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  • Book #666 of the Harry Potter Series

    Each generation has had to contend with the dark whispers of Satan cunningly hidden in everyday items of popular culture. For my generation growing up in the 80’s it was the subliminal Satanic backmasking in heavy metal music that brainwashed and influenced many teenagers into performing immoral oftentimes self-destructive acts of deviance and depravity like getting to second base with your girlfriend, growing a mullet and a cheesy moustache and even wearing a white tuxedo to the junior AND senior prom. Evil, pure evil.

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  • When Fictional Characters Come Out Of the Closet

    dumbledore is out

    I went on vacay (with accompanying media blackout) for the weekend, and when I got back I was stunned to hear about J.K. Rowling's announcement that Dumbledore is gay. See, I totally thought that Winnie the Pooh would be the first children's book character to be outed. Other than that, the news about the Hogwarts headmaster just makes me love Rowling and the Harry Potter books even more than I did before, and it also makes me understand the Grindelwald thing a little better... I know, I just lost anyone who hasn't kept up with the series.

    But here's something fans and non-fans alike might not be too surprised to learn: Conservatives and fundamentalists...

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  • J.K. Rowling Hates Spoilers

    rowling

    Now that the waiting game is over, I feel I can post about this without ruining it for everyone: J.K. Rowling was pissed about all those spoilers for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The NY Times and some other papers ran early reviews of the book, and of course, the internet was fair riddled with plot details and supposed excerpts from the book. Rowling said the reviews "would particularly affect children 'who wanted to reach Harry's final destination by themselves, in their own time'." Don't worry J.K.: kids don't even read newspapers anymore. Now, if the reviews were all over MySpace...

    I know some of you are sick of all the hype, but I'm still excited to read the book because I love me some Potter. It will be a small miracle if I can get my copy before someone tells me the surprise end of the story. Time to head off to the cabin in the woods... 


  • Ashamed to Be Seen Reading Potter? There's Help for That

    Maybe your plan is to curl up today with your fresh copy of Deathly Hallows and power through until you discover which spoilers were true and which were faked, in the privacy of your own home. Maybe you don't care if you're caught reading juvenile fiction and you're going to take your copy everywhere you go until your kids back off a little and let you finish it. But maybe you've got a giant pole up your bum about the possibility of looking less-than-sophisticated in front of other people, and if so, for you, these printable alternative book jackets.

    WHICH! I hasten to add, are NSFW or for little eyes, so don't even click that if you don't want to explain why your screen has f-bombs all over it. And don't bring your book jacket of choice to the break room, or like, church. Having your boss, kids, or friendly neighborhood priest catch you with a copy of F*** Wars: A Futuristic Thriller By Dr. Almir T. Lovedoom would be way worse than having them catch you crying over the death of [redacted].

    I won't be using these myself. My mother got dressed up to camp out and get her copy at midnight, so I'm genetically immune to Potter-related shame.  


  • Harry Potter Minor Characters

    snape

    Part of what makes the Harry Potter books so great are the fully-formed lesser characters. Who knew when we started that bumbling Neville would have such a painful past? Or that Malfoy would have a couple sympathetic moments? Savvymoms did this nice top ten list of some of the best of the bit people.

    I totally agree on many, and adore Professor McGonagall and those Weasley twins. I also have a real squishy lovey spot for Snape, and I keep hoping a little redemption is on the horizon (though with Rowling, there's certainly no guarantee.) But I'd cut Luna (irritating) and Dobby (twice as irritating) in favor of Lupin, who I just can't get enough of, and Fleur Delacour, who surprised even Mrs. Weasley with how she isn't so shallow after all. Did I miss anyone key?

    And for the record, none of these players will make anyone read, and they are all really mouthpieces of Satan


  • Last Harry Potter Book Leaked. Maybe.

    J.K. Rowling's last Harry Potter book is scheduled to be released (75 million strong) on Saturday. Some ne'er-do-wells have taken it into their own hands to post it on the Internet.

    Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows has numerous downloadable versions on line (though according to some, they are not to be trusted.)  Personally, I don't think most kids will prefer to read the last installment on a computer screen, when they can hold a lovely book in their hands and hide away in a reading cubby somewhere to enjoy it. 

    Hopefully, libraries will stock up on the book too. 


  • Rowling to Write Another Potter Book. "Harry Potter in the Home for Aging Wizards"?

    harry potter fansJK Rowling, author of those little-known books about a boy-wizard, has announced she will write an eighth Harry Potter book. While the "last" book in the series, The Deathly Hollows, will come out in the summer, Rowling says she'll do an encyclopedia of the world she created, and use material she wasn't able to include in any of the previous books. (Hobbit-followers will recognize this as "Silmarillion Syndrome".) This is good news for Potter fans, especially since the author has hinted she might kill off some beloved characters in this seventh book. Don't think she won't do it; just ask Dumbledore. And she is British, for god's sake.

    While my Muggle household welcomes the addition of a new book, not everyone is so thrilled with the wizarding world. This woman thinks the Harry Potter books are Judas Priest, Marilyn Manson, and Dungeons & Dragons all rolled into one brainwashing tool of Satan. Book-learnin' is dangerous stuff. Apparently the series has the ability to turn a kid into a "tricking time bomb of danger". Put that on a t-shirt, somebody! The novels also have the power to make teens become cutter-vampires. And, um, sympathize with terrorist organizations. Now that you mention it, if you put a beard on Daniel Radcliffe, he does look a little like Osama bin Laden. (And in this photo, it looks like the beard went on the wrong end.) Hey, the woman who hates Harry is a Gemini. Isn't astrology kind of occult-ish too? I mean, those wise men from the good book might have been star-watchers, but you can't be too careful when dealing with the devil.   

    Anyhow, here's hoping the new book covers some important questions, like "How come Harry never uses his invisibility cloak to sneak into the girls' showers undetected?" and "What does Voldemort do to unwind after long day?" My family will definitely camp out at midnight in a bookstore to find out.

     



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