Strollerderby

Police Called on 10-Year-Old Riding Train Alone

Posted by Miriam Axel-Lute

The nervous nellies strike again. This time a 10-year-old boy was riding on the Long Island Railroad to see his friend last Friday. His friend's family was going to pick him up at the station. He'd done the ride dozens of times before. LIRR has no policy about what age is too young to ride alone, but his mom had talked to them before his first ride, and they said 10 sounded fine.

But not to one hovering conductor, who not only called the police, but wouldn't talk to the boy's mother when he called her after being harassed. Mr. conductor then held up the train at the station the boy was traveling to and wouldn't let him leave with his friends' parents until the police came and basically told the guy he was overreacting and should chill.

 The scary thing is, these days, one could just as easily believe the police taking the conductor's side and charging the parents with negligence or some such nonsense. I've heard of some very scary official reactions to children who were well-trained in safety precautions doing exactly what they were supposed to do with the full knowledge, but not immediate presence, of their parents.

 This particular story was posted over at Free Range Kids, a site devoted to reclaiming kids' rights to move about freely in the world. Lenore Skenazy, the columnist who founded it, writes that at the same time as she was being depicted as a devil in the media for writing about the freedom she gave her son, individuals kept coming up to her and recounting what they'd been able to do as a kid and how much they'd valued it.

 It's true for me: I walked alone to the bus stop starting at 6 or 7, school itself at 9, and wandered my block and then my neighborhood freely from around then too. And the world actually hasn't gotten anymore dangerous since then, at least not in any of the ways people cite when they say this is a bad idea. (Of course even when I was a teenager and my mother told me to take a bus to the mall, the people around her reacted as if she'd asked me to go panhandle outside a strip club. But sadly, that was probably at least as much to do with the class difference of who takes short-distance buses vs trains in NJ as with stranger paranoia.)

 What about you? Are you more worried about what might happen to your kids (or you) if they are given their freedom, or if they aren't?

Photo by Spring Dew.

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Comments

 

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) said:

If they aren't. 10 is way beyond the age of being able to do this.

December 29, 2008 12:20 PM
 

Jenni said:

Oh, it's such a conundrum. Several weeks ago, I gave my 6 year old boy an envelope to deliver to a neighbor's house on the next block. He got safely to her house via our alley, and returned safely home. When it seemed to be taking longer than necessary, I did get a wee bit nervous, but it turned out he was asking another neighbor a question. No harm done. And he was so proud of his errand! I know it's my job and my responsibility to give him increasing bits of freedom, to cut my apron strings little by little. I want him to grow up confident in his own abilities. I grew up in Cincinnati and took the bus all over that city from the time I was in the fourth grade. But when will I be ready to let my son walk to the park alone? I'm not sure.

December 29, 2008 12:33 PM
 

Larissa said:

My daughter brought home one of those "Magic Treehouse" books from the school library last month about pilgrims & Thankgsiving.  We were all surprised to read about the pilgrim kids who were Jack & Annie's ages (9 and 8, I believe) who were responsible for hunting & helping to sustain their communities.  Now when they start whining about not being able to do something I ask them to do I just remind them about the Pilgirm Kids and they hop to it.  I'm trying to use that frame of reference to remind myself that my kids are capable of more than society (& I) give them credit for.  They are enjoying the greater sense of capability and I'm enjoying the help around the house!  My 7 yo daughter is looking forward to when she is old enough to take the bus to the grocery store on her own.

December 29, 2008 1:11 PM
 

Lenore Skenazy said:

I love the analogy of panhandling outside a strip club. (Or worse: Inside!) Thanks for getting the word out. Yours in Free Range Kids! -- Lenore, mom of the intrepid Izzy

December 29, 2008 1:11 PM
 

Laura said:

I appreciate posts like this. My sons are only 2.5 and 1 y/o, but I want to be in the mindset of letting my kids do things on their own before they are old enough and I'm way too scared. I tend on the side of being lax with rules (not right now! for the future!), while my husband is much more nervous in general. I really appreciate learning what others are doing and their general guidelines so that I know that I'm not the only one, and so my husband does too!

December 29, 2008 3:23 PM
 

Brett Singer said:

I took a plane from Florida to New York when I was under 10 years old. I was fine. That said, the idea of my kids doing that seems bizarre.

December 31, 2008 11:10 AM
 

Emma said:

I definitely think the conductor was very out of line in this story.

I walked home from school at age 7, and even survived taking a wrong turn the first time. Took the bus around Brooklyn by age 9, and the subway around all of NYC (at all hours) by age 14. I also flew alone NYC to FL at age 9.

My parents were more permissive than most of my friends' parents, so that was a little more freedom than average I think (though in reality, by the time we were teenagers we were all doing the same things, it's just that mine were the rare parents who were told honestly where we were).

I look forward to teaching my son to walk alone around the neighborhood, and beyond. I really hope that no authority figures interfere with tat process like this.

January 2, 2009 9:13 PM

About Miriam Axel-Lute

Miriam Axel-Lute is a freelance writer, editor, poet, and urban planning junkie. She lives, works, and gardens in Albany, NY, with her two partners and daughter.

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