Strollerderby

Wow. I don't know if this is a new post or not, but this gives more proof of what I've thought all along - that women who get lots of plastic surgery would benefit more from a therapist teaching them to love themselves as they are. This woman hates her body so much, and it's so sad, because it's hers, it's created beautiful children and her husband loves it - she's the only one who can't see how lovely a post-baby body is.

If you can talk her out of the surgery and into a shrink, please do. Even if she does have the surgery, there's loads of self-hatred here that surgery won't cure.

Was this written as a joke??  If you're going to be a prick, at least don't have typos.

What Bunny said.

I'm really stunned by this post. I think the idea that confidence and self-esteem are wrapped in body image is a dangerous one that seems pervasive in today's (western) society, but I believe it to be a myth.

How can surgery improve the way you feel about yourself? It can't, as evidenced by the fact that many surgically-enhanced women go back for more and more surgery in relentless pursuit of the ever-elusive 'self-esteem' promised to them by cosmetic surgeons. Surgery can only improve the way you feel about your body, not yourSELF, and the two are bizarrely and dangerously confused by many people today.

Surgery's original intention was to save lives and I think it's time we returned to that mentality. I'm bored with (and also alarmed by) people who are overly concerned with their appearance. One has to ask oneself, "Why is the way I look so important to me? Aren't there other parts of myself I could improve non-surgically and feel a lot better about myself?" All of us could use a little improvement and I'm not talking about the change effected by a scalpel.

Going under a general anesthetic for any reason other than a life-saving one is simply not something I would consider. It's risky (as recently experienced by Tameka Foster) business and I think it's an irresponsible and unnecessary gamble to take when one has small children.

I guess some people have very different priorities in life.

Did anyone else choke on the insurance part?  

Yeah, let's spread around the costs for your wife's funbags while some people with real illness including children go without.  Pay for your own damn vanity.

I am one of those people who looks like I didn't pop one out (sorry)...also, I didn't BF, so maybe that helped in that department a little. But, I admit, pregnancy and childbirth F**K with your body - and some things will never be the same (like your entire life).  I don't think wanting to feel good about yourself makes you vain or selfish - it makes you human. I wholly disagree with the post above that says surgery only makes you feel good about your body, not yourself.  I don't think you can disconnect body and mind. And why would you want to?  Also, within reason, plastic surgery can make people feel better about themselves. Nature is not always kind. So, please spare me the BS about learning to love your post-baby body.  When you look better, you feel better.  Give the (hot) lady a break.        

I say good for her!  I have considered it, and after I am done having children will definitely look into it.

I agree that this series is shocking.

I completely agree with the author that plastic surgery is the choice of the individual woman. Women who chose plastic surgery in order to feel better about their bodies should be supported, not scorned.  What a woman does with her body is HER choice and no one else's.

That said, it absolutely unconscionable for this blog to run a piece whose whole purpose is to ENCOURAGE women to get plastic surgery.  Each of the reasons cited make an assumption that a woman's confidence, self-worth and sex appeal naturally would be improved by a tight tummy and new boobs.  In particular, reason #8 makes me want to throw up - it is patently untrue that all partners feel this way about womens' bodies and to suggest this is flat out wrong.

There is not one right way for all womens' bodies to be.  This piece, while paying lip service to the idea that a woman can be beautiful without surgery, clearly promotes that a woman is obviously more beautiful if she has societally sanctioned good looks.  And this is a bullshit idea.

Note the very important difference between the two situations:

A woman wants to have plastic surgery?  Great.  Do it.  Think carefully about the risks, of course, but it's your body and if it makes you happy go to town.

A media outlet runs a piece about WHY mothers should get plastic surgery, including a statement about how their husbands are secretly cheering for it?  Screwed up beyond belief.

I don't think insulting the natural female body (dirty tube socks, butt on the stomach, etc.) is the way to go when defending plastic surgery.

I mean, really, this is a site for MOTHERS.  Dirty tube socks?!  Wtf.

@Sarah: I totally agree.  What does this piece do but perpetuate the idea that all women have to eternally look 19?  I just wound up feeling bad for this woman, because instead of sounding empowered, or even I-don't-give-a-crap, she just sounded sad and alarmed about aging.  We all age.  All of our bodies change.  But apparently only women are given a hard time about it.

And I am someone who has had a boob job, so I expected to be amused and even comforted by this piece, not horrified.

I can understand reasons to get this kind of surgery as well as reasons not to. What I don't understand is why anyone feels the need to attack Cole's wife here. Some people make choices you might not make. I will probably not be able to have a tummy tuck because of cost and recovery time, but I sort of wish I could have one. I think it's great if you can accept your body after you've had children (or before). Some people struggle with that a little bit more.

Well, Janey, I have to agree with you. I really didn't read this carefully before. That is upsetting (the tube sock thing in particular).

Good for you for supporting your wife's desire to defend her choice.

I was a little shocked that she believes you to be cheering for her surgery and you are saying you don't think it is necessary. Seems to be a disconnect there.

My body is forever changed by having children. With that I am icredibly lucky to have a husband who loves the natural. He accepts my body how it is. In fact, I think he likes the stretch marks and tube sock boobs I now sport with pride.

BTW, tube sock boobs is very funny and pretty darn accurate! I actually laughed at the analogy.

Hey Cole,

I understand you are defending your wife here, and I think that's sweet, just as I think you sharing your own body insecurities is sweet.  I think perhaps what you are missing is that woman's bodies are such a battleground in a way that men's bodies are not.  There is a billion dollar beauty industry dedicated to making us feel that the way we look naturally is not "correct".   It's like everything that happens to our bodies naturally is to be fixed or changed or at the very least covered up and this only gets worse with motherhood.  I don't think posts encouraging that ideal are ground-breaking at all.  That's just more of the same, but in a place we hadn't expected to see it.  If this makes your wife feel better, that is totally fine.  No one gets medals for sporting bodies society deems ugly.  But this is just how your wife has coped with a rather sad truth.  I think the tone of celebrating warped perceptions of women's bodies is what's turning people off.

I'm pondering a tummy tuck. Sometimes, in my worst moods, I do feel my stomach was "ruined" by my baby.

I don't, however, think that my spouse will love me more if my stomach was flat, that our sex life would (or should, frankly) improve, or that I will be, in some way, a better person.

I support the author's decision to do what she wanted with her body. If she wanted to get a full body tattoo of obscene words all over herself, I wouldn't really care. Cut off an arm. Whatever. It's her body.

I don't, however, think she has any insights into my relationship with my spouse (and she seems to have a problematic perception of her own relationship, tying sex not to love but aesthetics, and believing that her partner is lying to her about how he feels about her body- and no, I don't need Cole to "correct" that assertion, that's what she wrote). Encouraging me to get plastic surgery because my spouse will like me more (as my body is a part of me), is just weird, sad, and inappropriate, and I feel kinda sorry for her for thinking that.

"I mean, really, this is a site for MOTHERS."

Really? Where does it say that? And why can't it be for fathers, too?

It's funny, when I tell people I had a breast reduction, they are automatically supportive. Tell me why it's so much better to desexualize yourself than the other way around? It's a cosmetic surgery too, but no one told me to embrace the body god gave me. No one here is all up in a tizzy about body art and hair dye. And I find it inherently disconnected to believe that your body shouldn't dictate some of your self perception. These things we walk around in are, in fact, part of us. They aren't the only thing that matters, but they do.

It is unfortunate that our culture doesn't embrace the effects of childbirth as being the beautiful evidence of love that they are. It is also unfortunate that our culture doesn't foster compassion for the women who feel that pressure. Just because some mom is breaking rank doesn't mean you disown her. I find us on here berating each other a much worse sign than our cultural ideas of beauty. Don't get me wrong, surgery is not a risk to be taken lightly... but telling someone they're sick for wanting to look like who they feel they are inside? Rings a bit like trying to gain some of their own self esteem by demeaning someone else.

Thank you for this post Cole. Thank your wife for me. I often feel guilty for feeling like having a baby ruined my body. This is such a personal decision, and it is nice to hear from other people who are supportive of the right to make your own decision for your own reasons. If you aren't suportive of it, mind your own business.

Cole, I don't despise your wife for writing this - I am 1) appalled and saddened that she hated/hates her body (and therefore herself) that much, and that 2) she insults other women's bodies and relationships constantly throughout the piece. A woman who is perfectly contented with the changes in her boobs after having a baby is told that they resemble "dirty tube socks." A woman who believes that her husband is happy with her post-baby body? In the view of this piece, deluded. This piece even insults YOU - she says that she really doesn't believe that men don't think post-surgical bodies are better, no matter how many times YOU say it.

One would hope you might see where that's offensive. I am not offended by her choice - I am offended by her projection of her values onto other women and other women's bodies. And I'm concerned that "fixing" her body may not have fixed what was really wrong, which is the major problem I have with plastic surgery. Women are told that plastic surgery will cure their low self-esteem, but women are more likely to commit suicide after getting them:

www.webmd.com/.../breast-implant-suicide-link-confirmed

That tells me that surgery didn't fix the problem - the problem was in their head, and stayed there. They looked better, but felt the same.

Excellent post. Thought it was funny, and well written. Congrats to your wife on a great first :-)

1.

Plastic surgery, women's bodies = battleground...whatever.  My only concern is why this post has been "new" at  least twice.

2.

Why is Mr. Condescending interacting so heavily with commenters while the author of the original post is silent?

I certainly do not judge the author (Cole's wife). Our society does judge women's looks, no matter what we would like to say. An attractive, slim woman will have so many more opportunities in life. It is not just about being sexual - it can also be about succeeding in the business world. I really wish it was not like this, but you cannot blame a woman for responding.

It is funny, but when I was younger I felt a lot of pressure to look a certain way. As I got older, I felt that pressure subside - until I had a baby! I feel more pressure now than ever. All you see in magazines is how such-and-such actress could fit in skinny jeans so soon after giving birth. At a time when we should be given a little break, we are made to feel even worse about our bodies.

Has everyone under the sun lost a sense of humor? Man o' Manishevitz!!! This is actually very funny. If you don't want new boobs fine, if you do fine. Does it have to get any deeper than that?

Bunny,

That is interesting, my mother had a boob job and then later on (a few years) committed suicide. Perhaps coincidence, but, very interesting statistics indeed.

Oh hell...we are supposed to embrace our bodies after childbirth???  pllleeeeeeaaassseeee.

Our society is biased towards beauty.  It is a friggin fact.  People admire the woman who loses 35 pounds within 3 weeks after having a baby.  Isn't she great???  Wow!!! What a great mom and person!!!  

If someone wants plastic surgery, great.  If not, great too.  In a perfect world, women would be judged on their sparkling personality and quick wit.  In reality, it is all about looks.

I hadn't realized that the world was not only imperfect, but static.

What a wonderful excuse for my own apathy! Thanks, internet commentors!