Strollerderby : Motherhood

Guy Blames - Who Else - Mom for Slashing Tires

JeanneSager — Thu, 28 May 2009 18:28:00 GMT

Apparently the guy caught slashing tires on almost fifty cars in Boulder, Colo. had never read Philip Larkin.

He blamed it all on Mom. Oh, and the braces she made him get when he was little. And - no surprise here - radiation.

Alright, he sounds mentally ill, so I'll lay off him. But now that I'm a parent, I think it's time I start keeping a running tab on how many people blame Mom for everything wrong in their lives vs. those who blame Dad.

Because there's no doubt dad screws up too (hence, Larkin's quote: "they f--k you up, your mum and dad" in case you don't know it). And the blame game is certainly becoming more popular in today's society (heck, I blame the parents who tell their kids it's never their fault!).

As parents, a certain percentage of our choices are naturally going to be wrong. If any of us escape un-blameworthy, you deserve more than medals. But there's no question some parents work particularly hard to screw up (um, guy who poisoned his kids to sue Campbell's Soup jumps to mind). And with kids naturally closer to one parent or the other, there's always going to be one shouldering a little more of the blame.

With an only child, who is fairly centrist in our lives (she floats from Mommy to Daddy and back again), we'll probably both feel burden. But at least she'll have something to talk to that therapist about!

Do you worry that your kids are going to blame you for certain things when they grow up?

Image: Amazon

Breastfeeding Kids Scare Prudes

JeanneSager — Thu, 21 May 2009 13:32:00 GMT

OK, let me break it down for you folks, because apparently there are still some folks out there who don't get it.

Breastfeeding is not a sexual act.

So if toddlers are doing it to their dolls, do we REALLY give two hoots (or hooters?). A group of Brits with their granny panties in a bunch apparently do.

Staff at a hospital in Manchester, England hung a poster that shows a little girl "breastfeeding" her doll. It's something I know a lot of moms say their kids have done. Because, well, they saw a Mom (maybe theirs, maybe someone else's) doing it and they want to be just like her. That, they've decided is part of mothering their "baby" doll. It's actually pretty sweet if you think about it.

The staff were trying to make that point exactly - kids copy what they see, so why not give them a positive example? Except a grandmother visiting her grandson called the papers to complain because, she says, "The picture is shocking and it isn't normal. Children copy their parents but I don't think any little girls should be breastfeeding their dolls."

Why is it shocking? Because a little kid is playing mommy? Excuse me, should we send that message out to the hundreds of dolls marketed for giving kids ability to pretend to be "just like mom?" How about the toy strollers and little Mommy and Me outfits?

Of course, if she was holding a bottle to the baby's mouth, we can only assume Gram would be just fine with this picture, and everything would be right with the world. Er, OK, why? Because it didn't involve a boobie? Bingo! Because we're just parading back to the fact that breasts are not to be used for such nonsense as what nature intended.

What really bugs me about this story, however, isn't Gram. She might just be written off as old-fashioned and set in her ways (although at thirty-nine . . . ). But the healthcare worker quoted in the article calling the photo "offensive," is of even greater concern here. Because if someone working IN a hospital setting is freaked out by this picture, it's no wonder moms are still getting poor breastfeeding starts at many hospitals.

So let's get back to the beginning. Breastfeeding does not equal sex. Three-year-old pretending to feed their dolly breastmilk does not equal kinky perversion. Now, want to go tell your son or daughter they're doing something freaky? Didn't think so.

Image:Manchester Evening News

Joba Loves His Messy Mom, Do You?

JeanneSager — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:26:00 GMT

I am not a fairweather Yankees fan. I love Joba Chamberlain, even when his mom is brought up on meth dealing charges (when he gives up four runs in the first, weeeeeeell...).

The Yankees pitcher's comments had to warm the cockles of moms everywhere, especially this week of all weeks (ahem, look at your calendar).

"You've only got one mom, man, and you've got to be thankful for her,'' said Chamberlain. "I still love her."

Of course, it's not Joba's fault that his mom, Jacqueline Standley, was allegedly selling methamphetamines back home in Nebraska.

It isn't any kid's fault when mom is a serious mess. But this is certainly sit down and take stock week, especially for parents. Joba's sort of right - most of us only get one mom (yes, children of lesbians get two, kids in open adoptions get two . . . but the point is, your options are still limited!).

So does that mean we all have to love our moms? Or our dads for that matter? Or does it mean Jacqueline Standley is REALLY lucky to have a son who knows life throws you curveballs?

Ask any parent how their own parents play into their choices as a parent today, and you'll get one of two answers: 1. They're doing things the way their parents did it. or 2. They're trying very hard NOT to do it the way their parents did it.

We might only get one mom (or the equivalent), but that doesn't mean she had to be any good. And since we won't all have a Yankees pitcher for a kid, we'd best work our butts off to try to not to make a mess of it.

Image: DailyNews

Mama's Got History

JeanneSager — Wed, 06 May 2009 16:01:00 GMT

If you haven't noticed Mother's Day is coming, get thee to a calendar.

In honor of all things mom, we're going old school at Babble. REALLY old school.

Backstory: The American History Guys, a radio show produced at the University of Virginia, managed to squash three centuries of motherhood into an hour-long show.

It's worth a listen simply for Ann Hulbert explaining why mothers in the 1920s were instructed "not to smother their children with love." No whirring helicopters in those roaring twenties, apparently.

Then there's the tragic story of Anna Jarvis, mama of Mother's Day, a West Virginian feminist in the nineteenth century and her daughter, Anna Marie Jarvis. The latter Jarvis wasn't a mother, but she loved her mother - and she loved her mother's ideals. She worked tirelessly to make her mother's dream of Mother's Day a national holiday about social justice. By 1914, she'd gained the national holiday for mother's. But why was she unhappy with it, railing against it for the latter half of her life? You'll have to listen to the American History Guys' Mama Tried: A History of American Motherhood."

What about you moms, do you like Mother's Day?

Image: Backstory

Sick in the Morning? Your Kids Will Thank You

JeanneSager — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 14:32:00 GMT

Who knew one day I'd do a happy dance over seven months of throwing up and two trips to the emergency room? According to a new study in the Journal of Pediatrics, moms should be embracing morning sickness - it means we're bound to pop out smarter babies.

Take that Ms. "Oh, I loved pregnancy, I never threw up, never even had an upset tummy."

The study was commissioned to look at the affects - if any - of anti-nausea drugs in pregnancy, and there's good news there too. Scientists found that mothers who took diclectin during their pregnancy to fight their morning sickness were not endangering their kids' mental acuity. That in and of itself is important news for doctors, who find that mothers who are suffering from morning sickness are loathe to take anything for fear of hurting their fetus.

But as Dr. Gideon Koren, director of the Motherisk Program, at the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto and one of the study's authors, points out, morning sickness can have debilatating affects on a mother. See above - two trips to the ER and seven months of loafing about miserably sick (see also - why I'm only having one child!).

Whether parents took the drugs or not, the researchers found the kids coming out of cranky sick moms were scoring higher on tests of IQ (yes, I know, a very imperfect system) and mental acuity. This goes along with the good news that women who suffer morning sickness are less likely to miscarry and less likely to have babies with cardiovascular problems.

So moms, carry that barf bag proudly. You're baking a little genius in your oven.

Image: growinstyle

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Ali Landry: Goodnight Doritos Girl, Spotlight on Mom

JeanneSager — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

If you've ever been embarrassed by your taste for celebrity parent news (admit it, Babble's Famecrawler the first place you visit), you're going to get a kick out of Ali Landry.

Once a member of the People's Fifty Most Beautiful People List and the famous "Doritos girl" from the late nineties, Landry now has a weekly Webcast that's allowing every day parents (us) instant access to celebrity parents. And Landry, ahem, is just as interested as the rest of us.

Landry sat down with Babble to talk about her new show, Spotlight to Nightlight, and parenting daughter Estela (twenty months).

First way she won us over? She admitted her twenty-month-old has already hit the terrible twos. Yes, that's a real mom talking there!

Babble: What got you into actually talking about motherhood and doing Spotlight to Nightlight?

Landry: I am a researcher. Yes, I am a little bit of a Type A personality. If I'm going to do something, I want to do it as close to perfection as possible. (laughing). Even through the birth and the pregnancy, I researched everything. I don't buy one thing without researching it. Everybody I meet, I ask them questions. I'm in the aisles at Babies R Us . . . when I was trying to figure out what bottle to give the baby (you know, I nursed for a long time, but I also supplemented with bottles), I probably asked fifteen women which bottle they used. I was driving them all nuts! I love researching the products, and I read every book... you study so much in school and in college but no one really prepares you for being a mom.

Babble: Did you find the internet really helped you with your research?

Landry: The internet was really my go-to. People today ask me about Estela, where did you get that for her? And I tell them, I got it online. I go to all the parent reviews, I look at everyting. I compare notes. I look at probably fifteen sites on the same thing. I'm a little crazy on those kind of things! I'm the go-to person for getting the shower list together for everbody, the products they're going to register for. My friends, before they buy anything, they call me! So, anyway, I was sort of dabbling, writing my own show which was going to be a talk show for moms . . . and this opportunity came up online. I thought this could be a perfect accompaniment to the television show. No one has ever addressed that on televison. I think they're all afraid that moms are not their target audience which I think is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Who do they think is watching daytime television?

The show is cut into three- to five-minute interviews with celebrity moms (most recently Sarah Clarke of 24) interspersed with interviews with experts on parenting-related topics. In other words - it's not just the celebrity parents themselves. It's the whole world. And that means nannies, bailouts and more.

Landry: People in general are fascinated with the whole celebrity baby thing, but to me the show is not truly about that. It's about being a mom, period. Whether you're a celebrity or not, I'm trying my hardest to get that relatability factor between celebrity moms and every mom whose out there. Truly, yes, they might be a little more glamorous. Yes, they might be getting their hair and make-up done and walking on a red carpet. But at the end of the day, they're a parent first. We're all going through the same thing, the same struggle. We're all trying to be a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter, a good friend. That's why I'm really trying to accomplish, to get these women to let their guard down and talk about what really matters to them.

Babble: What makes you relatable? You're this girl from Louisiana, but you're also the Doritos girl . . .

Landry: I don't even see that side of me. That's what I do, but that's not even at all who I am as a person. So, anybody who talks to me or meets me forgets about that. That's also what I really want to do with the show - to show we're all moms, we're all going through the same thing. We're all women first.

The shows are short, but Landry makes us feel a little better about our obsessions. And, hey, a celebrity mom who can admit she's got a terrible toddler on the loose? Someone we can totally relate to! Catch the show - also available in Spanish over at Yahoo's OMG.

Home Birth: A Right or a Must?

JeanneSager — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 16:38:00 GMT

I wasn't surprised to read Melanie Reid's assumption that home birthing moms are all sandal-wearing hippie freaks (OK, I added that last part). It's the way a lot of people look at women who decided to deliver a baby at home. That's not to say I agreed with her.

But even with her narrow description of the type of woman who decides to give birth at home, Reid's piece in the Times of London this week hit upon some pretty shocking numbers: home birthing is on the rise after decades of decline, but so too are the numbers of people pushing to make home birth THE way to give birth.

And that, I have to admit, I'm not kosher with.

Because for all the wonderful things that home birth offers, and all the reasons I think it should be available to any mother who wants to try it, the one thing I have heard from most moms who have actually given birth at home is that what empowered them to do it was knowing the hospital was just a phone call - and an ambulance ride - away should they need it.

I'm not sure if Reid has met your average home birther, to be honest. She calls the countries where home birthing rates are low as the "sensible" ones, and calls hospitals"the only intelligent, progressive, logical place to give birth." Ask your average home birthing advocate, and she will actually tell you hospitals ARE progressive, intelligent, logical places to give birth - if you need them. The truly sensible home birthers decided to make the choice based on medical assessments, which you very well might call progressive - considering back in the day there was no doctor checking for fetal distress before a woman on the prairie gave birth in her house. If the hospital becomes necessary, the sensible homebirthers say OK, and get there . . . pronto.

As our own home birthing Strollerderby writer Madeline Holler pointed out in her Babble essay on the topic, when she asked her midwife all the what ifs, the dangerous ones pointed to a trip to the hospital - no matter what:

What if the cord slips out before the baby? (We go straight to the hospital.) Bleeding? (Hospital.) Premature labor? (Hospital.)

But, as Reid explains, there's a difference between helping women to realize their dreams of a homebirth and actively advocating we all head in that direction. Wales actually put out a target of having at least ten percent of women give birth at home (this was in 2002, and their target year was 2007 - they're two years past and nowhere near it).

Why?

Because for all its advantages (and there are plenty - read Madeline's essay, she's been there, done that, and can explain them much better than a hospital birther like me), the hospital birth remains its back up because it has something a home can't have: the means to deal with complications. Midwives have modern medical training and are fantastic for your average birth, but outside of a hospital setting, if something DOES go wrong, where do they send you? You got it.

Which means pushing women to have a homebirth, rather than simply accommodating those who want to give it a go, does indeed put us back toward the dark ages. It means putting more women at risk, more babies at risk. The reason a select few women give birth at home in countries like the U.K. and the U.S. is not only because, as Reid claims "We're squeamish. We are hardwired to go to hospital and have our babies there. It's what we do. It's in our modern DNA."

It's because that's a better option for a lot of women. Not all. But a lot. Women like me who had to have pitocin adminstered because my daughter just WOULD NOT come out. Or women like my friend whose son had been improperly measured by her midwife and came out with shoulder distortion because he was just too darn big for her tiny frame. It's better for women with pre-existing conditions, babies with elevated heart rates.

Pushing for the opposite, pushing women to return to their homes, to take away their access to the modern advances of technology heightens the risks for women, gives insurance companies the excuse NOT to cover services and demeans the needs many women experience during labor and delivery. So some women can do just fine in a birthing pool at home. So some women make it through balancing on a ball in their bedroom. Not all of us can.

Very simply: it's one thing to chose a home birth. It's another to get the most out of home birth.

Image: TrueBirth

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French Vogue: Bringing up Baby on Cigarettes and Prada

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Oh, mon dieu. French Vogue has outdone themselves. The April issue features a faux pregnant Lilly Donaldson wearing six-inch heels and doing things with a doll and a baby bottle that, well, defy summary. You really have to check these photos out yourself.

Call me paranoid, but I think they may be making fun of les americains in this one. All right, you got us, we Americans ARE totally uptight about not letting our fetuses smoke in utero.

In the next one, it seems the model confused the instruction, "Check the temperature of the milk on your wrist," with, "Use the milk to shoot up."

Judging from Jezebel’s take on the spread, I’m more uptight than I thought. Both the writers and commenters seemed united in their appreciation of the, ah, unusual take on motherhood. Tatiana writes, “French Vogue found the tenderness in mothering, but also the humor, the wackiness, the suggestion that it isn't perhaps natural to all women, and the surprise.”

As in, “Surprise! Motherhood turned me into a heroin addict?” I guess I don't like to be quite that surprised.

I agree with Jezebel that it’s nice to see taboos busted, but this spread perpetuates just as many myths about femininity as it knocks down. Donaldson couldn’t look more childish and helpless in many of these photos.

I like the idea that motherhood does not equal self-sacrificing sainthood, but is a pregnant supermodel smoking two cigarettes at the same time necessarily the best way to demonstrate that?

Photos: Jezebel

When a Mother Goes Bald

JeanneSager — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:01:00 GMT

I've spent the last month and a half knocking down doors trying to convince a lot of broke people to give me money so I could shave my head.

Even in a bad economy, I hit my small goal of $1,000 raised for the St. Baldrick's Foundation - so you can all laugh at my very bald head.

Ready for it?

Yes, that's me, bald. My head got stuck on my pillow Saturday night, and I can officially clean out from under my nails just by rubbing my fingers across my scalp, but it was worth it.

I'm a hero for kids with cancer. Everyone who shaved their heads during this St. Baldrick's season is a hero. So is everyone who pulled out their wallets and gave - whether it was $1 or $1,00.

In many ways, the smaller amounts meant all that much more - because they came from people I knew were struggling this year. As one fellow shavee told me at a firehouse last week where twenty firemen came together like a true band of brothers and shaved their heads - "people still believe in a good cause."

I walked down the line among men who get out of bed in the middle of the night to rush out in their turnout gear and run into burning buildings, men who are used to ragging on the reporter just because they can, and they were shy, quiet. "Anything for the kids," they admitted. I nodded. "No, anything," one man said, looking me straight in the eye.

Most of us will do anything for their kids. But kids overall? I have to shave my head every year - not because my daughter has cancer (thank goodness) - but because I can't look a sick child in the eyes and not see my daughter standing there. I can't hear the story of a child stricken with a leptomenengial tumor at three and not think, Oh my God, my daughter is only three. I can't turn off the mother in me when I hear about children's cancer.

There are hundreds of other charities - worthy charities - but I'm a parent. So I pick this one. And every year, for as long as I'm still growing hair, I'll give it up, hoping that some day, one day, that $2, $25, $100 I talked out of someone, will change another parent's world.

Want to donate on someone's head? Check out the St. Baldrick's Foundation website and see if anyone you know shaved their head this year.

Get National Geographic Book on Mothers for the Photos, Skip the Words

Miriam Axel-Lute — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:00:00 GMT

For all its insightful information (for a few years I used to read it cover to cover; I miss it), when most of us think of National Geographic magazine, we think of the stunning photography.

And so, it should come as no surprise that the National Geographic Society's little coffee table book (can it still be a coffee table book if it's little? I guess so) Mothers & Children is full of wonderful photos—some beautiful, some tender, some funny, some awkward in their honesty. I love the juxtaposition of cultures and classes.

It's in my nature to overanalyze, though, and I have to say I would have preferred the book without any words at all over the words that were there: over-the-top, one-sided quotes about selfless, all-consuming motherhood (ick!) and three banal essays by the same guy (Craig Wilson, a USA Today writer, whose privilege to get to write most of the text in the book is never explained. His bio is on the Barnes & Noble listing for the book, but nowhere in the book itself). There's no sense of the complexity of defining motherhood, no acknowledgement that while there are commonalities across cultures, there are also huge differences in the experience of it.

(And how is it that pictures of kids alone fit the theme? Does a child only exist in relation to its mother?)

I would have been much happier to get a couple sentences of context for each photo and draw my own conclusions about what the photos say about the relationship(s) between mother and child.

So get it for the photo-lover in your life (at the NGS bookstore or Amazon), but I recommend skipping the words.

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Tina Fey’s 3-Year Old Writes for 30 Rock – My 3-Year Old Blogs

SunnyChanel — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 02:33:00 GMT

Alice, the three and ½ year old daughter of Tina Fey ain’t getting a free ride. Her mom already has her working. In an interview on Jimmy Fallon’s Late Show, Fey confessed that her daughter is “kind of an uncredited writer for 30 Rock,” saying that “she’ll say crazy stuff and we’ll put it in the show.” She cited the example of when her daughter saw a Disney World website on the computer and said “I want to go to there”, which became a catch phrase for Fey’s Liz Lemon.

Other lines courtesy of Alice are just begging to be used like when it was close to bed time and she had a lollipop and Fey asked “Are you done with that for tonight,” her reply, “no mommy, I wanna have a lot of sucks tonight.” Fey commented “That’s a good line for Tracy Morgan or something.”

And on being a mom Fey said “You start to look like a mom, like you don’t clean yourself right,” she continued talking about being momish “Like when your kid hands you their boogers and you take them, yeah, I’m a mom,” oh and also the goodtime that is “…putting underpants on someone who is dancing.”

So since Tina Fey is getting her three year old to work, I thought I’d get my three year old daughter Annabella to work too, as a Babble guest blogger. We sat and watched Tina Fey’s appearance on the Late Show and here were her reactions:

Tina Fey on her 3 ½ daughter Alice:
Annabella: I’m three! Hey mom I’m three! I’m Three!

Tina Fey mentioning Disney World:
Annabella whispers: There’s another Disney?!?!?!

Tina Fey mentioning lollipops:
Annabella: Remember I just got a lollipop?
Me: No, when?
Annabella: I don’t know...

Tina Fey says, “I’m a mom”:
Annabella: You’re a mom! (while poking me in the forehead)

Tina Fey on the job being a grind:
Annabella: Remember when I grind a salt?

Tina Fey on SNL:
Annabella: Hey, Your name starts with a S!
Annabella: I want fizzy water. Mommy, I want fizzy water!

Tina Fey on working 361 days a year:
Annabella: Hey, I’m three!

Tina Fey on putting underpants on someone who is dancing:
Annabella: Hey you have underpants!

On second thought, maybe my daughter should just stick with her day job, being three.

What They're Babbling About: Love Is in the Air

JeanneSager — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 17:28:00 GMT

In honor of St. Valentine, Cupid and all the love, we offer up a hard look at some parent love this week in What They're Babbling About.

Wondering what a parent who has adopted thinks the hardest part of parenting is? Being told she's not the child's "real mother." Rita Laws puts the obnoxious and ill-informed in their place with a break-down of the different kinds of parents. For the record, she's a real one. - Family Bliss

The Observer's Rachel Cooke thinks parents who write about their kids are boring, smug and selfish. Guess what, Ms. Cooke, Babble's own Catherine Connors offers us up a piece of her mind on behalf of all of us who dare care about motherhood. Rock on Catherine! - Her Bad Mother

Think your parents loved your little sister more? You might be right - the youngest ALWAYS gets away with more. - ParentDish

Recess might be on its way out, but Moms and Dads still hold a fond place in their hearts for hopscotch. - Parent Dish

But while they're skipping down the pavement, they're not skipping out on birth control. Turns out there are a lot fewer illegitimate children out there. Think one in twenty-five kids born out of wedlock. - Jezebel

Keri Fisher's Kitchenista posts here on Strollerderby have gotten your mouths watering, so how about something for the little monkeys? Monkey bread makes for a sweet family treat this Valentine's weekend - Dancing Meatballs

Image: Dancing Meatballs

Survey Time: How Will Becoming a Mother Change You?

Miriam Axel-Lute — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:30:00 GMT

If you're chomping at the bit to fill out The Birth Survey, but are still pregnant, you don't have to wait to scratch your itch to contribute to the greater body of knowledge about parenting, motherhood, and people's weird, weird brains.

Just hop over to The Motherhood Project and fill out the first of a pair of surveys that aim to uncover things about the "process of becoming a mother and how it may inform a woman’s identity, relationships, spirituality, and mental health." They'll want to you to come back after the birth and fill it out again, to see how it's changed. (And that'll be a good reminder to go fill out The Birth Survey too. Just saying.)

The Columbia U doctoral students doing the research say the online survey should take about 30 to 60 minutes. If you're in the first trimester, they ask that you wait until the second or third (but you can sign up for a reminder).

Photo by psd.

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Mom-to-Be Has Two Vaginas, Two Uteruses

JeanneSager — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 15:01:00 GMT

Whoever said it's three times the charm hasn't met Lindsay Hasaj. The British woman said it only took two tries with husband Tony to get pregnant; even though she has two uteruses, two vaginas and two cervixes.

It's one of those one-in-a-million cases, but twenty-seven-year-old Hasaj was as surprised as doctors were when she went for her OB/GYN appointment at five weeks pregnant and was diagnosed with uterus didelphys. The condition drops a woman's chances of getting pregnant by fifty percent, but the Hasajs had double the luck.

Married in July, the Hasajs started trying shortly after to conceive their first child. But when Lindsay started feeling pains in her belly in November, she went to the hospital, afraid she might have an ectopic pregnancy. But even after doctors told her the baby had not developed outside the womb, they told her they needed to do more tests.

"I was in a cold sweat," Lindsay Hasaj told London's The Daily Mail. "I thought they were going to say I'd had a phantom pregnancy or something. Ten minutes later I was told very matter-of-factly that they could see two wombs and two cervixes."

Because the outer part of her vagina (the entrance) appears normal, only splitting into two inside the body, Hasaj had made it to the ripe old age of twenty-seven without knowing she had a rare condition. She said her pap smears had always provided strange results, but apparently she never got a really invasive internal exam (now that she's pregnant, however, she joins the rest of us on that one).

She'll have to have frequent visits with the doctor - even more frequent than the average pregnant woman - because the two uteruses are weaker than one. The baby, however, is currently fine, living inside just one uterus and developing normally. As for lucky number two, the docs say it likely isn't to be for the Hasajs - but they're happy to make do with just one.

"I'm just happy that I've been given the chance to be a mum at least once."

As a mom who's one and done, I'll second that.

Image: Daily Mail

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Do You Have an Easy Bake Oven in Your Vagina?

Miriam Axel-Lute — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:00:00 GMT

Though the post is fairly long and rambly, I couldn't resist sharing this call-to-arms by Renee at Womanist Musings about lingering gender assumptions, especially by schools:

"The education system seems to think that this is still 1950 and that mothers are at home with tons of time on their hands to participate in bake sales. This request is never gender neutral, even though Daddy has two perfectly good hands himself. Why is this still the norm when most women work a double day? Even if a woman is a stay at home mother how does a vagina translate into the ability to bake? Do I have an easy bake oven stashed somewhere in my vaginal opening that I was not aware of?"

She has a larger point about the very narrow defintions of acceptable motherhood, but the comments are filled mostly with horrific stories about teachers telling single and/or working-outside-the-house and/or non-crafty moms that a purchased stocking/Valentines cards are not good enough, or that a married working mom couldn't interrupt play group for a work call while a single one (or a married dad) could, because for her a job was choice. Would like a little judgment with your assumptions? Or the other way around? Yeesh.

It's all a bit disheartening. And she's writing from Canada, too. Aren't they supposed to be more evolved than we are? (I'm kidding. Don't answer that.)

Photo by Tracy Hunter.

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Have a Uterus? McCain Wants You to Pay More for Health Insurance

JeanneSager — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:31:00 GMT

Turns out the biggest difference between men and women in America might not be their "down there parts," but what health insurance companies think those there parts will cost them. A study in yesterday's New York Times states women ages 19 to 55 who are paying for individual health insurance plans are being charged significantly more than male counterparts for the same plans.

The reason? Women are using more insurance, the companies say. But thanks go to the sharp-witted writers at Jezebel, who were quick to point out that research has shown seeking care earlier (they often call it preventative care?) saves people down the line. Saves their lives, and saves them money. Because preventive care, well, it prevents major illness.

Jezebel's report also pointed out something American voters need to keep in mind come Tuesday. Senator John McCain's chief healthcare plans call for "tax credits" that we as Americans would then use to pay for our own health insurance plans - the ones that cost women more. He's against the (currently relatively widespread) practice of employer-based health insurance plans, or group plans, whereby insurance plans are bought in bulk by an employer to wrangle a lower cost for each individual plan. The federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (you see the little EEO or EOE acronyms in a lot of newspaper classifieds) watches over employer-based health plans and prohibits gender-based discrimination. In other words - our civil rights in the workplace guarantee we can't be charged more for our employer-based health plan than the guy at the next desk. Walk out of the workplace, however, and the game changes.

The Times report even quotes a Humana representative who claims, "Bearing children increases other health risks later in life, such as urinary incontinence, which may require treatment with medication or surgery.” Say what?

A woman who popped out a baby, but has a yearly check-up at the general practitioner plus her annual "foot-in-the-stirrups, let's get this over with doc, I hope you have warm hands this time" visit is apparently going to wet herself down the road. And that's going to cost them. But the guy who hasn't been to a doctor in a decade and sits on his ass eating Cheetos and screaming, red-faced at SportsCenter all day, every day is going to cost them less down the line?

I can invest in Depends, but he's a walking heart attack.

And, apparently, Senator McCain thinks he shouldn't have to pay as much for cardiac catheterization, an eventual quadruple bypass, a lifetime of blood pressure monitoring and heart medications, a twice-yearly stress test . . . should I go on? . . . as long as he doesn't have a uterus.

Image: CrunchGear

Anti-Palin Ad Targets Parents With Teenage Rape Victim's Plea

Hey Sarah Palin, Make Your Kids Go to School

Salvation Army Says: We'll Take Palin's Clothes!

They say: no one with a uterus should vote for McCain

Palin's Kids Traveling on the State's Dime, She's Trying to Claim "State Business"

GOP Shows Obama With Fried Chicken and Watermelon

They say: McCain not thrilled with Palin and she wants to run in 2012

They (Should) Say: 6 is the New 60

Hey Sarah Palin, Make Your Kids Go to School

JeanneSager — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:03:00 GMT

I've got one question for Sarah Palin: Do your kids ever go to school?

That Bristol Palin has essentially been glued to her mother's side since the news broke that she's got Levi Johnston's bun in the oven has made me wonder if the Republicans have dropped all pretense of subtlety and are outright telling us they really don't think a girl needs an education once she's fulfilled her duty of making babies. Then Johnston announces he's opted out of school too and gotten a job in the Alaskan oil fields.

Why? The baby won't be here until December, yet no one thinks these teenagers should be spending the precious days left before the birth in a school building? Sarah Palin expects us to put her a heartbeat away from commander in chief because she's in charge of the Alaska National Guard, but has she forgotten she's also head of that state's education system? Not exactly a shining reference for becoming second-in-command to the guy overseeing the nation's department of education.

One quarter to one third of female dropouts in this country say pregnancy played a role in their decision to leave school before graduation. But a study by the Gates Foundation found the girls who dropped out of high school due to motherhood were more likely to say they would have stayed and done well if they'd had a little support. They were more likely to have been on track to graduate, many with higher marks than their peers.

So what happens to them? The National Women's Law Center report, When Girls Don't Graduate We All Fail, says dropouts have lower paying jobs, higher health risks and lower access to quality healthcare. Then - surprise, surprise - their kids turn around and drop out of school. Another shocker? Many end up living off the state. The NWLC report surmises that every student who graduates from high school saves the state as much as an average of $40,500 in total publich health and $3,000 in welfare expenditures over his or her lifetime.

Yet Levi Johnston has decided to forego his senior year of high school, and the woman who told us she's from a family of school teachers during the debate is OK with this? She's OK with her pregnant 17-year-old daughter spending days flitting around the country instead of sitting inside an Alaskan school building? No, there's been no official announcement that Bristol is droping out of school, but there's little evidence that she's actually attending. Considering the chunk of time she spent playing hooky last year that helped fuel (untrue) rumors that her baby brother was really her child, there's no sign her mother really cares.

Let me explain something to you Governor Palin, your job as a mom is to prepare your kids for their future. Want what's best for them and your grandchild? Tell your daughter to get her hind end back to Alaska and go to school. And call the Johnston family and tell them to do the same. Unless you want the people of Alaska to be stuck supporting them too.

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Happiness for Her Kids: Even Lynne Cheney Wants it Now

JeanneSager — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 14:33:00 GMT

While the world’s been watching a hockey mom who’s seen Russia attempt a move cross country, the current resident of Number One Observatory Circle has been making some big moves of her own.

Lynne Cheney earned some fans in the GLBT community this week for sort of, almost, but not exactly putting her seal of approval on gay marriage. Congratulations Mrs. Cheney, you’ve taken the next step in what it means to be a mommy.

The vice president’s wife was on CBS’ Early Show to promote her new book, We the People: The Story of Our Constitution, not talk about her openly lesbian daughter Mary. But when CBS co-anchor Harry Smith pressed for her take on Star Trek actor George Takei’s marriage in California to his long-time partner, Brad Altman, Mrs. Cheney quoted one of her husband’s speeches embraced by gays and lesbians back in the 2000 campaign.

“Freedom in this country ought to mean freedom for everyone,” she said, paraphrasing Dick Cheney’s comments during the 2000 vice presidential debates (the exact context of the statements is available here). You know, the comments he conveniently forgot when it came time to stand by his boss and support the constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

But I digress. This is about his wife, the mother of his children, after all. “I would wish my daughter to have happiness and freedom to make her own choices,” Mrs. Cheney told Smith.

Even skirting the words “yes, I support gay marriage,” she’s come a long way from the mom who made a political attack against John Kerry during the 2004 campaign for discussing Mary’s sexuality. She pulled the mom card when she called out Kerry to lend credence to her claim that he was “tawdry.” Now she’s pulling the mom card to turn her back on the Republican line.

If she were a politician, I’d call her out for being a flip-flopper. But she’s not a politician. She’s a politician’s wife, and she’s a mom. And I’m just too darn hokey to believe that moms don’t always want their kids to be happy. Call me Pollyanna, but come on. If they’ve got blue hair, a bull ring through the nose plus a lesbian girlfriend, they’re still yours.

So congratulations, Mrs. Cheney. You picked your daughter over the devil perched on your shoulder. Score one for motherhood.

Mommy Blogger Hurt In Plane Crash Helped by Readers

SunnyChanel — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:18:00 GMT

Never question the awesome strength of the blog. Mother of four, Stephanie Nielson of NieNie Dialogues, is one “mommy blogger” who’s readers came out to support in a very significant way, proving the monumential power of the people and the ~~pen~~ keyboard.

On August 16th, Stephanie and her husband were critically injured and severely burned in a small-craft plane accident in Arizona. Currently she is in a medically induced coma and has suffered burns over 83 percent of her body. Her husband was burned over 35 percent of his body and his condition has improved.

““We’ve formed a whole new community, a community of complete strangers who all care about one thing – in this case, one family – who’s in need,” Stephanie’s sister, Courtney Kendrick, told TODAY’s Matt Lauer on Tuesday.”

Stephanie’s blog focuses on the joys of motherhood in an arena usually reserved for the day to day difficulties. “What she represented to a lot of people is the positive impact of motherhood and what motherhood can be for so many people. I think that’s what people responded to.”

After word got out about the accident the visitors to her NieNie Dialogues jumped from 1,000 a day to about 20,000, many wondering how they could help. To assist the family with their ever mounting medical bills, which are already over $2 million (insurance covers the first million), a NieNie regular started a auction which grew to about 350 auctions and have raised about $100,000, a fraction of their bills but a nice chunk none the less.

For more info on Stepahnie, her family and the fundraising efforts, go to the NieNie Recovery site here.

Via Today

Motherhood? I've Got Other Things to Do

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:44:00 GMT

Times they are a’ changin’—at least when it comes to the fertility of American women aged 15 to 55. U.S. Census Bureau numbers reveal that record numbers of women are choosing not to have kids, and many women who do give birth are making non-traditional decisions about motherhood.

In 2006, 20 percent of women between the ages of 40 and 44 had no children, compared with 10 percent in the 1970s. And modern mothers in their early 40s have an average of 1.9 children, compared with 3.1 in 1976. Consistent throughout the years has been the fact that women whose education ended after high school are more likely to have kids than women with advanced degrees.

Of women who do have children, stay-at-home moms are in the minority. 60 percent of mothers work outside of the home, and 36 percent of women with children are single, while 5 percent have a live-in partner. (Keep in mind that no Census data recognizes same-sex marriage.)

"It used to be sort of expected that there was a phase of life where you had children, and a lot of women aren't doing that now," Jane Lawler Dye, the study’s researcher said of the findings. I would argue that there is certainly still strong social pressure to have children. Perhaps women who opt out of motherhood are no longer considered freaks of nature, but my childless friends in their early 30s can hardly go to the grocery store without getting grilled on when they're planning to have kids.

Photo: Working Mothers Forum

Whites Becoming Minority in U.S.

Does Childbirth Cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 21:48:00 GMT

“I call childbirth my very own Vietnam. You weren’t there, maaaan.” So writes a playful Jezebel reader. But the study that she’s responding to is no joke: the Wall Street Journal reports that 9 percent of women suffer from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) caused by childbirth.

While I am all for airing any form of emotional trauma so that the sufferers can be treated and healed, I am partly sympathetic to Jezebel’s skeptical take on this new study by Childbirth Connection (a nonprofit organization). Something about applying the term PTSD to childbirth irks me. Post traumatic stress disorder is most commonly associated with war veterans and victims of extreme violence; applying it to new mothers makes maternity seem like a pathology. Plus, Jezebel writer Jessica points out that the incidence of PTSD in postpartum women, according to this new study, is the same as the incidence of PTSD-like anxiety experienced by the general population.

On the other hand, there’s no denying the fact that some births are so riddled with problems that “traumatic” is the only way to describe them. Take the case of Liv Lane, who, after 29 hours in labor, gave birth to an infant with a collapsed lung. Her baby was immediately taken away from her with no explanation, and her requests for more pain medication were ignored. At her postpartum checkup, she told the nurse practitioner that she was suicidal and couldn’t stop crying. The nurse suggested that she read some parenting magazines and sent her home.

Perhaps this study reflects not the inherent trauma of childbirth, but the trauma of inadequate medical care in highly stressful situations.

Any mothers out there who have suffered from traumatic birth experiences? Do you think that even births that go smoothly could cause PTSD in some women?

Photo: National Library of Medecine

Pop Quiz: Do You Need a Vacation?

Jen Chaney — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:02:00 GMT

Wondering if you need to take a break from the stresses of parenting? Take this helpful quiz and find out.

Supposedly if you answer "often" to five or more of the questions, then you are in need of an immediate, rejuvenating vacation. But honestly, I would have answered often to some of these questions before I even had a kid.

"Are you careless about the appearance of your home?"

Uh, try every freaking day.

"Are you irritable and quick-tempered?"

Yes, jerky. What's it to you?

And then my favorite, which is question no. 9: "Do you have trouble concentrating?"

Really, shouldn't that be question 1 or 2? Because if I have trouble concentrating, I lost my focus well before I got to the ninth question.

But then again I am irritable and quick-tempered. So take the quiz. Or don't. What-freaking-ever.

A Baby Might Make Naomi Campbell More Emotionally Stable

Jen Chaney — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:32:00 GMT

Now that you've done a spit take ...

Who knows if Naomi Campbell -- supermodel, cell phone thrower and woman most recently accused of assaulting two police officers after they removed her from an airplane -- actually said what I am about to share. But according to this item, she has been telling friends she desperately wants to become a mom and believes that taking that step would help her calm down.

Riii-iiight. Because having a child, as we all know, takes away layers of stress instead of adding new ones.

I mean, I know personally that nothing has made me calmer than dealing with a teething child who won't stop screaming. Or rushing to get to daycare before the joint closes and I start getting charged $1 per minute. Or fretting when my baby won't go to sleep at night and I can't figure out why.

Yes, that Naomi Campbell has motherhood all figured out. I just hope that if and when she does become a mom, she buys cellphones that are fully babyproofed in rubber. Oh, and that she never flies with the kid. Ever.

Photo: AP Via CBS News

Someone Owes Moms $117K

Jen Chaney — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 18:02:00 GMT

According to a "study" released by salary.com, stay-at-home moms would make close to $117,000 a year if they were compensated for their work. That figure was calculated based on the salaries of 10 jobs -- including housekeeper and CEO -- whose duties share something in common with motherhood.

Working moms, on the other hand, only earn $68,405 for their kid-rearing efforts. Because, you know, they're just mothering "part-time." These figures are slightly higher than the ones quoted in Brett's recent blog post about New York moms, who apparently are only worth $70K per year even when they're working the maternal shift full-time. (Don't they know how high the cost-of-living is in New York? Momma needs to pay the rent and buy a new pair of shoes, you know.)

It's fun to speculate about how much money each of us could earn if only we got paid for running a family.But it's also a depressing reminder that women in general, whether they are mothers or not, still aren't compensated at the same level as most men. And as a society, our attitude toward ambitious women is still pretty conflicted. (No, I'm not referring to Hillary Clinton, overtly or covertly, with these comments. But someone will probably assume I am, so whatev.)

It would be nice if SAHMs, working moms or even working women period actually were paid the money they deserve. Until that day comes, well, we always have another survey from salary.com to look forward to. Next time, I'd like them to look into how much money moms deserve to spend on their non-existent corporate credit cards. I think we have another pretend-$10 Grand coming our way.

'Sex and the City': Top 5 Parenting and Relationship Moments

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Fri, 30 May 2008 16:01:00 GMT

Sex and the City started way back in 1998 to examine the (fictional and more monied and sexed up) lives of single women in the big city. And millions watched and learned. Today gaggles of women fans, dressed in Manolo Blahnik knock-offs will be teetering to cinemas with their gal pals wearing huge faux flowers and talking about their lives before...

...kids, husbands, limited clothing budgets and comfortable shoes...

In celebration, here are 5 of SATC's top parenting and relationship moments:

1. Where Miranda realizes she's in love with Steve.. in the laundry room - This scene captures the essence of why the show was successful. Miranda has been on the fence about Steve for years. She has a baby with him and moves on.. only realizing she's in love with him long after they share custody of Brody.

2. When the single gals put new mama Miranda in a taxi cab - because she forgot her stroller - Another wonderful SATC real life moment. Samantha loves Miranda but can't abide kids. So when on a lark the ladies decide to shop, and Miranda realizes she can't cart her babycarrier around with her, she's banished back to mommy land. Miranda's sad backward glance at her receding friends is a testament to the transition many women have to make into motherhood.

3. Miranda's huge nipples and Carrie's horror - Carrie visits new mom Miranda, who is so consumed with worry about her non-eating infant, she can barely track their conversation. She whips out the new bigger boobs to feed the baby and Carrie gets her first up close and personal look at nursing nipples.

4. Miranda has sex on the couch with a boyfriend while Brady cries - Many of us can relate (maybe not to the boyfriend but the Mommy needs sex but baby is crying scenario) to Miranda as she tries to get it on while Brady wails for her in the background. Her dialog is perfect ("It's ok, baby, Mommy is coming!")

5. Carrie cries every time Big tells her he's having heart surgery - I love the relationship between Carrie and Big. It's imperfect, crazy, and takes 6 years to work out. They love each other, but the timing is never ever right (until the end, of course). In the 5th season, Big visits New York City from Napa and shares a lovely dinner with Carrie. During dinner he shares with her that he's having a "little procedure" which turns out to be angioplasty. Carrie is wracked with uncontrollable sobbing. She doesn't understand what is happening, but we do. She's in love with Big and he still has access to her heart even after all they've been through.

And while much of this may read like a Harlequin Romance Novel does Parenting and Relationships, you'll have to watch it and give it a chance because just when you think you have one of the characters typed, they surprise you.

"Sex and the City" the movie. The next best thing to living in New York City and wearing Manolo's.

For more SATC moments, go here....