Oh, William Allen Cunningham, you naughty father, you! I'm sure you meant well when you twice laced your kids' soup with various herbs and chemicals - the first time with hot peppers and lighter fluid, and then with Prozac and Amitryptaline. The prospect of scoring a huge settlement and putting your kids through college was too large a temptation to pass by.
Unfortunately, that was the stupidest idea ever. When you claim that antidepressants and anxiety meds somehow ended up in your kids' Chunky Chicken Vegetable...well, large corporations like Campbell's tend to ask questions. Now, instead of sending your kids to medical school, the county prosecutors for Jonesboro, Georgia are sending your scheming ass to jail for up to five years.
Next time, dude? Try setting up a 529 instead. Unlike fraud, compound interest is legal.
