Strollerderby

"Pro-Choice Women Shouldn't Cry Over Miscarriages"

Just in case your day is going a little too smoothly, let me share an article that will make your blood boil—particularly if you are one of the numerous women who has suffered the pain of a miscarriage and also happens to believe in a woman’s right to choose.

A guest blogger named Gina over at Mom Logic has written a gem of offensive inanity called “Pro-Choice? Quit Crying Over Your Miscarriage!” Here’s how Gina characterizes the pro-choice women who “break down in hysterics” over a miscarriage: “It's a baby when they want it to be, it's a bundle of cells when they don't.”

This is such a shameless confusion of the issue that we need to put Gina’s thinking in perspective with an extreme—but real-life—example: do I believe that a 12-year-old rape victim should be forced to keep her baby? Absolutely not. Would I be heartbroken if I lost the baby I was carrying, whom I had carefully planned my life around for years? Absolutely. These are two entirely different issues. One has to do with my belief in the universal right to reproductive freedom, which is essential to ending the oppression of women; the other has to do with my personal feelings about motherhood.

Many women who would not choose to have an abortion themselves (except perhaps in extreme cases such as rape or incest) respect other women’s right to choose—as do many men, who will never face the decision of whether or not to have an abortion. That’s why it’s called pro-choice, not pro-abortion. By Gina’s line of thinking, no one who wants kids—male or female—should support a woman’s right to choose.

Gina also writes of pro-choice women who have the gall to want kids of their own: “Suddenly the monthly visitor that they were relieved to get when they were 20, now, at 32, plunges them into the depths of depression.” Well, Gina, this is a little something called “family planning”: making life choices that give both you and your future children the best chances for happiness and success—and therefore, bettering the world. How could anyone take issue with women who were responsible enough to avoid pregnancies when they were too young to care for a child? If it weren’t for unplanned pregnancies, there would be no need for abortion in the first place.

Gina claims that she “respects women’s right to choose.” If she truly is pro-choice—which, by her own definition, means believing that all babies are nothing more than “a conglomeration of microscopic cells” until they are out of the womb—then I sincerely hope she never gets pregnant. It’d be pretty difficult to avoid things like smoking and drinking if you have zero emotional attachment to your baby.

Photo: Flickr/Steve Rhodes


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Comments

 

Shan said:

Ridiculous... Her logic is backwards. Wouldn't her way of thinking also support the idea that women who are not pro-choice should also welcome a miscarriage because having one is nature's/god's way of terminating a life that would have been too weak to survive? It's a ridiculous argument.

February 4, 2009 3:00 PM
 

Bunny said:

Unfortunately, linking to this wackjob means that more similar wackjobs are going to pop up like mushrooms here.

Either way, I'm frightened that someone with such a jaw-dropping lack of compassion may actually have children of her own. I hope they never have to make any morally complex decisions, because I think Mom might stop loving them if she doesn't approve.

February 4, 2009 3:07 PM
 

diera said:

My position is that an early pregnancy is, indeed, always a clump of cells.  However, if you're pregnant on purpose, of course you're hoping and expecting that it's going to BECOME a baby, and when you have a miscarriage that's what you're mourning.

February 4, 2009 3:11 PM
 

Anon said:

What the bogger doesn't seem to realize is that most women who have abortions already have kids (and among those who don't, most say they want them when the time is right)! It's very sad to see this flase dichotomy presented, as thought one type of woman has abortions and the other has babies. Here's an article on the topic: jfi.sagepub.com/.../0192513X07305753v1

February 4, 2009 3:16 PM
 

Bunny said:

I would go farther and say that I do believe that a fetus is an individual human - but that so is a serial killer, and we predicate the value of either life on its effect on others. I resent the notion that I can't value fetal life and consider it more special than "a clump of cells" but still support reproductive choice. It's a complex issue, ill-served by the sort of black-and-white thinking that the author of that essay employs. thank heavens people like her don't make the laws.

February 4, 2009 3:31 PM
 

Brett Singer said:

And, um... does anyone choose to have a miscarriage?

February 4, 2009 3:51 PM
 

Brandon said:

I always love how pro-choice people will bring out the rape scenario when the majority of abortions are not preceded by rape.  Reproductive freedom has been established.  With the exception of rape, you have a CHOICE not to have sex.  It is a simple, concrete, linear concept.  Have sex....get pregnant.  

That child is a lost life whether death by miscarriage or abortion.

February 4, 2009 4:01 PM
 

Laura said:

Brandon? Are your initials BS, and your wife's CWS?

February 4, 2009 4:21 PM
 

Carly said:

My own personal beliefs is that abortion should only be allowed is in cases of rape... BUT that would then just force women to claim rape, leading police on a wild-goose chase to find a non-exsistant rapists, thus costing us tons of tax money.  It's very hard to draw a fine line on this subject.  I've had a miscarriage, and at the time I didn't know I was pregnant.  I mourned, but I never thought for one second that it was "clump of cells", it was a life and now it was no longer with me.  If we just encouraged these women to carry the baby full term and giving the child to a family that can't physically have one... maybe we wouldn't have unstable women running off to fertility centers and getting pumped full if 8 embryos!!!!  Also, why is it that so many Pro-choice people are for harsher punishments to people that kill a pregnant woman, but yet they find it okay to abort the child if the woman feels she's "not ready"??  Either it's a life with a beating heart or it's not... you can't have it both ways.

February 4, 2009 4:35 PM
 

Knitty said:

While I can see both sides of the abortion thing, I'm horrified by this woman's lack of compassion over such a painful event.  Why would you ever advocate not having sympathy for someone who lost a baby?  I can't even begin to understand.  

February 4, 2009 5:45 PM
 

gpgirl said:

Carly, I never understood people with your point-of-view. (That abortion should only be allowed in cases of rape.) If you truly believe that abortion is murder, then it shouldn't even be allowed if a woman is raped. Either way a murder is a murder.

I think people with your mindset want to punish women who get pregnant. It really has nothing to do with thinking it is murder. Like I said, if it was a murder you would not allow it in any case.

February 4, 2009 6:13 PM
 

Manjari said:

Knitty, that's exactly how I feel about this. I can see both sides too, but this woman is just awful.

February 4, 2009 6:15 PM
 

Adam said:

Bunny, are you suggesting that a human's value is based on it's productivity or contribution to society?  

The ideology that some humans have greater (or lesser) value than others has been used to authorize slavery, torture, genocide, and all of the worst atrocities in human history.  I can't go there with you.

If that blob of cells is a distinct human, then it has inalienable rights to life and liberty, no matter how it got there. If anyone can prove conclusively that it's NOT a distinct, unique, human person, then I would happily accept the "reproductive choice" argument.  It makes perfect sense.

Somebody tell me when it becomes a Human.  When does a fetus get those rights that you and I have?  First breath?  Cord cut?  Out of the womb?  First heartbeat?  Brain activity? Conception?

Either side...tell me "when," and prove it.  This is the only question that matters.  

February 4, 2009 6:28 PM
 

Alice said:

A miscarriage is an abortion. I think what you mean is an elective abortion.  Abortion means a pregnancy loss.  So if you lose a baby naturally or on purpose it is an abortion.  The spontaneous expulsion of a human fetus before the 12th week is an abortion. The spontaneous expulsion of a fetus between weeks 12-28 is called a miscarriage. So if you lose the child before week 12, whether or not you wanted to, it is an abortion.  Oh and Gina is entitled to her opinions even if she is a moron.

February 4, 2009 6:28 PM
 

JeanneSager said:

Total side note, but just proving Gina's lack of logic is her comparison to vegetarians who eat chicken but not beef.

If you eat chicken, you're NOT a vegetarian.

And it follows that if you're pro-choice, you're just that - pro letting a woman choose not pro nature taking a woman's hopes and dreams!

February 4, 2009 6:34 PM
 

Anonymous said:

I believe someone stated it above, but I think it bears repeating here: Pro-Choice does not equal Pro-Abortion.

No one is 'Pro-Abortion'

An abortion, just like a miscarriage, is a loss - It may also be a huge relief and a saving grace, but it is still a loss. Let's give women who have abortions (and there are many of us out there - myself included) more credit than this.

February 4, 2009 8:34 PM
 

Sue said:

I'm with Knitty. And a miscarriage is a really difficult thing to go through no matter what, as is an abortion. What makes it harder is that mostly society doesn't have a lot of sympathy for either scenario. The end of a life is the end of what could have been, and that hurts.

February 5, 2009 8:48 AM
 

Bunny said:

Adam: for me, humanity is a fairly arbitrary way to define the worth of a life. I mean, many animals feel and even think the same things as humans do - why is a human life more sacred? But we make decisions about the worth of animal lives every day - the only difference between your dog and the chunk of cow on your plate is, you love that dog and you don't know that cow. You'd be pretty upset if someone killed and ate your dog, though. You'd be pretty upset if someone did the things to your dog that they do to a pig in a factory farm, but those things are perfectly legal. If you did those things to your dog, you would be arrested.

So my view on whether killing a human is "murder" has nothing to do with worth to society, nor with humanity. It's more complex, because life and death and pregnancy are not simple things, and they mean different things to different people (whether you like it or not).

It has to do with their relation to others - what it costs, to whom it matters, who suffers. I believe that all human life should be preserved IF POSSIBLE, but that sometimes, it simply costs too much. In the case of an early abortion, before the fetus can think and feel, the cost to the mother clearly outweighs the cost to the fetus. I find it more morally hairy later in gestation, as nerves connect to the brain and pain and consciousness become possible, but I would never, ever force another woman to carry to term, and don't believe the law should do so either.

February 5, 2009 10:28 AM
 

Cassie said:

My father-in-law is a child conceived through rape.  Is his life any less important than a person who was not?  His mother was a brave woman, and I'm thankful for her "choice" to allow him to live.  Whether a child is wanted or not does not change who he/she is.  When all women understand this, the world will be a better place!

February 5, 2009 10:44 AM
 

Laura said:

Bunny: Are you serious? Animals are animals, people are people. A human life is more valuable than an animal life because it is HUMAN. This doesn't mean that animals have no worth, but equating an animal with a human is degrading to humans. (Hello, PETA.) Why are humans 'more valuable'? Made in the image and likeness of God. ALL humans, at any time in his or her life, regardless of cognitive function or if the nerves can yet sense pain. It doesn't matter if "life and death and pregnancy are not simple things, and they mean different things to different people (whether you like it or not)." Any good scientist will tell you: A human life begins at conception, whether you like it or not.

February 5, 2009 11:14 AM
 

Bunny said:

Laura: I fully acknowledge that human life begins at conception, and have been throughout this thread - why do people keep repeating this notion as though repetition will make it more important? I just think that "humanity" is a pretty arbitrary way to choose the value of life, especially since I am not a religious person.

Nor is "humanity" the only standard used by most people. Murderers are executed; soldiers and innocent bystanders are killed in wartime. Most people accept these human deaths as matter of course - and these human deaths are, in my view, much more tragic than the death of a fetus, because those humans can think and feel, and leave loved ones behind.

Pro-lifers generally (not all, of course) dismiss those deaths but fetishize fetal life, considering it more precious than any other life because it's a "baby" and because of their contempt for women. Their sense of "human life" being more valuable only seems to apply to fetuses - but stops where other humans are concerned, be they pregnant women, soldiers, convicts, starving children in other countries, etc.

So let's say that my "moral relativism" is just placed a bit differently than yours, shall we?

Also: most of the animals of my acquaintance are kinder, more generous, and generally more "humane" than many humans I know. Very few species of animal are capable of war. They might consider being compared to a human degrading. Certainly, I like my cat much better than I like any pro-lifer. (And I'm not even a vegetarian!)

February 5, 2009 11:58 AM
 

Knitty said:

That's really interesting, Bunny.  Thanks for posting some food for thought.

February 5, 2009 12:13 PM
 

eringremlin said:

WOW- I can't believe that article. How hateful. It seems that both the article and the comments presume that all miscarried pregnancies are planned and strived for. I had been dating my then-boyfriend (now husband) for three months the first time we got pregnant. It certainly was not intentional. The miscarriage that came at 4 months was heartbreaking for us and our families, even thought the pregnancy was unplanned.

It was OUR choice not to have an abortion, because its something neither of us would ever do. If I had gotten pregnant at 16, I would have been a 16 year old mom. The thought of having an abortion makes my skin crawl. But then, the thought of being a teen mom would be worse for someone else, someone with less support of stability. So I am completely against abortion for myself, but vehemently and decidedly pro-choice. The two are most certainly not mutually exclusive.

Also, why is this always handled as solely a woman's issue? I only have a basic understanding of biology, but I'm pretty sure there's a man somehow involved in EVERY pregnancy. Guys are allowed to have opinions on the matter too.

February 5, 2009 12:53 PM
 

eringremlin said:

PS- Bunny, seems to me you should stop eating animals and start munching pro-lifers. Hah!!

February 5, 2009 12:57 PM
 

Cory said:

One thing that I want to highlight that Sue pointed out that the author of the essay also missed is that elective abortion is also painful and sad for many women too, perhaps different from a miscarriage, but still hard to go through.  A reason most pro-choice women also would like derease the number of elective abortions as they can be painful experiences.  

February 5, 2009 1:01 PM
 

Adam said:

Bunny:  If you believe a fetus to be truly human, then when do you think it receives human rights to life, liberty and security?  When do you think it should be protected by law?

That's really what we're talking about here, isn't it?  We will never have consensus of ideology, but we all have to live with the legislation.

February 5, 2009 1:33 PM
 

Bunny said:

I'm pretty comfortable with the law as it stands. Keep abortion rare, safe, readily available when needed, and always have it be a decision made by the woman and her doctor (ideally with the father's agreement, although of course this isn't always possible).

Keep in mind also that very few doctors are trained and willing to perform late-term abortions, which means that they're only performed when the mother's life is in danger or when there are issues with the fetus (Down Syndrome, birth defects, etc - I'm not 100% comfortable with this, but it happens). The nightmare scenario of a nine-months-pregnant woman walking into Planned Parenthood and saying "I changed my mind"? Even if such a woman existed, no doctor would do it.

February 5, 2009 1:57 PM
 

Carly said:

Bunny:  I had to go back and read through a few of your posts.  You make some good points, well thought out and definately you have an education.  What bothered me was you compared soliders' tragic deaths to abortion/miscarriage.  The difference in those are 1) a solider signed up to fight... they knew what they were getting into.  It's still tragic and I wish it didn't happen, but it does and they should be respected and honored 2) a fetus that is aborted... never got a chance.  It had no choice or say in it's life.  And to me, that's selfish.  

The part where you you try to stress what it will cost the woman... then simply give it up for adoption.  It just makes me sad that so many people automatically think abortion is their only other option... it's not!  Women being unwed and pregnant, or in high school, isn't looked upon with disgust anymore.  How often do you hear of single women going off to live with their aunt for a few months?  It's more and more common nowadays to see a pregnant 15 year old girl or a woman who is having a kid with her boyfriend or in some cases, she doesn't know who the father is.

A miscarriage is a terrible thing to go through.  I feel so bad for women when it happens.  I know from my own experience, I felt "empty"... like I wasn't worthy of having a baby.  Luckily, I had an amazing boyfriend (now husband) and we both agreed that it wasn't our time.  Maybe that's why 7 weeks after our wedding date, I got pregnant.  There's not much that can be done to prevent miscarriages, but abortions can be avoided.  

February 5, 2009 7:52 PM
 

August said:

Actually, this "Gina" person is just telling the truth, but the pro-choice community has to defend their actions and their flimsy belief that it's only a 'life' worth protecting when it is wanted. Gina's made a very very good point. Maybe all you pro "choice" people should think about it instead of hiding behind your stupid slogans.

March 2, 2009 12:25 AM
 

weemee said:

I had a miscarriage 1wk and a half a go. Me and my partner were devastated,the pregnancy wasn't planned, I was really shocked at first but came to be so excited! I did consider an abortion when I was 18 (I'm now 25) as I thought I was pregnant but turned out I wasn't. I would never have gone through with it, I was kind of sad when I found out I wasn't be I was very young! I am not a wackjob! I am more anti-abortion than ever since this happened and no one can understand unless it happens to you god for bid! I however do believe each woman has the right to decide, but for me I cannot justify a miscarriage no matter what even if I was raped! I don't know if I could keep the baby ( I would probably have the baby adopted as it would be difficult for the baby growing up with possible resentment from me!) but I would definitely not have an abortion. Why do I have the right to decide what happens to a life that is not my own! I feel from the moment of conception (this is not a religious view) there is life, whether it feels or not, is cells or not does not come into it as far as I'm concerned! I would be there for any of my friend who chose abortion, I know I would be upset but I wouldn't let that come between me and my friend! Everyone has to make their own decision and live with them! I wish there didn't need to be such a thing as abortion and there was a fail safe mechanism for not getting pregnant in mistake. I guess if that was the case a lot of people wouldn't be around today (and I wouldn't have been pregnant in the first place)! I just have to think about long term and that I would be depriving someone for the chance at life. I couldn't do that no matter how much it inconvenienced or hurt me! There is always someone out there desperate for a child who would be happy to adopt! I just want people to think about all their options but I definitely would not force them to make a decision that wasn't right for them! However I could never be pro-choice as for me one of these choices could never been abortion! Sorry hope my point of view helps to show that there are people out there that are against abortion but are not crazy fundamentalists! take care all x

March 5, 2009 9:13 AM
 

weemee said:

I had a miscarriage 1wk and a half a go. Me and my partner were devastated, I feel so empty! The pregnancy wasn't planned, I was really shocked at first but came to be so excited! I did consider an abortion when I was 18 (I'm now 25) as I thought I was pregnant but turned out I wasn't. I would never have gone through with it, I was kind of sad when I found out! I am not a wackjob as neither as a lot of the anti-abortion comment from people on this site!  Gina however doesn't have right to make that comment even if it's natural to feel it as you are angry! I am more anti-abortion than ever since this happened and no one can understand unless it happens to them god for bid! I however do believe each woman has the right to decide, but for me I cannot justify a miscarriage no matter what even if I was raped! I don't know if I could keep the baby ( I would probably have the baby adopted as it would be difficult for the baby growing up with possible resentment from me!) but I would definitely not have an abortion.  As someone stated murder is murder no exceptions, this does cover all life including animals ( I have stopped eating pork as they are so intelligent and the way they are killed is so inhumane a lot of the time, but haven't made the leap to red meat yet) and not just unborn babies! I feel war is wrong as there are so many unnecessary deaths! I feel why do I have the right to decide what happens to a life that is not my own! I don't feel my life is more important that an unborn fetus but is of the same importance. It's just they you are deciding for the both of you! I feel from the moment of conception (this is not a religious view) there is life, whether it feels or not, is cells or not, does not come into it as far as I'm concerned! I would be there for any of my friend who chose abortion, I know I would be upset but I wouldn't let that come between me and my friend! Everyone has to make their own decisions and live with them! I wish there didn't need to be such a thing as abortion and there was a fail safe mechanism for not getting pregnant in mistake. I guess if that was the case a lot of people wouldn't be around today (and I wouldn't have been pregnant in the first place, which although painful I do not regret one second I carried my child)!  So if there has to be abortion it should be done much earlier on even though it makes me sick! It shouldn't solely have to do with whether the baby can survive at that age but that it is a life no matter what!  The age in the UK not sure bout anywhere else is 24 wks as far as I know, but babies have survived at 22 wks so this makes sense to me to bring it down.  I would bring it down to 12 wks but thats only my opinion, I wouldn't have it at all but I can't speak for every other woman in the world.  My miscarriage was 8wks but I didn't find out until 11wk but I don't like people referring it to an abortion. I didn't even like going for the treatment as it was a missed miscarriage, as I felt so guilty.  Even though the term is medical it is insensitive as it is attached to the idea of choice for some people and there was no choice! I just have to think about long term and that I would be depriving someone for the chance at life. I couldn't do that no matter how much it inconvenienced or hurt me! There is always someone out there desperate for a child who would be happy to adopt! I just want people to think about all their options but I definitely would not force them to make a decision that wasn't right for them as that is against our human rights! However I could never be pro-choice as for me one of these choices could never been abortion! Sorry hope my point of view helps to show that there are people out there that are against abortion but are not crazy fundamentalists! take care all x

March 5, 2009 9:51 AM
 

weemee said:

Sorry for got to add this: I believe that all life is worth the same, whether it be unborn child, adult dying in war (which I am against due to all the unnecessary deaths), even animals no one has the right to say one life is worth more than another because it has only started.  If that was the case you could say that the unborn child hasn't even had the chance to live! I don't want to get into that. I don't care about arguments about when the baby can feel anything or not as all I care is it's alive from conception. I'm not saying I would say the unborn child's life is worth more than mine.  I would say it's just as important as my own. The same goes if someone was on a ventilator, I wouldn't switch it off unless I knew they would have wanted it so thats why I would try to find out what my family wanted in these circumstances before it happened.  I have made a declaration that if something happens to me and I am on a ventilator etc for a long time my partner can make the decision but that's my choice.

March 5, 2009 10:25 AM
 

weemee said:

Ps sorry that my mess came out twice! I tried to add to it but I had already submitted but too that long for it to come up that I had posted the second one and the first one just came up. sorry

March 5, 2009 10:38 AM

About Hannah Tennant-Moore

Hannah Tennant-Moore is a Brooklyn-based freelance writer whose work has appeared or is forthcoming in Best Buddhist Writing (2008); The Sun; Guantanamo: Inside the Prison, Outside the Law; Tricycle; Turning Wheel (as the winner of the Young Writers Award); and elsewhere.

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