Strollerderby : bullies

They Say: Smoking While Pregnant Makes Kids Aggressive

Brett Singer — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 15:00:00 GMT

I thought it was generally acknowledged that it was a bad idea for women to smoke while pregnant. A new study provides another reason: the kids could end up aggressive. The likelihood of aggressive behavior increases if the family makes less than $40,000 per year. This is according to a study conducted by Canadian doctors that was published in the academic journal Development and Psychopathology.

To clarify, "aggressive behavior" – or "behaviour", as they call it, since some people have to spell things differently – is that which the mothers characterized "as quick to hit, bite, kick, fight and bully others." (I guess spitting is OK. Throwing things, perhaps?) The children studied were between 18 months and three and a half years of age.

"Mothers-to-be whose lives have been marked by anti-social behaviour have a 67 percent chance to have a physically aggressive child if they smoke 10 cigarettes a day while pregnant, compared with 16 percent for those who are non-smokers or who smoke fewer than 10 cigarettes a day. Smoking also seems to be an aggravating factor, although less pronounced, in mothers whose anti-social behaviour is negligible or zero."

Other factors contributing to aggressiveness in preschool kids, sayeth the study: "mothers who are younger than 21, who smoke and who coerce their children to behave." Also, "children from families who earned less than $40,000 per year were at an increased risk for aggressive behaviour." Which I guess means that families earning less than $40,000 are more likely to have aggressive children whether mom puffs or not. But the aggressiveness INCREASED in those families if mom smoked, and DECREASED if she didn't.

Are you bored yet?

Here's my issue with studies like this. We know smoking while pregnant is a bad idea. (Like playing piano in a marching band, as they say on The Animaniacs.) So what exactly is the point of this study? What did we find out, that families with less money and a mother with a nicotine addiction are more likely to have children who exhibit "aggressive behaviour", as defined by a certain specific "behaviours"? So what? How about a study that looks at methods that might help those kids deal with their aggression?

Reading this study makes me feel very aggressive. I need to go bite something. But since my mother doesn't smoke, I'll just bite into a sandwich.

Source: Science Daily

Image: Church Times

Third Hand Smoke Can Harm Your Kids

They Say -- Kids Who Skip Breakfast and Hate Mom Have Sex Sooner

They Say -- Vaccines Work

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They Say: Medidation May Help Ease Kids' ADHD

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HIV Positive Teen Sues School for Harassment

JeanneSager — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 21:57:00 GMT

When news started spreading around Westlane Middle School that a fourteen-year-old student had HIV, the harassment began. There were notes slapped on her locker warning her "No AIDS at Westlane." The coach of her soccer team joked that they could use her disease to their advantage - because the other team would be scared. The girl suffered daily name calling, teasing and constant bullying.

Now the girl's been pulled out of school by her parents, who are suing the Indiana institution for doing nothing to save their daughter from her tormentors. More than two decades after Ryan White, do kids still have to hide their HIV status?

There's a marked difference in the knowledge out there about HIV from the instant fear and massive homophobia of my eighties childhood. Ours was perhaps the first generation to be raised to have safe sex not to ward off unwanted pregnancy but to protect you from disease. We grew up in the time of Ryan White . . . and of Magic Johnson and Arthur Ashe. We were taught to be cautious - perhaps taught too much. I remember the health teachers giving us a blow by blow on what HIV and then AIDS could to do the body. Then they gave us the rundown of every single way we could possibly contract the virus. They terrified us - to the point where a bunch of overactive teenage imaginations were envisioning catching HIV by brushing up against someone walking down the street.

Too much of the information thrown at us to keep us safe was off base and overblown. Now the generation raised to shake in their boots at the thought of AIDS is charged with raising their own kids. What are they telling them? Because it sounds like the kids in Westlane Middle School are scared. It sounds like they don't understand that a teenage classmate with AIDS does not mean a death sentence for them. In this day and age it doesn't even mean a death sentence for her (thankfully).

Source: Salon

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Kindergartners Vote An Autistic Classmate Out of the Class

NY Times (and I) Post Crap Study on Bullying

Kelly Mills — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:31:00 GMT

I'm a big fan of digging deep when it comes to science reporting. It generally isn't that hard to find some serious flaws: Small samples, questionable methodology, and conclusions that stretch far are sometimes par for the course. But when I posted about a study showing bullies may actually enjoy inflicting pain on others, I didn't poke into it much at all.

At least I'm in venerable company, because the New York Times did the same thing.

At Slate they point out some very serious problems with the study, which used MRIs to study the response of "bullies" to images of pain inflicted on others. For example, the study didn't image brains during actual bullying, so the results have more to do with how subjects responded as observers than perpetrators. And teh sample was made up of people who could probably be more accurately characterized as sociopaths than just bullies. The results of the scans themselves are open to pretty wide interpretation.

Slate uses this story to show how the Times reporter just drew from the press release with very little independent reporting. I'm on this one because it was a good reminder to me to think critically when looking at studies getting a pass in the press. Especially when I'm adding to the chorus.

The Painful Reason Bullies Bully

They Say: Why Your Kid's A Bully Magnet

Kindergartners Vote An Autistic Classmate Out of the Class

JeanneSager — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:01:00 GMT

You know that warning, kids can be mean? So can teachers. A Port St. Lucie, Fla. teacher has been suspended without pay for allegedly bringing a five-year-old boy to stand in front of the class and letting his classmates vote him out of the class. And that's not even the worst part. The child in question? He has Asperger's, a form of autism.

Yes reports say Wendy Portillo actually encouraged her students to pick on a kid with disabilities. Alex Barton had been sent to the principal's office twice that day for discipline problems before Portillo allegedly brought him to the front of the class and asked the students to tell him how his behavior had been affecting them. Then she let them vote. Fourteen said bye bye Alex. Two were on his side.

Let's set aside the fact that this kid was in kindergarten and thus at an already immature state of development (he was five for crying out loud). Let's even set aside his Asperger's diagnosis. What kind of teacher disciplines her students by letting the other kids pick on him? I shrink in horror when a waiter gets his ass handed to him by the maitre d' at a restaurant in front of a dining room full of people, and we're talking about two grown adults. Discipline is the teacher's job and the teacher's job alone. While I don't expect an educator to walk out of the class with a child every time he acts up so they can have a private word, more than simple admonishments (sit down please, raise your hand before you speak, etc.) should be done off to the side of the room. Even with the rest of the kids in the room, it should be a teacher-to-student conversation without the "help" of the other kids.

The socialization process requires kids learn what kind of affect their actions have on other kids; I'll grant you that. His autism certainly plays a role here. But even non-autistic kids have a me-centric focus on the world at five. So how do you teach them? Sit them down and talk about it. Give examples of some of the things other children have done that were hurtful. Make it personal - in a personal setting. Don't turn a child into a punching bag for his classmates.

Portillo has been suspended without pay for one year by the school district. I hope she spends that year pursuing another career path.

Image: NYC Schools

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The Painful Reason Bullies Bully

Kelly Mills — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 18:27:00 GMT

There's an idea that kids who bully lack empathy or simply don't feel for their victims. But a new study indicates the truth might be more disturbing than that. Researchers took an admittedly small sample of eight boys, ages 16 to 18, with aggressive conduct disorder, and a group of eight adolescent boys with no obvious aggressive behavior. They showed both groups video footage of someone inflicting pain on another person, and used MRI to track the brain patterns of both groups.

What they found was pretty creepy: The boys with aggressive conduct disorder showed high activity in two areas of the brain that regulate pleasure, but less activity in the region involved in self-regulation. In other words, the bully group actually derived pleasure from seeing others in pain. This might seem somewhat obvious, but it does counter the theory that bullies simply feel nothing towards their victims. In fact, they may just get off on hurting others.

The researchers say more investigation with a larger sample is in order. However, they were impressed by the striking difference in brain activity between the two groups of kids. And boy, am I grateful I'm not in high school any more--though I've met some adults who probably fit this description as well.

Boy Tells Your Mom Joke, Boy Goes To Jail

They Say: Here's Why Your Kid's a Bully Magnet

Political Bullying in Elementary Schools

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 18:34:00 GMT

What would you do if you found out that a little girl was telling your child, “His name is Obama bin Laden” and, “It’s not Hilary—it’s Hitlery”? A writer on the blog Daily Kos, who is one of few Democrats in a Texan town, was faced with this dilemma when her eight-year-old daughter Abigail reported that one of her classmates was repeatedly making these comments. This was around the time that Abigail’s class was voting for president in the Scholastic presidential election.

Darcy writes, “I doubt if the little girl even knows who Osama bin Laden or Hitler are, but my kid does. She is upset about the comments, and I am stunned.”

Darcy’s husband wanted Abigail to learn to deal with the taunts herself, but Darcy ultimately decided to speak with Abigail’s teacher. The teacher, according to Darcy, “decided to use the incident as a teaching moment to address mudslinging.” (For what it’s worth, the mudslinging didn’t seem to help McCain in this third grade classroom: Obama won 17-5.)

I think Darcy did the right thing. No matter what your political affiliation is, that kind of hateful speech has no place in schools. By making mudslinging into a classroom dialogue, the teacher had a chance to teach the bullying girl and other students just what it means to call someone Hitler or bin Laden.

Do you think that hateful comments about political figures count as bullying? Was the mother right to go to the teacher with her concerns?

The Kids Have Voted!

They Say: Here's Why Your Kid's a Bully Magnet

Madeline Holler — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 22:02:00 GMT

Think your tough and aggressive kid will be safe from bullying in school? Actually, s/he might be more at risk for it.

A new study shows what educators and researchers have long suspected. Children who are aggressive in their toddler years often wind up the target of bullies. Experts in the field have known for a long time that there is a link between being aggressive and being tormented.

From Newsweek:

When volatile and angry children act out on their frustrations—smashing a toy after someone takes their ball away—they aren't exactly beloved by their peers. "They're easy marks," says Kenneth Dodge, a psychology professor at Duke University. "You know you can get a rise out of them, you can push their buttons."

And, parents, it's not just a matter of personality.

... Aggression in toddlers was, again, associated with harassment in first grade and the researchers found two other risk factors for peer victimization as well: harsh or reactive parenting—anger, shouting and spanking when the kids were fussy—and lower income families.

Does any of this give you more perspective on the school bully? Or is this just blaming the bully's victim?

Photo: Newsweek.com

A Nation of Wimps: In Defense of Fighting

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:08:00 GMT

I've been thinking a lot recently about beating up children. No, not me personally. But children. Children beating up children. Or at the very least shoving each other really well. And all sanctioned under the blessing of their parents.

The thing that got me going on this violence kick was the speech last week given by Vice President-to-be Joe Biden, who recalled the time he got a black-eye from a neighborhood bully. He went crying home only to be sent back out by his mother, a steely old soul who told him to bloody the other kid's nose or risk never being able to walk those sidewalks with his head held high again. Nowadays, a parent might have told him: "Oh Joey, just go out there and tell them "no thank you." "

Then I read a very intriguing post by my friend and SD alum Pierre "Metro Dad" Kim, who taught his daughter to defend herself against being pushed or bullied. First, he said, tell the bully you don't like it. Then, if that doesn't work: Push back.

The mother looks at me with shock and yells at me, "how can you tell your daughter to push my child?"

I calmly reply, "My daughter very politely asked your son to stop pushing her. You yourself told him to stop pushing her. And what does your son do? Not only does he push her again but he also hit her. Do you think your way was working?"

At this point, I turn to the boy and say, "Are you ever going to push the Peanut again?"

Still choking back tears and clinging to his mother, he says "No. Never."

I'm reminded of the time I got in a fight with a neighbor boy. We were picking olives from a tree and throwing them at each other. For reasons beyond comprehension, this escalated into a fight. Who knew? After 10 minutes of rolling around on the ground, I went crying home only to have my older brothers give me a glass of water and send me back outside. My parents weren't around that day but the message was clear: Fight back. It was my only fight. I never pushed people or fought people or became a tyrannical bully. I'm a stay-at-home dad now who enjoys listening to musicals and making clothes for my daughter. I'm the wimpiest dude you'll ever meet. If anything, I feel scarred for not fighting back more often as I got older, instead of retreating like some wimpy scamp straight out of a Philip Larkin poem.

So I'm only a little surprised at how much I'm siding with the fight-back mentality. Like Pierre, I'm teaching my daughter to first make her demands known verbally if under assault. If that doesn't work, well, I admit I have watched in silence as she held on tightly to a toy and whirled her body around until an interloper fell crying to the ground. I've never officially said, "Push back!" but my silence and inaction is just as explicit. But what am I supposed to do? Intervene at every moment? Kids work shit out on their own sometimes, even if sometimes that means a touch of violence.

Parents fear escalation. Condone a shove here, a punch there, and pretty soon the kid will be sticking up liquor stores or breaking bones for Tony Gazzo in between bouts with Apollo Creed. Or worse, starting wars. But how about the flip side? Teach them to turn the other cheek Jesus-like all the time, and the fear is they'll get walked on all their lives. Kids don't think that far ahead. They make up and hold hands five minutes afterward. Are parents worrying too much? As Pierre wonders Are we raising a nation of pussies?

Bullying Makes The Front Page

Brett Singer — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:29:00 GMT

The New York Times put Dan Barry's Monday column on the front page, which would indicate that someone at the paper of record thinks that bullying is a big deal. This particular story is pretty horrible: apparently Billy Wolfe of Fayetteville, Arkansas has been getting regular beatdowns for the past three years, sometimes so bad that he required medical attention.

Although I agree with this blogger that Barry's article doesn't try to show two sides of the story, it's clear that Billy is a target for repeated abuse. The article opens with a description of two students driving up to where Billy is waiting for the school bus, hitting him, and filming the incident with a cellphone camcorder. Ugly, ugly stuff.

What's most disturbing is the reported reactions from school officials. After Billy had to have his cheek sewn up by a dentist after being hit so hard in wood shop that he was briefly unconscious, one official said that, "it looked like Billy got what he deserved" and declined to call the police. Another school official says "Billy and the boy who punched him at the bus stop had exchanged words and shoves a few days earlier."

Somewhat like the "but he called me fat" defense, this doesn't exactly hold water. Do these "school officials" think that knocking someone unconscious is the appropriate response to a verbal fight, or even a physical one? Am I just an East Coast wussy who doesn't think it's acceptable for students to fight until they draw blood?

Billy's parents have filed a lawsuit against the students. One is named (Ian Teeters) and the others are "John Does." There was also some cyberbullying going on; a Facebook page was set up specifically to taunt Billy. This could be significant since cyberbullying is against state law. While I sympathize with the parents, I do think that suing his fellow students isn't likely to make Billy less of a target.

Lots of blogging about this of course, and Jess and Josh Talk About Stuff pointed me to this article from London's Daily Mail. The title, Coping with the bullies 'is part of growing up', says child expert, is enough to make your head explode, but the actual details are less wacko. If it is indeed true that "a child in Kent was arrested for throwing a slice of cucumber from a tuna sandwich at a classmate," then yes, that was a bit much. Unfortunately, it's too easy for some folks to classify any and all fighting as "boys will be boys." The Macho Response has a slightly different take. The blogger adds a little bit of text to the Times article: "So one day Billy walked into wood shop, picked up a two-by-four..." That's one option.

Maybe the bullies are just playing too many videogames.

image: New York Times

Game Designer to Teachers: Don't Knock It Til You Try It

Brett Singer — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Clint Hocking is the Creative Director of Ubisoft Montreal, a video game developer and publisher. His credits include Splinter Cell, a Tom Clancy-inspired adventure game. On his blog, he has a suggestion for the Canadian Teacher's Federation (CTF): before you tell someone not to play a game, why not play it yourself first?

Hocking was responding to the CTF issuing a press release "condemning" the game on the grounds that "the video game [Bully] is mean-spirited in that it trivializes and glorifies bullying in school." According to the release, a total of eight "teacher organizations," including the U.S.-based National Education Association (NEA) have joined in their efforts to pressure retailers not to sell the game. An article in The Globe and Mail offers a fairly balanced discussion of the issues, something Hocking praises in his blog entry.

When it was first released in 2006 for the Playstation 2, Bully caused controversy (for the record, the company that makes the game also makes Grand Theft Auto, so they're used to defending themselves.) Bully just became available for the Wii and the XBox360, prompting this latest outcry. The stated goal of the coalition is to "condemn bullying and cyberbullying in all its forms," which is certainly admirable. But blaming the game? The Globe and Mail piece quotes McGill University professor Michael Hoechsmann as saying, "As tempting as it may seem, I'm not so certain that banning this will somehow result in a more peaceful and more loving school population." Asking retailers to boycott it does call attention to the bullying/cyberbullying problem, but one wonders if the teachers' efforts are a little misplaced.

Hocking actually invites the teachers to play Bully with him, since he hasn't played the game either. Maybe they should take him up on it. This review seems to say that at least some of the criticism is misguided - that the main character, Jimmy Hopkins, is the one who defends "weird chicks, nerds and underdogs" from the bullies, who are often "jocks." So it's a bit, shall we say, retro, but it certainly doesn't sound like the goal is to give wedgies and intimidate other students.

Some school districts, like the one in Charlotte that Mike wrote about, have introduced specific policies that address the problem of bullies, which seems more proactive than issuing press releases about video games.

As the parent of a budding young gamer, I do this weird thing when my kid wants a particular game - research. If possible, I play the game myself first. If I have any doubt about whether or not a game is appropriate, I play it with him so I can see what's going on there. So with all due respect to the teachers, I appreciate the efforts, but video games are really not the problem.

Full disclosure: I haven't played the game myself, and I don't know if the teachers have either. But whether they have or they haven't (my guess is no), Hocking makes a good point.

image: Amazon.com

Buy This Toy to Eat Your Kids

Cole Gamble — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 16:52:00 GMT

Kids these days. Spoiled they is. What do you get the child who has everything? Try and give them something nice like a yo-yo or handful of jacks and they roll their eyes and use their iPhone to flame you on MySpace. Thank god you can finally give win your child love back with a monument to conspicuous consumption: a $300 robot dinosaur.

Seriously people, since we already know the robots will eventually turn on us, why do we keep building them with such dangerous implements like a dinosaur’s crushing jaw, laser cannons and spinning blades. Just seems short sighted to me. Here’s what’s going to happen some rich parents are going to buy their punching bag of a son this robo dino. Said downtrodden boy, deluded with thoughts of revenge, will take to the neighborhood to hunts down all his bullies atop his snuggly cyber beast. And that’s when Johnny Bully will feed the tyke to his very own overgrown Teddy Ruxpin. Incidentally, it's from Playskool

Kindergartener Suspended From School For Sporting a Mohawk

Kelly Mills — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 20:35:00 GMT

Ah, in a day and age when many schools are instituting programs to combat children teasing other children about their appearance, one school has decided to put the bullies out of a job by doing their work for them. Six-year-old Bryan Ruda was suspended from charter school Parma Community School in Ohio. Um, because he has a "mohawk," which in this case does not mean liberty spikes but that he has the sides of his head shaved and his hair is longer on top. The school has a dress code that does not prohibit mohawks specifically, but says students have to be properly groomed. Whatever that means.

Oh, but the rationale for the suspension is classic: Administrators say the hair was "disrupting the educational program" and that other students commented on it, making them disruptive and more difficult to control. I guess that's powerful hair. And this was a "third offense," meaning that Bryan's mom was warned about the problem hair before when it had product in it, and while it was growing out things were sort of okay. However, a re-shaving threw the class into chaos, I suppose. The school board decided over the weekend to suspend the kid, which makes me think they must have zero educational issues at all, since they have time to debate the merits of a kindergartener's style. Nice.

Photo: Peggy Turbett/The Plain Dealer

Bully for You

Adrienne Martini — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 20:30:00 GMT

I think my mind has just been blown. According to this MSNBC story on bullies, a kid with ADHD is more likely to be a bully.

That part I can follow, even if I'm not sure I believe in the assertion.

However -- and this is the part that makes my brain twist -- kids with ADHD are more likely to have been bullied themselves and that the bullying was a contributing factor to the ADHD's onset. This is according to the study in February's Journal Developmental Medicine & Child Neurology.

If this is the case, after 20 years of "Bully Free" school zones, will there no longer be any bullies? Or kids with ADHD? Will we all be able to hold hands and sing "Kumbayah?" Or have I leapt too far?

Photo credit: Freespirit Publishing

Mom Goes Dirty Harry On Bullies

Kelly Mills — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 12:23:00 GMT

A mom in Jacksonville says her son was being bullied on the school bus and she wanted to put an end to it. So she allegedly showed up at the bus stop, pulled out a gun, and pointed it at students, saying, "Does anyone have something to say?" Somehow I have a feeling the kids didn't have much to say at that point. She's being charged with improper exhibition of a firearm. I can see how it might be improper for a forty-year-old woman to exhibit her firearm at kids at a school bus stop.

But I will tell you that while I certainly don't condone threatening children with guns or knives or missiles or anything, I totally get the sentiment. Having a kid has given me new insight to the almost feral protectiveness I feel towards her. And school buses are quite possibly the saddest places on earth, a yellow fleet of of cruelty and despair headed straight for hell. That might be a little dramatic, but at least in my day, the bus code was: anything goes on the school bus, as long as you mostly stay in your seat. If someone was torturing my kid on the bus, would I draw a weapon? Nope. Would I want to? Most likely.

Kids Beat Bullies Using Pink and I Get Sniffly, In a Good Way

Kelly Mills — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 19:09:00 GMT

Here's why I'm now wearing rose-colored glasses. So much of what we get to talk about is "Obesity kills!" and "Lead painted death toys!" and "Your boobs will suffer!" so I don't expect anything to be all heartwarming and restore my faith in humanity and all that. But then I read this story. It starts off harsh: a new ninth grader showed up for school wearing a pink shirt and he was surrounded by a group of six to ten older students who "mocked him, called him a homosexual for wearing pink and threatened to beat him up." Yup, total high school a-holes just like the kind I went to school with. But two twelfth grade students, David Shepherd and Travis Price, decided it was time to take a stand and intervene.

You know what they did? They used good ol' technology (the internet, natch) and told students to wear pink the next day. They bought 75 pink tank tops and brought material to make pink arm and wrist bands. They figure they got about half of the school's 800+ students to wear pink. A sea of pink and solidarity.

The bullies got pissed and one confronted David and asked him if he knew pink was a symbol of homosexuality. David said he didn't care. "Our intention was to stand up for this kid so he doesn’t get picked on."

Oh, and this is where I tear up: "When the bullied student put on his pink shirt Friday and saw all the other pink in the lobby, 'he was all smiles. It was like a big weight had been lifted off is shoulder,' David said." I love these kids and I love this story. And as anyone who has been to high school knows, that's an act of heroism that may have changed at least one person's life. I hope their parents are proud. I know I would be.

Can I get an "Amen"!

What to Do with Pushy Kids?

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 15:26:00 GMT

I always wanted to kill Gary. Or at least maim him. (And I did, actually. He was one of my first real fights.) Gary lived a few houses down and simply refused to knock on our door. He would just barge right in.

I never really liked the guy -- he stole my money for the ice cream man one day. But he enjoyed coming to our house, opening the door no matter the time of day and shouting, "Is Mikey home?!" (Yes, Mikey. Screw you.)

For the past 25 years or so, I've managed to block Gary out of my mind. And there was always good reason.

The one and only time I received a bare-bottom spanking, Gary popped his goofy, buck-toothed head into our door and saw me wailing in the living room. I don't remember what I did wrong to deserve the spanking, but seeing Gary's hysterical grin was surely evidence that the punishment was too harsh for the crime. Once Gary spread the word, I never heard the end of it.

Gary came rushing back when I read this hilarious post from Creative-Type Dad about his 4-year-old neighbor Paige.

"Now there’s a reason to close the garage immediately after pulling in with the car running, and a reason to lock the front door."

Paige doesn't knock. Paige steals a 2-year-old's toys. Paige unlocks cabinets and drawers. For all he knows, Paige ingests pea soup every night and thinks about invading other people's bodies.

Creative Type wants to know what to say to this 4-year-old demon or her parents. So go help him out, wouldyja? Or at least buy him a rosary and some holy water. It sounds like he's going to need it.

(Photo blatently stolen from Creative Type Dad because it is beyond words perfect for all pushy kid posts.)

Family of Redheads Suffer Bullying for Hair Color

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 15:24:00 GMT

Ahh red hair. Many of us pay hundreds of dollars a year to keep the tresses rouge. But it's not all flowing locks and wolf whistles friends, as a British family learned. And how!!

Kevin and Barbara Chapman and their children have faced so much persecution because of their hair color that they've become fugitives, moving three times in three years. The concept of a redhead being persecuted beyond, say, third grade sounds silly. But "Ginger Is Gay" was spray-painted on the Chapman's home, which makes me wonder: She is? Who knew?

Seriously, though, apparently the Chapman's aren't alone. A soccer (football?) star reportedly suffered taunts for her hair color as well. I say, bring it! This hair is worth it!

The Preschool Bully: How to Protect Your Child

Karen Murphy — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 15:26:00 GMT

There's a really insightful post up at Mothertalkers about a mom dealing with the problem of the bully at her two-year old's preschool. The poor little boy hates going to school now because of the bully, yet when approached the teacher seemed sympathetic yet basically wrung her hands and did nothing to halt the bullying behavior. It's a horrible feeling when you know there's something happening to your child in a place and situation beyond your control, and the people who are supposed to be protecting your child deny there's even a problem, in fact they then turn it back on you. This happened to me when my older daughter was in 1st grade; the bully was the teacher, and a talk with her and the school's principal did nothing to resolve the situation, and I was even threatened with legal action (that was my daughter's first, last, and only year at that school).

Poster progressiveinky began by teaching her two-year-old son coping skills: how to tell the bully no, how to hold up his hand, how to walk away. Impressive skillset for two, wouldn't you say? (Impressive for thirty-two also.) But then she realized her son wasn't avoiding school because he lacked skills or was "too sensitive", no, the problem wasn't him at all. The problem was the bully. And the problem was a teacher doing nothing about it. I applaud her for stopping thinking that the problem was due to a lack somehow in her parenting or in her two-year-old's emotional armor. Yay, the mama bear comes out with a roar!

And progressiveinky has secret ammunition that I didn't have back then with my daughter: a way to work this out in public with a bunch of other sympathetic parents (be sure to read the comments on the thread and you'll see what I mean—they rock!). Here's what they came up with:

1. Spending time in the classroom (by video or otherwise).

2. Keeping the child home as a message to the school.

3. Ultimatums—"it's them or me."

4. Stepping in and intervening during bullying behavior (goes with #1).

5. Pressure on the bully's family about how his life will be hell growing up being a jerk like that.

6. A whispering campaign—getting other parents involved to raise holy hell.

What about you? Have you faced this situation before with your kid's school? What did you do about it?

[By the way, here's some more good advice but I don't recommend White Trash Justice like this, although you never know, you gotta do something because that bully could grow up become a homicidal maniac.]

Bullies are the Kids Who Grow Up to be Genocidal Maniacs

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 10:58:00 GMT

So, your kid is the neighborhood bully? You'd better nip that in the bud unless your goal is to raise the next Slobodan Milosevic.

Does that sound crazy? Yeah, kind of, but Barbara Coloroso doesn't think it is that big of a stretch. Coloroso says it is “actually a short walk from bullying to hate crimes to genocide.” She says that bullying is not so much about being angry as much as it is about contempt. Once you are able to marginalize a person as someone beneath you who doesn't count and you can harass at will, you can feel that way about a whole group.

Scary? Definitely. Fixable? Certainly.

Coloroso says that if we can raise our children with a sense of uniqueness and respect for the differences between other people we will all be parenting in the right direction.

No Escape from Bullies in Internet Era

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 15:55:00 GMT

My fist brush with a bully came in third grade, when I begged off a 3 p.m. fight with a decidedly honest, yet painfully embarrassing, admission. "I can't," I said, "My mom's picking me up." I shrugged my shoulders, apologizing for letting my mom come between a bully and his beating.

It's getting so much more difficult for kids to escape their bullies, as this story points out. Thanks to MySpace and other online harassing sites, kids are getting all sorts of grief that used to be confined to the schoolyard.

This story's young girl had to move to several different schools to escape the bullying -- and yet it continued anyway, showing there are no borders when it comes to the Internet ... and how mean kids can be. The mom in this picture is doing a stellar job, if you ask me. She pulled her kid from the schools and decided to home-school her, while also preparing to shut down her access to MySpace. What she doesn't know, I suppose, won't taunt her.

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