Strollerderby

I'd heard of push presents before, but didn't think they were mainstream.  As for me...I was more than happy with my husband's heart felt "good job" right after each of my children were born.  Maybe it was just the hormones or after effects of labor, but those words meant more to me than any bauble would.

I always heard them referred to as the major baby gift.  

In my case, our child was born the day before our second anniversary, so while we agreed on no gifts, my husband gave me a pair of earrings in my son's birth stone for our anniversary/major baby gift.  The gift was under $100, so I don't feel like I'm in the something sparkly club, but I so liked having something that reminded me of our boy that for Christmas I asked for a simple ring in his birth stone - this way, when I go back to work in a few weeks and spend my days typing away, I have a little something to remind me of our boy - besides all the pictures I'll be festooning my office with.

Are diamonds over the top?  Probably.  But be honest, what do you remember more, the day you got engaged or the day your children were born?  If you wanted a gift to equate to the gravity of an event, I can understand how the push present thing became so big.  

Side note - I know lots of people who plant a tree in honor of their child's birth (and, season permitting, one that will bloom around the birthday each year).  It's just a more natural side of the same coin.

I had never heard of a push present before reading the article. And I also agree with the woman quoted in the story, my daughter was present enough. It never even occured to me to ask or hint for anything more.

But i do kind of like the Tourmaline stone, maybe asking for a necklace or something for next christmas would be a good idea. then i could just add a stone if I have another child... sorry, brainstorming. Thanks for the idea though Lys.

They creep me out soooo much.  I'm your wife.  I'm their mother.  I don't take tips.  yuck.

I hope that the people who scorn any form of birth gift do not have engagment rings. A woman who carries a baby and gives birth not only suffers for nine months, but also loses her pre preg body, which I personally have never been able to regain(or bladder control inspite of the Kegals:(.

When I gave birth, I was not the only one who got a baby, my husband did too, without having to destroying his body. So yes, a mom does deserve something extra, but it does not have to be diamonds (even my engagment ring is not a diamond, though my son's birth stone is). I got a vintage china set I'd been eyeing and a fantastic back massage/heating pad that you can put on a chair back. It helped a lot with nursing. There is nothing wrong with a thank you gesture.

What a trashy idea! They're welcome to treat their children as some sort of bill of sale, but I say no thanks.

I'd never heard of a push present either, but when I found out I was pregnant, I asked my husband for a sring of pearls (no dirty double entendre here).  They're not a reward for surviving the pregnancy and birth, rather a way to celebrate my daughter's new life. My mother gave my father cufflinks when I was born and he wore them to my graduations, my wedding, etc.  I wanted something like that.  And I will buy something for my husband when my daughter is born.

I kind of see what chochomom is saying. A lot of people scorn push presents, but have no problem with engagement rings. What is the difference, especially in today's day and age where most likely the man and woman both work (and the way the trend is going, pretty soon most women will earn more than most men).

The difference between 'push presents' and engagement rings is that engagement rings are a very old tradition dating back hundreds (thousands?) of years.  If engagement rings were a new thing, people would be finding them just as tacky as push presents.  

Note that this does not make push presents any less tacky.  

Kelmendi - but the idea that the engagement rings has to be a diamond started around the 1930's, by DeBeers in order to sell more diamonds. Sounds like DeBeers is doing the same thing now for push presents.

gpgirl - Did they?  That's interesting, but not particularly relevant.  That DeBeers modified a preexisting tradition to improve sales is one more reason not to buy diamonds, but it takes nothing away from the way people feel about the tradition of engagement rings itself.  There's a big difference between "I need an engagement ring because that's how engagements and weddings work" and "I need a diamond ring to compensate me for my stretchmarks."

Acctually birth gifts are very traditional too, not only in parts of Europe, but also Asia. In my culture, it is traditional to give a woman a gift for the birth. It is done out of respect for her sacrifice and to celebrate her birth as a mother. The idea of it having to be a huge diamond is new, but I suspect that the people who get huge diamonds for birth gifts are the same people who get huge diamonds for their engagement rings too.

And, why is it bad just because there isn't a tradition of it going back hundreds of years? Women not voting, gays not marrying and racial discrimination has a long tradtion, should we continue those too?

I would love to be given, following birth, the following push presents:

- a guarantee of continence (see comments above re: bladder control)

- new bras to hold up my new boobs after I'm done lactating: saggy edition!

- major painkillers that would miraculously not affect my infant

- something to erase the memory of labor and delivery

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

But, in all seriousness, I think that it's a bit strong to say that women who ask for these things get pregnant to get a diamond.  Perhaps some do, but I'm going to guess that most don't.  Just like I'd guess that many ladies with engagement rings or anniversary gifts aren't getting/staying married for those things, either.  Some people might be materialistic and consumer-focused, sure.  But I imagine that even if they're not thinking it through, or they think they want to be parents for reasons that have nothing to do with actual parenting - many moms who have babies by choice do so because they actually want the baby.

chochomom, that is what I was thinking. Just because something goes back hundreds of years does not make it OK. I cringe whenever anyone says "but this is the way we have always done it".

As many have said, I don't see a problem is someone wanting to offer a gift. It is when we start expecting it (and a big one at that) that it becomes a problem.

After my first, my husband gave me the Harry Potter book I was longing for (this was in the height of Harry-mania).

With my second he brought me some Trader Joe's peanut butter filled pretzels (I really liked them, and at the time TJs was over an hour from our house, so it took some effort).

After my third, I got a magazine subscription, because he remembered I like to read while nursing.

As far as an engagement ring, I got his great-grandmother's plain gold wedding band.

These gifts reflect our budget at that time.  I probably would've been pissed had he shown up with some sparkly we couldn't afford (besides which, I'm not really a jewelry girl)  But, if one can afford something more expensive, who am I to judge how they spend their own money?

I recieved a beautiful pearl ring (her birthstone) after my daughter was born. I will admit that I hinted that I would like a sentimental piece of jewerly to mark the occassion, in particular a ring. It is not an insanely exspensive piece of jewerly (a couple hundred?). But it is very special and I wear it everyday and it reminds me of her.

I am all for them! Pregnancy was miserable! I wouldn't use the word "deserve" or "expect" but the ring was awesome and will always be very special to me. In ten years it will be the norm like engagement rings and no one will be talking about this.