Now
that we’re beyond the days when children had financial value as farm helpers,
it’s generally accepted that parents have a responsibility to fully support
their children until they are at least 18 (octo-mom notwithstanding). But what
happens after children move out and join the workforce varies widely from
family to family.
Barring
the instance in which the son or daughter ends up being far more financially
secure than his or her parents, there inevitably comes a point in every
parent’s life when going out to dinner or a movie with your children raises the
question, “Who will pay?” Parents’ responses to this question run the gamut
from an absolute refusal to ever accept money from their kids to an absolute
refusal to ever pay for their grown children.
My
own parents are both on the generous end of the spectrum, picking up the tab
for all of our leisure activities without a second thought. I’ve always
appreciated this unquestioning generosity, not only because it means I get a
free meal or movie (though that’s a pretty nice part of the deal), but because
it creates a relaxed environment of good will whenever I spend time with my
parents. I know that there will be no discussions about money, as there are
when I go out with friends or other relatives. I simply trust my parents to
choose activities within their means. Because I appreciate this arrangement so
much, I plan (or hope!) to do the same for my kids, even after they are financially
independent.
On
the other hand, I have several friends who would never dream of letting their
parents pick up the tab. Ever since they joined the working world, their
parents have expected them to chip in, and they have been glad to do so, enjoying
both the sense of independence from and generosity toward their parents that
this arrangement affords them.
Interestingly,
all of the people I know who split the bill with their parents are men. This
may be simply a coincidence or it could indicate that there’s a gendered aspect
to being comfortable with accepting money from one’s parents.
What
financial arrangements do you have with your parents? Do you plan to ask your
kids to split the bill once they are grown up?
Photo:
Monica Buck/Shine
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