Strollerderby : adult children

When, If Ever, Will You Expect Your Kids to Split the Bill?

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 15:30:00 GMT

Now that we’re beyond the days when children had financial value as farm helpers, it’s generally accepted that parents have a responsibility to fully support their children until they are at least 18 (octo-mom notwithstanding). But what happens after children move out and join the workforce varies widely from family to family.

Barring the instance in which the son or daughter ends up being far more financially secure than his or her parents, there inevitably comes a point in every parent’s life when going out to dinner or a movie with your children raises the question, “Who will pay?” Parents’ responses to this question run the gamut from an absolute refusal to ever accept money from their kids to an absolute refusal to ever pay for their grown children.

My own parents are both on the generous end of the spectrum, picking up the tab for all of our leisure activities without a second thought. I’ve always appreciated this unquestioning generosity, not only because it means I get a free meal or movie (though that’s a pretty nice part of the deal), but because it creates a relaxed environment of good will whenever I spend time with my parents. I know that there will be no discussions about money, as there are when I go out with friends or other relatives. I simply trust my parents to choose activities within their means. Because I appreciate this arrangement so much, I plan (or hope!) to do the same for my kids, even after they are financially independent.

On the other hand, I have several friends who would never dream of letting their parents pick up the tab. Ever since they joined the working world, their parents have expected them to chip in, and they have been glad to do so, enjoying both the sense of independence from and generosity toward their parents that this arrangement affords them.

Interestingly, all of the people I know who split the bill with their parents are men. This may be simply a coincidence or it could indicate that there’s a gendered aspect to being comfortable with accepting money from one’s parents.

What financial arrangements do you have with your parents? Do you plan to ask your kids to split the bill once they are grown up?

Photo: Monica Buck/Shine

Is One Dollar a Week a Reasonable Allowance?

'Expert' Exhorts You to Hurry Up and Have Kids Already

Amy Kuras — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 17:02:00 GMT

Would-be parents! Have you had the temerity to get an education, work on your career, and develop and refine your relationship with a partner before getting down to baby-havin’? Maybe the tanking economy is changing your plans?

Then you, my friends, are responsible for six “dominoes” that lead to terrible, if vague, societal costs according to a press release from Dr. Alan Singer. His take is that delaying childbirth is BAD and will mean BAD THINGS and some people might not get to be GRANDPARENTS if you don’t start pushing out heirs RIGHT. NOW!

If I just channeled your mother there, I’m sorry. On many levels.

Singer is a self-styled “family size expert” who writes a blog mostly devoted to exhorting people to not delay childbearing, no matter what. The dominoes he refers to are thus: delayed marriage, delayed childbearing, augmented infertility, elevated multiple births, increased rates of pre-term births and caesarian sections.

His main piece of advice is that parents should “encourage” their adult children to get themselves good and knocked up, even going so far as to suggest they offer financial support to talk them into doing so. Not surprisingly, he also thinks helicopter parenting is A-OK.

Okay, I can acknowledge he has a bit of a point – it is a good idea to start sooner rather than later, if your life works out that way. But what Singer and others like him don't get is that for many of us, life just doesn’t. I didn’t marry until I was 30, which put me right about in the middle of my circle of friends age-wise. Not to mention that the two leading causes of female infertility, endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome, or PCOS, are not age linked. I have PCOS and would have been just as infertile at 21 as I was at 31 – and personally, I would have been a considerably worse mother.

And if my parents had dared to start rattling the grandchildren cage? Would NOT have been pretty.

So. Was it Good for You?

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sun, 11 May 2008 23:30:00 GMT

Mother's Day is nearly over. Thank God!! Partners and their baby mamas everywhere are breathing a collective sigh of relief, children are high on the sugar from the early morning pancakes, phone calls have been made (it's not too late!!).

So. How was yours?

After all the Mother's Day sniping and reconsideration, our house was harmonious today. Breakfast in bed, pretty earrings, and blue nail polish. Sweet cards and helpful husbands.

It may be cliche and predictable, humdrum, and bourgeois, but it was grand.

Wednesday Night is Parental Sex Night

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:58:00 GMT

"Ah yeah, girl -- tonight we're going to make love. You know how I know? Because it's Wednesday, and Wednesday night is the night we make love."

If you're a tired parent. If you've had a long, nails-on-chalk-board day watching after an ever-more rambunctious toddler. If you're just looking for a little mid-week lovin'. Trust me, try another line tonight. It might have worked on "Flight of the Conchords" but it doesn't work in real life. Stupid Jemaine.

Adult Children Still Suck Money Off of their Parents

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 20:45:00 GMT

According to the BBC news, four out of every 10 Scottish parents in the have gone into their savings accounts to help out their adult children. This comes as no surprise to me. I could never have purchased my house without help from my parents (and my in-laws). The article says that the average parents gift £12,300 to their adult offspring to help them buy home furnishings, a property or their own car. If I used my currency converter correctly (I love the internet) that is $23,697.42 in U.S. Dollars (hence the dollar sign, I never know what is appropriate).

The researchers came to the conclusion that while the society seems to be getting wealthier a lot of the wealth has to be transferred between generations. Professor Merlin Stone worries that most of the money that is gifted is used for general life start up purchases.

Come to think of it, the surprising part is that it is only four out of ten. Maybe the number is much higher in North America.

Washington Mom Admits She Coached Kids to Fake Retardation

JasonAvant — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 13:58:00 GMT

A while back, Johnny Knoxville got together with the Farrelly Brothers and brought us the film The Ringer. Knoxville, in a Brando-esque display of Method Acting, feigns mental retardation in order to enter the Special Olympics as a "ringer" so that he can win a fixed bet and erase a huge debt. Of course, Knoxville learns a lesson in life and love, and develops a new found respect and affection for the mentally challenged. It's not the greatest movie ever made, definitely a 13 or 14 in one's Netflix queue, but even I - a cold-hearted bastard if ever there was one - got a bit verklempt.

So here we have life imitating art, without the feel-good ending. In an attempt to fleece the system, Rosie Costello instructed her kids, starting at ages 4 and 8, to fake retardation so that she could collect Social Security benefits. They were busted when social workers viewed a tape of son Pete contesting a traffic ticket in a Vancouver courtroom. Pete now faces six months to a year in prison, and may have to pay up to $59,000 in restitution. Daughter Marie has not yet been located. To borrow a line from Indiana Jones, "try the local sewer." At first I felt bad for the kids, but apparently they kept the ruse going until they were in their 20's. Rosie is scheduled to be sentenced on May 17.

My feel-good ending? Rosie behind bars, banging out license plates to pay back the $280,000 she stole.

Parenting: You May Think it is Only for 18 Years, but You'd be Wrong

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 21:14:00 GMT

You may be thinking that this parenting thing is an eighteen year commitment, but you would be really underestimating things. Barbara Bova wrote an article that was on Naplesnews.com about giving advice to your adult children. It is really scary when you think about it. If your daughter is having problems with her marriage and gets separated you would want to offer support, but you have to be careful. Can you trash her husband? Even if you really think her husband is a jerk they could reconcile and then you will look bad and you could end up driving your children away.

Where is the line between offering your 30 year old child financial advice and interfering? I can only assume (just like with smaller kids) each child is different. I talk to my father about my finances all the time, then again, he is my stock broker. I have a lot of friends who don't talk about money issues with their parents. I have friends that talk to their mothers about their sex lives. I was embarrassed when I told my parents we were going to start trying to have a baby even though I knew my mom was dying for more Grandchildren.

Bova says that the key is delicacy. While I agree with her, I also feel like tact is a good skill to have while offering advice to offspring of any age.