Strollerderby

4 Ways Birth and Breastfeeding Will Ruin Sex

Posted by Cole Gamble

Okay, I’m a guy so I don’t have much to input about sex after birth from a woman perspective. Personally I’m for it and really down with pregnancy sex. Too personal? Okay. Men, however, worry about what sex will be like after the big show. And this can also differ quite a bit due to the form of birth: c-section or front door. I am familiar with the Madonna Complex: when a man watches the baby comes out of his wife’s vagina he has a hard time seeing said vagina as a sexual object, instead viewing it more like a mommy tool or portal (and not a sexy portal either).

 

But a guy’s perspective isn’t going to help you, as it turns out many women lose their desire for sex after birth too.

 

So for the lady’s perspective, we turn to Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., gynecologist and author of What Your Mother Never Told You about Sex. Hilda cites four main culprits for less sex after birth, some physical, some emotional.

 

#1 Prolactin

 

When a woman breastfeeds her body boosts her prolactin levels. Prolactin is a hormone that kills your sex drive. For some reason your body does not want you having sex while your breastfeeding. Could it be a way of nature telling you to wait on making another baby until the first one is a little older? Whatever the case, as long as you breastfeed you won’t have desire to knock boots, so says Dr. Hilda.

 

#2 Mommy on the Brain

 

Now that you are a mother your focus switches off your relationship with your partner and onto your relationship with your baby. Taking on the role of mommy, you may stop seeing yourself as a sexual being.

 

#3 Bad Body Image

 

You probably saw this one coming. Many of you feel funky about your post birth body. Things got stretched out; baby weight is still hanging around. No matter how much your partner tells you you’re desirable, you just can’t believe it.

 

#4 Fatigue

 

Yep, babies are freaking exhausting. Hell, two year-olds are really exhausting. And when you’re that exhausted a vigorous romp is the furthest thing from your mind.

 

What do you think? Is Dr. Hilda full of crap and are you post-birth ladies getting it on with no problems?

 

 

More by this author:

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The 33 Most Ridiculous Toys Ever

Pete Wentz: "I've Tasted Ashley's Breast Milk."

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A Guy’s Take on Stay at Home Moms and Dads (Part 1: The Cons)

Banana Dildos and the 10 Worst Toys and Gifts This Christmas (part 1)

Desert Island Disks – Kid Music Edition


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Comments

 

aniz said:

I'm breastfeeding and had a vaginal delivery and i was afraid I would have no desire after the birth if my son as I had little desire during the latter half of my pregnancy. It turns out I'm more up for it than before I got pregnant- I guess I have more of an appreciation for my body now.

January 9, 2009 11:51 PM
 

taztagore said:

I feel so fulfilled as a mother--with the love that I give and receive from my child--that sex is the last thing on my mind.   So many moms feel this way--and yet sex experts try to tell us that we should feel sexy and want to have sex.  I say that until we really want to have sex, we shouldn't try so hard.

laboroflove.typepad.com

Taz Tagore

January 14, 2009 12:36 PM
 

Melissa said:

I have experienced all four of those reasons.  I think reasons 2 and 4 are still operating.  Once I get going, we have great sex.  It's just that getting going is really, really hard for me.  I'm just wired most of the time and when I wind down, I'm ready to sleep.  Sigh.

January 22, 2009 1:49 PM
 

Lucy said:

All four applies to me.  Also, having a mirror on the wall that you're facing while you give birth does not help your libido afterwards.  

January 26, 2009 11:55 AM
 

gpgirl said:

Great post. #4 was probably the biggest issue with us. When you can hardly rest, how can you possibly find the energy for sex?

Some people might give you a hard time for saying birthing and breastfeeding are anything but perfect. I remember before I gave birth I heard these kinds of things, and then when it was so difficult after my son was born it was very discouraging. I almost gave up on breastfeeding because I felt I was just too lame at it. When I found other women that were having the same kinds of issues, I felt so much better and was able to continue.

January 26, 2009 12:15 PM
 

Evie said:

I completely lost my sex drive while pregnant, and 7 weeks after giving birth I was ready and raring to go!  It has been hard though, because our little one hates being put down ever.  

January 26, 2009 1:39 PM
 

Manjari said:

I had a very strong sex drive during my pregnancy, but my ob wouldn't allow it. I couldn't wait until 6 weeks after the babies were born to go at it again. Once they arrived, sex was pretty much the last thing I wanted. It's been over two years, and it still isn't easy. I think I'm still dealing with 2, 3 and 4.

January 26, 2009 5:19 PM
 

Baconsmom said:

I had none of these issues. Logistically, I was just too damn big for sex during the last month or so of pregnancy, so by the time my c-sec incision healed, we were both starved for it.

I've also never seen myself as a mother first. If I do my mothering properly, my child will be gone in another 13 years. My husband, on the other hand, will be around long after that - and if I don't take care of him now (as he takes care of me, and doesn't see himself as a father first), what will happen then? Nothing good, IMO.

January 27, 2009 11:31 AM

About Cole Gamble

Cole Gamble’s writings on the crimes of Willy Wonka, man-eating beds and tales from his cringe-worthy life appear here on Babble, the humor site Cracked, The Daily Beast, The Huffington Post and Salon. He is working on a book entitled, Conquer Everything! A Self Help Book to Destroy All Other Self Help Books and Grant You Mastery in Everything.

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