Strollerderby : 1980s

RetroFitted: School Supplies You Used Then, But Never Again

Jen Chaney — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 14:32:00 GMT

As school bells rang -- if they hadn't rung already -- for many this week, I started to reminisce about lunchboxes. And dividers. And Wite-Out.

You know, all those school supplies you had as a kid that, once you grew up and started working in the real world, you used ... never again. Some of the items that we "needed" to keep nestled inside our cold metal desks seem, in retrospect, completely unnecessary and borderline ridiculous. Here are 10 that may cause instant flashbacks to the third grade, especially for all you former kids of the '70s and '80s.

10. Wite-Out: A must-have back when people still used typewriters, this tiny jar of white cover-up was once a staple for many students and now is practically extinct. Added bonus: That potent, chemical smell.

9. Pencil sharpener: Honestly, when was the last time you ground a No. 2 into one of those little plastic doohickeys that was supposed to make it sharper? Exactly: Sometime around 1983.

8. The lunchbox: Most adults bring their PB&J to work in one of those sophisticated-looking totes or the classic brown bag. But some days, you know you want to pack your salad and yogurt in a Peanuts lunchbox with a flip-up Thermos. Or maybe in one of those metal classics with Wonder Woman on the front. Come on. Admit it.

7. The pink eraser: Remember rubbing these furiously to remove the mistake you made while practicing cursive? And remember blowing the speckles of pink dust off that piece of lined paper so you could attempt a better-looking lowercase "g"? Do you also remember why we needed these rectangular deleters when pencils already come with erasers on the end?

6. School box: This was exactly what it sounded like: A pseudo-cigar box designed to hold all those pencils, erasers and what not. But really, wasn't that what your desk was for?

5. Book covers: I know kids still use these. But if I wrap the novel I'm currently reading in packing paper and write "I Heart Rick Springfield" on it in Magic Marker, I think I'll get funny looks on the subway.

4. The Trapper Keeper: No three ring-binder was cooler than this baby back in the '80s. (If memory serves, mine was green, with jungle animals on it.) I have to think today's teachers are relieved that these aren't quite as popular today, and that they now make them with magnetic closures. No one needs to listen to the ripping of Velcro every eight seconds.

3. The holepunch: Some friends of mine once spent an entire class period in high school punching holes in paper, collecting the little circles, then dumping them inside another friend's car until her front seat was nearly filled. All of which is a long way of saying that hole punchers are nothing but trouble.

2. Tie -- The protractor and the compass: These help kids learn to draw circles or measure shapes or something. But when was the last time one of your co-workers turned to you and said, "Oh, man. I'm in a huge bind. Do you have a protractor on you?"

1. Reinforcements: The twisted cousin of the holepunch, reinforcements were those white sticky circles we used to protect our fragile papers from those perilous rings in our binders. They were useless then, they're useless now. And I kind of love them for that.

Return of the son of stuff YUPPIE parents like

Brett Singer — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Because too much is never enough. And besides, didn't you want to see this photo at least one more time?

1. Organic everything: from a commenter. I've succumbed to some of this, partly because, living in Manhattan, the cost difference isn't as great as it used to be, and sometimes the quality is better. I also admit that I feel less guilt giving my kids "organic" pre-packaged crap than I do giving them "chemical-laden" pre-packaged crap. It's still crap, but it's ORGANIC crap.

2. Classes and activities: yes, from the same commenter. She said, "mommy and me classes" but in my experience it's much more than that. Around here, it seems like everyone has their kids doing something all flippin' day. A parent once told me that she didn't understand why Kindergarten went until 3pm; she wished it ended at noon so her kid could take advantage of everything Manhattan had to offer. I replied that I thought Kindergarten should go until 8pm. We don't talk much anymore.

3. Kids' music that parents can enjoy: All parents have benefited from the boom in kiddie rock. While I am of course very glad that children's music has evolved beyond Raffi (who really isn't that bad) and Kidz Bop (which is), sometimes this preciousness can go a little too far. Sure, anything by Dan Zanes or The Dirty Sock Funtime Band is better than Barney's Greatest Hits, but a little James Taylor, Peter Paul and Mary, The Beatles – lots of great "adult" music out there that kids might like.

4. Taking their children to live rock 'n' roll shows: "Alternadad" Neal Pollack brought his little one to see The Hives, a rather loud quasi-punk act. I spotted two sets of parents who had dragged their children to see Yaz at the Beacon theater (I myself was dragged by my wife, but that's another story). When commenters on Gawker are giving good parenting advice ("Neil [sic], seriously--ear plugs"), you know something is out of whack in the universe.

5. Anything that isn't made of granite. At least after we found out about the radiation.

For more, click here.

image: nostalgiacentral.com

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More stuff YUPPIE parents like

Brett Singer — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 14:00:00 GMT

If you want to know why YUPPIE is written in CAPS, check out the comments on Redsy's post.

Also, a word of explanation for our younger readers: "yuppie" is a term that was coined in the 1980's. It means "Young Urban Professional." Obnoxious spin off terms include "buppie" (black urban professional) and "guppie" (gay urban professional, which is at least vaguely amusing). In general, I think that the term "yuppie" is (like myself) color-blind, so we'll just stick with that. (My color-blindness mostly means I need help choosing ties, but it also refers to non-clothing related issues.)

And now – the stuff!

1.   Fertility treatments: maybe this is a Manhattan thing, but I've seen several signs in drug store windows advertising help getting your health insurance to help pay to get you pregnant. My theory (unfounded and unresearched) is that there are a large number of parents having children later in life, and also a huge number of older dads starting second families with their second wives.
2.   Wooden toys: this is from a commenter, and it's totally true. I fully expect some "mompreneur" to start selling unadorned two-by-fours in colorful packaging. (Hang on, I need to copyright that idea.)
3.   SUV's: hopefully the price of gas will put the kibosh on these. There are other ways to schlep a family around town.
4.   Hybrid cars: for the parents who don't want SUV's. It's all about extremes, people.
5.   Feeling entitled to brunch: In some cases, even men want to emulate the Sex and the City gals.

For more, click here.

image: nostalgiacentral.com

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Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to the Girl From 'Love, Sidney'?

Jen Chaney — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 15:02:00 GMT

"Please believe me. Lately my whole world is changing. Suddenly, you're here and my life's better than before..."

If your immediate response to that series of lyrics is: "We're friends forever!" then you probably remember the show "Love, Sidney" and its sappy theme song. Odds are you remember Kaleena Kiff, the little girl who played Patti and, along with her mom (played by Swoosi Kurtz), shared an apartment with gay artist Sidney (Tony Randall).

So what happened to Kiff? After the brief run of "Love, Sidney," she appeared in bit parts on "Family Ties" and "Three's Company," then as a regular on the "Leave It to Beaver" update, "Still the Beaver."

These days she still works in Hollywood, though mostly behind the scenes. Most notably, she's been an assistant director for TV's "Smallville," and even appeared in an episiodes as Lex Luthor''s assistant. I looked and looked but could not uncover a photo of her. So if you find one, please post a link in the comments below.

In the meantime, Kaleena, we hope it's you who will be there for us. Our friend.

Rich or Rehab appears every Tuesday morning on Strollerderby.

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RetroFitted: Another Outbreak of Pac-Man Fever?

Jen Chaney — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:58:00 GMT

In the early '80s, an epidemic swept through this nation, infecting millions. They called this affliction Pac-Man Fever. And it drove unsuspecting Americans out of their minds.

The wildly popular video game was inescapable shortly after it was released in 1980. It dominated arcades, then spawned various handheld, tabletop and cartridge versions. And there was all the other Pac-Man merchandise: T-shirts, a Saturday morning cartoon show, Buckner and Garcia's aforementioned hit song, "Pac-Man Fever," and even the breakfast cereal advertised in this stellar commercial:

While the mania subsisded, Pac-Man never went away. The game continues to get re-released and that little yellow chomper remains a recognizable icon. Which is why one movie studio probably thinks it's very smart to turn Pac-Man into a major motion picture.

And that might be the dumbest idea since that time when I briefly contemplated writing a novel based on the game Hungry, Hungry Hippos. Seriously, even if today's kids and hardcore gamers remain intrigued by Pac-Man and his old lady, Ms. Pac-Man, it's hard to imagine that they'd pay to see a movie about them. Even harder to imagine: What that movie would be about.

I mean, I saw the holiday special "Christmas Comes to Pac-Land." Trust me, there isn't much material to mine there.

As a game, Pac-Man remains a classic because of its simplicity: Everyone intuitively understands the concept of munching on dots and avoiding Inky, Blinky and Clyde. But trying to elevate the video game into something more than it is? That's a bad RetroFit.

RetroFitted appears every Thursday morning on Strollerderby.