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  • Bratz Dolls Make Barbie Look Reasonable

    slutty bratz dollA marketing study was released recently that showed that mothers were looking to toymakers to make more wholesome and conservative toys for our little girls. While, I agree with the results, a study done by AG Properties (Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake etc.) is most likely skewed. (Keep in mind, they also only interviewed mothers, not fathers.)

    Mir (from Woulda Coulda Shoulda) wrote a fantastic piece on BlogHer called "Sorry, sweetie... Mommy thinks that doll's too skanky". Mir writes about how she had decided long before she had kids that her children would never own a Barbie, and now she is faced with dolls that make Barbie look wholesome.

    Look, we all know Barbie is slutty. I know my Barbie got around. She was always making out with Ken and the Donny Osmond doll that my friend Alison had. I can't even imagine what kind of nastiness these Bratz dolls would get up to, especially now that we have some Misfits action figures (yes, I have a Jerry Only Ken doll).

    I was in Target with my niece two weeks ago and she said "My Mommy and Daddy say I can't play with Bratz dolls because they wear too much makeup." I say well played brother. The five year old knows they are inappropriate without having to discuss sleaziness.

    Anyway, Mir's post stirred up quite the conversation over on BlogHer. Do Bratz dolls get you riled up too?

     


  • Bratz Dolls Have Something on Barbie: Lip

    In the "epic catfight" between Bratz dolls and the ever-popular Barbie brand, the scantily clad ingenue has a secret weapon. According to one distraught mother, the Bratz she purchased for her own are dropping more than IQ's and necklines. They're dropping F-bombs. 

    "At 5 a.m., I wasn't sure what I was hearing," the mother said, according to the video at MSNBC.com. "I didn't believe what I was hearing."

    And if you watch the video, you won't be sure either. The segment doesn't actually play the word, letting a 5-year-old stand in instead.

    "It said bad words," she said. But how would she know?

    The mother claims they don't use words like that in her household -- although it seems like the only logical expletive when your kid runs screaming into your room at 5 a.m. to tattle on her new plaything.

    "It said what? Fuck, go back to sleep." 

    Has anyone actually encountered a cursing Bratz doll? If so, where do you get them?


  • I Hope My Kids Are Poor: Escaping the Gaping Maw of Material Culture

    As recent reports indicate, Americans are spending more, saving less, and the outlook for future generations earning capacity is growing dim.  To this I say "HUZZAH!"  I hope my children make less money than I do.  More than that, I hope they learn to live with lower material expectations than their peers and their parents.

    Marketers have long known about the "nag factor" and are brilliant at accessing the bottomless and apparently trainable greed of younger and younger children.  Manufacturers are no longer as concerned that Mom approves of certain toys.  Instead they develop "work-arounds" to get the children to nag their way into securing their favorite slutty doll.

    So I've developed a solution.  It's called "Operation Sackcloth & Ashes" and it goes like this:  From now on, for each Christmas, birthday, or gift-oriented event, I'm going to give each of my daughters a simple gift from nature -- a rock, a pinecone, a wee little tiny birds nest full of delicate eggs.  Soon, the darlings will be exclaiming over the simple joys of eating breakfast, wearing clothes, breathing, and having heat and water inside the house.

    By taking away television and restricting all contact with other children, I hope to have the children ready for Waldorf by Fall.



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