

"Substance abuse is the leading factor in the harm caused to children. It's been linked to abuse and neglect, such as the cases of co-sleeping - where parents or other relatives sleep with children - which has led to infants suffocating."

OK, let's break this down:

Cosleeping while abusing drugs or alcohol is dangerous. Absolutely, no question, no argument.

But saying substance abuse leads to "cases of cosleeping, which has led to infants suffocating" is like saying irresponsible drinking causes cases of driving, which has led to fatal car crashes. It's nonsense that implies it's sleeping next to an adult, not the drugs (or anything else about the context), that's dangerous.

Safe sleeping depends on all kinds of things. Bedsharing can be safe. Cribs can be unsafe. And vice versa. The search for the universal right answer keeps us from making both safer and identifying when is the right time for each.

Photo by matsuyki.

Strollerderby : cosleeping

Miley Cyrus Does It, But Would You Let Your Teen Sleep in Your Bed?

Mom Charged for Calling Son 49 Times a Day

Suri Starts Her Scientology Training

Beyonce Shines on Wubb Idol

Rise in Infant Suffocation Linked to Cosleeping?

Should Dads Cosleep?

They Say: Cosleeping Doesn't Cause SIDS

Things Fall Apart: Simplicity Bassinets Recall Still Expanding, Awkwardly

Substance Abuse Causes Cosleeping!