Gather 'round, kids. Put down your Duplo building blocks and your Dora backpacks and your sippy cups. Stop reading ni-ni books and please, keep your curious little chubbers fingers out of your nostrils for one very important moment. No, this isn't a time-out or a boy-parts/girl-parts talk. This is a much more critical issue that we need to discuss.
Children, this is about Tori Spelling.
Now, you probably don't remember Tori from back in the 90210 Donna days of cavernous cleavage and interminable virginity, but Mommy does. Mommy will remember for you that it was clearly a case of obligation and access to the beachfront condo that coerced Kelly to stay BFFs with Donna until the show came to a long and drawn-out end.
Mommy will remember with a cringe the commercials for Tori's self-mocking show on VH1 and the excrutiating boredom while sitting on a delayed plane on a tarmac in Portland that led to reading each and every one of the five page spread on how Tori and her now-hubby met, wooed and wed each other. And the sidebar on their cast-out spouses. Oh yeah, and the pictorial on their beach bonfire ritual after the nuptials. Cringe if you will but mommy will remember.
Now that Tori's made her way back to media darlingdom as a new wife, new mom, newly reconciled with her own mother, new owner of a B & B and new star of a reality show, her life has some dramatic questions looming that you, my babes, are aware of. Prepare yourself, the most pressing question needs your full attention: How will Tori Spelling lose her baby weight?
I know, I know. It's a big one.
But not to worry. She's been jogging with her husband and the kind folks at NutriSystem are going to take very good care of Tori's (surely) massive post-partum jelly belly after gaining (oh God) 40 pounds while pregnant. It'll all be OK.
Try not to worry your little heads, kids. I am sure it all be just fine.
