Good Night Behavior Modification Light
If the term “Behavior Modification” doesn’t already have you
scared, you must have thought A Clockwork
Orange was a romantic comedy. Okay, so the Good Night Sun/Moon light isn’t
big brother. It is a device intended to tell your child when they should stay
in bed and when they should get up by alternately showing a moon and then a
sun. I actually have a device just like
this at home. It’s called the ACTUAL MOON AND SUN. Besides, the moon phase of
this gizmo is supposed to warn your child to stay in bed. I don’t want my child
to feel threatened by a psychotically smiling moon. That’s what I buy clowns
for.
Banana Bunker
This is the gift that says, “Hey son, don’t have another
mutilated banana for lunch again! Take this to school and let the kids mutilate
you instead!”
Military Forward Command Post
Hold up, buddy. Despite what you think, this is no doll
house for boys! This is a bombed out house made into a makeshift battle HQ in
some far off distant land. Problems with this toy:
1) You
know this began its life as a Barbie Dream house a couple of uninspired toy
designers took to the parking lot and kicked the s#@* out of.
2) With
a couple of wars raging in the real world, is now really the time to be selling
war toys? Especially ones that open childrens’ eyes to the grim realities of
real life warfare, such as operating out of bombed out civilian homes?
3) Um,
where did the family who used to live there go?
Headless Teddy Bear Lamp
Why waste the 60 British Pounds on this disturbing piece?
Just grab your kid’s favorite teddy bear, decapitate it and shove a lamp down
its grizzly neck. “Look what daddy made you!” Maybe your kid will surmise all
dead things get turned into furniture, which will lead to the question, “Did
our new sofa used to be grandpa?”
FurReal Friends Animatronic Puppy
So instead of getting your daughter a puppy you got her a
robot. A creepy, crappy robot. “Sorry we couldn’t get you a puppy, dear. We
just don’t think a real puppy would like you. Please pour your heart into this
lifeless simulation that will never, ever return your affection.” And don’t get
me started on the Robot Puppy Uprising and Apocalypse that will surely ensue.
Continue to Part 2
More by this author:
The Worst Baby Products Ever (Part I)
10 Things You May Not Know About Pregnancy (and might shock
you)
The 26 Most Disturbing
Kids Movies Ever
