Oh no! According to The Conservative UAW Guy, bread is dangerous for children! OMG! Apparently, new research has been conducted on bread usage, and among other things:
1. More than 98% of convicted felons are bread users!
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, and peanut butter!
My
conclusion? We all know that bread is a mainstay in the "white" food
group that comprises most kids' entire diets, along with pasta, and,
uh, the other thing. We're slowly poisoning our children and
contributing to the degradation of society by serving our nation's
children this deadly and addictive substance. I say, let's join
with UAW Guy and ban bread! He's advocating a "Just Say No to Toast"
campaign as well as bread-free zones around our schools, among other
things, to help wipe out this insidious cause of our nation's ills.
