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• Helicopter Parents -- Now With More Spying Capabilities

  Ugh! Please don't let me become one of these! The New York Times ran a story over the weekend about parents who, in short, need some hobbies. Because instead of macrame and collecting antique cookie tins, they're spending their time, energy and money on spying on their kids' every move -- you think I'm saying that metaphorically, I'm not -- at school. Schools are adopting one of the scads of software programs that allow parents to ...   Read More... Posted May 05 2008, 02:36 PM by Madeline Holler with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: attachment parenting, Baby Boomers, college, helicopter parenting, kids and school, monitoring software, spying on kids, kids grades

• Make Your Baby Sleep...At Night

  Finding a baby who sleeps through the night is a lot like looking for the Holy Grail: no one expects you to really find it, and along the way you'll probably be beseiged by killer rabbits. And although I've swung wide swaths of the spectrum between attachment parenting and out-and-out Ferberizing, I've seen the light about the way to get babies to sleep at night, and this list of everything you need to know about getting your baby to sleep at night is it: Read More... Posted Feb 15 2008, 04:31 PM by Karen Murphy with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: babies, attachment parenting, sleep, infants, infant massage, Ferber method

• Pediatrician Poll: Attachment Parenting

  "I'm not sure what that means. I would hope that all parenting is attached." — Patricia McGuire, MD, FAAP. Cedar Rapids, IA. "I'm neutral. There is no one parenting strategy that works for everyone." — John W. Waidner, MD, FAAP. Jacksonville, FL. "I'm neutral, except for sleeping in the same bed, though a co-sleeper is OK." — Robert D. Saken, MD, FAAP. NY, NY. To obtain these results, Babble randomly called 300 AAP-approved pediatricians in 50 states, then tallied the answers of the 20 who called back. Pediatrician Poll appears in Strollerderby every Friday.   Posted Feb 15 2008, 12:00 PM by editors with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: attachment parenting, pediatrician poll

• Helicopter Parents Hover Over College "Kids"

  I am married to a college professor and while you might now be imagining smudged reading glasses, hot tea and sweaters with patched elbows, don’t. Life with an academic involves lots of swearing, boring parties and a glimpse at unbelievable new failures in American education. All that, and helicopter parenting. You get to see lots of helicopter parenting. At the end of each semester, minutes after cheaters are busted, grades filed, and GPAs recalculated, the whirling blades descend into our home ... Read More... Posted Oct 09 2007, 09:11 AM by Madeline Holler with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: attachment parenting, Baby Boomers, college, helicopter parenting

• Breastfeeding Sucks in Canada Too!

  O Canada. I'm confused. I thought everything was better up there, up north, Canada. What with your clean air and your bacon and your quaint, cooing vowels. You've got all the good bands, all the funny comedians, all those adorably feisty French-speaking separatists. And Canada, don’t make me bring up healthcare – the envy of North America. Free surgeries! Free consultations! Practically free cholesterol drugs! Can I be you, Canada? Then I read this, my understandably smug northern neighbor, and I am stunned. Read More... Posted Sep 25 2007, 02:33 PM by Madeline Holler with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: attachment parenting, breastfeeding, Canada, lactivism, bill maher, healthcare

• Down With Parenting Philosophies

  Earlier I posted about my irritation at the attachment parenting folks who like to equate sleeping in separate beds with leaving your infant alone for the dingos to eat. But there's people with agendas in all the camps: the sleep camps, be it Weissbluth or Ferber or whispering to your baby; or the pee pee poo poo camps (potty train at two weeks old!); or the discipline camps, with the counting to three or permissive parenting or whatevah. The truth is that most parents probably do a combination of things on a day-to-day basis, and that's as it should be. We don't get into trouble until we get a real strict parenting philosophy. Or really, until we decide our way is the right way for everybody.   Read More... Posted Sep 03 2007, 01:01 PM by Kelly Mills with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: attachment parenting, parenting advice, self-righteousness, sleep training

• Attachment Parenting Interview: Oh, the Righteousness

  I don't believe attachment parenting causes children to become weak, dependent little wussies who have to be held by a parent before they can fall asleep in their dorm bed at college. No, I could care less how long anyone co-sleeps or carries junior around in the sling. But you know what I think is occasionally an unfortunate side effect of attachment parenting? Self-righteousness. Not all AP folks are judge-y, and in fact, the ones I know are pretty mellow. And there's Ferberizers and whatever-ers who get righteous too. But when I read the interview with Dave Taylor, author of the Attachment Parenting blog, the very first line was "The core philosophy behind AP is Read More... Posted Sep 03 2007, 11:14 AM by Kelly Mills with | with 16 comment(s) Filed under: attachment parenting, co-sleeping, dave taylor, independence

• 20 Alternatives to Punishment

  Attachment Parenting (AP) is all the rage when it comes to babies, what with all the slings, breastfeeding-on-demand and co-sleeping going on these days, but it extends far beyond the early years.   The backbone of the AP philosophy is mutual respect, and with older kids, that often translates into finding an alternative to punishment - whether that means allowing natural consequences to take their course, offering constructive advice, walking away, or turning potential conflicts into challenges that can be faced together - is a key point in developing mutuality.  Not letting the children get away with murder, mind you, but letting go of the authoritarian in us as parents, and embracing the mediator, the peacemaker. Read More... Posted Aug 09 2007, 11:11 AM by Alisyn with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: attachment parenting, punishment, aware parenting institute, the parenting pit, alternatives to punishment

• Babble Talk: Pondering the Zaky

  Babble reviews many different types of baby products and some (we admit) are a little out there.  But the Zaky? The spooky but cuddly bean bag arms that snuggle your baby on your behalf (while presumably you're upstairs in the master suite enjoying a soak in the tub) seems ... different.  Weirder than usual and popular among new parents, the Zaky is $50 worth of love substitute and it appears to really work. Sam Apple's review of Zaky gives positive reviews (if grudging) and is surprised to find that its role in attachment parenting by proxy isn't just a laughing matter.   Posted May 09 2007, 09:49 AM by Rachael Brownell (Redsy) with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: attachment parenting, sam apple, fifty-dollar beanbag arm, zaky

• Toxic World Babies Must Love Tangents

  There's no doubt that parenting provides some environmental choices. Do you go the disposable diaper route, or opt for cloth? How about organic baby food? Can you transport your little ones without using tons of fossil fuels? Are there any safe plastics, from baby bottles to pacifiers? So when I sat down to read this article on environmental parenting, I was interested to see what the author recommended. A little ways into the article, I read this: "Attachment Parenting is a much kindler, gentler alternative to the old 'let them cry it out' school." Um, okay. So part of raising a "natural" baby is attachment parenting? And what exactly does this have to do with environmentalism? I'll answer my own question with "nothing" unless your crib was made from thousand-year-old rain forest trees and asbestos. Since the author brought it up, here's my stance: I think attachment parenting is great, as long as the parent or parents are happy with it. I don't think babies who co-sleep are going to develop into whiny, dependent little parasites. However, I also don't believe that babies who sleep in a crib and are sleep-trained are traumatized and full of abandonment issues. Oh, and from where I stood, when I did some sleep training with my daughter, it was the kindler, gentler way to go. Take my word for it. Because of course, one of the little secrets of parenting here is that it's a balance between your child's needs and your own needs. I think the connection in the article is supposed to be a groovy, get-back-to-nature kind of parenting philosophy that embraces eco-conscious choices. Problem is that when you create a dogma based on unrelated things, you lose some folks. Like me, for example. One of the things that really irritates me is when some proponents of attachment parenting like the author claim it's the right thing to do because it is practiced all over the world. Yeah, so is child labor. You know, in many parts of the world, people co-sleep because they have a one-room house. But there's this creepy tendency to want to pick and choose which things we're gonna romanticize as "natural" and which we ignore because they don't fit that romantic notion. And by the way, "instinct-driven" my ass. So I guess those of us who didn't go the baby-wearing, co-sleeping route are ignoring our natural instincts. Because no secret primal knowledge convinced me that it was a good thing for me to be pissed off all day long because I was the milk vending machine every fifteen minutes at night. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go recycle something. Posted May 08 2007, 11:35 AM by Kelly Mills with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: attachment parenting, environment, green living

• Attachment Parenting: Giving Kids a Sense of Security or Entitlement?

  Attachment Parenting is becoming pretty mainstream these days - the slings-wearers, the breast feeders, the co-sleepers: they're everywhere!  AP is an idea that is so old, it's new again, and most parents today practice AP in some form or another.  Thanks in part to mainstream magazines like Mothering, HipMama and good ol' Dr. Sears, it is now fairly common to breast feed on demand, co-sleep, and wear your baby.  These are all positive things.  But what happens when attachment parenting lets you down?  BadBadIvy, over at Love Shak, Baby recently posted a rarely-heard take on attachment parenting that I feel like I could have written myself.  In her post, How the AP Movement Gave My Daughter a Sense of Entitlement, Ivy explores the idea that perhaps anticipating her daughter's every need, and rarely separating from her until the age of 3, may have contributed to her daughter's evolution into a demanding little diva.  Ivy is quick to point out that she doesn't blame AP, so much as she wonders how much attachment parenting, combined with her daughter's innate personality and temperament, played a part in her growing into "the exact definition of diva. She expects things to go her way, and she wants that to happen right now. She also wants to be with me every second of every day." Read More... Posted May 08 2007, 09:33 AM by Alisyn with | with 8 comment(s) Filed under: baby, parenting philosophies, attachment parenting, love shak

• The PortaMEe: Baby Carriers Just Got a Whole Lot Crazier

  CleverParents refers to the PortaMEe child carrier as "the Prada of baby carriers", and in the sense that it's twice the price of similar carriers and not even that cute, they're pretty much spot-on. Don't get me wrong: I'm glad that baby carriers are becoming the new stroller, because my own choices back in the day were limited to Bjorn or sling, in Navy, Chambray, or Hand-Woven Guatemalan Hemp. Choices are awesome, as our own Karen discussed recently. But I was also kind of hoping that Gwen Stefani's Gucci frontpack wasn't a sign of anything other than Gwen's special kind of crazy. The PortaMEe (I hate typing that, but I feel compelled) was designed in response to the nonexistence of baby carriers that worked past the newborn stage, which—can someone please tell the 35-pound four-year-old who rode in my Nojo all over NYC last fall that her whole life is a lie? Anyway, it was designed by someone who'd maybe never run across a sling, a mei tai (mmm...mai tais...) or an Ergo carrier, which is not only half the price of a PortaMEe (I HATE TYPING THAT! MAKE ME STOP!) but can be worn in a variety of positions. Please note the model to the right, who may or may not be an Oompa Loompa: She sports the PortaMEe (@#%!&!!!) in the only position in which it can be worn. What you can't see is that on the back, there is a fanny pack. They call it a "lumbar support pack", but you know what? This lady's just a pair of socks with sandals away from being mistaken for a German tourist. I have to hand it to the mamas who are behind this carrier: Jennifer Gilbert and Robin Stein found a niche, and I wish them well as they fill it, because I love to see mamas living the dream. But still, a fanny pack? That's just cold. Posted Apr 24 2007, 09:00 AM by Patti with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: products, babies, attachment parenting, slings, baby gear, portamee, carriers, cleverparents

• Babble Talk: Attachment Parenting Author Thinks We Over-Parent

  Katie Allison Granju tackles the thorny issue of attachment parenting this week at Babble with elán and spark.  In "The Over-Parenting Crisis" Ms. Granju traces the roots of modern neurotic parenting to the shirt-waist days and mah jong afternoons of Betty Friedan's Feminine Mystique. She observes astutely that we've merely replaced one type of parenting rulebook (grout-cleaning, shirt-waist wearing) with another (Fit Pregnancy, Parenting Magazine).  She thinks (again rightly) that we make parenting so much harder than it has to be. If even the author of an attachment parenting book thinks we've gone overboard with worrying and micromanaging our kids lives, I think she must be right.  Perhaps we should all heed her advice.  Take a step back and stop worrying so much about every little thing. Posted Apr 17 2007, 10:06 AM by Rachael Brownell (Redsy) with | with 16 comment(s) Filed under: attachment parenting, katie allison granju, betty friedan, over-parenting

• 5 Ideals of Attachment Parenting Applied to Marriage

  Attachment parents (APs), those lovely kind souls mean well.  They do.  But sometimes following the tenets of perfect childrearing can cause irreparable harm to the marriage upon which the children ultimately depend.  Marriages struggle after kids, there's no doubt about it.  And I think the higher your childrearing standards are, the more pressure is placed on the marriage after kids.  Here are 5 attachment parenting practices and some suggested applications to marriage or partnerships: 1. Respond with Sensitivity.  APs are encouraged to respond to the nonverbal cues of infants and young children and to respond with love and gentleness.  In marriage, partners worn out from caring for children often forget to follow the same tenets in caring for the marriage.  2. Nurturing Touch - The concept of loving your child with loving touch is an obviously good parenting practice and can mean hugs, kisses, but also handholding and shoulder rubs.  The same approach can strengthen the marriage.  Friendly touch (the kind that doesn't ask for anything in return) can build a bridge between even the most harried of harried souls.  Hand-holding, kissing, and shoulder rubs can work miracles on a stressed out couple. Read More... Posted Mar 10 2007, 10:20 AM by Rachael Brownell (Redsy) with | with no comments Filed under: attachment parenting, co-sleeping, family bed, divorce rates, parents bed

• It's OUR Bed, Dammit: Co-Sleeping by Default

  When I was a child, we were only allowed to wake the parents in cases of extreme weather, suspected haunting by ghosts, or extreme physical distress.  Otherwise, their bedroom was off limits.  This rule was instituted following my discovery of the "massager" I'd found in my parent's nightstand.  The lock on their door showed up the next day and foiled further attempts to find even greater discoveries. The Family Bed is as old as oatmeal but has found greater traction among Gen X than Boomers before them.  And it makes me wonder: what the hell were we thinking? I truly understand giving kids comfort and love during the night as well as during the day. And when babies are small and new and hungry, nursing them in bed is convenient and promotes better sleep for mom and baby.  But at what point does it get out of hand? Alisyn reached her limit when her daughter turned three. The New York Times reports that some parents end up sharing beds with their kids out of desperation and describes a new category of parent with whom I totally sympathize, the "reluctant co-sleeper. Read More... Posted Mar 06 2007, 11:18 AM by Rachael Brownell (Redsy) with | with 14 comment(s) Filed under: divorce, attachment parenting, shared bed, co-sleeping, family bed

• Babywearing: A Sling Wrap-Up

  Slings are hip now, no longer hippie.  I own, uh, eight.  But that doesn't make me hip, just obsessed maybe.  Anyway, babywearing has a long history.  Used for centuries in many countries and cultures, in recent years in Western cultures it was mostly in the purview of those annoying attachment-parenting-practicing parents (Yes!  I am one!) and championed by Drs. William and Martha Sears as a cure-all to practically anything that could possibly ail a baby. So I get that wearing your baby, carrying it around all day, helps them feel comfortable and nurtured, and gives you time to get stuff done.  I get that.  The problem is, until fairly recently, babywearing gear was butt-ugly.  When my older son was born, being the Good Mommy that I was trying to be, I asked The Ex to bring home a baby carrier.  I had in mind something sleek and simple, like a Baby Bjorn.  But no.  I got a powder-blue Ugly Snugli.  Which I could not bear to be seen wearing in private let alone in public, so that child ended up in the stroller.  Which he adored. Read More... Posted Mar 06 2007, 09:11 AM by Karen Murphy with | with 12 comment(s) Filed under: babies, attachment parenting, babywearing, slings

• Tired of Changing Diapers? Try Elimination Communication

  I admit, when I first heard about Elimination Communication (EC) several years ago, I was skeptical.  Really skeptical.  Okay, maybe I even said, "Ewww."  After all, what was this about?  Rushing to hold your infant over a potty, based on intuition and certain cues?  I'm a big believer in non-verbal communication, telepathy if you will, and in fact I've communicated with my own children that way when they were pre-verbal, using it for instance to know when they were hungry or thirsty (and don't many parents do that?  Think about it; I'm sure you have done this too), but, uh, the peeing and pooping?  It's one thing to mistake "I want that block" for "I'm thirsty", but....the pee.  And the poop.  But what about the diapers?  They're expensive, and lots of people have issues with the bleaches and gels and dyes that kids are wearing next to their kid-bits for longer and longer periods now, judging by the ever-increasing diaper sizes that are now available (soon!  In Extra Jumbo Jumbo!  New retro designs, great for the dorm!), and aren't we filling up our landfills with these things, each one with a half-life of about 400 years, collectively containing enough ammonia and methane to increase global warming at least ten degrees? Read More... Posted Jan 20 2007, 02:14 PM by Karen Murphy with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: children, babies, attachment parenting, alternative parenting, diapers, elimination communication, potty

• The Judgment! The Judgment! Call Me Attachment Parent & Die

  As discussed earlier today on Babble there are quite a few people who equate the book "Babywise" with torture, withholding food, and even spanking.  Setting limits, it seems, is tantamount to withholding love.  Most sentient and sane adults would agree that spanking a chid is not an effective method of teaching discipline.  I would heartily agree with the well-articulated argument against such silliness. But it's the self-righteousness of many advocates for attachment parenting that sticks in my craw.  An example:  "I nursed my daughter until she was 3.5 and then only stopped because her brother was due for an appearance.  Both of them and their older brother I carried around in a sling, slept with, rocked, sang to, stayed up with all night if I had to, and fed when they were hungry." With all due respect, what is one to make of such statements?  I am currently struggling with weaning my twenty-month old.  Am I to conclude that by attempting to do this, expressly against her grasping wishes, I'm withholding love? Being a less-than-perfect parent?  I think that is the conclusion implied. I used "Babywise" with my infant twins.  I didn't 'torture' them, I merely tried to cut myself a little slack.  If, by waiting two minutes before picking them up, I was encouraging self-soothing, was I Attila the Hun?  Was 'parent directed feeding' a rigid torture device? Not at all.  What it meant, in my case, was that the twins ate every 2 -3 hours instead of every 15 minutes, once they were three months old.  You know why I boycott La Leche League and shy away from the baby-wearing legions filling local parks?  Because of the judgment. Surprisingly, my Mormon in-laws have never judged me for my choices, it has always been the attachment parenting babes I run into around my hippie town.  And I know not everyone who believes in breastfeeding on demand and family beds is judgmental, but I can't take that chance. Isn't motherhood and life itself hard enough without competing for Most Perfect Holy Organic Mother of the Universe? Give me a cranky, sassy, strict bedtime mommy any day of the week.  At least she accepts me for who I am and sees that my love for my children is deep and constant, even though I let them eat at McDonald's.  Posted Jan 06 2007, 05:13 PM by Rachael Brownell (Redsy) with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: mcdonald's, Babywise, attachment parenting, Mormonism, judgment