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  • Boy "Wins" Great Award and Whines About It

    I don't know why this kid is getting all excited. At least he won something. Some people go their entire lives without winning anything. Anything at all. ever. Right about now, I bet some people would be happy to win the "Most Likely Not to Have Children Award." I'm just saying.

    But sixth-grader Matt Porter and his parents aren't all that happy about it. Matt's teachers surprised him at a school function with the no-children award and the "Sir Clowns a Lot" honors, and now the family is demanding an apology.

    "They (were) putting us down and everything," he said. "That is not what their job is for, to put kids down. They are supposed to teach us."

    I would have just accepted the things and said something along the lines of "You like me. You really, really like me." But maybe that's just me.


  • Harry Potter Still Tool of Satan

    harry devil potterWhat is it about poor old Harry Potter that brings out the devil in so many? A teaching assistant at a London elementary school is suing for religious discrimination after she refused to listen to a 7-year-old student read aloud from a Harry Potter book. She was suspended for her "obstructive conduct over time" after she told the child, "I don't do witchcraft in any form" and "said she would be 'cursed' by hearing the novel". Oh. According to the teaching assistant, she was "'harassed, humiliated and discriminated' against because of her religious beliefs." I don't know, I think telling a 7-year-old she's basically practicing public witchcraft would be a little humiliating and feel a tad like harassment, but hey, the kid only likes the book, it's not like her religion or anything. The fact that the disciplinary action has to do with conduct "over time" makes me think there was more than one creepy child-terrifying incident, but who knows.

    This is of course only the latest in the bad-Harry campaign. There's a few other interesting people out there who believe the boy-wizard has been licked by the flames of hell. See, I had no idea that when we read these books at night as part of snuggly family story time that we were really going over to the dark side. Maybe we'll have to start painting pentagrams out of goat's blood around the bed, just to get the full effect. But here's what I don't get: tons of kids books have magic and wizardry in them, so I can only assume Potter was singled out because he's so darn popular?  Hey, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe has a magical talking lion, for pete's sake (and was made into an equally if not more violent movie). And yes, I do know LWW bears some similarity with another famous story. Maybe we just need fabricate some kind of biblical parallel for all the muggles, and the Potter protesters will go away.

    P.S. My dad, an ordained minister, enjoyed the Potter books immensely, which I say to illustrate the really, really obvious: Harry-hating ain't a Christian thing.  



  • Teacher Admits to Smoking Pot, Being Human

    Benjamin Ayson, 32, a Mililani Middle School teacher on the Big Island of Hawaii recently pleaded no contest to possession of marijuana.  Like plenty of teachers before him, Mr. Ayson is guilty of being human.  He and his co-worker, fellow teacher Lisa Luhrsen were observed smoking pot at a park and ride before heading to school.

    It's clear that parents get worked up when educators behave badly.  And concern about the moral turpitude of our children's teachers seems appropriate. To a point. 

    On the other hand, teachers are paid poorly for work that is getting harder each day.  The requirements of No Child Left Behind and managing increasingly behaviorally troubled kids must take its toll.  I'm not excusing a little before work pot-smoking.  But I can see how it might help one get through the day.
     


  • Teacher and Principal Resign but Not Because of That Sex Tape

    I'm not particularly horrified by an elementary school principal and a teacher having sex. I'm a little put off at the idea of anyone having sex while they're supposed to be working, but enh, things happen. I'd be a lot more put off by actually seeing our school's principal and a teacher having sex in a video mailed to my house. But some very "lucky" parents south of Chicago got to have that experience. The lucky things.

    Leroy Coleman and Janet Lofton were caught by hidden camera in a 2.5 hour 'tryst' in the principal's office. The recording was then sent anonymously to parents of Sandridge Elementary School days before a heated school board election. Both Coleman and Lofton resigned for supposedly unrelated reasons. [Cough] Ha! [/Cough]

    My favorite line in the article comes from concerned mother Kim Grivakis. She says, "It's very graphic. I can't tell you how graphic because I have two children standing right here.''

    Because if the kids weren't there she'd definitely be telling you in graphic detail all about how she saw the principal and the teacher doing the Italian Chandelier and the Reverse Cowgirl and another position she can't even find a picture of. (Links NSF, unless you work somewhere it's cool to view figure drawing mannequins illustrating sexual positions.)

    Thank goodness the kids were there.


  • School Bathrooms Locked; Unintentional Hilarity Ensues

    The story itself is bizarre. Students desecrate school bathrooms. Principal overreacts. Locks all bathrooms save for one. Two thousand students are forced to use the same bathroom -- meaning some wait up to 20 minutes for relief. Or, they take to peeing in bushes and bottles. Sorry. Sad. Disgusting. Principal should unlock the doors.

    The story gets better, however, when a local news station investigates. I've watched this video a few times now, and I still can't tell whether the reporter is using a tongue-in-cheek tone or whether he thinks he is that. freaking. good.

    From the opening line -- "They attend 'Freedom' High School, but students here say 'freedom' ... is in short supply." -- to the interviews with giddy students, I almost believed I was watching a Daily Show fake news story -- not a real-life inquiry into a sad situation. The principal has defended the locked doors, and I'm beginning to hope this standoff continues -- just so I can watch more.


  • I Said Don't Talk Back: Italian Teacher Cuts Off Kid's Tongue

    tongue scissorsI had to read this article a couple of times because my jaw was on the floor the entire time.  WTF???  A 22-year old female substitute teacher cut off a seven-year old's tongue with scissors after first making a couple of threats.  The poor boy's tongue has since been stitched back on, but he won't go back to school, has nightmares, and freaks when he sees a knife.  Hel-lo!  I'm thinking that about a thousand years of therapy are due here.

    And all they've done so far is suspend the teacher.  I should hope that's only the beginning.  The teacher apologised and claimed it was an "accident".  Accident?  How do you "accidentally" cut off a kid's tongue with scissors?  Those things are slippery!  (not that I've tried)

    So can I just say again:  WTF!!!!



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