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  • Zewi Fix Decke: From the Joan Crawford School of Parenting

    When I first saw the Zewi Fix Decke, I had to do a double take.  What the...?!?  Is it a sheet?  Is it a sleeper?  Is it a blanket?   Why yes, actually - it's all three, and it's seriously freaking me out.

    Basically, the Zewi Fix Decke (made in Switzerland) is a fitted sheet with a vest attached.  There's a bassinette-sized model, as well as crib and twin bed sizes, and as far as I can tell, they are mainly used for punishing Swiss children who have the nerve to think that sleeping comfortably is their right as human beings.  Basically, it's the sleek, Swiss version of what Mommy Dearest used to keep Christina and Christopher buckled into their beds and out of her hair at night

    Okay, I can see how these might be useful when transitioning a toddler from crib to bed.  Beats the hell out of making 75 trips across the hall between the hours of 2 and 3 a.m. with a tantruming and exhausted 2-year-old, that's for sure.  These may also come in handy for the paranoid parent who does not want baby sleeping on her tummy under any circumstances, or on a family camping trip on top of Mount Everest.  But there is something so unsettling about tying - excuse me, zipping - a kid to a bed just for the hell of it, just because it seems like it might be kind of neat.  Also, if you are zipping your kid up to keep them down in the middle of the night, what is this teaching them?  To tie up that which inconveniences them?  Good luck when C.P.S. comes calling. 

    I guess my main problem with this product, having never used or seen one in real life, is this: no adult this side of a hardcore bondage club would enjoy being made into a bed, and denied room to stretch out, wiggle, and roll over on their side or back.  So why would a kid?  And why is this product getting rave reviews

     



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