Strollerderby : Karen Murphy

Video Games Make Kids Smarter, Uh Huh

Karen Murphy — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 13:51:00 GMT

Scotland, land of haggis, plaid, and the best damned scrambled eggs I have ever eaten, has come up with something bound to make the kids in your house very, very happy: there's evidence that kids who played video games on a Nintendo DS every day before school for 20 minutes had better test scores (as high as 43% better! though the average was 10%), better concentration, and better behaviour than the kids who didn't. Uh, make that behavior. But wait! There's one slight caveat.

The kids weren't playing BWii II, Super Smash Brothers, or Legend of Zelda (I or II). Not at all. Nope, they were playing ""More Brain Training from Dr Kawashima." Uh, you all have that one, right? No? Hmm. Just as I suspected. For the uninitiated, it features number challenges, reading tests, problem-solving exercises and memory puzzles. Ooh, fun, kids, right?

Er...

But still! "There was dramatic enhancement in their mental maths ability in such a short period of time. It also seemed to have a settling effect on the children." I dunno, how can you argue with that? Even though I think video games are ~~the work of the devil~~ pointless, stupid, and a waste of time.

But I kind of want to play that one. You think it can make me smarterer?

More Mattel Recalls! (Stop, Diego, Stop!)

Karen Murphy — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 17:22:00 GMT

Oh, Diego, I'm so very disappointed. You see, I've been prepared to try to actually like you, since you do seem marginally less annoying than Dora. And, jaguars! We like jaguars (though the automobile kind are horribly expensive to maintain...you can tell anyone that who thinks they want one. My advice about that is...don't.), yes indeed we do. But the lead, the lead kills...

Though parents are warned! to keep everything in perspective! because the lead in toys is still minimal compared to all that damn lead paint in those peeling flaking windowsills in your house!

But still, Diego has to Go! Go, Diego, Go! And take your 38,000 Fisher-Price Animal Rescue Boats with you! (Ooh! rescuing animals with BOATS! AWESOME! I think I like you again!) And it squirts water! I think I'm in love...

(And then everyone say, all together: "Poor Mattel...")

Have one of these? Then you paid about $15 for it, and can get it alllll back by contacting Fisher-Price with your tale of woe. Woe, Diego, woe.

Things Fall Apart: It's the Dollar Store, What Did You Expect?

Karen Murphy — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 17:53:00 GMT

I'm thinking that maybe it's time to just recall the entire contents of whatever it is they sell at dollar stores, because surprise! There's yet another recall of an item sold at Family Dollar Stores. This time up: this lovely purple Halloween pail, complete with toxicity! And witch decorations! All that and more for just $1!!

Yes indeed, 142,000 of these beauties were sold from August 2007 through ~~maybe yesterday~~ October 2007, for, indeed, that whole entire well-earned dollar. Its the green paint on the pail that's full of lead. Of course. Blame the colors. The pails are about 6 1/2 inches high, purple, with a picture of a witch silhouetted against a green moon. (The orange pails aren't included in the recall).

Do you care what the SKU number is?

You gonna return this for a refund? Of a dollar? You can if you want.

Things Fall Apart: Bumbo Baby Seats Can Kill! (Not Really)

Karen Murphy — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 19:36:00 GMT

When my youngest was tiny(er) I bought him a Bumbo Baby Sitter baby seat. He had difficulty sitting because of having low tone from Down syndrome, lalalala, and the Bumbo seat was supposed to help him feel supported, learn to use different muscles, look at the world (finally! he was about a year old at this point) from a more upright position, blahdiblah. And zillions of parents buy these things and put their (way too tiny, in my opinion) babies in them too. But don't get me started on the Bumbo seat, I'll explain more about my feelings on the matter in a moment, because the important thing to relay to you in this first paragraph befre the obligatory jump is that the things have been recalled.

But wait!

See, I should probably explain my position on the Bumbo seat first. Because then all this recall stuff makes sense (plus I can mock it, which is totally why I am here, for the mocking).

Here's the thing: the seats themselves don't suck, but I think that many of the parents sticking their kds in them do. Well, not suck exactly, but are using the seat in ways for which it was not intended. When I got mine, not saying that I'm brilliant or superior or anything (except I am if I say so and look! Now it's in print!), but when I got my seat, and when I say "my" I mean my son's, I read the instructions. Which made sense. And then, putting him in the seat, I could see some flaws. He was a skinny kid, very wee for his age (still is: medical issues, hello!), and didn't really fill the seat up all that much. Most babies would, at least more so. And in the not filling it up I could see there was a chance of him slipping out of it. Plus, not being able to actually support himself in the seat, he was sort of slumped over a bit and also in danger of falling out that way, and my biggest beef with the Bumbo seat is the parents who stick their obviously too-young and not-ready-for-it babies in it.

I put my kid's seat away until he was a little older, and then it worked pretty well. Except I always felt I needed to watch him. And, er, as convenient as it might have been to stick him whilst in the seat on a table or something (so much more convenient for me!) I resisted the temptation because, well, it didn't feel safe.

Buuuut...apparently many parents have ignored the instructions (and my intuition) that cautions against using the seat on an elevated surface, and babies are falling out of the Bumbo seat right and left. On to their heads. Which is probaby not good.

But my favorite part of the recall is this: if you are the proud owner of one of the One Million Bumbo seats being recalled, you can contact Bumbo International, and get a free sticker. To put on the seat. (Which says: "Hey Stupid! Read the instructions dammit and use this seat as designed! Don't be an idjit!")

Seriously, 28 babies have fallen out of these seats, and 3 of them have fractured their skulls. I've been following this story for awhile, and Bumbo maintains that the seats are safe but that people are using them improperly. Which I totally believe, all of it.

Things Fall Apart: Gymboree Pirate Swords, Arrrrgh

Karen Murphy — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 12:36:00 GMT

At this point in your lives, what's a little breakage and laceration, anyway? If you have kids, you know all about both, trust me. The important thing is, you have to Get It Right, and I am sorry Consumer Product Safety Commission, but this is clearly NOT a pirate "sword". It's a scimitar, if you knew ANYTHING about your weaponry. I mean, hello! Anybody with a small boy in the house or some weird geeky medieval-Moor knowledge would KNOW this stuff.

However, far be it from me, CPSC, to tell you how to do your jobs. After all, it's not me following up on all these claims of lead-laden cheap crap (you could not PAY ME ENOUGH to do your job, believe me!). But 11 of these ~~cheap plastic~~ wonderful ~~swords~~ scimitars have broken, and when they do, Ouch! That's sharp! Somebody could get HURT! Maybe they should recall these stupid...oh. Right.

Yeah. These little puppies are about 19 inches long, excellent for swordplay in the kitchen, and has a gray plastic (breakable) blade with a gold handle. So lifelike! They were sold in Gymboree stores from August 2007 through September 2007 for the astounding price (for a hunk of plastic) of $12 to $15. The recall involves scimitars sold with a SKU number 140025491-GYS049. The SKU number is printed on the price tag above the bar code. Not that you have either, likely, at this point, having probably been on the tag that you removed when you brought the thing home and began fencing in your livingroom. But you can get your money back at Gymboree, or check their website for more information.

Strollerderby Finishline: Vacation All We Ever Wanted

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 11:45:00 GMT

Strollerderby bloggers have vacation on the brain this week. Pierre just returned from his trip out West to the beautiful San Juan Islands. Mike is relaxing at a mysteriously un-wi-fii-ed bed and breakfast, and Karen is loving up on..... Whistler, B.C.??

Meanwhile:

Jessica describes the happy reunion following baby elephant's day out,
Patti shares some great tips for cooking while on a camping vacay with her kids,
Mike celebrates Father's Day every day
Gwynne talks up Babble's Summer Film Round-Up
Whit starts the weekend out right with a friday afternoon mini-vacation using a drink inspired by Otter Pops

Strollerderby Finishline: Boobs, mmmm That's Good Eatin'

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sat, 12 May 2007 13:24:00 GMT

Puritans unite! Maggie Gyllenhaal has boobs. And you're not going to believe this -- are you ready? She uses them to feed. her. children. Next she'll want to push a kid out of her lady business, or perform some other wholly unnatural act. Crazy Hollywood liberals ...

In case you missed it, that's what's been happening in the SD this week. Boobs. Sarah's post about a paparazzi snapshot of the starlet's lunchtime activities uncorked a debate that's, well, absurd. Of course she should cover up! With her kid's hungry mouth. Wherever they friggin please. (Yes, I'm biased, but so what?)

Or, as Alisyn said in covering the ensuing debate -- suck it, haters!

Of course, things eventually returned to normal, and the SD continued to do what it does best: Rock. (Due in no small part to the latest Hitting the Bottle: Jessica's Big Boy Panties.)

Stefania uncovered one-of-a-kind Mother's Day gifts that will look nice forever -- even if your kid winds up at Rocco's School O' Beauty or begging for change on the street. (That said, I can eat $3,000 worth of chocolate.)

Karen not only coined a new word -- singletudinousness -- she also offered an insightful, personal take on why single parents can do it better. One of this week's must-reads.

Pierre is back this week! And he brings a new and justified fascination with Samuel Jackson. Forget Alec Baldwin, I'd love to hear the messages SJ leaves for his daughter.

Kelly is probably the only person ever who has made me laugh out loud using "child labor" as a punchline. And then she got past the "romance" of attachment parenting and said hippies smell.

Patti missed a great opportunity to snark on the 17-strong Duggar family -- opting for wisdom, foresight and grace instead. And the picture's gonna make you snort Coke out of your nose. (No, Kelly, soda!)

Rachael discovered that a guy wearing a pregnancy suit tastes like chicken. But I think she got it right the first time: Cree-py.

As for me, I'm still crying in my beer over this. I'm not sure I can take Tuesdays without the "Gilmore Girls."

Strollerderby Finishline: The Sky Has Fallen Edition

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sat, 05 May 2007 15:20:00 GMT

Et tu, Lorelai? Yes, it's been a sad, sad few days. The "Gilmore Girls" is canceled. Goodbye parenting TV Nirvana. Hello ... "Notes from the Underbelly"? No thanks. Sure, a lot of other important stuff happened this week. But really, when the best. show. on. TV. goes off the air, does it matter anymore?

So join me as I fill my own sippy cup with this and recount all things that don't really matter compared to the saddest. news. ever. Perspective? Not likely.

Sarah learns one of life's truisms: Bob Dylan rocks, but he scares the bejebus out of little kids.

Karen wants you to forget all those stereotypes -- cougars rock! (My words, not hers ....)

Jessica pulls a Madonna. No, she didn't pilfer orphans. She just wants moms to express themselves!

Kelly enjoys poking out children's eyes. And mocking your penis. And I don't blame her.

Alisyn spares Jaime Pressly the bad news. She thinks pregnancy is bad? Try post-partum. (She still rocks on "Earl," however!)

Melissa lies to her dentist. The shame. The shame!!!

As much as this posts makes me want to call Stefania a bag hag, she is the editor, soooo .... bag lady it is. (Goodbye Christmas bonus!)

Patti won't write on your underwear -- she'll just use an adhesive label. Ouch.

Rachael wants to hire a sitter and try something new. Now there's a date night I could get behind. Oh wait, laser tag? I was thinking something else. Hey, anything to take my mind off the pain.

[Special thanks to Random House for the photo of Gay Talese and fam. I was very, very pleased to stumble upon this in my weekly search for the best in vintage family photos.]

Strollerderby Finishline: Placenta Eating Mimes Dine Out With Chris and Courtney

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sat, 28 Apr 2007 21:17:00 GMT

That headline? That sums up our week. When we weren't knee-deep in placenta juice (mmmmm), we were kicking kids out of restaurants, wondering why new moms are so damn selfish and getting an odd feeling that celebrities aren't using "yoga" to shed pregnancy pounds so much as having their stomachs nipped and tucked. Oh yeah, and there's mimes.

Our week begins not only with the thought of Ricki Lake naked, but also with the sad, sorry plight of her assistant, whose job it was to clean out the "placenta juice" from the home-birth bath tub. I can't thank you enough for such wonderful imagery Stefania ....

Chris Rock has long advised dads to keep their daughters off the pole -- the stripper pole. Jessica wants to know what advice Rock has for dads of boys -- considering he may just be one. And while he's at it, why not just form a playgroup for all the celebrity dads using DNA to confirm their progeny?

New SD streetwalker, er, I mean blogger Kelly Mills (oh just go look at her bio, silly) thinks yoga is code for "gastric bypass." But at least Courtney Love is thin again, and really, what else matters?

And then there's the ever-popular debate about kids in restaurants. Crank Mama Rachael finally admitted it. You know all those people who are "for the children?" She ain't one of them. At least when it comes to toting tots to fancy restaurants or mommy's day spa. Nothing brings out the smiles like the topic of kids and white table cloths. Oh, and this is pretty funny, too.

Alisyn wonders whether she's too much of a Puritan and also whether 9 is too young to go strapless -- while parents, just like her, wonder why the hell Teri Hatcher has any pull at the White House anyway.

Patti is afraid of mimes and is probably still under her covers with a trusty baseball bat. Sound freakish? Just watch these guys and you'll understand. They've got nothing on "Pigs in Space."

Karen offers some sage advice for playground safety. Kids with beards? Yeah, it's time to go home.

Melissa uncovers Rosy the Riveter's private stash. Of art. Created by her kids. While Rosy was busy, ya know, building big-ass World War II battleships. Definitely worth a look.

Sarah takes on TomKat, advising newly 1-year-old Suri to come to her senses, get on her feet and run, Forrest, run! OK, maybe that's just me. Still, it's good advice. As Sarah says, her parentals are freakshows.

And I admitted something you've known all along. I'm a dork. And, oddly, quite proud of it.

Finally, I'm not exactly sure which evil genius here at Babble thought up the idea of our best. feature. ever. -- "Hitting the Bottle" -- but hats off, my friend. Followed by my shoes, my socks, my pants, shirt, underwear, watch, sock garters (what?) after just a few of the "Free Babysitters," Gin and Tequila? I just hope the babysitter's easy, too.

Finish Line: Drunken Parents Rule the World

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 15:26:00 GMT

Bear with me -- or is it bare? I can't never remember -- but I am two "choking hazards" into Strollerderby's latest and best creation, so this post may be a little more unintelligible than all my others. (Didn't think that was possible!) The point is, there is reason to celebrate. Strollerderby rocked the sandbox this week -- and I feel like sharing.

First, and sticking with the vein of parents who like a stiff drink, Sarah puts the smackdown on the most ridiculous anti-teen drinking campaign ever. What won't work for teens, she says, will cause a laugh riot for their parents.

And when we're not smacking down stupid campaigns, we're smacking down bullies. Karen provides some excellent tips for beating bullies -- even when your school doesn't do a damn thing to help.

CityMama Stefania warns parents about a looming storm this summer ... when the new Apple iPhone debuts. Turns out kids are already gabbing about the thing and parents are about to be hit up for $500 big ones. Get a job, she says. Agreed.

Alisyn provides the big ideas this week with a touching post on gender and identity and how, sometimes, one doesn't determine the other. A must read. So get crackin'!

SD newcomer Jessica Ashley starts out strong with a scathing report on rampant child abuse. Everywhere, it seems, children are being forced to wash their hands! The humanity of it all!

When she's not using your favorite kid names for her car, Patti comes to the conclusion that you just can win in the name game: "Just pick a name you like, and don't tell anyone so you won't have to listen to them try to talk you out of it." Again, agreed. 100 fuggin percent.

And CrankMama Rachael again very astutely -- and very hotly, I might add -- gets at the crux of the hipster parenting phenom and finds there is, gasp, other shit to worry about than $800 strollers and lame-ass TV shows.

My oh my, it was nice knowing you Pierre aka MetroDad -- but mocking Scientology? I just don't have the, um, guts -- even if the idea of a desperate Katie Holmes using her daughter's birthday party to send for help is kind of funny. OK, really, really funny.

And finally, I tell the world that a kidless, college-age know-nothing is, well, a kidless college-age know nothing. Except I do it with panache ... and a "choking hazard!" Mmmmm. That's good parenting.

Finish Line: Your Strollerderby Recap for the Week of February 18, 2007

JasonAvant — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 19:04:00 GMT

Welcome to this, the first installment of our weekly roundup of Strollerderby's best. Realizing that "best" is relative (example: I believe that Zooropa is U2's best album), here are some highlights from this past week.

Sarah and Rachael both sparked some coversations with a couple of posts. Sarah, after reading a piece by Two Okapi's Daddy, posed the question, "what's the most surprising part of parenthood"? (The correct answer, by the way, is "42".) Rachael, after visiting the sorta NSFW site MILPHWorld, mused over the whole MILF concept. I've yet to form an opinion, and will need to spend a few more hours on the site in order to formulate my hypothesis. Research, you know.

Of course, this week was all about Britney and Anna Nicole. Karen discusses K-Fed's merits as a father; Stefania muses on newly-bald Brit and her short stint in rehab; Alisyn takes us back to the K-Fed front, then checks up on Britney, who's back in rehab; and then we learn from Mike that Anna Nicole reached out to Britney, which would've been like getting these two back together, and tossing 'em a big bag full of ketamine.

In other news, Jay put the spotlight on a piece in The Stranger about the difficulties faced by parents who lead alternative lifestyles, I put the spotlight on a piece about the difficulties faced by a high school student who wrote a column advocating tolerance of alternative lifestyles, and Stefania and Karen put the spotlight on Brangelinajopittlie putting the spotlight on themselves, and Madonna putting the spotlight on herself. Also, Alisyn says, for those of you that were wondering, yes, Donald Trump is still an ass.

On the health care front: Karen passed along some interesting info - prenatal vitamins may help prevent cancer in babies. Jay looked at the potential effects that pregnancy hormones may have on MS, and Mike pointed out that WMD's and my old Battle of The Planets lunchbox have something in common - our government bullshat the public about both. Patti pointed us to an article about a Fresno County nutritionist who uses a ground-breaking new approach to teaching kids about healthy food. Pierre says TV? Not so good; Patti says Wii? Not so bad.

Finally, Sarah used the word "scrotum" in a piece about a Newberry Award-winning book that's been banned from many schools because it contains the word "scrotum". We here at Strollerderby apologize to all of you who were struck blind upon reading the word "scrotum".