Strollerderby

Yeah, you'll be in the minority for readers of this blog, at least. Our daughter is 20 months old, and still nurses multiple times a day. And she nurses in public. We don't feel it is the least bit "ooky." I'm frankly surprised to hear this attitude from a mom! Why do you hate women's bodies so much? (How's that for judgment?)

I don't think you are in the minority, Jen. I think people just don't want to seem negative about extended nursing.  Personally, it sounds way too time consuming for me. My child is 14 months old and has wholly moved on to the sippy cup. I am just curious how many of these women, at some point, are nursing more for themselves?      

Extending nursing is not something I think I could do- I just don't have the willpower or the desire.  It sort of creeps me out when older children still go for the boob with such a vengeance.  Do I think that makes her a "Bad Parent" ?  No.

In the particular case of the article, the extended nursing isn't so much the problem for me, as were the descriptions the author gave of HOW her son nurses.  I mean, really:

"I worry that someone will find this whole situation repulsive: a slapping, grunting, gulping little man waddling along beside me, clamped to my nipples."

Well, when you put it that way, yeah, it IS kind of repulsive.

A lot of the commenters talk about setting limits for a nursing toddler, which makes me feel better about the possibility of extended nursing.  I'm on the fence about it, even if I make it to a year with my second (due any day), but if I do choose to go beyond a year, it is nice to hear that choice doesn't necessarily have to come with all of the acrobatics, the interruptions, the forceful opening of the shirt and grabbing of the boobs.  All of those descriptions are what put me off the article, not the nursing itself.

You are not alone.  I find it very ooky.  I have an 18 month old and I can not imagine.  What happens if they want something to drink while riding in the car or in the shopping cart.  I will admit I probably have a ver narrow idea of how it works, frankly I don't want to know.

Actually, there is nothing wrong with a nursing infant wanting to suck on a breast for comfort.

Yes, I am still nursing my toddler at 18 months. And trust me, anyone who has ever nursed a kid with a full set of teeth is laughing at anyone who claims a mom is doing it for herself. It's not fun, it's not pleasurable.  My son nurses at bedtime and wakeup, and only in between if he's sick.

If the author is so embarrassed by her son's public behavior, she needs to introduce another liquid source so he won't attack her in public every time he's thirsty.

Not alone! I read the article, didn't comment. Like many, I found the lack of boundaries and discipline and the author's general attitude far more appalling than the fact that her toddler nurses. At the same time, at no point do I plan to nurse a toddler. (Or, if I did, at home only!) A friend nursed (still nurses?) her 3+ daughter and also has a 18 m/o. I respect her decision: If it works for her, fine. BUT, her daughter would ask for the boob in such a whiny, annoying fashion and then would nurse for 2 minutes tops that I always wondered how she didn't just find the whole endeavor so aggravating that she didn't stop it. I wouldn't have the patience, which might make me a bad parent. But, yeah, I think that there is something a little "ooky" about 3 year olds curling up to the breast. My elder son is 2 1/2, and I can't imagine him nursing! He's a little man already! A hug, kiss, or cuddle are comfort enough for him.

My son (30 months) and I are still happily nursing, so I definitely don't think extended nursing makes someone a bad mother :-D I also disagree heartily with JeanneSager's assertion that nursing is solely about "feeding" a child and anything beyond that is inappropriate. Nursing is also about bonding, comforting, attachment, love, and a host of things only tangentially related to the transfer of calories. I do understand a certain level of reflexive "ookiness" associated with nursing toddlers - it's just not something we see that much in the US. As long as that doesn't extend to actually trying to force nursing mothers to behave according to your own opinions, then I congratulate you on being honest. I hope that more moms are as open about their choice not to actively wean, so that it is eventually seen as just another perfectly normal option.

On a side note, it makes me laugh when someone disapproves of the breast being used as a "pacifier" - um, a pacifier is a rubber nipple. So a "human pacifier" is just, you know, a breast. Providing peace and comfort is a big part of their function - that's WHY we designed a fake one to substitute when the real thing is not available. (I'm hesitant to use a breastfeeding/sex analogy but I can't help myself: It's like if someone was outraged that a couple with a healthy sex life was using a penis like a "human dildo.")

I nurse my 25-month-old. I nursed my first two kids until they were 30-months-old. But once they get beyond 18-months-old I nurse only in private or in an intimate setting (our own home, visiting my best friend, etc.). It's also around that time that I stop nursing on demand.

The reason I put limits on it once they reach a certain point is a.) it's no longer their single source of sustenance, and, b.) because a nursing toddler (at least mine anyway) can sometimes get a little antsy. At about 18 months they start becomming interested in the many sights and sounds going on around them. So, in the middle of a feeding he might whip his head around to check out a noise or a light that flips on. Well, that leaves me exposed and at times it's just not as restful or graceful as it was when they're 12-months and under. Even so I'm perfectly happy to continue nursing until he self weans. It's our unique time together and it's very brief.

I respect the feelings of some that it might be "ooky." And I also respect my child and myself enough to nurse only under circumstances that are nurturing and serene.

I didn't comment on the article either, because I feel I'm in no position to judge anyone. I've had a completely different experience with motherhood that I thought I would have before I was actually in the situation, so I can understand how things sortof just happen (as it seemed to be the case for the author). For us it was not prolonged breastfeeding, rather prolonged co-sleeping, but I digress.

I nursed for one year, and personally wouldn't have gone for much longer. So, no, I don't think you're in the minority. On one hand I respect women who do it, but on the other hand, like you, I have to be honest about saying that from my point of view, it does feel just a tiny bit ooky.

But my son never cared much for the breast and was pretty easy to wean, so who knows how I would/will do things the next time around?

I don't think extended breastfeeding is gross. However, I personally found it to be very difficult. We had an extremely difficult time latching, and even after that I always found it to be hard work. I did it for 12 months because of all the information on health benefits, but the cost savings, but I was so relieved when it was over. I felt like a bad mother because I quit for my own convenience, so I think you are screwed either way as far as guilt is concerned.

I used to think extended breastfeeding was just too self-sacrificing, but then I learned that some moms actually enjoy it. If you enjoy it and it is good for your child, I don't see the big problem in continuing.

"Yes, America, where are those parents?"

Every single one of those examples are previous Bad Parent columns.  Well, perhaps not the last; the writer did also list "not wanting to get up in the morning" and "yay I get to travel" as reasons to keep her child out of school.  It was a pretty astounding piece, but the discussion was really interested and I was surprised to learn how many other parents agreed with her.  I was even more surprised to find myself agreeing with some of their reasons.  

Personally, I'm sick to death of the breastfeeding debate.  Every time I see it featured as a "sound off" or "Bad Parent" article, I cringe (and generally don't click the link because really, what more can be said that hasn't been stated 10,000 times?)

I nursed my first daughter for 20 months, second for 6 months (she stopped due to my being pregnant) and my son for 17 months. Nursing is such a special bond between parent and child. There are also other ways to effectively bond.

I nursed my kids wherever we happened to be when they were hungry or fussy. I would rather be at a restuarant with a discreetly nursing mom then anywhere near a screaming infant. Once my kids where past a year they were given sippy cups unless it was nap time. They would just go to sleep so easy at the breast. By the time they hit 12 months nursing was simply used to coax them to sleep or help when they were upset. Nothing calms a crabby kiddo like some breastmilk, straight from the tap. hehe... I said that for the "ooky" crowd.

Anyway, it is a personal decision that each mother gets to make for herself and her child. That being said, I think there is a reason people don't remember anything before they are 2. I would cringe to think as adults my kids remembered running up to me on the playground, ripping off my shirt, and filling their bellies. There comes a time when enough is enough.

I nursed my daughter until she was about 26 months old.  I differed with the author of the essay in that I set many limits with her about the where and the when.  In fact after her first birthday, she really only asked to breastfeed when she was very tired, not because she was hungry.  After 12 or 15 months she only nursed at home - before nap and before bedtime.  I would not tolerate the clinging/whining/grunting described in the article.

I find attachment parenting to be rather ooky, but that is my opinion and not the law-obviously.

Its not the prolonged breastfeeding that bothers me, its how the mum in the article is not setting any visible boundaries. Toddlers need to know in a short, sweet way, when enough is enough. If mom is unhappy but letting her child have his way, that sends one hell of a mixed message.

Irregardless, that is just what I got from the article. Anyone that devoted to her child is in no way a bad parent, but maybe some basic and easy to understand structure like is suggested in previous posts would help her out some.

I nursed my twins until they were 16 months old, but after 12 or 13 months (when they started drinking cow's milk) nursing was just the way they fell asleep for nap and bedtime. The whole experience of nursing didn't change that much from the time they were a few months old to 16 months old, so it wasn't a problem for me. I just didn't want to nurse them anymore when they reached that age, because I didn't want to be the only one who could help them fall asleep. It was nice to finally be able to go out and let my husband handle bedtime.

I haven't read the original article but I am rather perplexed by the comments. I'll give some background and say that I still nurse my 20 month old daughter.  I work full-time so her nursings are limited to the time that I am home, but I do still nurse her quite a bit, both at home and at public.  What perplexes me is that distinction that many commentors make--that it's okay to do extended nursing but that at the arbitrary age of 12 months the nursing should be kept at home and be limited in frequency.  Why this rule?  Most children, including my daughter, were already consuming other foods and drinking from sippy cups several months before they reach 1 y/o.  Can someone tell me why a toddler nursing suddenly becomes something distasteful and undisciplined?  Why is being able to verbalize your needs by saying "booby," as my daughter does, an indication that the behavior has gotten out of hand.    If someone is having an "ooky" response to a toddler still suckin on a breast, isn't that said person's issue.  My toddler is happy and I don't mind. I am not a breastfeeding zealot by any means (and no, I don't get some weird gratification from having my 20-month old still nursing). Personally, it would be a lot easier for me if she stopped.  But at the same time, I don't mind it so much, and she loves it, so why wean her?

I just read the original article, and I now understand why the author has mixed feelings about extended nursing in HER case. I would have a big problem with my kids playing with or slapping my breasts. I just wouldn't like that. I understand now why some commenters thought it seemed "ooky." I've never heard that word before, btw.

I still nurse my toddler, who is almost two. I don't think of it as gross. She typically only nurses at night or if something really upsets her (she falls, a tooth comes in, she's frightened). I don't nurse her in public anymore because she can drink from a cup. The way I see it, people don't have to approve. I don't approve of all the stuff other parents do. And when someone makes a snarky comment about her still nursing (or family bed, or whatever) I just say that I pushed her out of my vagina so I can do what I want. If you don't like it, then don't YOU do it.

I'm not sure why sucking on a boob is necessary to comfort a child.  My mom OR dad just gave me hugs and kisses.  My SIL did extended nursing and it always seemed to be her way of limiting her son's relationship with his father.  She's a jealous personality.  BTW, her son was diagnosed with an eating disorder at 3 years old.  From what I hear, breastmilk is very sweet, so if it doesn't taste like candy her kid won't eat it even now, at 5.

My nursing 20-month old daughter gets plenty hugs and kisses too.  I don't understand your point, mchaos.  Are you trying to imply that mothers who nurse their toddler for comfort don't know any other ways to comfort their children?  And to insinuate that your nephew's eating disorder is somehow related to him being breastfed through toddlerhood is ridiculous.  There is no such correlation.  In fact, extended breastfeeding is the norm in plenty of countries outside of the US and eating disorders are much less prevalent in those countries.  I am not saying everybody should do extended breastfeeding.  Obviously it's not for everyone.  But why don't people examine why they have an "ooky" response to something so natural, rather than just making silly excuses for aversion?  Is it more "ooky" because the woman in the article was breastfeeding a boy?  I certainly don't get grossed out when my 20-month old daughter plays with my other breast as she nurses?  I dind't when she was 6-months old and I don't see why I should now.  Perhaps the woman in the article feels differently because she is nursing a boy.

I think my nephew's food issues were a combined problem of being entirely breastfed and denied any other food until a late age.  If they had combined BFing with adding in more foods he perhaps wouldn't have fixated that all food tastes like ice cream and comes from a boob and therefore nothing else is food.  Not saying that BFing mamas can't comfort their children in other ways, perhaps just suggesting that those who don't whip out a boob (or don't even have boobs) are comforting just as effectively.  Also, I'm not sexist, I'd find someone BFing a boob-playing with toddler of either gender kind ooky. ;)  But I'd never stand in the way of someone who wished to do so.  That is absolutely their right.  I just wouldn't watch, maybe leave the room or something cuz' I am a prude. :D

Am I alone in feeling that this is just a watered-down version of Madeline Holler's essay "Milking it"? Anyone?  

To me, the Bad Parent part of it was her lack of boundaries with the breastfeeding, and her dislike of it. My take on it is, you're supposed to enjoy breastfeeding your child, and the author hates it.