Mom Uses Breastfeeding as Weapon in Custody Battle
The story is full of bad breastfeeding puns (that, honestly cracked me
up), but an interesting case came up in the Globe and Mail this
weekend. A mom has made her breastfeeding schedule so rigorous that the
ex-boyfriend who fathered their child has been essentially totally cut
off from spending any time with his daughter.
A judge has decided enough is enough. Either wean your child or start pumping honey, because Daddy’s got to have a go.
Jennifer
Johne and Carl Cavannah were together only briefly, but their
relationship resulted in the birth of a little girl in June 2006.
Although the couple was broken up, Cavannah made it clear he wanted to
be in their daughter’s life, even quitting his job so he could move
closer to Johne and the little girl. He volunteered (volunteered!) to
pay child support, and bought books on parenting.
But Johne told him he couldn’t take the little girl anywhere,
because she needed be with mom to be breastfed. The Globe and Mail
cites an e-mail from Johne to Cavannah that makes it pretty clear she
was about to sway on the issue: “A baby belongs with its mother, and if
you had an understanding of the
needs of a fully breast-fed baby and truly had [her] interests at
heart, you would not be bringing this subject up again.”
Now
with the baby facing past her second birthday, the date the World Health
Organization suggests breastfeeding up to, a judge has said it’s over.
Johne can breastfeed her toddler if she wants to, but she has to do it
via pumped milk, so Cavannah can spend some real time with his
daughter.
Frankly, I’m surprised he waited this long to “bring this subject
up again.” Because as wonderful as breastfeeding is (and this is very
definitely not a breastfeeding vs. formula post), it’s also pretty darn
great for a child to have their biological parent who WANTS to be in
the picture and has demonstrated themselves to be a a willing and able
participant in their life. If anything, this mother is proving not how
important it is to breastfeed but the theories of those women who would
say breastfeeding chains them to their child.
Because while there are the bonding elements of breastfeeding, the
larger part of the argument has always been that breastmilk itself is
healthier than formula. So pumping and handing it over to her
ex-boyfriend to feed their daughter would still make this child a “full
breast-fed baby,” albeit one who had the opportunity to bond with both
her mother AND her father during her formative years.
Johne actually works in a daycare (which enabled her to keep her daughter around
her so constantly), where she sees perfectly healthy and able children
who are not attached to the mother’s breast constantly.
What irks me about this story? This is a woman who has put
breastfeeding above everything else. She’s taken “breast is best” to an
extreme that’s unhealthy, and makes a bad name for breastfeeders
everywhere.
Image: EcoStreet
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the articles regarding this case are so biased it makes me want to cry. i know the case personally and the father of the baby has made himself extremely difficult to deal with, only wanting to communicate through lawyers and operating out of spite consistently. he has proven that does not have the baby’s best interest at heart, his ego is the size of manhattan, he plays the victim, and he has cleverly been able to fashion himself as the good guy here. makes me sick.
Ugh. I was forwarded this article from my MIL with a “see, you don’t HAVE to breastfeed…” It seems to me that its not about breastfeeding but her control issues, that she doesn’t want her child’s father involved in her life. But she’s using the wrong thing to do so – if there’s a legit reason, for goodness sake, bring it up so its documented. But get over it honey…you have a child who has a father.
Some fathers aren’t worth having, and his public persona might be very different from his private one. We have no idea. It’s too easy to pick on this mom without all the facts.
If he’s dangerous in any way this woman has a responsibility to do everything in her power to keep him away from her child. The current philosophy that encourages equal time with both parents, regardless of their ability to be good people, makes no sense.
I feel bad for the father.
Wow, anon, apparently you don’t read a word I say. The word “wonderful” ascribed the practice of breastfeeding is definitely a very anti-breastfeeder!
Wow, another anti-breastfeeder story by Jean. How surprising.
Yep, she’s just two months older than my nursing toddler.
Am I wrong or isn’t she facing her 3rd birthday?
Actually, I agree with both of you – where I think she makes a bad name for breastfeeders is in using this as an excuse. If she really wants to keep the guy away from the baby for a valid reason, show it honey!
Yeah, it seems to me that it’s not about nursing, it’s about her control issues. If the child were a young nursing child, I would actually agree that long visits away from the mother would be damaging. But for a nursing toddler, the breastfeeding is a more flexible thing — both my kids could easily go a day or two without nursing at age two, even though they continued to nurse for a few months more.
I’m not sure I agree with your characterization here that “She’s taken “breast is best” to an extreme that’s unhealthy, and makes a bad name for breastfeeders everywhere.” – I mean, I do agree that her attitude is unhealthy. But it seems to me that this is much more about her own unwillingness to allow her child’s father to be involved in the child’s life, and to give up some control, than her focus on the health effects of breastfeeding.