Strollerderby : Mothering

Laughing At, Not With, Yo Momma

Madeline Holler — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 21:36:00 GMT

It'll be years before I send text messages to my kids and a cold day in hell when I exchange them with my own mother. Not that I'm opposed to it, I just can't see it happening, what with her arthritis and the fact that she never remembers to turn on her cell phone. But we do email. So I totally get what inspired this great new blog/side project by an editor over at an SD fave blog, Jezebel.

Called Postcards From Yo Momma, it's a collective demonstration of the universal dorkiness of moms. And I know we're the cool generation of parents. But I suspect I'll fit the bill in 2022. Sigh.

Here's the mom I want to be.

Here's the mom I fear I'll be.

You can submit your own mother's musings or just picture her when you're reading the others. I'll leave you with this:

Goji Juice

I had a moment to google and here are just a few of the comments. Most blogs were talking about the MLM aspect. The juice may not be a “cure all’ but it does have it’s benefits, especially for people who do not eat fruit.

you may have already done this, but I wanted you to know I have an open mind and am not always easily fooled.

I am still looking for your sock.
Love Mom

Which Age Do You Like Most -- Newborns, Toddlers, Teens?

Madeline Holler — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:02:00 GMT

I totally get how mothering newborns can be a real downer, but truth be told, I loved the entire baby phase with both my kids. From newborn to that first birthday, I had little to complain about -- that includes the crappy sleep, feeling like a milk truck, the soft belly (oops, still got it), the showerless weeks. Loved it. Then the kids turned 1 and sure, still nice, but that was when the whole "mommy" and "precious baby" thing starts to wear thin. But the kids still napped, so I persevered.

And then.

After a few more months -- once they hit around 16 months old -- I was pretty much over the glory of caring for the totally dependent. At that point, I would have rather cut back my mothering hours to part-time, or maybe just weekends.

It was a phase of tolerance for me that lasted about a year for each kid. Sure, there were some good times. And it's always fun hearing the kids talk and having conversations. But there's something about that age -- the whining, demanding, pick-me-up/put-me-down, food tossing, messiness -- that is not terribly compatible with my personality.

The good news was, the closer they get to 3 years old and beyond, the more I started liking this motherhood enterprise all over again. (I should probably mention, affordable part-time daycare options really opened up for me with both kids around this time as well. Was my happiness a coincidence?)

All this is my way of asking, what's your favorite and/or least favorite age? Is there a particular phase you'd live over and over again? Or one that keeps you from ever bearing/adopting another child again? All my friends loved the after 1 phase. Any other meanies out there like me who didn't?

Photo: tailored.com

Tips for Better Parenting (Are You Reading This, Britney?)

Madeline Holler — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 17:37:00 GMT

I have lots of New Year's resolution -- some for others, the rest for me. There's so much I'd like to change, I even made categories for myself: health (daily flossing); career (get organized); family (more travel); wealth (more aggressive investing). And, of course, the biggie: parenting (be a better mom).

Oh, but what does that last one mean, "better mom." More homebaked pastries? A higher-end laundry detergent? Patiently listening to stories after the lights go out at bedtime that never, ever, ever end (ever)?

No? None of that? Really? Not according to Parents magazine. They've come up with 8 ways to be a better parent and none of them involve patience, playing Princess without scowling, or using "I" statements and reflective listening when telling my kid to not throw her fork. These things are easy enough for some of our more famous not-so-great parents to do.

1. Avoid comparisons and labels. (But my friend's kid can ...)

2. Walk the talk (you mean I shouldn't scream at my daughter to stop screaming?)

3. Let your child make mistakes. (Check!)

4. Do nothing. (Check! Check!)

5. Avoid food rewards. (For the kids, it's too late for yourself.)

6. Look behind bad behavior. (Hmmmmm. But when do I get to explode?)

7. Trust your gut. (It's been good to me before.)

8. Be ready to embrace change. (But I like the way .... oh, all right.)

That's a pretty good list. Now, if I find any tips on better flossing, I'll post those too.

Mom Jeans, Mom Genes: You Either Have Them or You Don’t

Madeline Holler — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 13:24:00 GMT

Don't let the latest genetic research get your mom jeans in a knot: you might not have a natural drive to be a mom.

Apparently, some women’s desire to procreate is as genetically programmed as their green eyes or deeply carved dimples. I guess the rest of the moms are just faking it.

A genetic predisposition is the best researchers could come up with for the fact that many women in wealthy nations are choosing not to leave their legacies in the form of little packets of their genetic information, also known as children. Instead, these modern women want their legacy to be in the form of career, fame and fortune (narcissistic hussies!).

But don’t worry. Those women lacking a “mom gene” won’t be around for long. Since women in developed countries are now in control of their fertility, those who don’t care to become mothers, or don’t care to have many children, will breed themselves – actually, not breed themselves – into extinction.

Who will be left? The offspring of “mom gene” positive women. They will pass that baby-hungry way of theirs along to the next generation, who will pass it along to the next, and so on. Never giving less to motherhood than career, they'll raise the best darn kids ever.

What about those lacking the gene? Well, they’ll just sit around bitching about family-friendly airline pre-boarding policies, and how Judy’s taking another afternoon off to go watch a soccer game.

The researchers go further and posit that the population declines of developed countries could be stopped and possibly reversed. Fill up places like Canada, Italy, Japan and Germany with mom-gene carriers and you’ve got nursery schools outnumbering bars!

If there is such a mom gene, I think I might have it. My husband does not (hey, wait, what about the dads?). So I leave the mom-gene-negative cleansing to two my girls. But truly, I fear a world filled with nothing but devoted PTA presidents who, left unchecked, would have no one to guilt-trip, hold nightly meetings and bring back the mom jean on large scale.

Balancing Praise: Let's Not Celebrate Mediocrity

Melissa Summers — Sun, 13 May 2007 12:03:00 GMT

Emily Bazelton ponders how we praise our children wondering what kind of praise is valuable and what kind is unhelpful. Current opinion looks down on parents creating situations where even the most benign accomplishments, like 'graduating' from 5th grade, are lavishly praised as true accomplishments. A study of college students given a personality test for narcissism each year shows that today's students are 30% more narcissistic than the students of 1982. If these students were actually more self confident, this would be wonderful news but Bazelton says kids know that graduating from 5th grade isn't really all that difficult to do and so they eat up the praise but it's not making a generation of more confident adults.

Bazelton argues the kind of praise we give our kids is the problem, not the quantity of it. She points out studies by Claude Steele and the New York magazine piece by Carol Dweck, "How Not To Talk To Your Kids."

I agree with the piece that there's a balance between truly believing your child is a version of your best self and encouraging them to live up to that and on the other hand raising a child into an adult who believes showing up to work on time is worthy of praise from a boss. It's a tricky balance and that's why I'm cancelling that "You've Finished Third Grade Gala" I was planning for June.

Cocktail Playdates: What's the Big Deal?

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 18:15:00 GMT

Did you catch the Today Show this morning? Melissa Summers was on with Meredith Viera discussing the "cocktail playdate" phenomenon.

When Melissa told me she was going on the show, I was worried that the producers would try to paint those of us that might like to have a cocktail or glass of wine at playdates (no, not every one, and not at 9:00 AM although some days...) as a bunch of irresponsible alcoholics, but my impression was that it was a very balanced segment.

The moms they interviewed were all women I'd be happy to have over some afternoon to share a bottle of wine. And Melissa is right, if you have a problem with that we probably can't be friends. And people that criticize moms who drink responsibly BECAUSE WE'RE ADULTS, are just looking for an excuse to critize, well, anything.

The Today Show polled iVillage members and 57% disapproved of "momtinis." I think the numbers would be different if they polled on a site like Babble. So what do you think? Have you ever shared a bottle of wine or mixed up a batch of mojitos with other parents while your kids are around? Or should alcohol never mix with children?

[graphic credit: Suburban Bliss]