Strollerderby : Mel Gibson

Morning News - Mike Tyson's Daughter Injured

Brett Singer — Tue, 26 May 2009 00:37:00 GMT

This is a strange and sad story. Mike Tyson's daughter was found hanging by a treadmill cord. She is now in critical condition at St. Joe's hospital in Phoenix. According to reports, it was a "tragic accident"; the 4-year-old became tangled in the cord while playing. Tyson was not home at the time but has rushed back to join his family at the hospital, according to Fox Phoenix.

Wondering where the Guantanamo detainees will go if they get released? How about Italy? Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi (who has accused of picking his nose and eating it) said that "his country will consider accepting an unspecified number of detainees from the U.S. military detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba." Hey, I bet the food there is better.

I'm no business expect, but when I read that Microsoft is planning to name their new search engine Bing, my initial reaction was to say "wow. That's a horrible idea." We'll see if I'm right. The company that brought the world Windows ME and Microsoft Bob is planning to spend up to $100 million dollars advertising their new search thingy. Bing, huh? Oookay.

I thought this was already confirmed, but I guess not -- Mel Gibson's new girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, is pregnant. Look at that photo. Mel is looking really old. But still, you can see what a younger woman sees in him (money). I mean, seriously (money). What woman wouldn't want to date Mel (money)?

A chicago resident has died from swine flu, aka H1N1, or, as I call it, heinie. (Get it? H1N1? The 1's look like i's, sort of? And heinie is a funny word? Oh, never mind.) This isn't funny, of course. Just trying to add a little levity to the situation. This is the 12th person in the United States to die as a result of swine flu; the virus has killed 91 people worldwide. What I wonder is how many people die from other kinds of flu? That is, is swine flu worse or just getting more press? Regardless, I'm still stocking up on hand sanitizer for myself and the children.

And finally, I leave you with this: Congress and President Obama is still planning to "overhaul" the U.S. healthcare system, which basically sucks unless you have a good job. Even if you do, it can still suck. I freely admit that I don't know how to change it, but there are too many people walking around without health coverage and that can't be a good thing.

More tomorrow...

Image: Wikipedia

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Is it fair to take pictures of Britney's kids?

Brett Singer — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 01:53:00 GMT

You may have heard about the photographs of Britney Spears smoking while 2-year-old Sean Preston was playing with her cigarette lighter. Well, the actual photo doesn't quite show that. Here it is:

Now, far be it from me to disagree with the celebrity media machine, but this doesn't look as bad as it sounds. In this pic she looks to be taking the cigarettes away from her child. That would be the right thing to do. The better thing to do would be to not smoke at all, and especially not in front of your kids. Second-hand smoke is very dangerous, especially to little lungs. It also makes me wonder if she was smoking while pregnant, which would be much worse. My guess – and I have nothing to back this up – is that she probably was. As a former smoker, I know how hard it is to quit, and it looks to me like the Britster is quite the nicotine addict.

Here's the part that gets me: the photos were taken at her house. Why? Presumably a photog with a mega-ultra-zoom lens – a "Pavarotti", as El Federline famously referred to them on his ill-fated rap album – was suspended from a helicopter or something and took the shot through her window or on her balcony.

She's a celebrity, and over 18 (although emotionally she might be, like, 12, but let's not go there). But her kids aren't. Not to sound like a celebrity defending dipstick ("LEAVE...BRITNEY...ALONE!"), but maybe there should be a law that prevents the kids from being photographed, at least when they're at home. As someone points out over at MomLogic, they didn't ask to be in this bizarre situation.

There are celebrities whose children you almost never see candid pictures of – Madonna, Howard Stern, Christie Brinkley, and I'm sure there are dozens more that I can't think of at the moment. Of course, those people aren't the unbelievable mess that Brit appears to be. At best, this photo shows poor judgment on her part, not only the smoking but also hanging out with her kid in front of an open window where a sleazoid photographer can get a clear shot. Um, curtains? A really high hedge? Move someplace else?

Of course, if nobody wanted to see the pictures, they wouldn't be worth anything, and photographers wouldn't take them. But that's a different topic.

Here are the rest of the photos. Hey, at least she looks pretty good in her bikini.

images: popsugar.com

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Sesame Street Video: Theater edition

Brett Singer — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:45:00 GMT

Gwynne's fantastic article The Babble List: The 50 Best Sesame Street Moments got me looking on YouTube for more... more... more!

Here are some Monsterpiece Theater bits related to live theater. Alistair Cookie (aka Cookie Monster) practically steals every one with his comments.

Monsterpiece Theater - Waiting for Elmo

This might be the greatest thing I've ever seen. A "Waiting for Godot" parody on Sesame Street. As Alistair Cookie puts it, "A play so modern, and so brilliant, it make absolutely no sense at all to anybody."

Monsterpiece Theater - The Taming of the Shoe

"Classic play by William Shoespeare, famous podiatrist. (beat) Trust me." Featuring lines like, "Fie. I will not be tied to any foot...I walk alone."

Monsterpiece Theater - Hamlet

Includes an extra long intro where Cookie eats to the music, and slow pans across photos of Kermit and the gang.
"It don't get classier den dis." Prince Hamlet won't give Elmo a straight answer! Starring a pre-public-jew-hating Mel Gibson.

Monsterpiece Theater - Monster of Venice

Speaking of Jews, here's a Merchant of Venice parody, which thankfully does not feature anyone as Shylock. Grover takes over as the leader of a group of monsters who have not been invited to a party. Or, as Cookie puts it: "All about monsters in Venice. Guess that why not called Monster of Cleveland. Anyway, me digress."

Monsterpiece Theater - Cyranose de Bergerac

"Tonight we present big big feature -- facial feature. (snicker)"

Sesame Street - Monsterpiece Theater - The King and I

"About a king and the letter 'I'." Of course it is. This video could grow hair on Yul Brenner's head.

Coming soon -- Monsterpiece Theater, Movie Edition.

image: Muppet Wiki

My Son Crapo

Jen Chaney — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 13:32:00 GMT

The Chicago Tribune recently ran this short piece about the now common practice of naming children after famous cities, citing such favorites as Madison, Savannah and Sydney. The story then runs down MomLogic's list of top five city baby names to avoid, which include Boring, Md., and Intercourse, Pa. (That last one should be ruled out based on redundancy. You had to engage in intercourse to create the child. Why keep bringing it up for the rest of his/her life?)

Personally, I have a few more that easily could have made MomLogic's list:

Accident, Md.: Finally, a way to let the world know that your kid was conceived because some people still don't understand how the rhythm method works.

Booger Hollow, Ark.: For the parent who thinks Lil' Snot is too subtle.

Lizard Lick, N.C.: You have to admit, it has a nice, alliterative flow.

Crapo, Md.: Okay, seriously, what is the deal with the lousy city names in Maryland? I live in Maryland and I am frankly appalled. Who is naming our towns, two guys from Salisbury State University named Harold and Kumar?

Sugartit, Kentucky: If Mel Gibson ever has another daughter, well, this name is just perfect.

Beebeetown, Iowa: Because of my generous spirit, I'm going to offer this up to Miss Halle Berry as a potential name for her upcoming new arrival. Beebeetown Berry? Oh, I like the sound of that.

Photo Courtesy of Rural Arkansas Magazine, Via TieDyeTravels.com

Mel Gibson's Secret Daughter

MetroDad — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 00:27:00 GMT

Having lived in NYC for most of my life, I've met my fair share of celebrities. However, I'm fairly jaded and non-plussed about meeting "famous" people in real life. Who really gives a crap? For the most part, many of the celebrities I've met have either been fairly boring or didn't really have much to say.

So, needless to say, the current adulation being bestowed on celebrities tends to drive me a little nuts. Who cares what they do in their free time? Who cares that they're wearing? Who cares about photos of their baby? Definitely not me. But don't get me wrong. I'm not a hater. If people want to spend their free time by feeding their obsessions with famous people, more power to them. Because personally? Nothing brings out my inner schadenfreude and gives me vicarious pleasure like a good old-fashioned celebrity scandal.

And who better to kick off my Monday than America's most notorious anti-Semite, Mel Gibson?

According to this story, a 29-year old Australian woman is taking legal action to force Mel Gibson to take a paternity test to confirm that she is his secret love-child. Says Carmel Sloane, "I'm not doing it for his money. I just want to meet the man I've always known was my dad - and for him to get to know his grandson. I'd love it if he recognised us as family. I'm not looking for a meal ticket. I am happy with my life."

The best part of the story is the chronicle of the one-night stand that produced Ms. Sloane. I won't reveal all the details but it involves Mel picking up a 17-year old hitchiker, hiding her under a blanket, having sex with her on a mattress in the back of his mom's station wagon, and then leaving early in the morning to make to his job at an orange juice factory!

Oh please, God! If you have any sense of humor whatsoever, please let the paternity test reveal that Mel's daughter is Jewish!