Have you ever lost your child -- in the park, the mall, or even your backyard? Or were you ever lost as a child -- or rather, did you wander away happily, only to find later that your parents were searching high and low? Are today's parents more easily freaked out by lost kids (due to hyped up fears of stranger danger and so forth), or is the misplaced child one of those universal and timeless parental fears? And are today's kids less well prepared for what to do when they get lost, less well prepared for taking care of themselves in general than when we were kids?
Two recent mom-bloggers have explored this topic, inspired at least in part by the news story from a few days back of the five-year-old who ended up riding the subway alone in New York. As Lisa Belkin says in her New York Times Motherlode blog, it's useful to focus on what didn't happen: "The child was not kidnapped, or crushed by a train, or gone forever." Belkin then touts the work of Lenore Skenazy, author of Free Range Kids: Giving Our Kids The Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts With Worry. On Skenazy's blog, she invited readers to share their stories of losing kids in public places, and ends by reminding us that "even one of parenting’s biggest fears - being separated in a public
place from your child - usually ends up with a big sigh of relief. And,
when possible, ice cream." Both posts are followed by dozens of great stories (hilarious and harrowing in equal measure), many of which include fantastic advice. Boiling it down here:
- Parents should establish basic rules about what they want their kids to do if separated from them, and TELL THEIR KIDS.
- While there's no one right method, some popular ones are: child should go to a cash register and wait there/ask for help, child should go to a mother with kids and ask for help, child should go to a person in uniform (mall cop, cop) and ask for help.
- On public transportation, the subway rule rules:
a. If you are on the train, and the grown-up(s) are NOT on the
train, get off at the next stop and wait. The grown-ups will come to
you.
b. If you are off the train, and the grown-ups are ON the train,
stand still and wait. DO NOT GET ON THE NEXT TRAIN. The grown-ups will
come to you.
c. If you’re just lost, in general, stand still and wait. The grown-ups will come to you.
d. If you’re exceedingly lost and grown-ups haven’t shown up, it’s
okay to ask a store employee or a cop or another grown-up to call
security to have us paged. (children should learn their parents' cellphone numbers as young as possible) Do not hold anybody’s hand or go wandering off - there’s a good
chance we’ll still show up exactly where you are.
- For the very very rare times in which your child might actually be in danger, it's a good idea to have a recent photo of your child -- one parent points out that with today's cellphones, if you take a picture of your child that day, in that day's clothes, before you set off for the mall or the zoo, it could be helpful later.
So how about you, Babble readers? Have you lost a kid yet? Or do you remember being lost yourself as a child? What are your worst fears and best tips? For me, I worry far less about abduction by a stranger -- statistically the chances are nearly nil -- but a lost child can be in danger from more common threats (cars, drowning, exposure). So I think it's a great idea to have a set of family rules, covering both how not to get lost (stick with me, make sure you can see me, come when I call you) and what to do if you are.
photo: Weegee, "Lost Children," 1941
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Why Are We So Shocked When Women Kill?
(Public) Breastfeeding Now Legal in Massachusetts
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