I think every woman who has borne a child without drugs can relate
to this: imagine that you are so ready to push that baby out, you
know it's time, I mean baby IT'S TIME, when some ever-so-helpful
medical-type person says, "Don't push." Don't what??
Are you freaking kidding me?? There is no.way.in.hell that a
woman bent on pushing that %$#*& baby out is going to be able to
stop when someone says, "Oh, by the way? Don't." This
happened to me when my older daughter was born and they felt they
needed to get me in the delivery room (it was a medieval hospital that
had never heard of the term "birthing suite") and were loathe to the idea
of me pushing along the way. Screw that.
So I totally can relate to poor Lisa
Tauer, being driven to the hospital by her husband Jerome, when
goldarnit she just couldn't help but have that baby right there in the
car on the way to the hospital. So what's new with that? you
ask. That's been done before. Zillions of times. Nope, not
at 100 mph it hasn't. Apparently dad-to-be Jerome was so freaking
scared to maybe have to deal with this messy baby thing himself that
all he could do was speed to the hospital. Uh, hello,
Jerome? Ever stop to think that you were risking the lives of
your wife and that baby there? By driving 90 and 100 mph through
the farmlands of Wisconsin while yelling "Don't push!" to your wife?
Not cool, Jerome. You should have stopped and at least offered
Lisa a granola bar or something. Anything. Anything would
have been better than being so gripped by your fears of a teeny widdle
baby that you had to speed like that. Get a grip, Jerome; you're
a daddy now. It's time to grow up.
