Strollerderby

Mom Uses Breastfeeding as Weapon in Custody Battle

Posted by JeanneSager

The story is full of bad breastfeeding puns (that, honestly cracked me up), but an interesting case came up in the Globe and Mail this weekend. A mom has made her breastfeeding schedule so rigorous that the ex-boyfriend who fathered their child has been essentially totally cut off from spending any time with his daughter.

A judge has decided enough is enough. Either wean your child or start pumping honey, because Daddy's got to have a go.

Jennifer Johne and Carl Cavannah were together only briefly, but their relationship resulted in the birth of a little girl in June 2006. Although the couple was broken up, Cavannah made it clear he wanted to be in their daughter's life, even quitting his job so he could move closer to Johne and the little girl. He volunteered (volunteered!) to pay child support, and bought books on parenting.

But Johne told him he couldn't take the little girl anywhere, because she needed be with mom to be breastfed. The Globe and Mail cites an e-mail from Johne to Cavannah that makes it pretty clear she was about to sway on the issue: "A baby belongs with its mother, and if you had an understanding of the needs of a fully breast-fed baby and truly had [her] interests at heart, you would not be bringing this subject up again."

Now with the baby facing past her second birthday, the date the World Health Organization suggests breastfeeding up to, a judge has said it's over. Johne can breastfeed her toddler if she wants to, but she has to do it via pumped milk, so Cavannah can spend some real time with his daughter.

Frankly, I'm surprised he waited this long to "bring this subject up again." Because as wonderful as breastfeeding is (and this is very definitely not a breastfeeding vs. formula post), it's also pretty darn great for a child to have their biological parent who WANTS to be in the picture and has demonstrated themselves to be a a willing and able participant in their life. If anything, this mother is proving not how important it is to breastfeed but the theories of those women who would say breastfeeding chains them to their child.

Because while there are the bonding elements of breastfeeding, the larger part of the argument has always been that breastmilk itself is healthier than formula. So pumping and handing it over to her ex-boyfriend to feed their daughter would still make this child a "full breast-fed baby," albeit one who had the opportunity to bond with both her mother AND her father during her formative years.

Johne actually works in a daycare (which enabled her to keep her daughter around her so constantly), where she sees perfectly healthy and able children who are not attached to the mother's breast constantly.

What irks me about this story? This is a woman who has put breastfeeding above everything else. She's taken "breast is best" to an extreme that's unhealthy, and makes a bad name for breastfeeders everywhere.

Image: EcoStreet

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Comments

 

leahsmom said:

I'm not sure I agree with your characterization here that "She's taken "breast is best" to an extreme that's unhealthy, and makes a bad name for breastfeeders everywhere." - I mean, I do agree that her attitude is unhealthy.  But it seems to me that this is much more about her own unwillingness to allow her child's father to be involved in the child's life, and to give up some control, than her focus on the health effects of breastfeeding.

April 28, 2009 12:26 PM
 

Kate Tuttle said:

Yeah, it seems to me that it's not about nursing, it's about her control issues. If the child were a young nursing child, I would actually agree that long visits away from the mother would be damaging. But for a nursing toddler, the breastfeeding is a more flexible thing -- both my kids could easily go a day or two without nursing at age two, even though they continued to nurse for a few months more.

April 28, 2009 12:58 PM
 

JeanneSager said:

Actually, I agree with both of you - where I think she makes a bad name for breastfeeders is in using this as an excuse. If she really wants to keep the guy away from the baby for a valid reason, show it honey!

April 28, 2009 1:14 PM
 

Erin said:

Am I wrong or isn't she facing her 3rd birthday?

April 28, 2009 2:34 PM
 

sumoo said:

Yep, she's just two months older than my nursing toddler.

April 28, 2009 4:11 PM
 

anon said:

Wow, another anti-breastfeeder story by Jean. How surprising.

April 28, 2009 4:27 PM
 

JeanneSager said:

Wow, anon, apparently you don't read a word I say. The word "wonderful" ascribed the practice of breastfeeding is definitely a very anti-breastfeeder!

April 28, 2009 4:34 PM
 

Marj said:

I feel bad for the father.

April 28, 2009 5:39 PM
 

A said:

Some fathers aren't worth having, and his public persona might be very different from his private one.  We have no idea.  It's too easy to pick on this mom without all the facts.  

If he's dangerous in any way this woman has a responsibility to do everything in her power to keep him away from her child.  The current philosophy that encourages equal time with both parents, regardless of their ability to be good people, makes no sense.  

April 29, 2009 1:43 AM
 

CV said:

Ugh.  I was forwarded this article from my MIL with a "see, you don't HAVE to breastfeed..."  It seems to me that its not about breastfeeding but her control issues, that she doesn't want her child's father involved in her life.  But she's using the wrong thing to do so - if there's a legit reason, for goodness sake, bring it up so its documented.  But get over it honey...you have a child who has a father.  

April 29, 2009 7:15 AM
 

dont-believe- the-hype said:

the articles regarding this case are so biased it makes me want to cry. i know the case personally and the father of the baby has made himself extremely difficult to deal with, only wanting to communicate through lawyers and operating out of spite consistently. he has proven that does not have the baby's best interest at heart, his ego is the size of manhattan, he plays the victim, and he has cleverly been able to fashion himself as the good guy here. makes me sick.

April 30, 2009 6:40 AM

About JeanneSager

Jeanne Sager is a writer who lives in upstate New York with her husband, daughter, a dog and too many cats. She refuses to believe motherhood comes with pumpkin appliqued sweaters, and she';s not ready to apologize for having only one child. She writes about raising her kid in her own hometown and the mom stuff she's not embarrassed to own at her blog, Inside Out (http://jeannesager.blogspot.com), she's contributing editor of Grand Magazine, and she's a regular essayist here on Babble

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