I have got to hand it to single parents. You have one of the hardest - albeit the best - jobs on the planet.
So when a single parent wants to pour his or her soul out, my shoulder is right here, along with a big box of tissues and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. I'd just like a little of the same back from people like Lori Gottlieb.
Gottlieb's essay in this month's Parents "Why You Should Love Your Husband, Faults and All" is supposedly written for all of us gals out there with a partner, who Gottlieb says we just don't appreciate enough. Except Gottlieb apparently doesn't understand relationships - whether they be marriages or simple friendships. You know, give and take. Getting out some of your frustrations so you can come back to the table and build a BETTER relationship.
Gottlieb says she's a very happy single parent, that she's never had one qualm about her choice to become a mom on her own. With my biological clock ticking, I chose to have a baby on my own. No
regrets on that score: I was fully aware of the enormity of the
challenge I took on and I'm as hopelessly in love with my child as any
married mom could be.
I'd believe her, if she didn't go on for paragraph after paragraph explaining why husbands are just so darn great.
Yes, Lori Gottlieb, my husband is my best friend. He's my rock. He's my little girl's incredible daddy. He's also a pain in the ass sometimes.
So am I.
And when we drive each other a little bit nuts (because we are both human, we are living in a crappy economy and we have a three-year-old who likes to crayon on the walls), the beautiful thing is, we have friends who will let us vent a little. We have sounding boards, who send us back to each other with fresh ideas and a renewed sense of why we love each other so darn much, and why that three-year-old is the best thing we have done together, green marks on the wall or no green marks on the wall.
Gottlieb, however, spends her entire essay putting married friends of single moms on notice. Don't come calling, she says, because my life is so much worse. What a great friend.
Is it callous for married friends to call their single mom friends and moan about their spouse? If that single mom just lost her partner to death, yes, it is. If she's just gone through a divorce or the "father" flew the coop before baby was born, yes, you need to wait a little while. The married friends (or those who have some kind of partner in the picture) need to do what friends do. They need to listen, offer encouragement, pop in with a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough.
But the "pity poor me" act only lasts so long. Single parents, you can complain. You can seek help and guidance. You can tell me how much harder it is. I'll believe you. I'll offer to babysit. I'll pick up your kid from nursery school when you're stuck at work and there's no one else there to do it for you. It's part of being your friend.
But if you tell me you won't do the same for me? You're not the friend I want to have around.
Image: Single Mom Seeking (a single mom whose blog makes me WANT to be her friend)
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