Strollerderby : adopted son

Biological Father of Madonna's Adopted Son Very Concerned

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 20:30:00 GMT

Yohana Banda, the biological father of Madonna’s adopted son David, is very worried about the boy's happiness. Although Banda and his second wife live simply in a thatched hut in Malawi, he thinks that three-year-old David may be happier living with him than with the most famous woman in the world.

Banda put David up for adoption after his first wife, David’s biological mother, died from complications in childbirth. He hoped that David would have a better life in the U.S., but, he says, “Now I see him in a big bewildering crowd in the street with people pushing and shoving, and many cameras around, and without a mother and father to hold his hand. I’m feeling bad for him.”

Madonna’s divorce from Guy Ritchie has strengthened Banda’s concerns about David’s welfare. “This is a new and terrible thing to happen to him. I am too upset to think clearly,” Banda said.

Although this is clearly a unique case, Banda's concern raises interesting questions about the rights of biological parents to be involved in their children’s lives after adoption. Naturally, Banda cannot know what David’s private family life is really like without personal contact from Madonna. Do you think Madonna has an obligation to reassure Banda of David’s happiness, or are her family’s decisions none of his business?

Photo: Celebpick's Weblog

Madonna's Malawi/UNICEF Fundraiser Gets Criticized

Madeline Holler — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 22:57:00 GMT

Critics say Madonna's recent fundraiser at the U.N. was actually a Gucci store opening attention-getter in disguise and also an indirect promotion of Hollywood's favorite mystic religious center. These same critics think the U.N. should never have allowed the event, which raised more than $3.7 million for relief efforts in Malawi, the country of origin for Madonna's adopted son, and UNICEF.

Yes, but she brought Lourdes. We never see Lourdes! Doesn't that count for something?

From UPI:

The Guardian said Internet bloggers and some mainstream media outlets have blasted the United Nations, claiming the event -- which was presided over by pop star Madonna -- was used to drum up publicity for the Kabbalah Centre and a new Gucci shop in New York.

They say it was inappropriate because half of the funds would go to Raising Malawi, an organization run by the Kabbalah Centre. The rest of the money was donated to UNICEF (weren't they critical of Madonna's adoption, by the way?)

Still, where's the critics' sense of fun? The turnout was all star and loaded with celeb moms and dads. Jezebel's got pics of the best and worst dressed and pics of Gwen Stefani and a very preg. Jennifer Lopez.

Photo: via Jezebel

Ranch for Adopted Kids Gone Wild

Madeline Holler — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 23:02:00 GMT

This is one of those things where you're happy that there are people out there doing good things so that you can live in complete and comfortable oblivion about the problem they live with and deal with and try to make better on a daily basis: a ranch for adopted children whose desperate families cannot handle them.

It turns out, a statistically small but growing number of adoptive families -- particularly those who adopted internationally -- are pushed to the point of wanting to give up their adopted child. They realize that their adoption agencies glossed over or falsified their child's history of abuse or living conditions, all of which wind up contributing to abusive and dangerous behaviors the children start exhibiting in their tweens and teens.

Which is how Ranch for Kids in rural Montana got started and also why it's therapy of hard ranch work and responsibility will likely be needed for years to come.

The Ranch isn't a first stop for adoptive families whose children are going through hard times, of course.

The LA Times:

Most had already logged countless hours in psychiatric units, wilderness programs and residential treatment centers, searching for answers to their disturbing behaviors. The goal is that, through intense intervention and structure, their conduct will improve enough that they can go home.

But some will never return, moving on to new families. They are part of an expanding phenomenon known as adoption disruption -- the official term for parents attempting to return their adoptive children.

It's heartbreaking, as is this story in Newsweek a while back of an American adoptive mother who is in prison for beating her adopted daughter to death. Also a tragedy, also the result of a lack of real information about her girl's early childhood history, which may have been helpful in understanding and treating her subsequent behaviors.

The ranch, started by an American woman who lived and worked in Russia, where she also adopted her daughter, has a pretty good sucess rate. Of the 150 kids that have gone through the program, which is not cheap, only six have gotten the boot (all, incidentally, within the last year). One third of the kids go back home after their stay at the ranch, another third, usually teens, go on to Job Corps, a government program that trains them for work. The last third, sadly, wind up being relinquished by their parents.

Sometimes, the task of telling a child he or she will be joining a new family falls to Bill Sutley, an electrical engineer by training. "I just say: 'This is not your fault. You have a screwed-up brain.' And then I do my best to explain why the current situation isn't working."

Which is when yet another group is called on: A Child's Waiting in Akron, Ohio -- one of the few adoption agencies that works with youth they did not originally place.

The kids are rated according to levels of difficulty and then the search for a new family or living situation is begun.

Truly, truly sad.

Does anybody have any experience with this or adoption disruption?

Photo: rainbowkids.com

Fat Guy Gets Go-Ahead to Adopt

Madeline Holler — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 21:27:00 GMT

A super overweight guy who was convinced that a judge denied him custody of his cousin’s son because of the man’s size has once again regained custody of the little boy.

Now the wheels are in motion for him and his wife to finalize adoption of the now 8-month-old, who the couple began caring for when he was 1-week-old.

The judge denies that the man’s weight was ever a factor in denying custody. At the beginning of the battle, he weight 550 pounds. Now, after a Dallas doctor offered free gastic by-pass, he’s 200 pounds lighter.

Instead, the judge says the man improperly moved the boy across state lines. He was born in Texas, but the family now lives in Missouri, where the case is being adjudicated.

The overweight man has been fighting to regain custody of the boy since this summer, when he was placed with another (skinnier?) family, also interested in permanent adoption.

I’m happy for the big guy and the little boy. Weight shouldn’t be a factor when deciding where to place children, particularly in places like Missouri! Jesus! In Missouri, food is love! So I’m glad this is being resolved. But now I’m sad for that other family.

Co-Worker Turns Out To Be Birth Mom

Amy Kuras — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 22:36:00 GMT

One would think we've gone all soft here at the Derby, what with the warm holiday fuzzies we've been posting.

Well, here's another one.

Steve Flaig, 22, was adopted at birth by parents Pat and Lois Flaig. When he turned 18, he decided to search for his birth mother, something his parents fully supported. So he contacted the agency from which he'd been adopted and found out his mother was a woman named Christine Tallady. A Google search came up empty, until he rechecked the paperwork and realized he'd been spelling her name wrong.

Google showed her as living not too far from the Lowe's store where he'd worked as a delivery driver for two years. He was still mulling how to approach her when he mentioned the situation to his boss, who said "You mean the Chris Tallady who works here?"

It was true – the 45-year-old woman who he'd exchanged occasional hellos with, who'd been hired in April as head cashier, was his birth mother.

For her part, she'd relinquished him when we was born because she was just not ready for motherhood. Since then, she'd gone on to marry and have two more children, who are now 12 and 10. She often thought of the baby boy she'd placed for adoption, never dreaming he was a co-worker.

It took him two more months to work up the courage to say anything, although he would observe her at work and wonder about the right way to approach the situation. Finally, last Wednesday, he found himself driving by the adoption agency and popped in to tell them of his find. An employee there volunteered to make the call for him.

When the adoption worker told Tallady that her biological son worked with her, she burst into tears. Steve himself called later that day and they met for the first time last Friday. According to the Grand Rapids Press, Tallady said, "I have a complete family now, all my kids. It's a perfect time of year. It's the best Christmas present ever."

Awwww.

Photo: Grand Rapids Press

All I Wanna Do Is...Be A Mom: Sheryl Crow Adopts Baby Boy

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Fri, 11 May 2007 22:32:00 GMT

The rumors began swirling earlier this week, but the songstress made it official today: Sheryl Crow, 45, is now mom to a little boy born two weeks ago.

From her website Sheryl writes:

Hey Everybody,
I am so excited to share with you guys that I've adopted a little boy. He was born 2 weeks ago. His name is Wyatt (after my dad) Steven (after my little brother and Scooter) and we are enjoying some very private family time. Just wanted you to be the first to know.

Hey, thanks for thinking of us, Sheryl Crow!

...and Happy Mother's Day, Mama!

Madonna and Adopted Son Visit His Father. Finally.

Karen Murphy — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 21:25:00 GMT

Today, Madonna and her newly-adopted son David Banda flew to the impoverished African country of Malawi and ostensibly will negotiate some visitation between 14-month old David and his father, who has had no contact with the boy since Madonna took him away to London six months ago. Just as of last week, biological dad Yohande Banda repeated his January plea and asked to hear some word about little David from his new mum, but he doesn't appear to be on the A-list when it comes to Madonna's personal phone number. Or even on the recipient list for a form letter: "Dear ___, My new son is fab! He is studying kabbalah already and looks great in his new red bracelet! Smooches, M."

Malawi child-welfare officials are set to report on Madonna's and husband Guy Ritchie's suitability as adoptive parents of little David after two visits to their London home. Is it any coincidence then that Madonna's Malawi visit will also include charitable work surrounding the building of orphanages? ("Dear David Banda, You were totally worth all the money I had to spend to ~~buy~~ get you, even though I had to build several buildings to do so. It's only money anyway! Love, Your Fabulous Mum")

[photo credit: AP]