Strollerderby : Fathers Day

Five Forgotten Fictional Fathers

Brett Singer — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 15:00:00 GMT

OK, "forgotten" is a little strong. But while we are all familiar with Darth, Homer and the rest, here are some other unreal dads that deserve a mention on Father's Day. Not all are great dads; some are pretty damn bad. Most just don't make it onto the usual "best/worst dad" lists. Here you go, on Father's Day, in no particular order:

1. Jock Ewing, "Dallas", played by Jim Davis

OK, maybe it's not in any particular order, but was there ever a tougher TV dad than Jock Ewing? As The Onion's AV Club puts it, "[Jock's] sons Bobby and J.R….have absorbed his good and evil sides, respectively, and are used by their deceptively benign father to consolidate his power." He also had an illegitimate son, Ray Krebbs, who worked on Ewing's Southfork ranch; this wasn't revealed until after Ray had been working there for a couple of years. Which means that Jock hired his own son to work on his ranch but didn't tell him that he was his father. Go ahead. Find me something better than that. Davis' portrayal of Jock was so iconic that when the actor died, he was not replaced; they killed the character and put a portrait of the Ewing patriarch in the family dining room where he could continue to exert his will from beyond the grave. Here's a clip of Jock tossing out ten grand like it was ten cents in order to "purchase" Bobby's wife Pamela (Victoria Principal) from her father, Digger Barnes.

2. "Man", played by Antonio Banderas, in "Four Rooms"

Banderas doesn't get a name in this segment of the largely forgotten hotel comedy. He plays a gangster of some sort who pays off the bellhop (Tim Roth, currently appearing in "The Incredible Hulk") to watch his offspring while he and the missus go out and celebrate New Year's Eve. When he looks at his children and demands, in full Antonio-accented English, "Don't misbehave," you know that they will. Video clip below, not remotely safe for work or family-viewing. (Banderas also gets a nod for Gregorio Cortez in the three "Spy Kids" movies.)

"Four Rooms" Video clip (Not Work-Safe)

3. Mork from Ork, played by Robin Williams

You probably forgot that Mork was a dad. In a desperate attempt to save the weird "Happy Days" spin-off, Jonathan Winters signed on to play Mearth, Mork and Mindy's son. Of course, Orkans are born old and age backwards. It wasn't much funnier than it sounded. Now that I’m a parent myself, I have to say that I don't think I'd want things to work that way. Not that changing diapers is fun, but it's definitely easier to do it when the kid is smaller than you.

4. Wayne Szalinski, "Honey I Shrunk the Kids", played by Rick Moranis

Fathers in movies and television are often portrayed as bumbling fools who fall to pieces in the parenting department as soon as mommy leaves for five minutes. This guy, however, actually manages to shrink his children to microscopic size when left to his own devices. The character was slammed back in 1997 by Dr. Helen Haste of the British Association for the Advancement of Science, who took issue with the way that, " writers and directors employ stereotypes for almost every scientist seen on film and television."

5. Michael Kyle, "My Wife and Kids", played by Damon Wayans

This ABC sitcom ran for five seasons, which is certainly respectable. But it never quite caught on with audiences the way "Everybody Loves Raymond" did. One reason could be that the parents were, at times, intentionally not 100% nice to their children. For example, in the episode "The Grassy Knoll", mom and dad discover that Michael Jr. is stoned. So they decide to mess with his head. (The only clip I could find was in Spanish, so you'll have to just take my word for it that it was funny. Unless, of course, you speak Spanish.) It was a silly show, but there was something very realistic in the way Michael dealt with his son. It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't always behavior you wanted to emulate. But it was usually pretty funny.

Here is a clip from "Junior Gets his License".

There are, of course, many more. Who are your favorites, forgotten or otherwise?

Oh yeah -- happy father's day!

images: Amazon.com, timstvshowcase.com, mrsjrewing.tripod.com, wjzy.com

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Last minute Father's Day gift idea

Brett Singer — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 18:00:00 GMT

CityMama has a Father's Day Gift Guide. It's only one item, but it's a goooood item.

That's right: it's a lightsaber. Specifically the Luke Skywalker Force FX Lightsaber. You can also buy the Darth Vader model. In fact, buy both and then you can have a battle!

What? What's that, you say? This is a... a child's toy? Well, first of all, how many toys cost $89.75? (The Vader version is $98.98. So evil does costs more.) And besides, the age range says "8 and up." That's right. And up. Which means older than 8. So there. ("Older" in years, if not in maturity.)

Plus, it's not just a gift for dad. As one Amazon commenter says, "I even let my children play with it." It's fun for the whole family!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go purchase my tickets for the new Hulk movie.

image: Amazon.com

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Top 5 Gifts for a Real Man on Fathers Day

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:01:00 GMT

I mean, besides a blow job, a beer cozy and an autographed pre-20th anniversary edition of Steel Magnolias ...

What?

You expected a sports car too? Or a hall pass to Hooters?

Please.

This is the 21st Century. If you read any of your Sunday newspaper pullouts this weekend, you'd know the image of a real man has changed from those leather jacket days of that prototypical loner from Happy Days to someone more well-rounded, someone more accepting, someone who gently puts his fist to his chin, furrows his brow and thoughtfully declares, "Why yes, yes I would like a little somethin' somethin' but I'd also like some stemless wine glasses because they just look purty."

So this year, screw the countless stereotypes that say dads only want ties, golf clubs and snazzy pleated Dockers. This list reflects the evolving societal perception of dads as knuckle-dragging grunters whose vocabulary centers around words formed with the letters B-E-E-R and takes into account a Big Media shift that has finally learned dads, too, are more nuanced individuals.

1. Meat. Nothing says I love you like a box of steaks.

2. Fire. Imagine all the family time this fire box will produce!

3. Alcohol. Your very own bar! In your own house! How very exciting for you.

4. Boobs. Oh come on, he'll read it for the articles.

5. Tools. To fix anything burned by #2 or drunkenly toppled by #3.

-- Mike at Cry it out!

Strollerderby Playdate: Dads Deserve More than a Day

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Wed, 30 May 2007 11:02:00 GMT

They deserve gifts. Lots and lots of gifts. Yes, some crackpots will argue that just having children is reward enough -- they may even write songs about it. Well goody for them. I want things. Because nothing says fatherhood like a new tie.

Of course, other countries have a different take on Father's Day. Families unite. Businesses close. Fathers are celebrated. Instead of gifts, people wear roses to signify their love of dads.

Suckers. Again, things. You can't go wrong with things. (And acts, but maybe that's another post altogether.)

So as an homage to dads who know that true love and parental validation comes in the form of an iPhone, here's a look at the best in Father's Day material blogging.

Tired but Happy delivers on date night and gets, you guessed it, presents! Well done!

Mitchell Mania's brother-in-law is getting one cool Father's Day card -- and home made to boot.

SLLiKY Stories goes with the ol' standby: I don't need anything ... but if you're asking .... (In reality, day care is kicking their ass, so please feel their pain -- as if you don't already.)

Goodybag knows how to not ruin a good steak with this present. And yes, he's still a man -- even if the steak is inedible.

Bounce-House/Waterslide Combo. Seriously, What Dad Wouldn't Love It?

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Wed, 23 May 2007 22:01:00 GMT

My husband is the ultimate GeekDad. His latest obsession is filling our tiny backyard with some sort of climbing monstrosity that our kids will use four times and that we will eventually end up selling on Craigslist when we move. Which we will have to do because we rent. (I keep telling him...)

He scours websites for play gyms. He oohs and ahs over above-ground pools. (I. Know.) The Target summer catalog has been cracked open to a page containing waterslide/pool combos and sprinkler thingies ever since it arrived earlier this week. I am very afraid that the kids and I will return from our vacation next month to find some sort of princess castle/mountain climbing gym parked next to our barbecue.

Thank god he hasn't see this yet. Or perhaps he has, in which case, we're in trouble.

I know Father's Day is coming up and all, but he's not allowed to get this.