I wasn't thinking about much when my daughter was three months old. My maternity leave was over, and I was back at work - albeit at a reduced thirty-hour schedule. I didn't have time to think about sex, nonetheless an ex.
Turns out some parents have turned the seven-year itch into the three-month itch. Their baby hits three months, and as exhausted and un-sexy as the mothers feel, they start thinking about what their life could have been if they took a different path. Namely, if they picked another partner.
In the New York Times this week, essayist Anna Solomon says she couldn't help romanticizing her exes when her daughter was still a newborn, when she hit that three-month mark everyone told her would be a turning point, when she would start to get her life back:
"I was certain that I’d ruined my life, and I was thinking — with
alarming frequency — of men who were not my husband, men who seemed
suddenly more attractive than they’d actually been, or kinder, or
braver — men who would never have gotten me into this mess."
I always thought it was just in the movies that women turned on their husbands during childbirth, that they started screaming, "I hate you, I can't stand you, get away from me, you did this to me." But here that same feeling is, rearing its ugly head three months on, when the pain of delivery is gone and the reality of being a mother has set in. You aren't you anymore, and as long as you're stuck in this bleary-eyed state with this little person who can reach top volume and turn tomato red in the blink of an eye, it's hard to imagine you ever will be again.
Is it any wonder some women fantasize their way out of it? Even for a few moments? It's not sexual fantasies of exes past, because, frankly, sex is what put you in this predicament. It's emotional escapism, the kind that nourishes the body in what can be a very dark time for a parent, especially a stay-at-home parent or a woman still nursing a baby through the night (and hence getting no sleep). And that's why, for most of us - including Solomon, it's fleeting. Your baby grows, you get some sleep, and you realize you are pretty darn OK where you are - if not completely and wonderously in love with where you are.
Did you ever fantasize about the ex when your child was young, or daydream about going back to the pre-pregnancy days?
Image: DailyMail
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