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  • "Mother" is Just Another Word: Family, Adoption and Language

    Guest blogger at the New York Times blog, Motherlode, Jenni Levy, muses on the question of how to feel and what to think when she has to identify her child as "adopted" on a life insurance form:

    "Most days I feel good about the way we are together. I have become my child’s mother without denying her heritage, without erasing her origins. So...why can’t I just check “adopted child” and move on?

    I can’t choose one because it’s a false dichotomy. My daughter is adopted, and she is my child. Both of those are true. I don’t want to deny any part of our relationship, even if it is just to answer a bureaucrat’s unthinking question."

    So when is it appropriate to make the distinction between someone's biological or adopted child, as such?  We are always hearing about celebrities and their "adopted" children versus "just" their children, and the labeling is all the more glaring when multiple children come into one family both ways (for anyone out there who just came out of a ten-year coma, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt for example).

    I am a mother by adoption.  In fact, there are so many labels qualifying my family I sometimes don't even know where to start.  I am one of three

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  • Dialing Down the Negativity

    We've all been guilty of this – or okay, maybe it's just me – saying something negative in your child's hearing. "She is such a three-year-old, I am losing my mind today." "It's okay. I didn't like school either." "Clowns are terrifying."

    Turns out? Not such a good idea. When your kid hears you assigning certain traits to them or reinforcing a fear or negative feeling they have, it sticks in their head as truth. Sucks to be so influential, doesn't it?

    Now I don’t agree with this columnist's assertion, that if you ask other parents for help with a problem you're having with your child in their hearing, that you give them the idea you don’t know what you're doing. Of course, I am only the parent of a three-year-old, who still thinks I can conjure up Pirate's Booty and new episodes of Dora out of thin air because I am just that cool.

     

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