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• Chuck E. Cheese Is Hotbed of Crime

  So what exactly is it about Chuck E. Cheese, um, entertainment centers that inspires violence and crime? Perhaps it's the infernal noise of fifty video games beeping wildly. Maybe it's the fact that there's a giant mouse walking around and everyone pretends that's normal, just like they do at Disneyland--and someday I'll tell you about the time the guy in the mouse costume actually groped me. It could be the animotronic creatures that line the walls, punctuating the din with even noisier singing and clacking (though to be honest, I don't even know if they have those animals anymore, this is a childhood memory we are mining here.) Could be the wretched pizza, the sticky floors, the crying and the ultimate frustraton that is skeeball. What the hell am I talking about? Well... Read More... Posted Apr 11 2008, 04:01 PM by Kelly Mills with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: entertainment, activities, parents, crime, violence, police, birthdays, party, arrest, restaurant, Chuck E. Cheese, fight, brawl

• Strollerderby Playdate: Now With a Bit of Twang for Your Musical Pleasure

  No matter how much you protest, no matter how much you turn up  and shut the world out, no matter how much you pretend not to linger on the high 90s end of the FM dial, I know that somewhere in there is the tiniest bit of love for country music. Even if it comes in the form of Carrie Underwood on the alternative stations or the smudgy black eyeliner mask over honky-tonkin'-at-heart Daughtry or even some Grand Ol' School Opry sample embedded in hip-hop, you know you know at least one twangy tune. And so just to say that that's OK (really. seriously. i kid you not), here's a bit of country goodness going on in a URL near you: Read More... Posted Aug 28 2007, 07:02 AM by Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: entertainment, music, strollerderby playdate, country music

• Cheap, Easy Entertainment for Kids

  I swear, if I hear "Mama, what can I doooo...?" in that whiny I-have-no-idea-how-to-entertain-myself-anymore voice one more time this summer, I'm going to spontaneously combust. And then they'll be sorry! So I'm pretty sure that my coming across this great post on Lifehacker today has saved my kids from the gory sight of a smoking pile of ashes with a charred and melted laptop atop it and the resultant experience of phoning 9-1-1 for the first time.  Here's a sampling: 1. A big cardboard box. We've covered this before, but it's so ingenious it deserves another mention. 2. Rubber-band-and-pencil toy. Need instructions? I did. 3. Origami projects: paper poppers, airplanes. You can make tons of stuff and instructions are easily searchable. 4. Home Depot kid's workshops. Suh-weet! I had no idea these existed. Kids can make birdhouses, airplanes, cars, and other stuff.   Read More... Posted Aug 01 2007, 10:34 AM by Karen Murphy with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: kids, entertainment, playing, summer activities

• Straight-to-DVD Disney Sequels Get the Axe

  When superstar Pixar animators and new Disney hotshots John Lassetter and Ed Catmull announced last week that Disney, now their parent company, is putting the kibosh on their extremely lucrative and truly crappy straight-to-DVD sequel line, my first thought was "What took so long?" Those movies are truly lame.  Have you seen Lady and the Tramp 2: Scamp's Adventure? Don't.  The only things dumber than the story is the music, which is grating at best.  And don't even get me started on Return to Neverland, the sequel to Peter Pan, which is set against the charming backdrop of the Nazi regime's blitz on London during WWII.  You know, because you're never too young to learn about the Third Reich.  Good times! Read More... Posted Jul 24 2007, 10:20 AM by Alisyn with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: entertainment, Movies, disney, DVDs, pixar, family films, hayao miyazaki, ed catmull, john lassetter

• Visit the Pet Store for Free Toddler Fun. Just Try Not to Come Home with a Puppy.

  One of the strangest, saddest and coolest adventures we've had as a family was at the pumpkin patch last year. We went on a hay ride, picked pumpkins, drank cider and toured the exotic animal exhibition. Who would have thought that, right there in the middle of rural Illinois, our toddler could get up close and personal with a zedonk (a cross between a donkey and a zebra), kangaroos, sloths and a camel? So my husband felt obligated to yell at the camel just to make sure it was still breathing and hadn't slipped off to wild animal heaven right there in its booth, but it was all good. And when I say good, I mean entertaining and creepy. Who brings white tigers to a pumpkin patch? If you'd like your own kids to see animals in action, and not the animals you banish from the living room in your own house or the kinds that should be safely released to join their herds back in the motherland, Parent Hacks suggests taking the toddlers to the pet store. Be sure to read through the many helpful reader comments for tips on how to avoid puppy mills and places that don't really want kids and parents squealing at the baby mice. You'll also find a few ideas of places where you can view doggy hotel residents through windows or watch caregivers feed animals. Thinking outside the pumpkin patch or mall pet shop, you might find lots of stops for animal viewing in your neighborhood alone. We have a family friend who owns a doggie daycare and she welcomes kid visitors to watch the canines at play and it is always fun to stand at the gate and watch the pups play at the sectioned-off doggie area at the beach. Just remember that a free trip means that, no matter how adorable it is when your baby bends over giggling to see the rabbits or litter of kittens, you will not come home with a new one every time you visit.  Posted Jul 05 2007, 05:02 PM by Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: entertainment, Parent Hacks, toddlers, free trips

• Kidz Bop Hits the Road

  Okay. First, let's make sure we have enough water and nonperishable foods, and send someone down to the bank to get some cash to keep on hand. We're going to need to cover the windows with duct tape and plywood. People, we're going to the mattresses here, because Kidz Bop is going on tour this year, and we must remain vigilant. We must protect our young. Those of you unfamiliar with the phenomenon of Kidz Bop are either lucky, or you don't occasionally just leave Nickelodeon on during the commercials. It's an insidious marketing scheme that involves a chorus of children singing on—what is it now, twelve CD's? And then there are videos and it's all very catchy and obnoxious and even a preschool child may turn to you and say "This song is good!" and then you realize it's a bunch of nine-year-olds destroying Modest Mouse's "Float On" and you bury your head in your hands and weep. If you have kids in the actual Kidz Bop demographic of 6-11, it may be too late to save your family. (via Idolator)   Posted Jun 14 2007, 02:38 PM by Patti with | with no comments Filed under: entertainment, children's music, music class, kidz bop

• "Knocked Up" Gives Us No Love

  I've been eagerly following the buzz leading up to the premiere of "Knocked Up" -- the parenting movie of the summer (because that description puts people in the seats!). I've scoured reviews and focused intently on all the ads. But still ... nothing. Strollerderby has been dissed. All I wanted was a simple mention as the movie approached -- something small, something like, "excellent!" or "perfection!" or "don't miss it!" Instead ... silence. They couldn't squeeze us into one ad? Oh well, I'm still going to watch it. Here's why: Posted May 29 2007, 07:32 AM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: entertainment, strollerderby, Knocked up, movie

• The End Is Near: "Gilmore Girls" Canceled

  Forgive me if I dip into the "Hitting the Bottle" punch a little too early today, but it is, indeed, a sad day. The "Gilmore Girls" -- which rewrote the TV script on mother-daughter relationships and created without a doubt the coolest, hippest mom on the small screen, is dead. kaput. no more. canceled. From its start in 2000, the "Gilmore Girls" brought something unique to the idea of the TV Family: A strong, single mom who wasn't always after the guy, despite a string of engagements and a marriage, which ended badly. A brainiac daughter who made literature and being smart cool for teens (at least I thought so). A quirky small town that was, in many ways, reminiscent of a more family-friendly "Northern Exposure." "Ed"-lite, if you will. But with kids. But most of all, it brought an easy, convivial charm to parent-child relationships that I know many, many mothers -- and maybe daughters -- coveted. Read More... Posted May 04 2007, 09:30 AM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: television, entertainment, tv, mothers, "gilmore girls", daughters, TV watching

• Planet Earth: If You're Not Watching, Start

  The BBC's 2006 documentary series Planet Earth is currently being rebroadcast on the US Discovery Channel cable network, and it is worth every bit of Tivo memory, if not actually reorganizing your life to watch it with your family. We watched "Ocean Deep" together last night for a little while before bedtime, and it was absolutely breathtaking. Our three-year-old didn't utter a sound as she watched dolphins leap and sharks lurk, and our four-year-old issued a running commentary the likes of which I've never heard: "Is that a shark? What kind of shark? What's it doing? Where's it going? Oh wow, is it eating that fish? Are those DOLPHINS! There are so many of them! And they jump so high! And LOOK AT THE BABY TURTLES MAMA OH MY GOODNESS THEY ARE SO CUTE I WANT ONE LOOK AT THEM SWIMMING OH MY GOODNESS TURTLES". And you know, it wasn't even annoying, because as she asked questions, narrator Sigourney Weaver answered them and we just carried right on. Although at one point, the kid turned to me and said "This lady talks a lot. Like Rachael Ray". There are certainly parts that are difficult to watch, but we're watching it together and answering questions as they arise, and because it's on Tivo we can skip or pause if we need to. Parents of older children might not even have to do that, but if you've got younger or more sensitive kids and no way to pre-record the show just in case you want to control the content a bit, or if you don't have cable, you won't have to wait long for DVDs. The BBC aired a version with narration by David Attenbrough, and that version will be released in the US on DVD later this month. Meanwhile, the Discovery Channel will market its own Weaver-narrated DVD set in the same timeframe.   Posted Apr 06 2007, 05:55 PM by Patti with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: television, entertainment, planet earth, discovery channel, family television, BBC, educational programming

• Baseball and Babies: A Season of Neglect?

  I took Emmeline to her first baseball game when she was just a few weeks old. Check out the picture there on the right. (No, not the creepy baseball doll -- keep going, scroll down a bit. Bingo!) That's us. At the ballpark. Her first game. You might be able to see a tiny bit of her head. I introduced her early to my passion -- baseball. And she gave me a glimpse of her own -- napping. It was easy last season. She could nap in a sling or in my arms or with any friendly usher while I went for beer. But this season, it's a different story. Trying to hold her in my arms for extended periods of time is like trying to envision K-Fed as a full-time care taker -- it's next to impossible. Read More... Posted Apr 03 2007, 11:49 AM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: entertainment, activities, babies, fathers, fathers and daughters, Baseball

• ¿Can You Say Parodia? SNL Skewers "Dora"

  I know in my heart that SNL animator Robert Smigel's take on "Dora The Explorer" would have been funnier to me if Dora and her friends weren't such a serious and integral part of my children's education entertainment. But as it was, I watched this clip with just a little more discomfort than I would have a few years ago when the sum total of my Dora experience was limited to a few moments here and there while babysitting. After reviewing it for questionable content, I let my four-year-old watch it with me. She took it straight, only noting that "that's not the usual Boots". And for her money, that's a girl in the picture FauxDora holds up. I'm going to watch it again later tonight after I come home from Mama's Night Out, and I suspect with a couple of mojitos under my belt, it'll be hilarious.   Via Time's Tuned In blog  Posted Mar 29 2007, 07:31 PM by Patti with | with no comments Filed under: youtube, entertainment, children's television, Time Magazine, dora the explorer

• Ninja Turtles Kick Butt, Take Names

  A few weeks ago, I wondered why on earth the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had a new movie -- considering the show last saw massive popularity when "Alf" was eating cats and molesting that boy. Or whatever it was Alf actually did. The point is, I was wrong. Turns out the turtles are a big thing, and they just beat the crap out of the box office competition - making the cartoon the hottest movie in America and bringing millions of people back to their childhood for two hours at a time. Producers said the turtle movie tapped into the nostalgia young people have for those pizza-eating, Da Vinci clods (oh that's just bad). A lot of people grew up on turtles and they wanted to check them out one last time. That makes sense. Who doesn't want to remember the glory days? So when's that "Silver Spoons" movie coming? Huh? Huh!  Posted Mar 27 2007, 10:08 AM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: entertainment, Movies, cartoons, children's TV, nostalgia, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

• Care Bears Movie Returns; Millions Gag on Sugar Clouds

  I always wanted a Cabbage Patch Doll. I begged and pleaded and whined until, eventually, I got a Care Bear instead. WTF parents? Do you know how embarrassing it was to cart around a little green stuffed bear while all my playmates had adorable little people by their sides? As you can see, I've never recovered from the trauma. So I'm not particularly thrilled about this -- the return of the "Care Bears Movie." It premiered in 1985, telling the story of those little disfigured bears and inflicting upon the world a lethal dose of gumdroppy goodness. The DVD comes out Tuesday for anyone who's interested in a return to Care-O-Lot. And for those who have an altogether different view of the bears, there's this video. Posted Mar 26 2007, 08:03 PM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with no comments Filed under: entertainment, Movies, doll, media, Care Bears

• Be Good to Kids ... Or Peyton Manning Will Ruin Them

  Time-outs in Port-O-Potties. Lessons on killing snitches. Breaking into cars. Picking up women. What has become of the United Way? It used to be a middle man for kids who need mentors. It has definitely turned a corner. A dark, sordid corner. I was watching a commercial last night during some earnest, topical Saturday night show or another and I don't know if appalled is the right word -- but it comes pretty close. Peyton Manning should be ashamed of himself, and the United Way should be, too. I'm not sure what type of "lessons" he's passing onto children by hitting them in the back of the head with a football and then telling them, "You suck. Get the F--- out of here." But I'm guessing that's not the kind of mentoring these kids were looking for. Read More... Posted Mar 25 2007, 12:21 PM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 14 comment(s) Filed under: kids, television, entertainment, media, advertising, Peyton Manning

• "Knocked Up" Is the Parenting Movie of the Summer

  I've always wondered about those thrilling, one-word endorsements that accompany movie ads and trailers. I have a sneaking suspicion that on many films the word "riveting!" came from a sentence like: The only riveting thing about this flick is the closing credits. Still, I'm giving it a try. Strollerderby will appear in one movie ad or another this summer, because this movie looks too hilarious, too exciting, too spot-on accurate to pass up. And get this, it's a parenting movie. Go figure. I was out with a dads group at the movies when I first saw the laugh-out-loud trailer, and I was intrigued because it seems the makers of "The 40-year-old Virgin" are now pondering what happens when the virgin is no more. (How's that, Universal Studios? Suck it USA Today!) "Knocked Up" involves a lot of drinking, a lot of partying, a one-night stand and voila ... parenthood! But what happens when the strangers decide to get together for the sake of the baby? Oh who cares? Katherine Heigl's in it. (OK, maybe that won't make any ads, but still ... the movie looks pretty fun. And I know at least one dads group that will take it in this summer. For the baby, of course.) Posted Mar 23 2007, 09:08 AM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: entertainment, Movies, babies, dads, Knocked up, Katherine Heigl

• "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" Proves I'm Not

  I'm dumber than a fifth grader. I don't think there's any long-time reader of this blog who would disagree. Sure, I can kick the holy hell out of a fourth grader, but fifth graders have me stumped. And that's just the point of this new show: "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" Hosted by Jeff Foxworthy, the new Fox show will ask Americans dumb-ass questions, such as "What number comes after two?" for the chance to win up to $1 million. The great part is that the questions come from real-life, honest-to-goodness, swear-to-god first-through fifth-grade textbooks. Read More... Posted Feb 22 2007, 02:54 PM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: Celebrities, television, entertainment, games, education

• A-Rod to Children: Read My Book!

  First there was Terrell Owens' tome about proper Sharpie use. Then came Barry Bonds' how-to guide on syringes. Now, A-Rod is getting into children's books, too. His story, "Out of the Park," is about a boy who does great things throughout the regular season but ultimately chokes in the playoffs. Wonder where he got that idea? OK, OK, so it's not about that. But the story does mirror his life in some ways. The 32-page hardcover book focuses on a young baseball loving boy named Alex and his underdog upbringing. Read More... Posted Feb 07 2007, 04:36 PM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: boy, entertainment, children's books, books, culture, Baseball, Alex Rodriguez

• Who's on Your List of Best Horror Show Children?

  A few nights ago, our almost 10-month-old daughter looked up from a pile of blocks, smiled eerily and hissed the word, "Daaay-Naaa." It was her first word -- but it scared the living hell out of us because of the way she said, as if some poltergeist had invaded our sweet child's body or she had suddenly acquired the ability to see dead people. It wasn't until we put her down for the night and flipped on the television that our prognosis was confirmed: Our child is possessed. The good news is she could be a movie star. You see, we saw a trailer for the new movie "The Messengers" -- which stars the creepiest looking boy this side of "Webster." The promo said something like children are "susceptible" to paranormal phenomena and they are trying to warn us. While that's certainly kind of them, the idea creeped us out to no end -- we even considered locking our bedroom door, just in case our daughter decided to "warn" us with a knife, a hockey mask or a gloved hand full of razors. Read More... Posted Feb 02 2007, 12:12 PM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: entertainment, Movies, parents, secret language of babies, babies, celebrity babies, advertising, violence

• Dan Zanes & Friends: A Fabulous Live Show

  If you happen to be a member of one of the unfortunate families who has not yet had a Dan Zanes & Friends experience, then you need to go to his website right now, and buy tickets for the next show anywhere near you.  Go now! Yesterday was my second time seeing Dan & co. and the beautiful, old Herbst Theater in San Francisco, and it was just as good as the first time, if not better.  Last time, Hazel was a little freaked out by the crowd of rambunctious kids, and rode the show out in her dad's lap, while 5-month-old Violet dozed in the sling.  But this time around, Hazel, Violet and their friends jumped, twisted, clapped, sang, and ring-around-the-rosy'd their way through the whole set, from start to finish.  It was a live music-loving parent's dream come true, and it was freaking adorable.  It helped that the show itself, from the set list to the setting, was awesome. Read More... Posted Jan 29 2007, 07:14 AM by Alisyn with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: entertainment, dan zanes, family dance party, kids music, concerts

• Dakota Fanning's "Hounddog" Rape Scene Clears Way for Career

  What do you do when you're a 12-year-old movie/television star and puberty is setting in? You could go the route of poor Ben Seaver from "Growing Pains" and drop off the face of the earth. Or you could take the route of Jodie Foster, star in more adult fare ("Taxi Driver" ring a bell?) and segue perfectly into super stardom. Dakota Fanning, doe-eyed kid star of "Charlotte's Web" and "War of the Worlds," chose the latter route, and people. are. pissed. Her new movie "Hounddog" premieres Monday at the Sundance Film Festival. Based on something and retelling the story of whatever, the fury comes from the fact that the 12-year-old's character accepts her father in her bed, forces a boy to expose himself for a kiss and, somewhere along the way, is raped. Read More... Posted Jan 21 2007, 12:49 PM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: entertainment, Child Actors, Movies, Sex, child, dakota fanning, exploitation

• Crocodile Hunter's Wife Bares Teeth to Defend Daughter ... Finally

  Poor Bindi Sue Irwin. And I'm not talking about the fact she was named after a crocodile. (Seriously, 8-year-olds have their own wikipedia pages now?) I'm talking about the fierce debate that has centered around her new show: "Bindi, the Jungle Girl." The girl wants to follow in the footsteps of her woild father, Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, but Australian politicians and American news shows have teamed up to say the girl is being exploited for TV gain. (Because non-stop chatter about a cute pixie of a girl does nothing for ratings, huh Fox?) Her mother, it seems, has had enough. At a news conference, Terri Irwin cut off a reporter who continuously asked the girl about her famous Crocodile Hunter father, who died last year when he was attacked by a stingray. "I don't know that I want to go down that line," she said. Read More... Posted Jan 16 2007, 11:00 AM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Celebrities, entertainment, bindi irwin, Child Actors, animal planet, tv, child, australia, attacked, celebrity babies

• Croc Hunter's Daughter Set To Become Celeb In Her Own Right

  Bindi Irwin, the 8 year old daughter of “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin, is preparing to launch a major media blitz in support of her new show Bindi The Jungle Girl, airing on Discovery Kids. Little Bindi will appear on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Late Night With David Letterman, and is scheduled to address the National Press Club in Washington, D.C.  She will also join fellow Aussies The Wiggles on stage at their upcoming L.A. and New York shows.  Binidi’s promotional campaign coincides with the release of Ocean’s Deadliest, the documentary her dad was working on when he died. Together with his American wife Terri, Steve Irwin owned and operated the Austraila Zoo, in Queensland, which was originally owned and operated by his parents.  Irwin often spoke publicly about his wish for his children to carry on the family tradition of  wildlife conservation and education, as well as promoting Australian tourism.  One can venture to guess that Irwin would be proud of his little girl.   One can also venture to say that it is completely inappropriate for an 8 year old girl, who should be going to slumber parties, studying for spelling tests, and riding her bike, to shoulder the responsibility of being the new public face of her father’s foundation (Wildlife Warriors). One could also venture to guess that a small child, who has just lost her father in a violent accident, might be better off at home with her family, rather than flying all over the world promoting a T.V. show.  One could also maybe venture to speculate that perhaps it is unwise to groom a pre-prepubescent child to become an international celebrity and spokesperson.  But don't worry, folks, Bindi's manager - her manager, mind you - says "there's no pressure on (Bindi) to do anything at all." Oh, okay then.  Phew.  Posted Jan 10 2007, 07:29 AM by Alisyn with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: children, celebrity, entertainment, bindi irwin, steve irwin, parents

• See a Boob or Be One? Are Family Friendly Films Tolerant?

  Is Hollywood liberal enough? A Washington Post article about a spate of "faith and family" films raises questions about whether family friendly really means intolerant. At first, it didn't seem so bad. Turns out the producer behind slasher-flasher flicks "Scream" and "Scary Movie" had a change of heart once he had kids. "What used to be defined as 'teenage' -- 13 to 18 -- all of a sudden became 12 to 18, and all of a sudden that became 11, then 10, then 9, and then these types of genre films were being seen by 8-year-old kids," the producer, Cary Granat, said. OK, good, no boobs and bludgeons for 8 year olds. I'm with you. But his remedy? He teamed with billionaire gay-bashing, evolution-hating, FCC indecency zealot Philip Anschutz to form Walden Media. In an appeal to religious audiences, the producers brought the Jesus Lion to Mainstreet U.S.A. in the form of "Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe," along with other films like "Charlotte's Web" and "Because of Winn-Dixie." But Philip Anschutz? Who funded an anti-gay amendment in Colorado? Who funded the "think tank" behind Intelligent Design? This guy is making movies? Reading the article, I wondered what would become of Hollywood -- would it remain a liberal bastion? Or would it sell out the "arts" (yes, I saw "Saw"; sue me) to appease the far right? After all, some movies have already been edited to win a conservative seal of approval from the Dove Foundation. Anschutz wasn't interviewed for the article, but he was quoted from a speech. "Why can't movies return to being something that we can go and see with our children and our grandchildren without being embarrassed or on the edge of our seats? I don't think they understand the market and the mood of a large segment of the movie-going audience today." As much as don't like him, I admit he has a point. I don't want to take my daughter to a movie and cringe when the leading lady starts grinding on the leading man -- even if they are animated. Then again, I don't want to take her to a movie where large segments of her community are portrayed as anything less than normal because of who they are or what they believe. In my book, seeing a little boob is better than being one. Posted Jan 04 2007, 10:45 AM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with no comments Filed under: entertainment, Movies, activities, Family Fun, religion, animation, ethics

• Boy Finds Xbox Porn; Cops Drop Everything

  More than pornography popped up for a 14-year-old Utah boy when he tried to play Madden NFL 07 on his new Xbox 360 and instead discovered explicit images. "This is definitely not Madden," he said, probably adding, "Huh huh, boobs." Of course, his digital dalliance didn't end there. He told his parents. And they, in turn, told the cops. This is where the tale of a teenage boy's best. Christmas. present. ever. takes a horrible turn. According to an Associated Press article, the Utah Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force will investigate how the images made their way into the video game. "The hard part (huh huh) is finding out who did it," said the task force lieutenant. "We'll give it a shot. I would go through the roof if this happened to my kid." Really? The Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force doesn't have anything better to do? It's investigating how a 14-year-old boy discovered porn on his video game? I am totally moving to Utah. Posted Dec 31 2006, 06:16 PM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: christmas, entertainment, gaming, video games, tv, Sex, Xbox

• Bratz Dolls Have Something on Barbie: Lip

  In the "epic catfight" between Bratz dolls and the ever-popular Barbie brand, the scantily clad ingenue has a secret weapon. According to one distraught mother, the Bratz she purchased for her own are dropping more than IQ's and necklines. They're dropping F-bombs.  "At 5 a.m., I wasn't sure what I was hearing," the mother said, according to the video at MSNBC.com. "I didn't believe what I was hearing." And if you watch the video, you won't be sure either. The segment doesn't actually play the word, letting a 5-year-old stand in instead. "It said bad words," she said. But how would she know? The mother claims they don't use words like that in her household -- although it seems like the only logical expletive when your kid runs screaming into your room at 5 a.m. to tattle on her new plaything. "It said what? Fuck, go back to sleep."  Has anyone actually encountered a cursing Bratz doll? If so, where do you get them? Posted Dec 29 2006, 10:30 AM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: parenting, entertainment, doll, toys, barbie, Bratz dolls, gifts

• Mister Rogers' People Looking for New 'hood

  Before I landed this cushy stay-at-home dad gig, my wife ridiculed my after-work habit of changing my shoes the minute I got home. "What?" I said. "I like to be comfortable. And if it's good enough for Mister Rogers, it's good enough for me." It was just one of the bizarre life lessons I learned from watching Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, along with my penchant for conversing with puppets. Though PBS airs reruns of the show, I fear my daughter won't get it into it by the time she's old enough to be neglected for half-hour increments each day. With Dora and Wonder Pets and who-knows-what-else-in-three-years, there's too many shows that are just way too "cool." How can an old guy who spends his days changing sweaters and chatting with the mailman compete? But good news awaits Mister Rogers fans. The people behind the show are in talks to create a brand-new children's program, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Though an updated neighborhood spin-off doesn't appear to be in the works, producers are looking at the same things that made the original so appealing: live action, puppetry and, possibly, animation. "Anything's possible," said one producer. Anything, huh? If they're looking for ideas, I can totally see Prince Tuesday finally blowing his lid and staging a bloody coup in Make Believe, with King Friday XIII coming to the sad conclusion that, indeed, no one loves him. Now that's a show that could compete. Posted Dec 28 2006, 07:47 PM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: television, entertainment, education, Family Fun, PBS, dads

• Rock Me, Baby: Five Great (Really!) 2006 Children's Albums

  Having a kid doesn't mean you're obligated to listen to children's music. But if you don't, you're missing out on some great stuff--people are taking children's music seriously like never before, and the results are, frankly, rockin' good.  Here in no particular order, my top five for the year. Grab them for a stocking stuffer, pop them in on the long drive to Grandma's house, put them on repeat at bedtime, send 'em to your nephews: Dan Zanes may have overtaken Raffi as the elder statesman of children's music, and is the founding father of the modern kindierock movement despite erring strongly on the side of folk in the Guthrie/Seeger tradition. His Catch That Train is everything that our family loved from his previous releases, plus Nick Cave. The only disappointment: I really liked the board-book packaging of his earlier albums, they were great for tossing into the back seat to just. shut. them. up. Dirty Sock Funtime Band has been called the "first real rock band for kids", but that was by Fox News and they're idiots. What DSFB actually is, is the first real jam band for kids. Or maybe ska band, since there's like, ten of them, and some of them play horns. Either way, Mr. Clown and the Day the Sun Got Wet is silly, dumb, and utterly captivating. And I pick a new favorite crush every time I see them (right now it's that guy with the fauxhawk). You might know Elizabeth Mitchell from her collaboration with Lisa Loeb and appearances on Noggin. You might not realize that she's got several albums of soft acoustic folk, mixing old favorites with originals in her soothing lullabye style. Like her previous works, You Are My Little Bird gathers classic American and international folksongs and reworks them for a new generation. Compilation albums frequently suck. Kid Pan Alley doesn't. A little bit of a "something for everyone" in terms of genre (heavy on the blues and twang), this is the product of collaboration between children and professional performer/songwriters working with the Kid Pan Alley project in Nashville, TN. A worthy cause, a great record. If you have managed to escape the Laurie Berkner juggernaut, you...wait, really? How have you managed it? Laurie was all over Noggin for years and finally released We Are...the Laurie Berkner Band on CD/DVD this year. Re-recordings and fresh video of all their "hits", with enough sass that you might not mind so much when your little dinosaurs insist on marching, marching everywhere they go. Don't blame me if you find yourself flying out of town to see her in concert.   Posted Dec 14 2006, 07:07 AM by Patti with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: kids, entertainment, music, children's music, gift ideas

• Charlie The Crocodile Must Die

  There are some really lame characters on children's television (I'm looking at you, Barney), but the only one that generates genuine homicidal ideation in my soul is Charlie, the retarded, speech-delayed crocodile from Maisy. I want him to die. Why the venom? For starters, Charlie is an embarrassment to crocodiles everywhere. Ever watch Animal Planet? A true crocodile will fuck you up. He'll eat your head. But Charlie ain't tryin' to hear that. He's content to prance around in his red and white striped shirt and make these strange, squealy, unintelligible noises that sound nothing at all like a real crocodile. Charlie is to the crocodile population what Rip Taylor is to human beings. Charlie's best friend is a mouse, and that's just wrong. Crocs don't even bother eating mice because they're so damn small. Why would I want to teach my children that crocodiles are friendly and respectful and are huge into tea parties with mice and squirrels? They're not. They're mean and they bite. And if I don't teach the kids that crocs eat kids, they may invite one to their tea party and end up losing an arm, tea cup and all. As I see it, we have two options: 1. We stage an intervention with Charlie and admonish him that it's time to drop the pussy routine and start representin' for the croc nation. Don't play hopscotch with that stupid mouse. Eat that motherfucker! Keep it real, Charlie! 2. He dies. For the safety of our children, we cannot have some stupid cartoon croc behaving like a pansy and talking like a drunk two-year-old on national television. That shit ain't right. I hope I can count on your support in my crusade against this menace.   Posted Dec 12 2006, 01:00 PM by Dad Gone Mad with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: children, television, entertainment, maisy, barney, animal planet

• You're Funnier On YouTube, Charlie Brown

  I'm going to indulge in a little sacrilege, here: I fucking hate the Charlie Brown Christmas special. When I was a kid, it represented the boring, obligatory side of the holiday season: the side that had me spending every Saturday morning in December at church practicing recitations with the other Sunday School kids, the side that had to endure family photographs in coordinating sweaters. There are just certain things you did, and watching Charlie Brown was one of them. I looked forward to it like I looked forward to the dentist: once it was over, it would be a while before I'd have to endure it again.  Modern kids have access to more holiday television options, and better ones. And they know it, too: when I Tivo'd Chuck and his pals in a misguided fit of nostalgia, my kids got up and wandered out of the room before the opening credits finished rolling. But thanks to easy and inexpensive software and the magic of YouTube, they won't totally miss out on having the Peanuts gang as part of their childhood experience. Enjoy. The below clip marries scenes from the show with Outkast's "Hey Ya"--the song isn't nearly as tired to my preschoolers as it is to me, even after they watched it approximately ninety-six times in a row:   This version is narrated by the cast of Scrubs--and not really kid-friendly, but let's be honest with ourselves, is the original show kid-friendly? What about to kids who aren't in a persistent vegetative state?   Charlie Brown: Jihad Christmas has been flagged as offensive by several Youtube users, and they're right. But at least it's not offensively boring! Definitely not for kids without a passing familiarity with satire. Posted Dec 11 2006, 12:00 PM by Patti with | with no comments Filed under: christmas, charlie brown, television, youtube, entertainment

• Bindi Irwin PLUS The Wiggles? It's a Catastrophe Double-Header!

  It's comforting to know that, should a beloved children's host get taken out of commission, the capitalist machine will continue to exploit their image for profit. The latest gruesome news from New Kerala magazine in India is that Bindi Irwin, daughter of stingray'd conservationist Steve Irwin, will be teaming up with The Wiggles for shows in Los Angeles and New York City. Accompanying Bindi will be - ahem - "The Crocmen". It's bizarre and more than a little disturbing to see these two entertainment firestorms united by tragedy. The Wiggles, as every parent who hasn't just arrived from a 40-year-long Grateful Dead concert knows, recently replaced their ailing leader Greg Page. Known to most folks as "The Yellow Wiggle" - or, alternatively, "That dork I would laugh at if he weren't so fucking rich" - Page had to quit the group recently when doctors told him that he had orthostatic intolerance, a rare condition that prevents him from standing upright. (Egads.) I wish poor Bindi and the remaining Wiggles all the best in the world. May this tour make them even more rich than they are now. But if they think I'm taking my kids anywhere near this expensive double-feature, they've got another thing comin'. Yeah, sure, I still break out into a chorus of "Fruit Salad" every now and then. But thankfully? I'm glad that my kids are over this shit. In the Zero household, we've skipped over those pesky intermediate shows, jumping straight from The Wiggles to Futurama. As I write, all my kids are watching the episode where the evil robotic Santa Claus tries to murder Fry and Leela. Don't let anyone say I don't know from culture.  Posted Dec 11 2006, 10:33 AM by thezeroboss with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: children, kids, celebrity, entertainment, bindi irwin, the wiggles, steve irwin