Another Country Bans Spanking
The Philippines is on the verge of outlawing all forms of
physical punishment against children, with legislators arguing that children
have the same right to be free from violence as adults.
The bill
The Philippines is on the verge of outlawing all forms of
physical punishment against children, with legislators arguing that children
have the same right to be free from violence as adults.
The bill
Oh Lord, here we go again. Spanking is “abuse” and we need to endlessly excoriate those who do it and get the law in their faces!! As someone who was once called “abusive” by a stranger because someone heard me raise my voice–my voice–at my child, I’m always in favor of speaking out on behalf of parents’ right to parent how they choose. There’s a big difference in any common sense argument between abuse and the odd spanking, but those distinctions are blurring in our society, day by day. Indeed we now live in a culture where yelling is considered (borderline) abusive too. Personally, I prefer a little aggression to a lot of passive-aggression and that’s what you get in these arguments, lots of passive people telling you quite aggressively what your rights are when it comes to your children. Is it my right to abuse my child physically? Well, duh. Is it my right to determine how best to be her loving mother? Yes it is, and if that means a spank here and there (or not) I believe I should be free to choose that. Last I’d liek to say that in these arguments parents such as I and Proud Spanker are often accused of being authoritarian and using fear etc. etc. Personally I’m far more frightened of an authoritarian, interfering government than of my own self, and so should we all be.
What seems to be the root of the problem is that parents are forgetting that they are supposed to be PARENTS and not BUDDIES of their children. Parenting is a JOB, w/ highs and lows. Not something that you can just tune out and then hope the kids turn out ok. I love my wonderfully behaved, loving, happy children. And yes, I do spank them when necessary. They seem to actually love on me more afterwards, if you can believe that. *hmmm* Perhaps it’s because they are in a structured household and know that mami and papi love them but won’t tolerate disobediance. Whaddya know…
Making spanking illegal will not stop it. It’s illegal to put a baby in a car and drive without a carseat, and hundreds of infants and young children die each year because they are unrestrained or improperly restrained during a crash. It is illegal to drink and drive. Around 2000 people are injured each day in alcohol-related crashes. Education on other options and support systems will go further than legislation in making a change. For the record, I was spanked a few times as a kid, and I am fine with it. Some people have had different experiences, many of them bad and demeaning. Some people have different sensibilities and capabilities for processing their experiences.
i can’t believe no one is talking about the fact that the “phillipines” wants ban
spanking ( which is fine with me) but they can’t stop the perverts who come into their country to have sex with children as well as the parents who send their children to be sold for sex. INSANITY! it’s like having cancer and they are gonna pop a pimple.
Well I suppose I am the impossible story then. I was spanked as a child. Not abused. I adore my parents, would do anything for them to this day. As a child, a teen, and even an adult I have always felt comfortable discussing my worries or problems with them without fear. I think I am tremendously lucky to have them. I don’t think a few swats on the behind counts as abuse or violence. They are not violent people, regardless of what people who see in black and white may think. That said, I do not intend to spank my children. Partially because even the gentlest tap on a well-padded behind could get me arrested these days. Also, I think people who think a spanking is the same as a cigarette put on on one’s skin must have had a really really bad childhood.
pffft,
In Scandinavian countries–which have led the campaign to make violence against children illegal–no parent has ever been prosecuted for spanking a child. But incidences of corporal punishment are extremely low, in large part because of the public awareness that results from a campaign to make it illegal to use force as discipline.
Such a law is mostly a way to assert that children have rights just like adults and to educate the public about the harm that comes with corporal punishment. Also, it means that parents who are truly physically abusive can not hide behind their right to corporal punishment.
i agree with cocoa…i was spanked as a child and i would never say my mom “abused” me, but it was certainly a violent, angry act.
my mom was not the most emotionally mature person, despite her biological age. she definitely took to spanking when she was angry or frustrated with me. she’d even do it in public, in the middle of a busy NYC street. she’d yell and she’d spank me in public and it was incredibly hurtful and humiliating. even when not done in public, it was a horrible experience.
i wasn’t spanked extensively, but even after all these years, i still remember it and feel badly about it.
i think hitting a child is a poor choice for punishment. time-outs are ok. taking away privileges, fine. but physical violence? definitely not. there are other ways to get your point across and teach the child whatever lesson you’re going for. even aside from the whole question of discipline, i would just never want my child to have the memory of his mom hitting him. i remember the couple spankings i got (and also the time my mom washed my mouth out with soap) and they’re definitely not fond memories.
i think that any which way, if you spank your child and physically hurt them, then a certain sense of trust is broken, and that can be pretty hard on a kid.
I agree 100% that any kind of physical and verbal abuse is absolutely wrong, and when DYFS does its job, it catches and deals with these situations. However, I don’t think that making it illegal is the answer. Giving parents access to training and support is the answer. Laws like the one described just bring to mind what it would be like to live in an extreme communist or fascist state, where the government really starts to control every facet of life.
So, Amanda, if the government shouldn’t tell parents how to discipline their children, I’m assuming you’re okay with parents breaking their child’s arm or burning them with cigars in order to discipline them?
It’s hard to draw the line between “spanking” and “abuse” because the line is so delicate. You can argue that spanking worked in your family because your parents handled it exactly right – but what about the millions of other parents who didn’t? Corporal punishment is so seldom done in a way that doesn’t damage the relationship between parent and child that it’s more sensible to eliminate it entirely and find other ways to communicate that the child has done something wrong and better not do it again.
My mother was a young, single-mom who frankly didn’t have the emotional maturity or resources to discipline me. Plus we come from the Caribbean where spanking or ‘licks’ as they’re called is an acceptable form of punishment.
I wouldn’t call my spankings abusive but they were certainly violent and they certainly did create distance, fear and mistrust in me. It’s not something I will repeat with my children but thankfully, unlike my mom who I know did her best, I have the benefit of age, the internet and a lot more access to formal support like parent coaching, books, etc.
I don’t think a parent should ever need to lay a hand on a child. But what does make it illegal really accomplish. Of course, physical ABUSE should be illegal.
But if a parent loses their temper once and slaps a kid on a bottom they’re committing a crime? Please.
And let’s look at the article:
“HB 882 says adults face punishment if they are proven to have slapped, kicked, burned, choked, beaten, pinched, whipped, twisted the ears of, threatened, terrorized, ridiculed, cursed, and belittled children for mere misbehavior or disobedience at home, in school, or in any other place.
Even “ridiculing and belittling” is a crime? Of course parents shouldn’t ridicule and belittle their children. But does it really need to be a criminal act?
I am just not sure I can understand how someone can argue that hitting a child (in ANY frame of mind) is not abuse. Justify it if you must, but violence against children is never ok. Ever!
People who think children need to be beaten do not understand that the purpose of discipline is not to punish or shame or bully a child into doing what you want them to do, but rather it is an opportunity for kids to learn from their mistakes. I have never hit my children and I never will. I want them to learn to treat people with respect and raise intelligent children who have coping mechanisms other than violence. I never want them to think that it is somehow ok for a big person to hurt a little person because of size alone.
I would encourage anyone who thinks it is ok to hurt a child to look into Love and Logic parenting strategies. These classes have made our home peaceful and very well-behaved.
I don’t think the government should step in and tell parents, how to parent. Or discipline their kids.
I’m quite sick of the “My parents did _______, and I turned out just fine” argument. That argument has been used for anything from not using a car seat to forced marriage, and it’s trash. Just because one or more people escape the negative consequences of an act or practice does not make it a good idea.
That’s not to say, however, that all physical punishment is abusive- it depends greatly upon the situation, the overall parenting approach, and the kid.
I was spanked as a child, and I am just fine. The spankings were never traumatizing in any way, and I always knew quite well that I thoroughly deserved them. My parents spanked in a calm manner and did not shout or use degrading language. I am firmly of the opinion that only spankings given in anger are abusive. Some children simply respond best to physical discipline; others respond better to firm words or time-outs. It is up to a parent to determine which method of discipline is best suited to their child’s temperament.
Much agreed Manjari!
Time for the US to catch up!