By now you’re probably thinking, “Why are two DUDES arguing
the merits of breastfeeding? Where do they get off?!” Well, here’s where I get
off (that sounds weird): I offered to tackle this subject with any of the ladies
at Strollerderby and they were all too scared. The ladies were too scared to argue about breastfeeding. That’s
why, for better or worse, you’ve got Brett and me. What would we know about it?
We have children and wives who birthed them, don’t we? We were first hand
throughout the breastfeeding process and we did the research right along with
our partners. So, I’m gonna say we’re qualified.
My biggest beef with some of the breastfeeding advocates is
guilt. I’m not a big fan of guilt as a motivator and I’m even less of a fan of
fear tactics. You know, like that pro-breastfeeding commercial that had a heavily
pregnant woman thrown from a mechanical bull—equating that with not breastfeeding.
I’ve also got no love for bullying, as in the La
Leche League member who met my wife at a party and upon learning
breastfeeding didn’t work for my wife, ended the conversation, turned on a dime
and proceeded to belittle my wife throughout the rest of the party. (This woman
is still breastfeeding her 5-year-old. Let that
sink in)
But my appeal here won’t be emotional. That’s too easy. I’m
gonna give you the facts. The cold hard facts that boob pushers and breast
bullies obfuscate or completely deny.
1) Mastitis. An
inflammation of the mammary gland occurring in lactating mothers. Nipple can
get infected and turn into an abscess that must be surgically removed. Although
this can occur in non-breastfeeding women, it’s more likely in breast feeders.
2) The
Psychological Benefits are False. The conventional wisdom was
breastfeeding led to a more focused, less hyperactive child adept at forming
peer relations. However, an exhaustive study recently proved these assumptions wrong.
Experts and laymen presumed that the constant physical closeness involved with
breastfeeding would do all kinds of psychological wonders. Nope.
3) B-Milk
in the Bottle is Just as Good. Some women can’t get their
kids to latch. Some women simply don’t like the feeling of breast feeding. No
problem, just pump a bit of that magic elixir and give it to junior via bottle.
Not only is there no shame in it, but now that we know the physical act of
breast feeding comes with no special benefits, the bottle is more acceptable
than ever.
4) Where’s
the D? This news is hot off the presses: there is insufficient
vitamin D in breast milk. A lack of vitamin D can lead to rickets. So, if you
breast feed, your kid will become a pirate.
5) You
Should Never Do Anything Just Because of Peer Pressure. Like I
said above, breast feeding is a choice. If you want to get a little breast milk
to your kid but can’t or don’t want the suckling, that’s your business. And if
you don’t want to do it at all, you are not abusing your child.
The Other Side and More BF articles:
Smackdown: Breastfeeding -- Why Not?
Smackdown: Damned if You Do, Doomed if you Don't
5 Things That Make You a Breastfeeding Nazi . . . And 5 Things That Don’t
More by this Author:
Should You Take A Risk on Orgasmic Birth? (Orgasmic Birth Video included)
Anti-Abortion Group Up In Arms Over Krispy Kreme Abortion Donuts
"I Ate Little Black Girls for Two Years"
Bizarro News: Flaming Squirrel Sets Elementary School on Fire
4 Ways Birth and Breastfeeding Will Ruin Sex
