Strollerderby : Botox

A New Anti-Aging Miracle Treatment Made From Baby Foreskins

Cole Gamble — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:03:00 GMT

For just a moment, I ask you readers to imagine me as a pitchman on the back of an old timey wagon…

“Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you we’re all getting’ older. Yessiree, why in fact you’re older now than you were when I started this pitch. Heck you’re even older now. And now you’re older yet. Folks, there’s absolutely nothing you can do to hold off the inevitability of aging and all the unsavory drooping that comes with it. That is, until now. Right here in my hand I hold what may be the greatest miracle invention on this earth since God invented the baby Jesus. Inside this seemingly normal bottle is a gen-u-ine fountain of youth. Yep, take a little dab and you’ll transform into a schoolgirl in pig tails once again. It’s called Vavelta and it’s the handy-dandy, superfied, bone-fide, quantified miracle cure to make you look young once more.

And how Mr. Gamble, you ask, do we know this miracle cure works? Why, my good folks, because it’s derived from the most amazing substance on God’s Green Earth: little baby foreskins.”

Okay, enough with the snake-oil salesman act. Let’s get to the nitty gritty. Like: How? Why? What?!

Like I said, the product is called Vavelta and it’s claimed to work better than Botox or any of the other conventional wrinkle eradicating products on the market. So where do the baby foreskins come in? Let’s ask Britain’s Daily Mail:

"Vavelta is a clear liquid in which tiny skin cells, called fibroblasts, are suspended. These are derived from baby foreskins donated by mothers at a hospital in the U.S. after routine circumcision. The mothers and babies are screened before the foreskins, which would otherwise be discarded, are used.
Once in Britain, they are divided into pieces less than a centimeter square and treated with enzymes to release the fibroblasts. These are grown in sterile conditions in labs. The process is monitored by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in the U.S. and by Britain's Human Tissue Authority."

(Suddenly writing this article has flooded my brain with foreskin jokes learned long ago that are wholly inappropriate here.)

The ladies who tested the product in trials say it’s a life changing miracle with few side effects. And it comes at a miracle price: $2,300.

So I ask you: women already inject fat and botulism into their faces, is this any weirder? And are you down with injecting little boy foreskins into your face for the sake of eternal(ish) youth?

More by this author:

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10 Things You May Not Know About Pregnancy (and might shock you)

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The 26 Most Disturbing Kids Movies Ever

In Hard Economic Times, Bonnie Fuller Knows What Women Want

Kelly Mills — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 22:36:00 GMT

Lots of people have been saying that in this election, women finally matter. At last our concerns and issues are being heard and addressed as though we, you know, made up half the population or something. And clearly one of the issues that matters to women is the economy, what with how it affects all our lives and all. So it makes sense that Bonnie Fuller, in her NY Times blog post, would want to examine what matters to women in these troubled and uncertain financial times. Is it health care costs? Job security? The high price of food and gas? Planning for our retirements (ha!) or trying to save in case the kids want to go to college?

Uh, no. According to Fuller, what matters to us is... our looks.

Yes, while we may feel the wolf at the door, we apparently still shell out money for our pricey hair stylists and our Botox. Oh, but let's clarify: By "women" she means women who live in New York. And she knows what they all want, because she "canvassed" some stylists, plastic surgeons, cosmetic companies, and "even" body waxers. (What's up with that, Bonnie? Don't minimize the importance of the waxers.) Do my frequent quotation marks indicate that I think her ideas are about as helpful as an untreatable rash? Here's her closer: "Time will tell, I guess, but the anecdotal evidence suggests that New York women may end up living in a box on the West Side Highway, but we’ll still have fabulous highlights and perfectly shaped eyebrows!"

Cough.

So we could debate the ideas that spring to mind here, whether women are vain or held to a higher aesthetic standard that relates to their employment prospects, but this piece proves the trend of women clinging to Botox as much as it proves fairies exist, so it ain't worth it. Maybe I'll canvas some women and ask if during a time when people are worried about being able to provide for their children, if Fuller actually makes women look bad or if she's just more like a really annoying gnat, and we'd be better off ignoring her and hoping she finds an open window somewhere.

A third of parents no longer saving for college

Explaining financial troubles to the kids

Sharon Stone Wanted to Have Botox Injected in Son’s Feet!

SunnyChanel — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 03:54:00 GMT

Your eight-year-old son has smelly feet. What do you do?

a)    You just ignore it. Smells happen.

b)    You buy him some Odor-Eaters.

c)    You look into having Botox injected into his feet.

If you’re a "normal" parent, you would opt to go for either the sensible option a or b. If you’re Sharon Stone, you’d go for c.

According to court papers acquired by TMZ: “The judge wrote that the "mother suggested that Roan should have Botox injections in his feet to resolve a problem he had with foot odor. As Father appropriately noted, the simple and common sense approach of making sure Roan wore socks with his shoes and used foot deodorant corrected the odor problem without the need for any invasive procedure on this young child."

Why botox? The injections paralyze the sweat glands of the feet, therefore stunting the smell. Oh, those wacky rich and famous. Sure Botox might be a good for an aging starlet, but a eight-year-olds feet? Really?

(photo via Celebrity Baby Scoop)

Botox for Baby

Jen Chaney — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:02:00 GMT

Botox: Finally it's doing more for the greater good than keeping Joan Rivers's face from collapsing.

A medical journal revealed this week that a Montreal doctor injected Botox into the nerves of a two-and-a-half-month-old infant who suffered from CHARGE syndrome. The rare condition causes multiple issues, including difficulty swallowing, which can cause the lungs to fill with saliva. The physician administered the Botox over a series of months starting in 2005 as an alternative to a tracheotomy, reportedly the first time such an approach was used. Now the child is three and living a healthy, normal life. Apparently other doctors in Canada have followed suit and are now using Botox to control saliva in more kids with neurological issues. So far, no side effects have been reported.

Like the Viagra case I recently mentioned, this is another example of an "adult" medical treatment that can play a vital role in improving the health of very young children. Sort of ironic. The pill that's supposed to get Granddad laid and the injection that's supposed to make Nana's face smooth enough to keep him interested? They actually serve a higher purpose by improving the quality of life for the youngest among us.

P.S. Botox can paralyze the salivary glands? Huh. So that explains why Priscilla Presley never drools.

Photo: Don Murray/Getty Images

10 Things I Am Doing to Get Ready to Watch the Oscars

Karen Murphy — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 21:31:00 GMT

I don't have much time, and neither do you! Uh, you do want to look and feel your very best when you turn on the TV tomorrow to vicariously suck in your stomach and march down that red carpet, right? I mean, ~~millions of people will be watching you~~ maybe one or two random kids may pay you attention beyond "I'm hungry" or "come wipe meeee!" Never mind that. I know you want tomorrow's Oscars to be your best ever. And there's still time!

1. Well, maybe not for lipo. Not enough recovery time. I'll just have to suck it up. Er, in. Suck it in.

2. However, a One Stitch Facelift can be done at lunchtime. Oh, and for an extra $5000-7000. Whatever. Totally worth it.

3. Botox my pits. Sweat? Not me. So what if I can't move my arms?

4. As long as they have the Botox out, they might as well shoot some into my feet. So I can wear the shoes, you know. Those 5-inch Jimmy Choos? Yeah baby!

5. Facial, of course. I think I can work one in after the facelift and while they're Botoxing my pits.

6. Hair! How long does a weave take?

7. Uh, you think it's too late to start a Pilates program? Or maybe I can work some plyometrics in, between the Botox and the weave. You think?

8. I haven't eaten this week, so that counts as diet, right? And the blue M&M's have less calories I think. And mojitos are practically calorie-free.

9. Ughgghwht rrgghhht. Oh. Sorry. Those damn bleaching trays. Can't talk.

10. My lash stylist tells me that mink is in this year. I hope so because last year's fox lashes made me look like a damn raccoon.

There. I can relax! All done. Yes, I've got my Xanax. Thanks for reminding me.

You ready?

Photo: img.dailymail.co.uk

Botox Kills Kids

Kelly Mills — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 12:40:00 GMT

Yes, it clears up those frown lines for a while, but could there be a darker side of Botox, aside even from the weird face paralysis and all that? In a word, yes. In fact, four children using Botox or a related drug have died, and there have been at least 180 documented cases of serious side effects in kids and adults, including severe difficulty breathing and swallowing, which can lead to a kind of pneumonia. One drug watchdog group wants a more serious FDA warning issued for Botox, as well as providing physicians with guides to give to all patients warning of the problems associated with the drug.

Now the children who died were not concerned with the ravages of time, but were using the drug for an "off-label" use, the treatment of muscle spasticity associated with cerebral palsy. Off-label uses for drugs are not uncommon. However, I have a funny feeling that even if cosmetic-use patients are given detailed information about the cases of side effects and death, it won't deter many of them from going forward with the pursuit of a more youthful look...

Pregnancy Glow Replaces Botox

Madeline Holler — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 16:30:00 GMT

No judgment here, I'm just reporting the facts. On Botox.

Pregnant women are advised to end Botox treatments and fillers from conception to birth to weaning. But a hiatus from these face-enhancing treatments, for many people, means a face that goes back to its saggy, droopy, wrinkly self. One Hollywood Botox peddler would like to disagree.

He says the weight-gain from pregnancy -- and the woman's radiant glow -- do wonders to maintain the puffed and youthful look of a freshly treated mug.

"Pregnancy adds a natural glow to a woman's skin, and the 'baby weight' gain will make the face fuller -- this extra weight naturally replaces the effects of fillers or Botox in the face by filling in unwanted lines and wrinkles for the duration of the pregnancy."

You may not have a choice, in any case, since physicians are advised not to administer fillers to pregnant women, though there is not actual evidence that Botox harms a fetus. Though someday THAT, like soft cheese and hair dye, might be up for debate.

The good news is newborns can't really see. So there's at least one person who will love you no matter how saggy your face.

Surprise! Botox Can Kill You

Amy S.F. Lutz — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 16:36:00 GMT

To many people, it seemed suspicious from the beginning: inject botulinum toxin into my face? Paralyze my muscles? And this isn't, you know, dangerous?

Now, Public Citizen, a U.S. consumer group, is asking the FDA to order manufacturers of Botox and Myobloc, a similar medication, to put strong warnings on their labels, as well as to send out letters to doctors. Sixteen deaths and almost two hundred cases of botulinum toxin complications - including muscle weakness, difficulty swallowing and aspiration pneumonia - have been blamed on these drugs so far. Such complications occur when the botulinum toxin spreads from the face, where it was injected, into the esophagus. Partial paralysis of the esophagus can result.

Public Citizen believes that better educated patients and their doctors will more quickly recognize botulinum toxin complications when they occur, increasing the likelihood that they can be redressed before becoming fatal.

On a positive note, if you die following a Botox injection, you will doubtless look ravishing at your viewing.