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  • 14 Lies Parents Need to Stop Telling Their Kids (Part 2)

    #8 Just tell me the truth and you won't get in trouble

    Hoo boy, that's rich.     # 14 Mommy and daddy are taking a “nap” (A.K.A. it's time for afternoon delight)

    Read More...


    Posted Jul 18 2008, 10:00 AM by Cole Gamble with | with 7 comment(s)
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  • The Donald Finally Creates World's. Greatest. Grandkid.

    All grandparents love their grandkids, it's true. Each is a gift from (insert diety here) sent down just to please the elderly. (Not you, mom.) And each grandparent, of course, thinks his or her grandchild is the most perfect. baby. ever.

    Finally, after all these years, one grandparent can truly make that claim -- because that's just what little Donald Trump III is: perfect. "Excellent. Astounding. A real quality product."

    OK, OK, so The Donald didn't say that about his first grandkid -- Kai Madison, who was born on Sunday -- but I wouldn't put it past him. "What an adorable little girl, a real quality product with leadership potential. Now clean your room or you're fired!" Lucky, lucky girl.


    Posted May 14 2007, 09:01 AM by Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) with | with no comments
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  • Melania Trump Says Motherhood Is "Amazing"

    melania trumpDonald and Melania Trump's son Barron turned one recently and Melania says that motherhood is nothing short of "amazing." I could get all snarky and say, "Well, of course it is when you have an army of nannies and can celebrate your child's first birthday by whisking him off to Mar-al-Lago to eat birthday cake with 14k gold forks." But I'm not. You know why? Because that woman is a saint.

    Not only does she have to sleep with Donald Trump (shudder), but she has to put up with his jackass quips about how he doesn't change diapers and how pregnant women's bodies are repulsive to him. She has to smile and keep it together when he goes off one of his many tears. A saint, I tell you.

    The Donald says that he's happy that Barron has Melania's personality and let's hope that is true. Because it's Melania that Barron will be spending most of his time with when he dumps her for the next best thing.

    So pretty Melania, yes. Motherhood is "amazing" and childbirth is "very, very easy" and I will never say anything bad about you ever. 

    [photo: Sylvain Gahoury/Film Magic] 


    Posted Apr 13 2007, 12:35 PM by Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) with | with 2 comment(s)
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  • Trump Kids to Speak at "Creating Wealth" Summit. Cuz They're, Like, Entrepreneurs Now. Or Whatever.

    Donald Trump's two oldest children, Donald Jr, and Ivanka, are set to speak at the 2007 "Creating Wealth" Summit, at various locations in New York and New Jersey later this month. On the agenda?  Divulging "their family's most successful wealth-creating secrets and strategies."  You know, because Don Jr. and Ivanka know so much about that stuff, being born filthy rich, and all.  Working for their Dad's company, and all.  Having reached the ripe old ages of 29 and 25, and all.

    AAAAAAAhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrgggggghhh!  Barf!  Only the self-righteous fruits of Donald Trump's loins would be smug and self-righteous enough to lecture actual entrepreneurs on how to get rich, without ever having to make their own way in the world.  What exactly are the "secrets and strategies" they'll be expounding upon, anyway?  Being born into the right family?  Knowing how to sit on your ass until your dad hands you a job with a six figure salary?  Knowing which silver spoon to use when you're feeding the general public a huge, steaming helping of bullshit?

    It's like asking Michael Jackson to your kids' elementary school class, to teach kids about how to spot a sexual predator.  It's like hiring Britney Spears to be your babysitter.  It's completely absurd.   


    Posted Mar 06 2007, 01:19 PM by Alisyn with | with no comments
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  • Ivanka Trump: "I Love My Dad's Hair!"

    Ivanka Trump, the 25-year-old daughter of The Donald and Ivana, is the one person in the world, it seems, who approves of her father's hairstyle - and is willing to defend it. 

     "Maybe I'm just used to it, but I love his hair!" she told People magazine.  "I've heard all sorts of crazy things, but I can verify with complete conviction that it's not a hairpiece.  It is what it is."

    Aww, father-daughter love.  So sweet! 

    Ivanka also told People she knows first hand that "if you don't work well with [Donald], you don't stay long," and that her career goal is - wait for it - "becoming a great real estate developer."  So, she's a little bit biased towards that matted, strawberry-grey, Joan Rivers-esque hair pillow, as it turns out.  But still.

    Father-daughter quid pro quo.  So sweet!
     


    Posted Jan 27 2007, 02:49 PM by Alisyn with | with 2 comment(s)
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  • Donald Trump's Son Is One Tough Kid

    At a ceremony unveiling his new star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, The Donald had some...praise? I guess?...for his son Barron. Indicating that Barron may have the right stuff to one day follow in his old man's footsteps, Trump described his son thusly: "He's smart, he's strong, he's tough, he's vicious, he's violent - all of the ingredients you need to be an entrepeneur." Or if that doesn't work out, young Barron sounds like he'd make a hell of a CTU agent.

    People, I can't really rip on Trump. In his own inimitable way, he's just bragging about his kid. Maybe he was trying to be funny. I'm a blogger; I know all about using ridiculous exaggeration about one's children as a tool to elicit laughs from an audience. Were I to chide Trump for doing the same thing, I'd be a hypocrite. So let's take his comments for what they are; a light-hearted bon mot pointing out his child's personality traits, which apparently mirror his father's. His rich father. His rich and powerful father. His rich and powerful father who probably has teams of lawyers and surveillance experts scanning Google, RSS feeds, the Reuters wire, satellite transmissions, and cell phone conversations in the hopes of locating those who dare speak against him, and silencing them...forever.


    Posted Jan 18 2007, 11:06 AM by JasonAvant with | with 1 comment(s)
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  • Another Tarnished Tiara: Miss New Jersey

    (Yawn)  This is getting tiresome.  Don't these girls, I don't know, read the contest rules before they enter these things?  Next up:  Miss New Jersey USA, Ashley Harder, has resigned because she's pregnant. La la la la la.  So.  She had sex, I guess.  Is that really against the rules?  A little draconian, aren't they?  Don't these girls get to have any fun, let loose a little before they permanently tape their boobs into an upright and locked position and assume the heavy mantle of virginity for all America to look to?

    Ashley Harder's resignation makes the third recent strike against the Miss USA/Donald Trump's Next Wife Pageant, hard on the heels of the Miss USA Tara Conner's underage drinking imbroglio, and also Miss Nevada USA Katie Rees' crown-stripping because of some "racy" photos taken when she was 17.  Wait.  Both those links allude to some photos taken of the Miss USA contestants kissing other girls.  So...maybe that's a way to get around the virginity thing?  Insist that all the contestants be lesbians?  I am thinking it could be a huge boost in viewership, but maybe not such a good thing for The Donald's Wife-In-Training program.


    Posted Jan 16 2007, 10:01 AM by Karen Murphy with | with 3 comment(s)
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