They Say: Moms, It’s Still Your Fault. Well, Yours and Daycare
Worried that putting your kid in childcare will make her sick, dumb
and mean? Add this to the pile of negatives: a new study claims to show
early years spent in center-based daycare leads to stressed out life in
the early teens.
Wait, wait. You pay extra for the high-quality, extra-certified,
Italian-named, fun, fun, loving and fun daycare? Too bad. Doesn’t
matter. You farmed out the kid. She pays the price as a teen.
So is this good news for moms who stay home? Not exactly.
Because if you’re insensitive — mind you, insensitivity did not get defined — you’ve also managed to stress out your kid whether or not he was in center-based daycare.
A brief write-up of the study from the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development says researchers observed 1,000 children, ages one-month to mid-adolescence, in and out of their homes. They tested the awakening cortisol levels of the teens, which, when normal, are high in the morning and lower as the day goes on.
The kids who were in daycare and/or had crappy moms awoke with lower levels of cortisol and, therefore, were determined to be stressed.
My poor kids and their future stressed-out teens! They have not only been in various forms of center-based childcare (sometimes called “preschool”!), but their mother has been known to show an insensitive side when stressed, a condition that is clearly the result of her own childhood spent in center-based daycares. The cycle!
More Posts
How Fertile Couples Outsmarted Wall Street
Top 10 Pregnancy and Birth World Records
Should Healthcare Reform Start in the Maternity Ward?
City’s 5th Co-Sleeping Death in 10 Weeks Reported
550-Pound Woman Gives Birth
Issues! ‘Parenting’ Offers Fake Apology
Photo: truthdig.org
Sam, there’s one final lesson in trolling you need to learn:
You have to REVEL in the abuse. That’s why a troll is a troll. Glory in the insults. Roll on the calumny like a lottery winner on a bed of hundreds. Never, ever reply to the responses.
Trolling FAIL. Now go hug your perfect children, crack the Trolling workbook, and come back with your spurs on. We’ll be waiting! You’re so damned much fun.
Annabelle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssC77hapv0g
But but… you said you were done with us! That you had nothing more to say to us miserable creatures who lack the ability to read your endless ramblings or benefit from your wisdom! Ha. True sign of a troll: she’s NEVER done. She’ll never STFU.
RU Serious…Are you serious? Try actually reading what I wrote. Look, I don’t work, I know a lot of working mothers who spend more than 75% of their income on child care. They don’t need to work, and in fact I know they would be happier not working. Being a SAHM is NOT living in the lap off luxury. I am not the troll here. I had something to say, you couldn’t take it, you get your panties in a wad and claim I am crapping all over YOU. You are the one who is not happy with your choice if this upsets you:
“Sam said:
I think it is okay for Crunchy Mama to express her view point. And every view point in parenting seems to be uber-sensitive. But I agree with her. Love and patience, understanding and empathy rule all. They make for happy people, happy families. I don’t think letting your kids cry it out is something that could ever be, in any way beneficial for a baby or child. It is not natural, and it is not what we are meant to do as mothers, and you know it by the way you feel when you are letting your child cry it out. I don’t know that I think preschool or daycare is a good idea, I have worked in one, and I would never let my child go to one, and this was one of the most prestigious expensive day care centers in the city. He is my son, it is my job to raise him, it is my families job to do that. So we cut back, I stay home. It is a lot less stressful on all of us, we are happy and we have time to explore the world at our own pace, and my son is happy to be able to do that.”
And you know what; I actually do think having both parents is not beneficial for the family or the child, I haven’t seen it work in any situation unless the family can afford an amazing nanny (then they are still paying over 75% of their income to have someone else raise their kids); and I am far from a right winger. That is my opinion. You want to work, and outsource raising your kids then do it. I happen to be a feminist who thinks that the ability to have kids is what sets me apart from my partner, I am women, I have the uterus, I have the babies, so I raise them. Feminism comes in many different forms, but at is core is the essence of being a women, and that is giving birth and being nurturing.
I have been a very active member of Babble for about 2 1/2 years, you want to call that trolling go for it. I call it plain old fashioned name calling because you can’t handle what I am saying, and because you seem to lack basic reading comprehension skills. Nice interpretation Serious, but you were off by about 100 miles.
On the off-chance that Sam isn’t a troll (unlikely, but still), what sort of happy, fulfilled mother spends her free time denigrating the choices and life circumstances of other parents? That’s right, they don’t. That’s the MO of a miserable person. Don’t waste your energy being angry with her, pray that she gets the help that she needs.
HAH! I’m a SAHM, so you all should be too. You’re just too selfish, and won’t give up your laps of luxury. I mean, its EASY to work full time and then come home to laundry, dishes, dinner, homework…. Ugh.
Noone has all the answers. And if they pretend to, they’re full of sh*t. I’m a damn good mother to my child, but that doesn’t mean I know how to mother someone else’s. Sam, get over yourself.
Sam is a troll. Ignore it and it will go away.
“Tell me how you could possibly find something to be offended about in what I have said.”
Well, let’s break this down, Sam. Let’s call it a lesson in Trolling 101.
You see a link about daycare. You jump into the thread. There you tell the commenters that they don’t need to work, the silly ninnies, all they need to do is simplify, cast off their BMWs and furs, and live like you do. (In burlap, presumably. With a fruitful garden. And natural nurslings. And, just in fact and by the way, a partner who makes enough money that you can do these things.)
And further, you inform working women that we actually have universal health insurance and plentiful government support, facts you presumably gleaned from your pastor, Dick Cheney, your daddy, and Laura Schlesinger, figures who you probably get all confused inside your teeny natural-mamma brain.
So, why did you jump into the thread? You were looking to stir some shit. And when you got righteously smacked down, you got abusive.
You’re right. You have nothing to offer me. Or anyone else, evidently.
Thank you, Pop Pop, for providing the link to the actual publication being discussed. Instead of cherry picking a couple of the more controversial bullets from the myriad of findings, both positive and negative, about children that spent their early years in child care, I think the take home message for me can be found in bold in the intro:
“Children who were cared for exclusively by their mothers did not develop differently than those who were also cared for by others.”
Enough said.
“Oh, Sam. It’s clearly a rosy little wonderland in which you live. You’re not doing stay-at-home moms any favors with your comments. Hell, you make me WANT to go out and get a full-time job, just so people won’t think I have anything in common with women like you”
Then go back to work.
“If you were truly so happy with your choices, you wouldn’t be here, crapping on other parents to make yourself feel better.”
Really wise sage, based on what?
You make me sick. There is NOTHING wrong with anything I have said. Tell me how you could possibly find something to be offended about in what I have said.
You know what, forget it. Some people are just miserable, and they don’t think anyone could possibly have anything to offer them. Good luck with your miserable existence.
I’m a SAHM and we certainly do not live a luxurious life. I do this because I want to, my personality is not one where I could multi-task and I am not comfortable having other people watch my children. That being said, I believe people have to make their own way, do what works for them. And if that means working outside the home, so be it. Working moms are NOT evil. SAHM moms are NOT angels. So let’s quit acting like a bunch of whiny school children and try to support each other.
Re. Sam: “Your work is probably not a necessity, you just choose to make it one. There are government programs in place in most states to make sure that no one has to go with out insurance or food (if your spouse, or partner, or baby daddy does not have insurance that can cover you) and they are there if you need them, you should not feel bad about applying, after all, our tax dollars make sure prisoners have these rights, shouldn’t we all have access to health care and food? ”
Oh, Sam. It’s clearly a rosy little wonderland in which you live. You’re not doing stay-at-home moms any favors with your comments. Hell, you make me WANT to go out and get a full-time job, just so people won’t think I have anything in common with women like you.
If you were truly so happy with your choices, you wouldn’t be here, crapping on other parents to make yourself feel better.
Well mom of beans, if you actually read the response below yours, then you would have known that I was not responding to you, but you jumped in anyway. Not everything was all about you, but you want to make it that way.”Can’t you just be happy for me that I have an awesome family that has everything it needs, and that we’re all happy and healthy?”
Be happy for your own damn self and stop expecting justification for your damn life.
Reading comprehension is a skill you should have learned in middle school, but apparently you did not. Why don’t you actually take the time to read thoroughly before you go whining about how it is all about you. I don’t want your time or your thoughts, so please don’t give them to me, you can take your time and go kick rocks if you think that is so fantastic. You should be working on your reading comprehension in stead of kicking rocks, but hey, I couldn’t expect anything less from such a needy whiny little person.
I never said that you being able to raise your kids is a luxury. I never implied that at all.
And btw, I AM RAISING MY KIDS. I’m a breastfeeding, family bed sleeping, raising my kids while I work 1.5 jobs mother.
You think I’m whiny? That’s fair. I think you’re a sanctimonious ass-hat. We’re both entitled to our opinions, aren’t we? And that has nothing to do with you being at home with your kids. It does, however, have everything to do with you being a hateful, stupid bitch. You can whistle in the dark, Sam. I’m done giving you my time.
If you can’t take my opinion then don’t read it. I really don’t care if it upsets you so much. I think you are whiny and need justification for something that is just a part of life. Work or don’t work, but know that not working is not a luxury, and it is not a choice for some many, many people. If you can afford to contract out your parenting to someone else than so be it. But I will crap all over that if you think my raising my own kids is a luxury. I am my son’s mom, and raising him is what I am supposed to do.
Just one of the many gems I’ve heard working in a Baltimore City public high school!
MomofBeans – I am going to use that line (go kick rocks) today somehow. It’ll be better than my usual, and frequent, otherwise unprintable statement
. And I bet you can imagine what I’d have told the woman who told you to quit your job and divorce your hubs…hee hee.
Oh, and I further just frosted…people who game and abuse the system suck…and there are a number of them. The programs are there for people who NEED them. I don’t feel them to be a safety net for me to quit my job and have the taxpayers support the healthcare of my family. So what if prisoners get these “basic rights” (note: huge expose in MI about these “rights”, and it ain’t pretty either) on the taxpayer’s dime? I can and do provide it for my family because that’s how I was raised – you don’t whine and apply for public dollars due to your choices, you do it only due to bad luck.
That’s your opinion Sam, and you’re entitled to it. It is not a choice for me. We want healthcare, I work. Oh, and no government program will cover us, as my husband earns too much – his employer simply does not offer healthcare benefits.
However, it is MY opinion that the world is not black and white…it is many shades of grey…
I am so sick of this shit, Sam! Why is it neccessary to crap all over someone else’s lifestyle?? Why do you care?? You are not paying to support my children. I don’t care if you breastfeed or bottle feed…stay at home or work…let your kid watch Dora or throw your tv out the window…raise your child to be Mother Theresa or Hannibal the Cannibal (well, maybe I care about that last part). Just get over yourself already. You can be as sanctimonious as you want in your own head, but why is it neccessary to come here and purposefully try to make someone feel lousy about the job they are doing as a parent?? I only get this crap from other parents…my childless friends are just impressed that we’ve managed to keep our kids alive. And frankly, I’m sick of feeling like I need to justify my choices. Do you know that I had a woman tell me I should divorce my husband because then I could stay home with my kids and he’d have to support me? WTF. Can’t you just be happy for me that I have an awesome family that has everything it needs, and that we’re all happy and healthy? Jebus christmas. To quote the teenagers I work with…KICK ROCKS!
Staying at home to raise my child is not a luxury. It is what we do. We don’t need a lot of shit, and if I worked full time 90% of my salary would go to daycare. We buy all of my son’s clothes second hand or they are gifts from the grandparents. Scream if you want to, but staying home with my son did not feel like a choice to us, it felt like what we should be doing. I am a woman, I can give birth, my partner can not, I am the one with maternal instincts, I am the mom. Staying at home to raise my child felt like what I was supposed to do, we did not have our child to pay for someone else to raise him. We have modest housing, a modest lifestyle that allows this to happen. Education is free, clothing is cheap, food is cheap if you grow your own and know how to budget; and we eat very well, food is never an issue. I think people who don’t understand how to live simply are missing out on what the good life is all about.The majority of people around the globe do not have capitalist lifestyles where both parents work and the kids are in daycare, that is just not true. The majority of people around the globe live in quite a different manner than us in the US. Staying at home to raise your kids is not a choice for most people, it is what is natural, and it is a shame that our government does not support that more. Your work is probably not a necessity, you just choose to make it one. There are government programs in place in most states to make sure that no one has to go with out insurance or food (if your spouse, or partner, or baby daddy does not have insurance that can cover you) and they are there if you need them, you should not feel bad about applying, after all, our tax dollars make sure prisoners have these rights, shouldn’t we all have access to health care and food?
If I have to hear one more time about “choosing” to stay at home, I might scream. I would LOVE not to work 40 plus hours a week and to enjoy more time with my children, but my working is not ‘selfish’ or a ‘choice’ it is a necessity… Staying home full-time is a luxury that the majority of people around the globe do not have – the rest of us, in addition to caring and loving our children must take responsibility for procuring food and clothes, maintaining shelter and providing healthcare and education.
And for the record, I consider myself an attachment parent. We co-slept, no cry it out. I also work 9-5.
Well there you go, everyone. Sam and Crunchy have all the answers for us! It was so easy all along. I just have to quit my job and “cut back.” No more pesky health insurance or food to worry about! What a relief! And without food, I’ll finally lose that last 20 lbs of baby weight and my kids will be happy and perfect for the rest of their lives! I take it back – we’re not screwed! It’s all so easy! I only wish I had known sooner – I would have just skipped college so I wouldn’t have to worry about repaying student loans. And I could have just pulled out my own tooth instead of paying for that expensive crown. I really wish I had read this advice sooner!
I think it is okay for Crunchy Mama to express her view point. And every view point in parenting seems to be uber-sensitive. But I agree with her. Love and patience, understanding and empathy rule all. They make for happy people, happy families. I don’t think letting your kids cry it out is something that could ever be, in any way beneficial for a baby or child. It is not natural, and it is not what we are meant to do as mothers, and you know it by the way you feel when you are letting your child cry it out. I don’t know that I think preschool or daycare is a good idea, I have worked in one, and I would never let my child go to one, and this was one of the most prestigious expensive day care centers in the city. He is my son, it is my job to raise him, it is my families job to do that. So we cut back, I stay home. It is a lot less stressful on all of us, we are happy and we have time to explore the world at our own pace, and my son is happy to be able to do that.
Wow, just b/c I work and ocassionally let my daughter cry, does not mean I would ever dream of calling a SAHM or attachment parent names. They are doing what they feel is right for their family. To call them any derogatory name, would not only be judgemental on my part (cause what makes me any better than anyone else), but just plain mean. If I thought that people were “crazy” and “selfish” just becuase they did things differently, my world would be very lonely and small. How awfully sad that would be.
But Crunchy Mama, aren’t judgmental, self-righteous jerk moms bad for kids too?
I am doing things the way you are (staying home, co-slept, etc.), but that doesn’t mean I’m going to sh*t on everyone who has different circumstances or makes different choices. Jeez.
Crunchy Mama – I think healthcare and a roof over his head make for a healthy child as well. And I know several SAHM’s who are, well, plain lousy but think they’re great because they stay at home. Don’t judge, duh.
The actual study for those of you who are interested in such things.
http://www.nichd.nih.gov/publications/pubs/upload/seccyd_051206.pdf
Just another way of saying that selfish mothers are bad for kids. Duh. Going to work and shoving your kids off for some institution to care for is the height of selfishness, but selfish mothers (like those cry-it-out crazies) are just as bad.
This isn’t really news.
The best advice I ever got was to look at people who had teenagers I really liked to be around, find out what they did, and then try to do the same.
Attachment parenting, at home moms happy to care for their families and stable marriages makes for happy kids.
Again, hardly news.
MomofBeans – ding ding, we have a winner!
Seriously…the bumpkin’s been ill this week. Daddy and I’ve been taking turns working from home. Daddy is seen as “such a good father” and nearly made into a hero for doing this. Meanwhile, I (Mommy) have been getting the stink eye from everyone, either because I’m attempting to get work done while staying home with my sick kid, or for staying home with my sick kid while attempting to work. WTF?
So what you’re saying is, we’re screwed?? We can’t win??
breaking news. Teenagers are stressed and blame their parents.
next up
Water is wet.
Wait….LOWER levels of cortisol? Cortisol is generally called “the stress hormone” because the body produces MORE of it when under stress (i.e., when the sympathetic nervous system turns on under “fight or flight” mode). So how do they get away with calling teens with LOWER cortisol levels MORE stressed? Seems fishy….
Seriously, lynn. Are we “insensitive” if we say no to our little darlings? Turn off the Sesame Street after their allotted hour? What if you (God forbid) occasionally lose your temper and yell to get their attention?
There’s just no way to win here, except to ignore these studies and continue doing what works for your family.
What does “insensitive” mean? Once? All the time? Occasionally? Are you insensitive if you refuse to play My Little Pony? Do cry it out?
Nonsense.
Was the study subtitled “Mothers Can’t Win, Exhibit 12,921″? I honestly don’t see the point of research like this. Here’s a thought: Put some of the funding behind these kinds of studies toward actual public policy that helps, rather than blames, working mothers, and toward improving actual existing childcare.
Well, I imagine that forcing my kid to live without a roof over his head and without health insurance or my income would also stress the wee tot out a bit….
The way I see it, I’ve got to give her SOMETHING to make all that therapy worthwhile, right?