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  • Who Killed Santa Claus?

    It's a classic scene straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Christmas morning, children in pajamas crouched in front of the tree bursting with anticipation. Their weary bath-robed parents smile in the background as the kids tear open a gift wrapped box containing a book describing in graphic detail the murder of Santa Claus.

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  • Santa Claus Is Coming to Your Town

    white water santaI guess Santa is a busy guy. In addition to overseeing the elf toy-making operations, and keeping a nice/naughty tally of every dang child, he's also been busy elsewhere. Joining PETA protests, visiting hospitals, participating in pub crawls, running up buildings--I hope he takes the whole of January off or he's gonna burn out. I mean, he probaby gets like, two hours sleep, tops.

    I'm not even a huge Santa fan (sacrilegious, I know) but...

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  • How Did We Survive Without the SantaCam?

    norad santaIf you ask me, NORAD's Santa Tracker raises more questions than it answers. Like, "Santa can't fly very far at one time, can he? If he goes to everybody's house? So why do they show him flying so high above the earth?"

    Yeah, kid, good question. Now go away, you bother me.

    Seriously, though, I know this is a bit of fun perpetuated by the goofy guys at The North American Aerospace Defense Command, but doesn't it take a bit away from the mystery of the whole thing?

     

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  • Woman Sexually Assaults Mall Santa

    scared santaI'm down for the count with the stomach flu, but I roused myself just long enough to bring you this crucial story: A 33-year-old woman has been charged with disturbing the peace and sexual assault in a case of Santa groping. Apparently the woman, Sandama Lamy, took her lap-sitting opportunity to try and feel up Mr. Claus, leaving him "shocked and embarrassed by the whole incident," especially since there was a line of kids waiting to see him. 

    When police tracked the woman down by phone...

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  • A True Mom Confession: I said sayonara to Santa

    An uneventful ride to school last week went awry when my 7-year-old son, Owen, busted out the inevitable Santa question.

    “Is Santa real, Mom?”

    This same conversation years earlier with my girls, who are now 9 and 17, had been riddled with complex emotions – disappointment, sadness, anger and betrayal.  (“How could you lie to us all these year?s!!!” was a biggie.) With Owen, however, it was cut and dry. I offered up my default, sing-songy response: “Well, he’s real if you believe in him. He’s really the ‘Spirit of Christmas…’”

    But he cut me off before I perjured myself any further. 

    “Well, if he’s not real, then make sure you get me that Wii soccer game, OK?”

    That was that.

    Some other moms don’t have it so easy. On my web site, Truemomconfessions.com, I’ve noticed that women, especially those who don’t have the years in the trenches that I do, are struggling with their own December Dilemmas. Preserve the magic or debunk the myth? With hundreds of confessions pouring in on the subject, it’s become really clear that a line has been drawn in the sand (or the snow, rather) with moms falling on one side or the other of the Great Santa Divide. 

    A sampling of what moms are ’fessing up to:

    12.14.07  3:24a            
    I hate that I spend all this time, money and effort finding the perfect gifts, only to have all the glory stolen by a fat guy in a suit at the last minute!!

    12.13.07  12:53a            
    I almost told my kids there was no Santa Claus because they made me very mad yesterday morning.

    12.12.07  4:12p            
    I know Santa isn't really real, but I think Santa is just a contemporary representation of Christmas and all of the feelings we have at Christmas, such as Hope (for miracles), Generosity (wanting to give to those you love), and Belief (a.k.a. Faith in something "magical"...). To me, belief in Santa isn't that much different than faith in Jesus (have any of you actually met either one??) My kids know EXACTLY what Christmas is about; they understand it's sbout the birth of Jesus Christ - they even sing Happy Birthday to Him! So, if we want to believe in Santa, LEAVE US ALONE & DON"T SPOIL IT!!


    12.12.07  7:40a            
    My 2 year old asked my why Santa came to the house to drop off gifts. It's sad to say that I have no clue why. I told him that it was Jesus's birthday and Santa is nice and likes everyone to get presents. I used to think I was fairly intelligent...not anymore.

    12.12.07  6:36a            
    I will keep the tradition of Santa for my girls until the day I die. Santa isn't just a man in a suit, to me he's a symbol that more people can relate to no matter what their background is. That's pretty special. How can something that can bring such joy be called a lie?

    12.11.07  5:12p            
    Seriously, if finding out about Santa is such a trauma, why start the lie to begin with? My parents never did "Santa" with us, and I'll never do it with my child. She knows the truth :)

    12.07.07  7:02p            
    my son wouldn't go to bed last night so I called Santa (AKA my brother!) and had him talk to my son. Worked like a charm!! :-) I hope I can use it after Christmas too!

    12.07.07  4:02p            
    My son didn't believe us when we told him about Santa. Lol


    Do you have your own Santa story to share?  Leave your own -- or read more at truemomconfessions.com .


  • Holiday Movies With (Popcorn) Balls

    total classic flickI'm not a very sentimental person, so most of the traditional holiday movie fare doesn't do it for me. I generally prefer films with a dark, snowy backdrop and occasional Santa suit mishaps and plenty of bitterness or big explosions to the kind where the true meaning of Christmas triumphs over some dark force as the music swells. The Poop had this great, great post with comments on fringe holiday movies you can bust out and make part of the season. Films like Die Hard and Trading Places and Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. And apparently, I must watch the Hebrew Hammer very soon.

    Of course my favorite movie for the season is one you can watch with kids, and while it isn't as edgy holiday as the ones listed here, I feel like it should get a special mention since the director just had a baby. 

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  • Wal-Mart Removes Sleezy Holiday Panties For Girls...Errrr...

    bad pantiesMoving quickly past that headline, let's get into the ick story: Wal-Mart was selling some hot pink underwear in the juniors section. On the crotch it said, "Who needs credit cards" and on the ass, it finished with "When you have Santa". Perfect for our young girls, right? While the message is gross on a number of levels, we'll go with the most obvious: the conflation of young girl parts as a money-maker, and the presentation of Santa in a way that is far creepier than anything I could create on a personalized video message. Sugar daddy Santa Claus for our young ladies. Well, deck the halls. 

    So what happened?

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  • Santa's an Overrated Stalker

    evil santaI have mixed feelings about Santa. On the one hand, I love the magical aspect of this benevolent guy arriving who brings stuff like socks and underwear and who makes kids love it (kidding. He brings one smallish-but-cool thing usually), but on the other hand, I totally agree with some of what our own Kelly spouts about over at The Poop: Santa is a hypocritical stalker.

    But Kelly takes it a step farther than I do. Crosses a line, really. Because she tells her kid that the parents are Santa.

     

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  • Sex and Santa: When Should a Parent Tell the Truth?

    A homeschooling and philosophizing parent writing on Nashoba.com, ponders the right timing for uncovering the truth about Santa and sex, especially when it comes to her youngest children.  She points out that while many homeschooling parents choose to educate their children outside of the public school system in order to protect their innocence, by schooling all different ages together, the younger children are sometimes exposed to more advanced information (insemination anyone?).

    Homeschooling parents aren't the only ones concerned about the sex-kittenish behavior of the under 10 set and most of us can appreciate the effort it takes to stand between your child and the over-sexed world around them, but I don't think sex and Santa are equal affronts to innocence, especially when it comes to the under 6s. 

    The questions burning the brains of the youngsters in my family have more to do with "Where's the magical fairy person?" and "Mommy, can I have wine too?" and "Does Santa know I hit Violet?"  So far, my house is free of sexual curiosity, but perhaps a little bit of homeschooling would solve that problem.


  • The Sadistic Parent: Crying Santa Photo

    Crying Santa Photo

    Welcome to the first installment of The Sadistic Parent, an occassional series where we explore situations that cause our children discomfort, and yet, make us elbow each other in the ribs and laugh.

    We've all been at parties where the performing clown has freaked the shit out of our kids. Or said, "Fine! You want to try the wasabi after I've told you a thousand times, it's not avocado? Go ahead!" Or watched as our children hunker down in a corner to squeeze out a poop.

    Yes, yes, we feel badly for our children, when they are... discomfited, but sometimes? Let's face it. Their pain (no, not real pain) is kind of amusing.  And ain't nothing funnier than an apoplectic child on Santa's knee.

    If you're mean like me and have a "crying Santa photo" featuring your kid, please share your link in the comments!

     

     

    [photo of hysterical toddler and indifferent preschooler, collection of the author



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