Strollerderby : bad baby names

12 Baby Names That Really Won't Make a Comeback

Madeline Holler — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:29:00 GMT

About.com's editor for pregnancy and birth, Robin Elise Weiss, has posted 10 baby names she thinks are awful and won't ever make a comeback. Thing is, I think she's wrong, really wrong, and, for the most part, she listed names that will indeed come back. And soon!

For girls, she hates Deloris [sic], Eula, Gladys, Mildred and Norma. I've met a couple of very hip baby Mildreds, and what could be cuter than going on a playdate with a Millie? Norma, Weiss thinks, is just boring and blah. Me? I think it's sorta cute, simple and refreshing. (Alas, Marilyn Monroe didn't like it either.)

Her boys list reads like a real up-and-coming trendspotters piece, what with Ralph, Herman, Chester, Norman and Elbert. Sure, that last one belongs on the list, but Ralph? Cute! And Chester? I'm no trend-setter but that was a top boys name pick for my husband and me. Herman ... cute, cute, cute.

Also, I know an actual under-40 Norman and he has a self-esteem, trendy jeans and shirt pockets devoid of plastic protectors (though I should ask how, as a kid, he weathered the whole "Norman, you poop!" line from "On Golden Pond"). Why all the hate for the Norms/Normas, Robin Weiss?

Weiss doesn't get it, but Babble readers do. Let's crack our knuckles and come up with THE definitive list of names that will never, ever, ever catch on again. Here are the first 12. Please, add yours in comments.

Girls

Ina, Eunice, Cleta (for boys, Cletus), Lucretia, Hortense, Bertha

The first four sound so, so seriously medical/anatomical or something. Ina, Eunice and Cleta could easily be body parts, which, when injured, secrete a substance called Lucretia. Know what I mean? Hortense, well, not in mixed company. And Bertha has always been the go-to name for women of size and lack of class in my world.

Boys

Ennis, Dick, Eldrick, Lorraine, Skylar, Leslie

The last three have been taken over by girls, and apologies to the Woods re: Eldrick (but even Tiger doesn't use it). Ennis, Dick and other names which sound nether-body parts-ish, will, I predict, be forevermore passed up.

I've just scratched the surface and I could be totally wrong. Names that seem awful often become adorable once attached to a real, live human-baby-being (State's Exhibit A: my son Earl, pictured above ... tell me that name doesn't fit!).

In fact, just the right rosy-cheeked girl could pull off Eunice, I suppose. In the right (celebrity) hands, she might even start a trend.

Give us the worst of the worst baby names in comments.

Photo: Madeline Holler

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My name is Budweiser Bjorklund, what's yours?

Brett Singer — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Proving that celebrities don't have a lock on the practice of giving children names that will ensure a lifetime of ridicule, Swedish tax authorities are now allowing parents to name their kids, "after fast food chains, rock bands or their favorite brand of beer."

This had been illegal in Sweden, but Lars Tegenfeldt, clearly a genius, said, "there is nothing negative about a name like Coca-Cola or McDonald's today. In the 1970s, maybe it was."

Now, a law against naming children something idiotic seems extreme. On the other hand, what's the thought process involved in saying that there's "nothing negative about a name…like McDonald's"? Is that because they sell salads now, and offer apple slices with Happy Meals? One also wonders what prompted this ruling: a surge of parents demanding to name their children "Dr. Pepper"?

Somewhere, a Viking weeps.

Image: soindierock.blogspot.com
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Most Endangered British Baby Names

Jen Chaney — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 17:15:00 GMT

Norman and Gertrude don't have a prayer. At least as far as baby names go.

That's according to a list of endangered British baby names on the Web site Gurgle.com, which I stumbled upon thanks to this Reuters UK piece.While some traditional monikers still have an air of cool about them -- like Olivia or Henry -- others have become too stodgy for any modern parent to even consider using. According to Gurgle, these are the top 10 traditional British boys' names that have officially fallen out of fashion:

Norman, Walter, Percy, Harold, Ernest, Herbert, Clifford, Frank, Arnold and Leonard.

And the top 10 traditional British girls' names that are essentially dead?

Gertrude, Edna, Ethel, Irene, Ada, Norah, Olive, Agnes, Elsie and Mabel.

Now, here's what's interesting. Not one of the names on the boys' list appeals to me. But of the girls? I think Irene, Ada and Norah are all perfectly acceptable names. And as I peruse the rest of Gurgle's list, I spy some others that I think are cool, too: May, Minnie (it's a little mousey, but kinda cute), Violet, Annie and Lillian. Meanwhile, the other boys' names pretty much blow. I mean, if you're going to name your kid Edwin, you may as well just stick him in the front yard, pin a sign to him that says "Start beating me up now" and let the neighborhood have at him.

For some reason, old-fashioned names sound better on females. Maybe they conjure up images of little girls in poofy dresses, sitting around tiny tables and having tea parties. (Really, can't you see a little girl named Norah or Violet doing that?) But antiquated male names, like Sidney or Fred (both also on the list), make me think of elderly men wearing grandpa sweaters and sitting in nursing homes, where they complain routinely about their arthritis. Not exactly the way you want your little boy to start out.

What do you think? Could some of these allegedly dead British names be resurrected, either in the UK or the U.S.? What traditional baby names would you like to kickstart into newfound popularity?

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"Satan" and 9 Other Bad (but real) Baby Names

"Satan" and 9 Other Bad (but real) Baby Names

Cole Gamble — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:00:00 GMT

As we recently learned with the New Zealand court case liberating the poorly named Tallulah Does the Hula to Hawaii from her cumbersome moniker, celebrities are not the only ones to dole out crappy names to their kids. Here are some awful names bestowed by civilians like you and me. And yes, they’re all real names.

Superman

Not a bad name, if you want to get beat up every day. This New Zealand couple (Again New Zealand, keep up the good work!) originally wanted the name 4Real, but NZ officials didn’t go for it. So Superman it was, arguably a more ridiculous name. Sadly I doubt this was the first time someone’s name was chosen purely out of spite.

Sh*thead

If you ever question how free we truly are in America, look no further then two parents naming their daughter Sh*thead. Now a grown woman, Sh*thead tries to mitigate the damage by insisting it’s pronounced Shi-TAYd. Nice try.

Nicholas Unless-Jesus-Christ-Had-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barbon

Apparently daddy was a holy roller.

Al Caholic

Somebody thought they were funny. But really, when you have the last name “Caholic” to work with, who could resist?

Roxanne Gravel

Get it? “rocks and gravel.” Cleverness kills a kid’s school career once again.

Felanie

A pregnant woman liked the name Melanie, but also like the idea of a name that starts with “F.” Viola! Felanie. It’s funny how you can’t see something so obvious until it’s too late.

Governor Bush

Seems a little short sighted now, doesn’t it?

Doctor Love

For once a novelty name might actually help a kid get a leg up in the world. Let’s hope he develops a passion for fur jackets and yellow fedoras.

Sloth Washton

Often people name their pets by characteristics they first notice about the animals. We named our first cat “Romy” because she liked to rome around a lot. Yes, newborns are a bit sluggish, but maybe Sloth’s parents should have waited a little longer before settling on that name. And this brings us to…

Satan

Talk about prejudging your child. I’ll admit, this is what I call my toddler all the time, but it’s just a nickname. Maybe the Australia couple who went with this had their hand forced because Australia was all out of the other names.

Heard any worse ones????

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Preventing "Elvis Pilot Inspektor": When Bad Names Happen to Good Babies

Amy Kuras — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 21:02:00 GMT

The sensible Swedes strike again! We've written before about the fact that every baby's name has to be registered with Swedish tax authorities, and it can shoot down a baby's name if it's just too silly.

Their latest victim? Parents who want to name their five-month-old baby girl Elvis. As in hunka hunka burnin' love Elvis.

The parents reportedly considered it a name that's "both pretty and gender-neutral" and are not Elvis fans at all. I've gotta wonder if maybe just messing with the Skatterverket (the Tax Authority's name) has become a sport for bored or daring Swedish parents. After all, a couple successfully appealed the tribunal's rejection of the name Mettalica for their daughter, and a change in the law was suggested to help a couple who wanted to name their child Superman.

Honestly, I wish we had such a thing here. And I volunteer to be in charge of it. My kids have traditional old person names that fit them well, and that pass the all-important Supreme Court Justice test. I hate, HATE, trendy names (stop with the Caden, Braden, etc., people), "creative" spellings (Xavier does NOT start with a Z!) and just plain goofiness (Pilot Inspektor? Really?).

Your kid's name is not your chance to make a little joke, express your creativity or reaffirm your trendiness. It's how they identify to the world, and a prime opportunity to learn the Not About You lesson of parenthood.

Forget Basketball: Get Your Picks In For the Crazy Baby Name Pool

Patti — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 17:37:00 GMT

Collecting, reading about, marveling at bizarre and unusual baby names is something of a hobby for many parents--who hasn't killed time at Baby's Named A Bad, Bad Thing?--but this takes it to a whole 'nother level. The folks at Name of the Year have gathered the most interesting, different, funny or just plain awful names they could find and painstakingly seeded them into brackets. You can vote to see which name moves on to the next round, and which name will eventually reign supreme as the Name of the Year.

Go here to download your form and read full instructions on how to participate in this special take on March Madness.

I wonder if college football player Lucious Pusey was disqualified from competition after changing his last name to Seymour?