Strollerderby : babysitters

In Praise of the "Manny"

Shannon LC Cate — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 16:00:00 GMT

After Amy Kuras posted this piece about Boy Scouts getting training to be baby sitters, I was surprised to see some of the comments assuming that male caregivers are de facto abuse risks to children. Not only do I think this is a woefully discriminatory way of viewing half the human population, I think there might even be some benefits to male caregivers that female caregivers don't offer. I propose that it can even be dangerous to exclude boys and men as boys and men from childcare and that using them as caregivers can even help prevent abuse.

First let me address the discrimination aspect. I am sure that many Strollerderby readers have fathers, husbands, brothers and perhaps old-enough-to-baby-sit sons who aren't abusers and could never be abusers. Of course they do. So I have to scratch my head at the knee-jerk fear some women express about the idea of a male baby sitter. To categorically dismiss all boys and men as potential abusers doesn't make sense. Yes, statistically, most abusers are "heterosexual" men, but statistically, most abusers are also related to the children they abuse. In fact, some statistics show that one third of sexual molestation is perpetrated by a parent. But I bet most moms don't refuse to allow their children's fathers to be alone with their children because of the statistical probability that they will be abusers. It would be ridiculous to use statistics that way, right? Relying on statistical percentages rather than actual knowledge of an individual baby sitter applicant would be similarly foolish.

I think categorically mistrusting male caregivers and categorically trusting female ones is in itself dangerous. Why? Because a false sense of security about a caregiver not being a molester because she's female could cause a parent to let down her guard about other possible dangers. First of all, there is that 1-10% of sexual abuse (depending on the study you look at) perpetrated by girls and women. Then there are the other dangers to children besides sexual abuse that are more evenly split between male and female caregivers. A frustrated caregiver of either gender might well shake a colicky baby, for example. It's important to consider many factors in selecting childcare. Assuming a man is an unsafe choice is a blunt selection method and doesn't seem to indicate the kind of thought that really needs to go into the decision.

I have used two men to provide a significant amount of care for my children. And their legal guardians in the case of their parents' deaths are their godfathers. One of my caregivers worked half-time on a regular schedule for my family for two years during one of which, he lived with us. He could not have done a better job. The single father of a grown daughter he had raised since his ex-wife left them both when the baby was under two, "Uncle" David was my older daughter's third parent from the moment she arrived in our home at three days old.

We currently employ a young man to care for our now four-year old and 18-month old daughters slightly less than half-time. He too is beloved by both of my children and plans to work for us throughout the next year or two while he attends a local community college. I am trying to encourage him to go into early childhood education. He would be a gifted preschool or elementary teacher. My only concern for him is the discrimination against men in that field.

My daughters have lesbian moms. They also each have a birth mother, as they are both adopted. Neither of them have men in their lives that meet our family's definition (or their birth mothers' definitions) of "father." Given the statistics, my girls are likely to grow up to be heterosexual women. When they go looking for men with whom to partner, I want them to have a clear sense that men not only can, but should be nurturing, loving and caring. I want them to have a strong expectation of nothing less. And if they happen across men who offer them less, I want them to recognize that quickly and move on. Giving them male caregivers during their tender years is the best way I can think of to imprint these expectations in their psyches.

But it isn't just faraway romantic benefits I hope male caregivers give my daughters. It's also prevention of abuse in the present. With a concrete example of the proper boundaries of a loving male baby sitter (or uncle, or grandfather, or godfather--which my daughters also have), my girls might better be able to recognize a breach of those boundaries by a would-be abuser encountered in some other area of their lives. In these early years, I am almost always able to have intimate knowledge of the people into whose care I place my children. As they grow older and go into situations in which I have less opportunity to know the adults in their orbit, I want them to have their own strong sense of what is appropriate and what isn't. Male caregivers help them develop that sense.

I can understand that parents with their own abuse histories by boys or men might very well decide they simply can't handle placing their own children in male care. But for those without any immediate knowledge of abuse, I don't think having heard a story or having had an acquaintance or having read something about a male caregiver abusing a child is a good reason to exclude male caregivers from their children's lives. To do so is to possibly deny your children a wonderful relationship with a beloved sitter. It's also to deny boys and men the opportunity to get hands-on experience caring for young children before they become fathers themselves. And isn't more hands-on fathering what so many moms wish for?

Boys Can Babysit Too

Amy Kuras — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 23:31:00 GMT

When you think about giving the neighbor kid a call to babysit, are you thinking of a girl or a boy?

Most of us are thinking about a girl. There are lots of reasons for that – we certainly sill see childcare as women’s work, and some of us just don’t trust males around our children, which is sad. There’s still an outdated notion that a man who takes interest in children who aren’t his has some sort of creepy motive, when people don’t generally think the same about females.

Which is too bad for all the teen boys out there who would make fabulous sitters. Certainly on my husband’s side of the family where all the nieces and nephews except ours are in their teens and 20s, it’s the boys who are most likely to be holding or playing with our kids and if any of them lived closer, we’d be hiring them for child care regularly. And my dad iss as likely to take care of my kids as my mom is.

That’s why I liked this story about a group of Boy Scouts getting babysitter training from the Red Cross as part of a badge program. It’s the same certification that girls receive,, and qualifies them to babysit for younger kids. Unlike other classes, though, this one was all-male, which gave the boys a chance to see that they were not alone in being interested in caring for kids.

They learned how to change diapers, feed babies and market themselves to parents.

How do you feel about boy babysitters? Are you fine with it, or do you feel more comfortable with girls?

Pistol Packing Preschooler Shoots Babysitter

JeanneSager — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:28:00 GMT

A four-year-old who was angry that his teen babysitter stepped on his foot loaded a shotgun and shot the teen in the arm. Now he's facing possible charges of aggravated assault.

Wait a minute, what? A four-year-old not only gets ahold of a gun but KNOWS HOW to load it, and police are seriously considering him as the criminal here?

Police in Jackson County, Ohio are also considering charges against Nathan Beavers, the 18-year-old who was shot - and who allegedly stepped on the boy's toes - for child endangerment. Now, would that be for the toe-smashing or for allowing a four-year-old to get hold of a gun? The story, as reported by WSAZ, doesn't say (only stating that the sheriff "isn't sure" if he will pursue charges for either).

Beavers, by the way, is recovering at the hospital. The shot, by a twenty-gauge shotgun, went into his arm.

We've seen the age of criminals dropping in our country. No one needs to remind me of the sad, sad story of the eight-year-old currently facing charges for the double homicide that included his father and his father's friend. But there has to be some age limit, even on violent crimes (and I would say this child was violent - an adult in the same situation would likely face a violent felony).

Can a four-year-old truly know right from wrong? Does he have the capacity to understand the ramifications of loading a gun and pulling the trigger?

I'm still shocked by the fact that this child, at four years old, could already load a shell into a shotgun. I am aware that there is a very different culture surrounding gun ownership in rural areas (according to Ohio state statistics, just one percent of the county's land is devoted to residential/industrial/commercial real estate), and children are often more often to be exposed to guns - and at younger ages. What country kids (myself included) learn about guns comes as much from osmosis as it does actual hands-on instruction. The guns are omnipresent in many rural communities.

So, perhaps, this four-year-old wasn't taught how to load a shotgun. Maybe he's a smart little kid who figured it out on his own. That still doesn't tell me why a gun, and a shell, were accessible by a four-year-old.

As the sheriff says he has't decided, I'm hoping he'll come to his senses . . . and make sure he protects this child's innocence.

Image: HearingVoices

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Nipple Piercing for Kids? Not so Fast

Kids: The World's Best Form of Birth Control

JeanneSager — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:29:00 GMT

You've got to laugh when someone tries convincing a childfree-by-choice non-breeder that parenting is wonderful while her two-year-old runs around her feet screaming. I'd give them half a Popsicle for trying. Yes, parenting is wonderful, but boy our kids do a lot to convince people otherwise.

This week's Babble feature Non-Breeder: A Preschool Teacher's Confession drives home a theory I've always had. Kids make great birth control.

Lauren Johnson loves, loves, loves the adorable tots who take up her business hours, but her home life is her escape. Come on, who hasn't wanted to escape their kids? Come on . . . get the snoot out of the air; it's OK to admit it. When they're chucking banana at you. When they're lying on the floor at Toys R Us, beating their fists on the tile because they neeeeeed a T-Rex with mechanized arms, head and feet at $59.99.

Ask a grandparent which stage of their life they like the best - and I bet you you'll get a dentist-like ratio. Nine out of ten will probably agree, grandparenting rocks. Parenting . . . eh . . . it was good then, but this is better. They can send them home with us.

I've heard people whine that their kid's teacher isn't very understanding; she doesn't even have kids. It's true, kid-free folks very often don't get us. The ones who really don't want kids just plain think we're crazy. Because our kids have convinced them - hell no, I won't go . . . there.

Think your friend has the making of a really great parent but they're still on the fence? A few suggestions:

Don't send your child over there when he's snotty; if tissues are necesary, cancel any interaction between the two parties post haste.
Keep all snack baggies of food well hidden to enhance the chances of a jam hands-free "five."
A napping child is a peaceful child. They always look sweeter when they're asleep.
Don't . . . ever, ever, ever . . . ask them to baby-sit. There should be a parent shield present at all times.

Finally? If they work with kids all day, don't tell them how much different it is when it's their own. I think they can figure that out; it doesn't mean it's going to change their mind.

Booty Caller Texts When You're Ovulating

Husband's Genitals Lit on Fire For Cheating

Nintendo Scrabble Game Drops the F-Bomb

Man Forced to Pay Child Support for Another Man's Child

Bus Driver Spanks 6 Year Old For Not Sitting Down

Childcare Relationships and Bickering Parents Affect Kids' Stress Hormones

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 22:30:00 GMT

It seems self-evident that kids with poor childcare relationships or parents who frequently fight are more stressed than other kids. But now two new studies have established this common sense theory from a biological standpoint, by monitoring the levels of cortisol (the human stress hormone) in preschoolers and 6-year-olds. As parents across the country struggle to afford high quality childcare and to maintain a stable home environment, these studies are unfortunately quite applicable to these trying economic times.

In most people, cortisol levels decrease throughout the day. But for many children in full-time daycare, the stress hormone increases as the day progresses. Researchers found that class size clearly affected children’s moods, with preschoolers in classes of 10 or fewer children producing less cortisol than those in classrooms with closer to 20 other kids.

Children with poor relationships with their daycare providers became more stressed after one-on-one interactions with the teacher, while clingier kids had higher overall cortisol increases throughout the day.

Similarly, a study of 6-year-olds with bickering parents found that those who were very involved in and distressed about the fights produced more cortisol than other 6-year-olds. Since high levels of cortisol have been linked to health and psychological problems, this finding offers a biological understanding of why kids who get very upset by their parents’ arguments are more likely to have psychological problems later. (Whether higher levels of cortisol are a cause or an effect of psychological disorders is not clear.)

The study’s authors hope that understanding the biological basis of stress in young children will change the way kids in these common problematic situations are treated. For instance, monitoring kids’ levels of cortisol could help indicate whether a given intervention is working to relieve stress or not.

Day Care Enrollments Plummet as Families Struggle to Pay the Bills

Is Cutting Your Sitter's Pay the Best Way to Save Money?

Photo: pregnancy-depression-help.com

Babysitting Co-ops: The Modern Extended Family

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 19:24:00 GMT

In a society where extended family is often a plane ride away, free childcare sounds like a fantasy on par with winning the lottery. But many cities now have babysitting cooperatives that offer families a community-oriented way to get a night out without spending an arm and a leg. The concept is simple: you go out one night and leave your kids with a neighbor; then you return the favor. You keep track of how much babysitting time you owe or are owed by a simple point system (such as earning two points per hour per child).

Many co-ops have monthly socials, so prospective families can get to know the people they'd be leaving their children with. Not only does this system save participants upwards of 12 bucks an hour, but it creates a sense of familial closeness amongst neighbors. Kids make new friends and parents have numerous friends to turn to for support. Instead of paying a baby planner $500 to help you navigate the myriad baby products on hand, you can just ask a neighbor with older children for advice.

A Brooklyn blogger described her experience with babysitting co-ops this way: “Our child now has parents in the neighborhood—not just babysitters. So he sees adults as friends.”

If you don't yet have a babysitting co-op in your neighborhood, here's a simple guide for starting one.

Photo: New York Times

Baby Planners: Who Needs 'Em?

Are You Sure This Could Never Happen To You?

Amy S.F. Lutz — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Where do you find your babysitters? Do you put up notices at colleges? Ads on Craig's List?

Maybe you think that's too risky. You never know who could answer an ad like that. Maybe you're like Britney Paines, who hired the daughter of a woman she knew from her Florida church to watch her 6-year-old son. I mean, who's more trustworthy than someone you know from church?

You get where this is going, right? Paines was pistol-whipped and robbed by 22-year-old Janette Martinez and her boyfriend, 23-year-old Fernando Gaston, Jr. Paines' son - bound and gagged - saw the whole thing.

It's kind of hard to imagine how Martinez and Gaston thought they could possibly get away with this - or why they thought it was worth risking it for a haul that amounted to $200, a cell phone, and some jewelry.

Paines is just happy that - although her son will surely never forget freeing himself from his bonds to find his mom lying in a pool of blood - neither of them was seriously injured.

Wonder where she'll find her next sitter.

Give This Girl Best Babysitter Award

Kelly Mills — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 20:32:00 GMT

We often cover stories of babysiters who do less-than-responsible things, like leave the kids in their care alone or give them alcohol or other unsavory stuff. So it seems only right--and a welcome break--to report on a babysitter who definitely deserves a medal and a raise, as well as unrestricted access to the contents of the fridge.

So what did this girl do that makes her such a star? She fought off a would-be kidnapper who tried to snatch the three-year-old girl in her care. When the babysitter opened her screen door to Normando Zamora Ramirez, he tried to grab the toddler. The babysitter fought back, and as he dragged them from the apartment, a neighbor heard the scuffle and restrained the guy, who was arrested on suspicion of attempted kidnapping, false imprisonment, burglary and child abuse. So if anyone needs someone to watch the kids on date night, you can probably engage her services and go out with a little peace of mind.

Too Much Childcare? It Happens.

Madeline Holler — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 23:04:00 GMT

Our babysitter went and got a job. A real job. How could she? What about our needs?

Sure, we hardly ever used her. And only on evenings, usually on the weekends. Do you think she had better stuff to do besides hanging out at our unexciting, tiny house?

What about when the opposite happens, particularly with your full-time nannies or household help? Do you just kick her to the curb when all the kids go to school? Cut back the hours? Turn her into a full-time housekeeper?

It's a problem I'll never have -- what to do with too much childcare. But it's one they tackled over at the Wall Street Journal's "The Juggle." A blogger wanted to know what arrangements the readers had with their beloved babysitter/nannies who they no longer need full time.

The writer said:

Fortunately, our sitter already does some light housework (doing the kids’ laundry, emptying the dishwasher and so on), and we’ll probably expand her into more of a household-manager kind of role when both kids are out of the house more often.

I'll refrain from poking fun (in a jealous rage) of outsourcing household management, because I think it's great they guy is showing loyalty to a person who had been obviously loyal and caring and helpful to his family.

A lot of the commenters started "sharing" the nanny, or changed their responsibilities from changing diapers to cleaning the house. Others, seeing the financial windfall of no longer have to pay for so much help, found the women new families to care for.

What do you plan to do?

The Babysitter Of The Future Here Today

makeitadouble — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 18:30:00 GMT

For thousands of years Moms and Dads have looked for creative babysitting solutions that would enable them a few hours of relaxing smoochy boochy down time together away from the kids for anything from a Brontosaurus Burger to a game of Scattergories and a couple bottles of wine with friends. Some of these solutions in hindsight may not have been the safest of arrangements like entrusting the children to a domesticated pet dinosaur, the Little Drummer Boy, Robin William’s in drag or Elisabeth Shue, but every so often an idea comes along that is so brilliant in its simplicity it makes you kick yourself for not coming up with it first.

AdventureDad over at The Blog Fathers has discovered a way to leverage the power of emerging technology and peer-to-peer online telephony and video conferencing to act as a babysitter and it won’t swipe booze from your liquor cabinet. The babysitter's name is Skype and here’s how AdventureDad uses it to “…have some nice food, a few bottles of wine, and still keep track of sleeping children.”

In his words…“Our friends come over around 6 p.m. so the kids can play for a couple of hours while we chat and cook some food. At 8 p.m. one of them go right across the hall to their apartment and put the little one to sleep while we put our two kids down. Our neighbor then fires up his Macbook/Macbook Pro, gets on a wireless network, and calls our computer from his/her apartment via Skype.” He says they can both see and hear the little ones and also that the sound quality and sensitivity is amazing.

Now before you Naysayers and Worrywarts start saying “Nay!”, showing me your warts and decrying this idea as negligent AdventureDad explains that his neighbors live directly across the hall. Is this really any different than parents setting up an audio-only baby monitor in the upstairs nursery while they’re downstairs? Besides, isn’t it about time technology started pulling its weight around here? And who knows, this use of Web 2.0 software to help raise our kids may just be the tip of the iceberg.

I’m still trying to figure out how to get Twitter to change a diaper.

Sittercity Rocks! Er...Rules! Um...We Like It!

Karen Murphy — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 11:34:00 GMT

I have a secret to divulge: my kids have only been with a babysitter once. In their lives. Ever. (except with The Ex, but that's another story)

But day before yesterday, I had occasion to need a babysitter. For the next day. And then I was incredibly glad that Strollerderby had received a promotional email from Sittercity. So being the naturally curious blogger that I am, I investigated, and here's what I found:

Sittercity rocks. And I also have it on good authority that it rocks from our own Jessica Ashley, who has a number of friends in the Chicago area who swear by it.

This is what it is:

Log on and you immediately get to check out your options by zip code. In addition, there are ways to further narrow your choices (non-smoker? drives? special talents?). In my semi-obscure area, there was a variety of choices. Plus, you're confronted with photos, ratings by other pleased (or not) clients, and each potential caregiver has the opportunity to sell you with their profile.

In the end, I went with another option, as I was a little overwhelmed with the number of choices available to me through Sittercity, but at the same time I am totally bookmarking thie site for a later time. There's already an event coming up in December. If I were the kind of person who planned ahead, I'd be interviewing potential sitters right now. But I'm not. I'm a procrastinator. So I will scramble last minute for a sitter and then complain about it.

But you are a better person than me and you are the kind who plans ahead. Which makes Sittercity the perfect deal for you.

P.S. They also have dog walkers, nannies, and pet sitters. Just so you know.

Bad Babysitter: The Other Worst Nightmare

Kelly Mills — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 20:02:00 GMT

As Karen pointed out in her post on the daycare that disciplined toddlers using tacks (pause to gag in horror), leaving your child in the care of someone else is a nerve-wracking proposition. Of course babysitters are included in that, and we've seen some wretched childcare stories. But when the babysitter is a relative, like say, the grandmother, it's ugh and more ugh. In this case, a grandma who thought the legal drinking age ought to be nine years old.

Well, actually it's worse than that. It's a grandmother who gave her nine-year-old granddaughter (and herself, natch) a tall glass of gin. Apparently she hoped the child would pass out so she could go out for the night instead of doing babysitting duty while the girl's mom was at work. An officer at the arrest (thank god) said "A lot could have happened with a kid left alone... A lot could have gone wrong. She could have choked on her vomit. ... This is a horrendous case of child endangerment." To which I say, "and then some."

Nannies and Mommies: What's Real and What's Just Hollywood?

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 14:57:00 GMT

The Nanny Diaries opened at the end of last week. While this might seem like a late and lame attempt to be timely, when you consider that I, like gazillions of other parents, won't see it until it is moved from the New Releases section of Netflix into its appropriate category banishment, I am really quite ahead of schedule. And although I didn't quite get around to reading the book it is based on either, I am curious to see if there is any magic reality written into the relationship of mother and nanny.

I admit, I have a vested interest since I have been a nanny -- not for a family of ridiculously wealthy self-obsessed hidden-cameraing and couture shopping folks but rather, for one of those Pacific Northwest types with the organic garden and bagel store in town. They were good parents and good people with no idea how to treat someone who was doing more than spreading cream cheese for them. My pay was mediocre, my hours were long and I regularly arrived at 7 a.m. on my bike to find that there were no diapers or milk for the day. I kept coming back because I loved the child deeply and I still wonder if the parents got that. The job ended in an unfortunate tax dispute and I dreamed about the baby for over a year.

The nanny and mommy relationship, at least as portrayed in Hollywood from Mary Poppins to The Hand That Rocks the Cradle to Uncle Buck and now to The Nanny Diaries, is dissected in a great read by The Boston Globe's Joanna Weiss. She has many thoughtful observations on the roles written to extricate this delicate relationship between caregiver by blood and caregiver by hire, including the conveniently dead mother, the over-sexualized nanny, the desexualized and thus non-threatening nanny, and (gasp) the working mother. In the end, she says (and I paraphrase), no matter how fabulous and spoonful of sugaring the nanny is, it always comes back to the kid needing her mommy. This is good and right, of course. But for the nanny, it is hard and heartbreaking. Today, I understand it a bit from both sides.

I have no idea if this movie is worth your twenty dollars in tickets and forty dollars in popcorn, sodas and sugary goodness you wouldn't dare let your kids eat in the theater, or if it will be worth the four bucks it costs to rent and the eight dollars in overdue fees I will inevitably fork over. But I do know that it is good to see and imagine and write and discuss the relationship between mother and nanny more and not leave it to silver screen stereotypes to define.

My Kids Aren't Invited? Then I'm Not Coming to Your Party

Karen Murphy — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 15:32:00 GMT

My kids attend a Waldorf school that, like many Waldorf schools that struggle somewhat financially and strive to provide education that's within the reach of families in various financial circumstances, relies heavily on fundraising throughout the year to make ends meet. So the annual benefit auction is a big deal. The first few years we were with the school, the auctions were child-friendly: after all, the auction was, in essence, *for* the kids, in a way, as the money received went directly to the school and providing materials and eduction for them. My kids loved the magical atmosphere and flitted from room to room, sampling delicious food and reporting on important items that they wanted me to bid on in the hopes we would win them and take them home. We all looked forward to the auction all year.

Then the auction committee decided to make it an adult-only event and discouraged children from attending. It felt like some of the heart went out of the event for me then, and it became yet-another chi-chi occasion of the sort I avoided anyway, chock-full of people wearing clothes they normally wouldn't, laughing too loudly and generally not being themselves. Not having a babysitter handy, I stayed home that first year. The second year of adult-only I stayed home out of protest. It wasn't fun anymore, not for me.

I guess this is a sensitive issue and it's being pondered over at The Wall Street Journal: while I'd never insist that my kids attend a gathering and would never knowingly taken them where they weren't wanted, I agree that if my kids aren't invited it's likely I'll stay home. I have taken them places where they were ostensibly and grudgingly welcomed, and none of us were comfortable. So why bother?

At the same time, I value the opportunity to spend time with other adults without children present. We need time and space to remember who we were before someone called us Mommy or Daddy and who we are outside of the person who wipes noses and butts.

But I'm just not that motivated right now to seek out adult-only venues. I made a choice to have children and I am making a choice to spend time with them. If that means I don't attend your adult-only party, then so be it. My kids won't be little for all that long and I'm just not that interested in paying a sitter to be with them when it could be me. And as such, I'm going to tend to hang out with other people in similar circumstances making similar choices.

What about you? Do you tend to socialize with other families where kids are part of the social plan, or do you prefer to leave the kids at home?

Babysitter Tips And Tricks

Patti — Tue, 15 May 2007 21:02:00 GMT

When I was in junior high school, I was babysitting newborns for a dollar an hour. My, how times have changed. Depending on where you live, you might be lucky to find a high school kid who'll take less than ten bucks an hour, if you can find a high school kid at all. Around here, people seem to lean toward using off-duty or former nannies, whose qualifications are stellar but who charge up the yin-yang. I had plenty of time to ponder this while I sifted through ads on Craigslist and set up interviews trying to find the right person to watch Tivo at my house all evening while my kids sleep, in exchange for more money per hour than I made as an operations manager for an internet startup. Yeah, we don't go out much.

In honor of National Babysitting Safety Day, which was Sunday and the existence of which I should probably be less surprised, Denise over at BlogHer put together a great little roundup of sites that can help you get over the hump and out of the house. If you don't mind paying as much for the chance to get out together for pizza and a movie as you would have paid for dinner at a three-star restaurant back in the old days, that is.

Lock Away the Kids and Try the "Wall Kiss" ... If You Dare

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 19:57:00 GMT

By now you've blackmailed an unsuspecting teenager into babysitting. You've made dinner reservations. Maybe you've bought some jewelry, some roses, a bottle of wine. You're ready to spend some quality time with your spouse while your kids get high on sugar and late-night TV. You're ready for Valentine's Day ... at least you thought so.

Mom blogger Susie J. recounts the so many ways I don't know how to say I love you. "Behind the Veil" -- a kiss that involves a sandbox. The wall kiss, movie star kiss, the hot breath kiss, cherry kiss, mafia kiss. I need to start renting better porn or go back to middle school, because none of these are ringing any bells.

That's not to say I don't know a few of my own. Parenting provides fertile ground, so to speak, for a wide range of kisses:

The middle-of-the-night feeding kiss -- which usually lands on the forehead or elbow, as your spouse rolls over for another hour of precious sleep while you trudge into the nursery.

The date night kiss -- a hurried, torrid coupling before you drive the $15-an-hour sitter home. (The coupling is with the spouse, by the way. Get your head out of the gutter -- sheesh.)

The hall pass kiss -- a very quick peck on the cheek before your sprint out the door for a few beers with the guys.

I'm sure I'm missing more than a few. Any others?

Where Do You Hide Your (Blank) When the Babysitter Comes Over?

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 19:03:00 GMT

Valentine's Day is coming up and that might mean that you and your partner get to sneak away for a little winey-diney while a babysitter watches the kids. And you know what that means.

When I was a teenage babysitter, I snooped the shit outta some houses. I tossed places like a DEA agent looking for llello. Now that I am old enough to have a teenage babysitter of my own (but not so old that I've forgotten what teenage babysitters do as soon as the adults leave), you best believe that my (blank) is locked up tight.

No, it's not under the mattress or in a coat pocket or in the freezer. My (blank) is definitely not in any drawer or in the medicine cabinet. In fact, my (blank) may not even be in the house. Maybe I keep my (blank) off-site, and retrieve it when needed.

If my babysitter were to snoop, she'd find my X@n@x, my birth control, and a bottle of marked vodka, but my (blank) is safe. Where do you stash your (blank) on date-night?