Strollerderby : Gen X parents

Gen X Dads Do More than Prior Generations, but Is it Enough?

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 21:01:00 GMT

It is unclear whether stay at home daddy-dom is as unusual and newsworthy as it was back in the mid-80s when Michael Keaton made housewives everywhere swoon with his "Mr. Mom" routine (He cooked! He cleaned! He watched soap operas!) but Newsweek's Brian Braiker seems to think so.

The generational differences between our dads and the men doing the daddying these days can easily be summed up by the tasks that are undertaken now with great regularity by daddies everywhere (diaper-changing, school schlepping, bathing)... This group of dads is definitely hands-on.

Thankfully, Mr Braiker states outright that he's "...not asking for a medal" for his childrearing efforts -- a wise move should he ever desire to get laid again in this lifetime. His observations about generational differences and sex roles are keen and relatively accurate, if somewhat limited by his (assuming here) upper income bracket.

While it's true that men these day spend more time with their children than prior generations, it is also true that many many women (one of whom wrote an article for Newsweek) still feel (and studies validate) that they are doing the majority of household work, regardless of how much bacon they are or are not still bringing home. And until that inequity is solved, I'm afraid very few men will be getting medals after all.

Better Yet: A Bullet in my Head

Madeline Holler — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:04:00 GMT

Let me start by saying: I love my in-laws. Let me follow that by saying: I love them so much I wouldn’t even consider living next door to them. Which means I won’t be part of this new trend, or “trendlet,” as the experts in this article are calling an emerging pattern of extended families living within spitting distance of each other. On purpose.

How does this work? And how is it working? One clan made up of the parents their grown children and their young grandchildren lives on a compound in rural New Jersey, where each family has a private house. They use golf carts to go from one home to the other for visits. (They call first, right?) Two new parents in Philadelphia sold their small townhouse and rented an apartment across the courtyard from baby’s grandma. Now they enjoy -- the one silver lining on this dark, intrusive cloud -- free babysitting.

Of course, living across the continent from the in-laws, as I do, is just as extreme as playing house in their converted garage. So how close is too close? The next room? A day’s drive? Corsica?

Where's the Love? Why Gen X Parents Complain About Raising Kids

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 15:57:00 GMT

People often complain that modern parents are overly negative. Unlike our mythical pioneer predecessors who birthed in fields while churning butter and washing clothes in buckets, we like to jaw about sleep deprivation and post-partum depression while sipping lattes and driving around in air conditioned cars. We also love to describe (in gory detail) good reasons not to have kids, the deceptive pre-kid fantasies that lure us into making babies, and the frequent problems associated with parenting young children. Why all this fuss over something that has been going on since time immemorial? Are we just wimpy pessimists so wrapped up in our own narcissism that we can't make time for a wee stinky person? Worse still, are we so busy "being real" about our struggles we're missing all the wonderful things about raising kids?

Our generation came of age during Watergate and skyrocketing divorce rates. To say we're somewhat suspicious of holly lolly happiness is probably an understatement. But to dismiss our cynicism as indicative of a true lack of joy is also a mistake.

Much of what is written (here at Babble for example) assumes readers can tell the difference between silliness and real commentary about the deep existential problems of parenting. Do we sometimes err on the side of covering the gritty underbelly of raising kids? Probably. But is there some real value in these discussions? Absolutely.

Our particular generation's approach to describing parenting is more a reaction against ninny saccharine "raising children is the most amazing joy you'll ever feel. EVER!" than an indication that we can only describe the parenting experience as the glass half empty.

Most of us, underneath our suspicion and sleep deprivation are consistently amazed at our capacity to love (see? cue muzak) and work hard and sacrifice for our children. My daughter often tells me she loves me "bigger than the world" and honestly I couldn't describe my feelings any better.

Bribing Children: What is it Costing Parents?

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 20:20:00 GMT

Bribing kids for good behavior, I know I am guilty of this. I usually end up buying my kids each a small toy if they are good when we are waiting at the pharmacy. Ian starts yelling "LOLLIPOP!" as soon as we walk into a doctor's office. Good trips to the grocery store are often rewarded with goldfish or apples.

I come by this honestly. My Dad was one of those parents who paid us for good report cards. I got my car when I got on the honor roll in 11th grade. I was equally punished for bad grades, I had to pay my Dad for any D's or F's that showed up, but most of the time I was working, not so much for the good grades, but for the prize. I parent this way because this is what I responded to growing up. In fact, up until my kids were born I worked in sales because I needed the incentive of commission to motivate me. It is all about what I get for what I do.

This can be a problem. I am not at all unusual for our generation. The Gen X parents are raising our children with a sense of entitlement that rivals our own. Are out kids just growing up doing what we want for the rewards? Maybe. Is that good or bad? I don't know.

Alternadad: Not So "Alterna"?

JasonAvant — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 12:28:00 GMT

As the Mommy Wars give way to the "Hipster Parent" Global Conflagration (surely, it's no coincidence that so many pieces on "Hipster Parents" include references to Franz Ferdinand - really, haters, you expect us to let go of irony?), much ado has been made over a book entitled Alternadad, by one Neal Pollack. I'm over the ado, but I thought this review of/meditation on the book and the Somme River-esque battles being waged over its merits was worth mentioning. Michael Agger is a bit late to the front, but he brings a take on the book that's thus far been ignored by many reviews. (Full disclosure: he also mentions Babble, and gives a nod to DaddyTypes and some site called - hang on while I check the spelling - Metroid. Wait, sorry - MetroDad, by one "Pierre Kim". Sounds like a nom de plume to me.)

In the piece, Agger points out that once one gets past the arguably awkward cover, Pollack's tale becomes strikingly, well, normal. And lost in the furor over this notion of who qualifies as an "alternaparent" are some very real issues that make up the core of the story; the fact that despite a slight shift in dress code and mores, dads today face the same challenges that dads throughout the ages have faced. How do I put food on my family table? How do I keep a roof over our heads? How do I care for my kid when he's sick? How much of my pre-child self will change, and how much will stay the same?

Seems to me, just as it did when I reviewed the book over a month ago, that those are the issues that are worth discussing. As Agger puts it, "the difference between an alternadad, a banker dad, and a soccer dad is ultimately aesthetic and pointless."

Shut Up & Parent: Why Time Magazine Hates Babble

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 18:31:00 GMT

Hip Generation X parents have once again come under heavy fire for doing things differently than our predecessors and peers. Time Magazine reporter James Poniewozik writes a gentlemanly but scathing piece about the depths of narcissism to which our craven parenting souls have fallen.

Like someone straight from a 1950s parenting book he gently reminds us, "Once, it was understood that raising kids was about subordinating yourself, recognizing that, at least as far as Darwin and the gene pool were concerned, you were no longer the star."

He assumes that the raft of parenting memoirs and blogs, as well as on-line magazines like Babble prove our unwillingness to put our kids first. By turning parenting into an intellectual, social, and critical exercise we fail to see that we are no longer the center of the universe. In this analysis, parents are to be seen and not heard.

But if there were ever a time to be self-reflective and even a bit angst-ridden, that time is now. As relatively new parents, we learn a great deal by reading the writings of others in similar straits. And if our kids listen to the Ramones and wear Baby Gap, it doesn't mean being cool is our primary objective. On the contrary, any parent with a heart, no matter what they wear, where they live, or what is on their iPod, understands the tectonic shift that must occur when one is the guardian of little innocent people.

Parents no longer look only toward the experts for advice and direction. We look within and to each other. Through our parenting magazines, blogs, books, and podcasts, we are providing more support and real information than Dr. Spock ever could. The democratization of parenting information is at hand. Move over Dr. Sears, we are the new experts.